Mindless Dribble
Last night I fell asleep sitting up.
And then I dreamt that one of my coworkers was hired on by my Mom to be a nanny.
She arrived dressed like Mary Poppins.
I don't know what's going on in my head anymore.
10 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. Hoop and I took a five mile bike ride last night. You'd think my legs would hurt. Nope. It's my ass. As I limped around the office this morning everyone had a suggestion for my problem. "Buy the biggest maxi-pads you can find for when you ride." Oh sure! Because they were so much fun to wear when I was thirteen and terrified of tampons. Let's just add wearing a diaper to my misery. People are always filled with advice. It's what we do. It makes us feel smart and helpful. But honestly, how many times has someone asked you for help and you've talked out your ass giving stinky advice? Hmm? One of my best friends in seventh grade asked me if she should get her hair cut. I had just gotten a horrible bob a few months ago, leaving my once silky tresses into a blonde afro. So of course I told her yes... She looked like a pumpkin. I felt awful as she cried her way through school the next day. Nowadays I try not to give advice just for the sake of giving advice. Instead I give options. "Option A will leave you here. But Option B might be better because-" I should have been in healthcare. You know who shouldn't work in healthcare? Hypochondriacs... I think my dog Duff has Panophobia, the fear of EVERYTHING. We had to convince him the bikes were not going to eat him. Every time we bring home a new piece of furniture he refuses to walk near it or make eye contact. Crickets make him jump. Dogs are supposed to have really keen senses. So I wonder sometimes, "What's he know that we don't?" End.
Spam Mail:
Rosary Assurance from Geffrey Dejesus
Trash Tone from Morris Rios
Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: Do you know how I can tell the coffee is old?
Coworker: It smells burnt?
Tink: No. It's green.
Coworker: GREEN?
Tink: Yeah. No matter how many creamers you add it never gets any lighter. Instead it turns this funky greenish-grey color.
Coworker: So why are you drinking it?
Tink: Because I'm a junky.
Coworker: I'm going to go brew another pot.
Tink: There's enough for one more cup in there.
Coworker: Uh... I'll pass.
Tink: Suit yourself Sam-I-Am.
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21 comments
21 Comments:
Don't they make padded bike shorts?
Golden is afraid of everything new, too. He will stay just far enough from a new object so he can stretch and sniff it without actually touching it. It is pretty amazing to watch him at work.
Your green coffee reminds me of Homer Simpson and the sandwich that he continues to eat as it turns colors, etc...
The coffee here is so bad I got a jar of instant to see me through the day. Instant. Do you know how bad coffee has to be to make instant taste good? Sheeeeesh.
Green coffee? YUK. That's only acceptable on March 17th.
I'm a terrible advice giver. I just usually go with the "uh ... well .. uh .. yeah, what do you think?"
First, it should be noted that this line is brilliant:
...how many times has someone asked you for help and you've talked out your ass giving stinky advice?
Speaking of asses, a pair of cycling shorts and possibly some chamios creme would help alleviate what's ailing you. That advice is stink free, unless it's muscle pain. Then it's silent but deadly. Hopefully Foo will agree. :)
My old dog has taught my younger dog to be scared of all grades of stupid stuff. The latest is ice falling falling into the tray in the freezer.
I don't have any ass-healing advice except that, as I recall, the hurt goes away after about a week, then your butt gets all calloused and unfeeling. Like Nancy Reagan.
Yup, Mignon's right. Although as I remember it's not so much your ass as that area of tendons on either side of your cooch. But they do build up a tolerance after a week or so.
For the last month of my pregnancy with Julia I had to sleep sitting up. It sucked. My neck's never been the same.
Chelle Y: What's sad is that I have PLENTY of natural padding down there. I should not be having these problems!
Graymama: Doh! I never thought I'd see the day where someone would compare me to Homer Simpson.
Newt: INSTANT? Ugh. It must be pretty bad. You need one of those little one-cup-brewers at your desk.
Jay: The trick is to make them go with what they think they should do without making it seem like it was their idea first. Tricky tricky.
FA: Thanks for the suggestions! Although Chamois Creme reads, "avoid intimate areas." Which pretty much rules out everywhere that hurts.
Mignon: "Nancy Reagan" LMAO!
TB: There's where it started... And then it spread. Hoop was in pain too the first day. Then he realized if he put a nut on either side- Nevermind. ;)
Mama T: They need to make pregnancy beds with a hole in the bottom for the belly and a hole for the head. That way you can lay on your stomach and let it all hang out. Like a massage chair.
Well, I'm sure Hoop would be happy to kiss it and make it better.
Mamalujo1: Possibly... As long as I didn't call it, "Ass-kissing." :D
I wish I had helpful assvice, but it's an effort for me to walk through the kitchen, so I'm the last person who should be talking about five-mile bike rides.
Green coffee ewwww.
I am thinking about taking up biking but I'm not sure now...
Ewwwwwwww to the coffee. Um, was the green in floating chunks? That's known as "mold," Tink! Heh.
Go buy some generic biking shorts at Sports Authority or something. You can wear regular shorts over the biking shorts, if the lycra thing doesn't work for you. Makes a big difference. Plus your tush will get toughened up after a few rides.
Mary Poppins, huh? Hmm... interesting!
They definitely do padded cycling shorts. Performancebikes.com has great deals on them. And Chamois Butter is invaluable. I have to use it when I do my longer rides. But here's a suggestion, go to your local bike shop and get a proper "fit". Most of the time, the problem isn't the shorts, it the setup. My bike saddle has zero padding on it. It's all lightweight carbon fiber. But I can still ride 30 miles on it relatively comfortably. If your seat's too high, too low, too forward, too far back, you can experience soreness in your butt, in your knees and in your back and shoulders.
And that coffee is just wrong, and this coming from a guy who has drunk 7-eleven coffee for years.
what's wrong with wearing a diaper?
e+
I think my geriatric dog has Panophobia...be forewarned..it only gets WORSE with age, lol!
Green coffee, huh? Yum....LMAO
The title of your post was like one of those psychological word association tests. I read "Mindless Dribble" and the image that popped into my head was one of those little smiley face icons with the eyes unfocused, the mouth slack, and a little trickle of animated drool. Like this one
Sam-I-Am... LOL!!
I love the concept of giving options!!! Just goes to show what a thoughtful person you are. Most people are like, "You should do this" or "You need to do that."
Dude, I have SO had green coffee before. It's not very good. LOL!
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