Friday, April 07, 2006

The Dog Ate My Blog

I was going to post yesterday. Honest. But my dog ate my blog. So you see, it wasn't my fault. He was just really hungry. You have to believe me.

Things That Make You Go, "WTF?"
1. I just wanted to touch base with you... Ooooh let's touch our bases together!
2. You're a vegetarian. Do you feel guilty eating animal crackers?
3. I hit a bump and now I have gummy bear casualties all over the floor.
4. She didn't have a forehead. She had a fivehead.
5. So I told my daughter about Jesus being resurrected. Now she wants to resurrect all her dead pets out of the garden.
6. I don't have a "fight or flight" reflex. I have a "hide and barf" one.

Analyze This: Last night I had a dream that I birthed a baby boy. My mom was the midwife, which is creepy on a few different levels. But the most horrible part was that the kid started talking in full coherent sentences at two weeks. When I asked him why he had developed so quickly he answered, "So I can get away from you sooner." I must be a pretty awful mother if my two week old baby already wants to move away from home. So you know what I did? I had another kid.

School Daze:
Tink: Do you see that picture of the girl in the rain?
Teacher: The little girl laughing?
Tink: No, she's screaming.
Teacher: It looks like she's laughing to me.
Tink: That's just what they want you to think. Moments before they snapped that picture, the photographer told her it was acid rain.
Teacher: ...
Tink: That's how I feel everytime you give me a test.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: *Talking in his sleep* I'll be your
Tink: Like, the flower?
Hoop: Duh.
Tink: Is that supposed to be sexy?

100 Posts On The Wall: Pickled Beef has officially reached 100 posts! So in celebration I offer you the Pickled Ruski and the Pickled Cow:

Pickled Ruski
1/2 shot Vodka
1/2 shot Garlic Pickle Juice

Pickled Cow
1 shot Jack Daniels
1 glass Chocolate Milk

Have a great weekend!


At 07 April, 2006, Anonymous J said...

You know, the Pickled Ruski sounds pretty damn good. I'll have to give that a try.

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Whoa, those drinks sound potent...

Did your teacher pretty much respond with *blink blink"? Hee hee.

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I think I prefer the Milkshake: 1 shot brandy in a glass of milk. Those other two sound like too much for me!

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

I just like milkshakes, in general. Maybe I'll raise a milkshake glass in a toast today to Pickled Beef's 100th post. Yes, I do believe that's a stellar idea.

Have a great weekend!

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I'm thinking I'll try the "Pickled cow" one tonight. We not only have JD, we actually have some "Single Barrel" JD Hubby was given for Christmas. I'm not sure about the garlic pickle juice recipe, though.

Oddly enough, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. Better not be true, though, because that would be really, really hard to work around my job. Can you picture an 8-months-pregnant woman tilling cow manure into a mound of dirt? Me neither.

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger FA said...

OMG I can't stop laughing about the "fivehead". I think I know her. :) Congrats on the 100 posts!!

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

As I type this, Gigglepuss is in the next cubicle, on the phone, having a little giggle party. Check it: in addition to the vapid giggle, she has this laugh like Roscoe P. Coltrane's.


I swear to the wart on the sole of my left foot, every time she opens her mouth I can feel my IQ dropping. I bet she'd sing bass if her head weren't so full of helium.

My point? The damage has been neutralised (for the time being) with one simple phrase: "Moments before they snapped that picture, the photographer told her it was acid rain."

Twisted. Toldja.

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

J: Here's what I want you to do... Try it and report back. Because frankly I don't have the tits to mix pickle juice and alcohol without a guinea pig.

Chris: Pretty much. Especially since that's the first conversation (besides her telling me I look like Meredith Grey) that we've ever had together. Smooth huh? I'm going to have all the teachers scared.

Mrs. Harridan, Arabella and GG: So can I look forward to some drunken blogging tonight? Please? :)

FA: You can thank Hoop for that quote. I laughed so hard I fell off the couch.

Foo: Twisted? ME?! You're the one passing out viruses. ;)

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Those drinks make me want to like hurl. LOL, and I really like to drink most things.

LOL at all those "WTF's"...

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Ooooo and congrats on the 100 posts! :)

At 07 April, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Happy 100! I'll be your forsythia.

The only way I would drink that pickled Ruski is if you added about 8 oz of bloody mary mix, some tobasco and fresh horseradish.

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Ooooh, drunken blogging! Count me in!

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

A fivehead?! Where do you come up with this shit? LMAO!

Congrats on 100 posts!!

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

wow, you should call this whole post WFT??

I think my husband was raised on the Pickled Cow.

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

The dog ate your blog post? What? Did it have some of Hoop's "love juice" on it like his t-shirt?

Chocolate Milk and Jack? I don't know about that! I usually just take my Jack straight.

At 07 April, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Hey, wait. I have a fivehead.... ;-)

At 08 April, 2006, Blogger Alien said...

LOL! I always love that fivehead comment. Wasn't that Billy Crystal that used to say that (or some other funny as shit stand up comedian)? "Her forehead was so big, it was a fivehead..." LMFAO! Cracks me up everytime. Hoop rules.

And I'm drinking good ol' beer right now. I hope that will suffice.

At 08 April, 2006, Blogger wordgirl said...

Pickled cow sounds pretty good.

At 08 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Slacker! Missing a day, indeed! LOL

Happy 100! I will, however, abstain from your drink recomendations - those sound truely revolting.

At 09 April, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

Congrats on your 100th. I think I could happily try a Pickled cow... Have you tried Malibu and milk?

At 09 April, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

I have a sixteen-head. And hey, the pickled ruski sounds pretty good right about now. (Congrats on the blog milestone!)

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Brooke said...

Actually, yes, I would feel guilty for eating animal crackers! (But I don't like the taste.)

Yes, I even feel bad eating the heads off of gummy bears.

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

I invented "fivehead".

Prove to me that Pickled Ruski won't make me puke. Then I'll try it.

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Congrats on 100! And on dreaming about being a mom. Even though that WAS kinda creepy.


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