Last night I fell asleep sitting up.
And then I dreamt that one of my coworkers was hired on by my Mom to be a nanny.
She arrived dressed like Mary Poppins.
I don't know what's going on in my head anymore.
10 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. Hoop and I took a five mile bike ride last night. You'd think my legs would hurt. Nope. It's my ass. As I limped around the office this morning everyone had a suggestion for my problem. "Buy the biggest maxi-pads you can find for when you ride." Oh sure! Because they were so much fun to wear when I was thirteen and terrified of tampons. Let's just add wearing a diaper to my misery. People are always filled with advice. It's what we do. It makes us feel smart and helpful. But honestly, how many times has someone asked you for help and you've talked out your ass giving stinky advice? Hmm? One of my best friends in seventh grade asked me if she should get her hair cut. I had just gotten a horrible bob a few months ago, leaving my once silky tresses into a blonde afro. So of course I told her yes... She looked like a pumpkin. I felt awful as she cried her way through school the next day. Nowadays I try not to give advice just for the sake of giving advice. Instead I give options. "Option A will leave you here. But Option B might be better because-" I should have been in healthcare. You know who shouldn't work in healthcare? Hypochondriacs... I think my dog Duff has Panophobia, the fear of EVERYTHING. We had to convince him the bikes were not going to eat him. Every time we bring home a new piece of furniture he refuses to walk near it or make eye contact. Crickets make him jump. Dogs are supposed to have really keen senses. So I wonder sometimes, "What's he know that we don't?" End.
Rosary Assurance from Geffrey Dejesus
Trash Tone from Morris Rios
Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: Do you know how I can tell the coffee is old?
Coworker: It smells burnt?
Tink: No. It's green.
Tink: Yeah. No matter how many creamers you add it never gets any lighter. Instead it turns this funky greenish-grey color.
Coworker: So why are you drinking it?
Tink: Because I'm a junky.
Coworker: I'm going to go brew another pot.
Tink: There's enough for one more cup in there.
Coworker: Uh... I'll pass.
Tink: Suit yourself Sam-I-Am.