Woman Overboard

Ontday aysay away ingthay: The moment I stopped complaining about the internet, it started working. Upidstay computer. I do believe this Itchbay has been studying Murphy's Laws after business hours. I also think she's kind of lonely because I keep getting pop-ups for computer "enhancements." Maybe I should do something nice, like clean the rollerball lint out of her mouse? They're shutting the whole network down for repairs tonight and giving all the computers a check-up. Here's to hoping that works... If you ask me, who they really need to call is an Exorcist.

Green Puke: Isn't that what drinking too much green beer would result in? I didn't want to test the theory out Friday night. Hoop and I had a good time, despite the lack of tinted booze and midgets. Although I have to admit, if I were a midget, I would have totally taken advantage of the holiday and dressed like a Leprechaun. I might have even forgiven a little groping in spirit of the occasion.

Our plan had been to get tanked and then call a cab. It was a great idea, in theory. We got shnockered. We called a cab. Shit, we called five cabs. Most of them were stolen by other bar patrons before we could even take two steps toward them. But we kept trying. In the end they just stopped coming. After almost two hours I turned to Hoop and said, "I do believe I've sobered up enough to drive." The cops at the end of the parking lot didn't even glance our way as we drove off. THIS, my friends, is how the little man gets screwed.

Progress Report: $115.00 saved. 585 cigarettes not smoked. I still feel like the Wicked Witch from the South. Poor Hoop. Not only does he have to deal with cigarette withdrawals, but he has to put up with my mood swings too. I actually yelled at him for shaving in the guest bathroom this morning. Did I mention that he spent five hours deep cleaning the house with me on Sunday? Yeah, feel free to gather the tar and feathers.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I'd really love to quit my job.
Tink: I know hon.
Hoop: Would you hire me?
Tink: Hire you for what?
Hoop: I don't know. I could be your sex slave or something?
Tink: Pfft. You already are.
Hoop: So... Will you start paying me then?

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I am so sick of the dog eating my underwear!
Hoop: You forgot "toilet paper and socks" too.
Tink: And he claws up the doors and the window sills.
Hoop: He is really destructive. He's probably more work than he's worth.
*Dog starts barking*
Hoop: I think he's trying to tell us something. What's that Duff? You want a what?
Tink: What did he say?
Hoop: He'd really like a lobotomy.

BTW: Check out this great Pig Latin conversion site. It brings me right back to fourth grade.