Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Dunce Hat

Almost three years from today, and before I met Hoop, I was newly single and desperately trying to make sense of the people around me. During one particularly bad bout of insomnia, I sat up late and devised a chart. It was my cheat sheet for categorizing people. At the time I thought it was profound. I kept a copy of it in my purse for reference. And then, it disappeared. Gone like so many thoughts and poems written on restaurant napkins.

Until I found it again this morning.

My first thought was, "I can no longer make fun of Paris Hilton."

*************************
"THE FOUR PERSONALITY/RELATIONSHIP TYPES."
(AKA "Crap you're not allowed to hold against me since I'm the one sharing it with you.")

A. Self-sufficient ----- > Assertive
B. Self-sufficient ----- > Passive
C. Reliant ----- > Assertive
D. Reliant ----- > Passive

Definitions
*Self-sufficient: motivated to care after one's self. These people need no one else to provide their means of survival for them.

*Reliant: not motivated to care after one's self. These people may or may not have the ability to provide the means of survival for themselves. They are content to leave those duties to someone more capable.

* Assertive: outspoken and possessing a clear and definite opinion. These people usually know exactly what they want.

*Passive: submissive and rarely (openly) opinionated. They are usually satisfied with taking the backseat and letting someone else lead the direction.

What This Means
Before one can find a true match, one must know what type of person they are. Pick yourself out of the four personalities. Be honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of the four choices. Here are some examples to help you along.

A Type. Alice works for a firm. She pays all her bills. She lives alone. She has lots of friends with whom she debates political issues. She's the first to pipe up with restaurant ideas when no one else can decide. She's a little intimidating to people who don't know her and can sometimes come off as bossy.

B Type. Bud works for a warehouse. He lives on his own and makes sure there's more than butter in the fridge to eat. He goes out a lot and always dresses nice. He doesn't really like to voice his opinion. He mostly listens while all his friends are debating. He's often labeled as shy or reserved.

C Type. Carl lives at home with his mother. He doesn't have a car. He really doesn't want the responsibility of bills. He calls himself a "free spirit." But he knows exactly what type of woman he's looking for, beautiful and ambitious. He always calls the shots when around his friends and that sometimes gets him in a bit of trouble. But he can usually get himself out of any situation, unless it's paying the tab at the bar.

D Type. Dorothy is a stay at home wife (note: not Mom). She hasn't worked outside the home in four years. She's content with not being the breadwinner. She doesn't like to deal with the finances or decide what renovations need to be made on the house. She calls herself her family's, "Support network."

These are just examples and simply my interpretation. They are not based on fact or testing. Now that you've chosen which personality type you are, here are the matches that best suit the corresponding types with reasons why.

A ----- > A lot of A type personalities are usually too assertive to settle for someone who is not self-sufficient. They work best with other A type personalities, but sometimes require someone who is passive (B,D) in order not to get into repetitive arguments. C type personalities are their direct opposite.

B ----- > B type personalities are self-sufficient and therefore do not require someone to help provide their means for survival. Their passive nature makes them suitable for all assertive or passive type people (A,B,C,D).

C ----- > C type personalities are reliant and usually require someone who can help provide for their means of survival. This narrows it down to only 2 types (A,B). Since C is A's opposite, the perfect match for a C type would be with a B type personality.

D ----- > D type personalities are passive and work well with either assertive and/or passive type people. This alone makes them compatible with all personality types despite their reliant nature. Ideally, a D type will need a sufficient counterpart so A or B types would work best.
*************************

You didn't read that all did you? I really didn't expect you to. S'OK. The recap is, when I was 20 I thought I knew it all. Now, merely 3 years later, I've come to realize I have no idea what I'm talking about... ever.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: Did they ever release the video of Steve Irwin?
Tink: No, the police have it.
...
Tink: Come to think of it, WHY do the police have it? Are they planning on prosecuting the stingray?
Hoop: Maybe they're just making sure there wasn't any foul play involved?
Tink: Like maybe the camera guy snapped off the poisonous barb while no one was looking and then stabbed his friend in the chest with it while filming?
Hoop: No. That's just absurd! I was thinking more along the lines that the stingray was operated by remote control-
Tink: -shut up.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: What are you doing?
Tink: Playing with my toe nail. It's falling off. Evidently the super glue didn't work.
Hoop: Bleh! I don't want to see that.
Tink: It's not that big of a deal.
Hoop: You know, that's never going to grow back right.
Tink: What?!
Hoop: At least that's what I've heard.
Tink: *Starts crying* What do you mean it's "never going to grow back?"
Hoop: That's not what I sa-
Tink: -But I LIKE my toes! *Starts crying harder*
Hoop: Holy shit. Why are you crying?
Tink: I'm going to have deformed toes!
Hoop: You're going to be FINE. Your toes are going to be fine. I didn't think before I spoke. I don't know anything about toes! I've never even lost one before.
Tink: *sniffle* Ok.
Hoop: Ok? *Wipes brow* Jeez.

September Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. Dog tied, leaking female Gross dude. Why are you looking?
2. Bear hunting bacon burn Is this a tongue twister?
3. bowflex grandma pictures
This is going to be an ongoing thing isn't it? Her name is, "Donna McClure". And I am not her.
4. ugly bull As apposed to "cute" ones?
5. Beef cannoli LMAO. Is that what you call it?

