Green Eggs and Kegs

I had a nightmare last night that Hoop was gay. I woke up in tears blubbering something about his "male lover." Our internet, and then Blogger, has been down for the last seven hours. My St. Patrick's Day isn't off to the greatest start. But I'm determined to make it better, come hell or rabid leprechauns. Tonight is the night to get tanked on green beer and spend three drunken hours searching for four leaf clovers in the neighbor's yard. Here to celebrate the occasion:


St. Patrick's Day Trivia
1. St. Patrick wasn't Irish, he was British, born to a Roman official. His birth name was "Maewyn Succat."
2. When he was 16, pirates captured him and carried him to Ireland to be a slave.
3. He didn't really banish snakes from Ireland, because Ireland never had any. Scholars now believe snakes were simply a metaphor for the "serpent" of paganism.
4. The Irish have celebrated their patron saint with a quiet religious holiday for centuries, perhaps more than 1,000 years. It took the United States to turn St. Patrick's Day into a boozy spectacle. You're not surprised are you?
5. The term "shamrock" derives from the Irish word, seamrog, which translates to "little clover." But identifying a particular plant as the shamrock is a dubious practice, botanically speaking. No one really knows what a shamrock is.
6. The Blarney Stone, the object everyone kisses for luck, is a part of a wall on Blarney Castle in Blarney, Ireland. According to legend, an old woman cast a spell on the stone after being rescued from drowning by a king. When the king kissed the stone, he was given the gift of persuasive eloquence. Therefore it is believed that anyone who kisses the stone will receive the same gift.
7. Ever wonder who thought of dying beer green? Back when it was difficult for American bar owners to get their hands on a good Irish beer, they decided that the next best way to celebrate St. Patrick's Day would be to drink beer that was dyed green. Even now, when Irish beer is as easily accessible as driving to the nearest bar, people have stuck to the tradition of drinking the dyed stuff.

"Irish Hot Potato" Drinking Game:
Preparation: A ball, a group of friends, and a lot of beer.
Object: Basically the game is playing catch with your friends, but with a few exceptions. When throwing to someone, you must say the name of someone else in the circle besides the person you're throwing to. For example, Jack, Bob, and Sue are playing. Jack throws to Bob and says, "Sue." That's OK. If Jack throws to Bob and says "Bob," then he has to drink once.
Additional Rules:
1. If you say the same name twice in a row, you have to drink twice.
2. If you say your own name, you have to drink four times.
3. If you wait more than four seconds, you have to drink five times.
4. If you peg the ball at someone (a peg will be decided by majority vote), you have to drink six times.
5. If the ball goes astray, the last person on one knee with a finger on their nose fetches it. Everyone else has to drink seven times.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Spring Break is next week.
Hoop: Oh yeah? Any big plans?
Tink: I figured I'd stay toasted all week. Maybe get a tattoo, shave my head, and call myself, "Tawanda."
Hoop: Sounds about right.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: I figured out what kind of job you'd be perfect for.
Hoop: What's that?
Tink: Digging cheap graves.
Hoop: Cheap graves?
Tink: Yeah, you're already so good at digging holes. You might as well sell them off and make some profit.

Have a safe and fun weekend!