The Dog Ate My Blog
I was going to post yesterday. Honest. But my dog ate my blog. So you see, it wasn't my fault. He was just really hungry. You have to believe me.
Things That Make You Go, "WTF?"
1. I just wanted to touch base with you... Ooooh let's touch our bases together!
2. You're a vegetarian. Do you feel guilty eating animal crackers?
3. I hit a bump and now I have gummy bear casualties all over the floor.
4. She didn't have a forehead. She had a fivehead.
5. So I told my daughter about Jesus being resurrected. Now she wants to resurrect all her dead pets out of the garden.
6. I don't have a "fight or flight" reflex. I have a "hide and barf" one.
Analyze This: Last night I had a dream that I birthed a baby boy. My mom was the midwife, which is creepy on a few different levels. But the most horrible part was that the kid started talking in full coherent sentences at two weeks. When I asked him why he had developed so quickly he answered, "So I can get away from you sooner." I must be a pretty awful mother if my two week old baby already wants to move away from home. So you know what I did? I had another kid.
Tink: Do you see that picture of the girl in the rain?
Teacher: The little girl laughing?
Tink: No, she's screaming.
Teacher: It looks like she's laughing to me.
Tink: That's just what they want you to think. Moments before they snapped that picture, the photographer told her it was acid rain.
Tink: That's how I feel everytime you give me a test.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: *Talking in his sleep* I'll be your Lantana.
Tink: Like, the flower?
Tink: Is that supposed to be sexy?
100 Posts On The Wall: Pickled Beef has officially reached 100 posts! So in celebration I offer you the Pickled Ruski and the Pickled Cow:
1/2 shot Vodka
1/2 shot Garlic Pickle Juice
1 shot Jack Daniels
1 glass Chocolate Milk
Have a great weekend!