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
Tink: Oh Hooooop! *Hides in closet*
Hoop: Yeah?
Tink: *Jumps out of closet* RARRRR!
Hoop: What are you doing?
Tink: I was getting dressed when I got the idea to scare you. *Hits Hoop in the chest* Why weren't you scared?
Hoop: Hmmm. A hot naked chick jumping out of closet to get me? Not really that scary.
Tink: You have a point. I'll try it with clothes on next time.

17 Comments:

At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

I am laughing my freakin' ass off at the toe conversation. TOTALLY hilarious. And OF COURSE your nail will grow back just fine. :)

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Your toe it going to grow back, Silly! Only it will grow back black! Haha, just kidding!

That personality test just flew over my head! :)

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

The personality test is really interesting. You might could make some moeny off that. Maybe you could replace DR. Phil. Dr. Tink? I like that!

Remote controled stingray would be cool.

And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be scared by a hot naked chick jumping out of my closet either. Or a hot clothed chick for that matter.

 
At 06 September, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Actually, working in Organizational Communication, I've seen tons of personality profiles. Yours isn't that far off.

I lost an entire fingernail in a diving accident last year. It grew back fine in about six months.

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

The toenail conversation?! Hysterical!!!

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Freakazojd/Chelle/TB/Chris: Thank you! And Thank GOD. I feel better. I don't know what freak-hormone Hoop treaded on, but even I was shocked. "What's wrong with me? I'm bawling over a toe nail!"

Jay: Dr. WOULD be a nice title to add to "Evil Genius." Mwahaha.

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

DHC3: Brilliant!

I love reading those personality type quiz things but I always feel I never fit into any of those categories.

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Teebs, you and that damn fingernail!! I thought I'd finally exorcised that image.

Tink, I think you'd make millions off that people analysis, and I have to say there's no better name for Type D people than Dorothy. And Larry. Dorothy and Larry can sit at home and be martyrs watching infomercials because they're too wimpy/indecisive to pick a channel.

Tink, I think, if you haven't lost the toenail fragment, you should try the superglue trick again. I've heard this is the best solution for getting a normal-looking toenail to grow in. And you can't better medical advice than that there, can you?

 
At 06 September, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

I have no idea what I'm talking about EVER too. My soul sistah.

Hey, yeah, why DO the police have the videotape of Steve? Maybe because they don't want it to leak to the Internet? Or to some horrible "Faces of Death" video production company?

And until I read the rest of your Daily Hoop Convo #2, I thought you had Lee Press-On toes. *snort* See? I don't ever know what I'm talking about...or what other people are talking about...

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Ugh! Finally got comments to load. I've been at this for a couple of hours.

I suppose I'd be self-sufficient and assertive, though I really am very, very introverted.

And sorry about the deformed toes ;) You really cried??? (((Tink))) and (((Hoop))). I bet he felt like crap.

And LMAO about you trying to scare him. That is too funny! :)

 
At 06 September, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

How do you remember all of these conversation? I wonder what my personality type is. Maybe there's a category for Bitch.

 
At 06 September, 2006, Blogger Pamer said...

I am totally Self Sufficient - Passive...

Oh and don't worry your toe nail will grow back, but for the time being just put some nal polichon the flesh. No one will know the difference

LOL...you used "beef cannoli" on my blog today

 
At 07 September, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

I liked your personality theory. I know I am more B ish and the hubster is more A ish. And we balance each other well. Or so I have been told.

Loved the hoop conversations too. If all else fails get some tinker or princess bandaids and cover your toe if it bother's you. Then you just have a cool bandaid on your toe and you won't see the missing nail. How sexy would that be eh??? Hoop, come see my pretty pretty princess toe. Yeah, that would work.

 
At 07 September, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

MrsPao: I don't think anyone CAN fit neatly into one classification. Not even me, the dimwit who created the chart. lol.

Mignon: I think the examples were what cracked me up the most. The names even correspond with the letter they're symbolizing. F'n cheesy dude.

Mama T: Lee press-on toe nails? *Snort* That is WAY too high maintenance for me. Hoop's lucky if I put fresh polish on after three months.

Mike Y: I didn't cry. I BAWLED... Like a baby. I'm not proud of it. In fact, I'm a little confused about it. Evidently I'm really a closet toe lover.

Wordgirl: I have a hard time remember numbers, names, where I parked my car... But give me a memory and 9 times out of 10 I can replay it to you in detail. The mind is a strange device.

Pamer: LMAO. Hoop actually volunteered to paint my toe skin to look like a nail!

Newt: That reminds me of when I was a kid. I LOVED band aids. I would buy boxes of the designed ones and stick them all over my notebooks. I'm so easily entertained. ;)

 
At 07 September, 2006, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

Tink, your toe will be fine. DC lost two fingernails after a horrible accident with a door (slammed her tiny fin-ders in the sharp crack at the back of the door). It's been four months and one is PERFECTLY normal. Can't tell anything happened. The other needs to be trimmed so the last little ripply bit that's grown to the tip is gone, and then it'll be perfect, too.

I once ripped a toe nail WAY back, bled and all. So I wrapped it in a bandaid... and then painted a nail on the bandaid. Several people actually complimented me on my pedicure before they noticed the "fake." LOL

 
At 07 September, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Oh no..I'm passive reliant. Fuck, who's going to want me NOW?! LOL

Your search terms crack me up.

And convo #3 w/ you jumping out of the closet, TOO FUNNY. LMAO!

 
At 12 September, 2006, Anonymous FA said...

The older I get the more I realize I have no idea what I'm talking about too. I just know I can make it sound more believable.

I'm with Jay - naked or clothed, a hot girl jumping out of the closet...not that scary.

 

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