Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Woman Overboard

Ontday aysay away ingthay: The moment I stopped complaining about the internet, it started working. Upidstay computer. I do believe this Itchbay has been studying Murphy's Laws after business hours. I also think she's kind of lonely because I keep getting pop-ups for computer "enhancements." Maybe I should do something nice, like clean the rollerball lint out of her mouse? They're shutting the whole network down for repairs tonight and giving all the computers a check-up. Here's to hoping that works... If you ask me, who they really need to call is an Exorcist.

Green Puke: Isn't that what drinking too much green beer would result in? I didn't want to test the theory out Friday night. Hoop and I had a good time, despite the lack of tinted booze and
midgets. Although I have to admit, if I were a midget, I would have totally taken advantage of the holiday and dressed like a Leprechaun. I might have even forgiven a little groping in spirit of the occasion.

Our plan had been to get tanked and then call a cab. It was a great idea, in theory. We got shnockered. We called a cab. Shit, we called five cabs. Most of them were stolen by other bar patrons before we could even take two steps toward them. But we kept trying. In the end they just stopped coming. After almost two hours I turned to Hoop and said, "I do believe I've sobered up enough to drive." The cops at the end of the parking lot didn't even glance our way as we drove off. THIS, my friends, is how the little man gets screwed.

Progress Report: $115.00 saved. 585 cigarettes not smoked. I still feel like the Wicked Witch from the South. Poor Hoop. Not only does he have to deal with cigarette withdrawals, but he has to put up with my mood swings too. I actually yelled at him for shaving in the guest bathroom this morning. Did I mention that he spent five hours deep cleaning the house with me on Sunday? Yeah, feel free to gather the tar and feathers.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I'd really love to quit my job.
Tink: I know hon.
Hoop: Would you hire me?
Tink: Hire you for what?
Hoop: I don't know. I could be your sex slave or something?
Tink: Pfft. You already are.
Hoop: So... Will you start paying me then?

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I am so sick of the dog eating my underwear!
Hoop: You forgot "toilet paper and socks" too.
Tink: And he claws up the doors and the window sills.
Hoop: He is really destructive. He's probably more work than he's worth.
*Dog starts barking*
Hoop: I think he's trying to tell us something. What's that Duff? You want a what?
Tink: What did he say?
Hoop: He'd really like a lobotomy.

BTW: Check out this great Pig Latin conversion site. It brings me right back to fourth grade.


At 21 March, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

remind Hoop that slave=free. he has to keep his job for now...

sorry there were no midgets to brighten your st patty's day.

At 21 March, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Oh, good point, Mary!! Hoop's gotta come up with a better plan.

At 21 March, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

*Snort* No kidding! Besides, I don't think he'd like the "dirty" jobs I'd give him. Cleaning toilets, dishes, laundry, etc.

"Scrub it like you LOVE it Hoop."

At 21 March, 2006, Anonymous gb said...

Sex slaves DON'T DO cleaning!!


At 21 March, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

1. I love that you said 'shnockered'.

2. Those bastard cabbies.

3. YOU GO with the not smoking!! WOOO HOOO Tink!!

4. I just typed "WOO HOO Tin!" and almost didn't notice it.

5. I'd be sick of the dog if it were eating my gitch, too.

At 21 March, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Elcomeway ackbay! Ere'shay opinghay Oggerblay oldshay upway
orfay ouyay!

Too bad it doesn't translate both ways :o)

At 21 March, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

GB: Hey, it's "dirty" isn't it?

Mama T: Hoop is really disturbed by the whole underwear thing. He painted a pretty vivid mental picture for me on Sunday of the dog attacking my cooch while I slept. The dog is 18lbs and stupid. We're not exactly talking Kujo here.

TB: Translation- "Welcome back! Here's to hoping Blogger holds up for you!" Teebs, you rock.

At 21 March, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

"The moment I stopped complaining about the internet, it started working."

No, that should be "the interntet started working again THANKS to my complaining".

And I've been having trouble with blogger too. Seems it goes down more often than Paris Hilton at a boy band convention.

Welcome back!

At 21 March, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

Okay...so what is it with dogs and chewing underwear? My sister had a Shitzu who used to eat the crouch out of her underwear, and they weren't the cheap Hanes brand. Not that Hanes are cheap, but they were from V.S. (Victoria Secret for the lingerie illiterate.) The dog had good taste in quality, but obviously not in "taste" (if you get my meaning.)

Tink, I love the sex slave idea! Foo and I agree that if I made 6 figures, he'd quit his job and become my Cabana Boy! WhooHoo! Like that will ever happen...NOT! The rules were he gets to stay at home, but he has to work out all the time, stay in 'fine slave boy shape,' wait on me hand and foot and do all the chores. Basically, every woman's dream.

Gotta love those dreams! ;)

At 22 March, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

I think it must be that time of the year. The J-Man was just requesting that position. Ahem. I mean job.

At 22 March, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Perhaps a dedicated pair of underwear that's just for the dog to chew would help? Or not. I have no idea. I'm still thinking about green puke.

At 22 March, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

You speak Pig Latin! I heart you so.

At 22 March, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Uh, Hoops payment is getting to "do" you, a totally hot, pig-latin chattin' babe.

I love that you get schnockered and tell about it. That's so politically uncorrect and yet cool. Can we go get schnockered together?

At 22 March, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

I had a dog that did that. I thought my boyfriend taught him that trick, you know, so that I would have 18 pairs of crotch-less panties. Except they weren't "panties." They were big, granny Hanes undies.

(TMI alert - the dog used to fish pads out of the garbage and leave them on the floor of my room too. Seems they just love the 'gina smell in all its glory, huh?)

At 22 March, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

I had a similar cab experience in Madison last December. Eventually you do sober up enough to drive home yourself.

Great job on the non-smoking! We're all rooting for you. :)


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