1. Friday night Hoop and I went over to his family's house, where I had to listen to yet another person's advice on house hunting and how I'm doing everything wrong.
2. Only, this person also implied I was not looking out for Hoop's best interest.
3. I think I'm developing an eye-twitch...
4. ...and my life is starting to feel like a very confusing infomercial. "Don't buy for six more months! Don't move for two more years. The market is dropping! The market is rising! It's a buyer's world. It's a seller's dream. You're not going to get what you want. Don't settle for what's not best. Move here. No, move here. You don't want to move there. Can't you afford a little bit more? Buy, buy, buy!"
5. *Clicks air-remote* Mute.
6. When people ask how it's going, I'm going to start replying, "Fine." That's it. No details.
7. Maybe if I talk less they'll have less to comment about.
8. I could become a mime!
9. Saturday morning I gave Hoop a "Honey Do" list and left for an all ladies Kahlua Party.
10. There were so many fascinating people to talk to there. I almost didn't want to leave.
11. Like the witty nurse from Jacksonville. "We call the ER the 'Rod and Gun Club.' At the beginning of the month they can afford bullets, because their welfare checks have come in. So we get a lot of shooting victims. At the end of the month, once the money runs out, we get a lot of stabbings and beatings."
12. Or the photographer who spent a week at Burning Man. "They resurrect a city in the middle of an empty dessert, and then they destroy it a week later. Some people stay behind for a month afterward for cleanup. But in the end, there's no trace of what had been or what might be in years to come. Some go for the drugs. Some go for the inspiration or to work as artists. Most go out of curiosity. But whatever your reasons, you leave with something so much more than you came with."
13. And the sassy housewife. "I only go to Tupperware parties for the free wine."
14. As I was leaving I announced loudly, "Thank you ladies, it's been fun. But now I have to go buy some cock." In all actuality I said "caulk." But it took them a few seconds to realize that.
15. "You know, the stuff you put down in the shower?" On the way home I couldn't stop thinking about the post Chris Cactus wrote about caulk (and balls). It's a small world Dude.
16. Saturday afternoon Hoop and I fixed all the things the inspector had wrote on the list. It went smoother than planned, save for an incident involving exploding caulk (not "cock" you gutterheads, we've moved past that) and some puppy prints in the fresh grout.
17. We decided to reward ourselves Saturday night by going to a party Hoop's boss was throwing.
18. We got a bit lost along the way though...
Hoop: What are we looking for again?
Tink: A dolphin mailbox... Oooh, there it is!
Hoop: *Turns into driveway*
Tink: No, that's a swordfish.
Hoop: Well, let's try it anyway.
Tink: I'm pretty sure that's NOT it.
19. It wasn't. Thirty minutes later we found the correct house. The rental property Hoop's boss' boyfriend lived at was nothing more than a cottage. It was slightly overgrown and under-kept. So we didn't really expect much when they offered to show us the dock.
20. The "dock" turned out to be a $300,000, two story monstrosity with a million dollar boat attached. "That's some dock," Hoop gasped.
21. Sunday morning Hoop packed up the car for a quick drop-off at my parents' house.
22. Can you tell he played a lot of Tetris as a kid?
23. After unloading the car at my parents', we headed out to meet our new Realtor. Most of the houses we saw looked like they'd been built in a mold and stuck on a postage stamp. Hoop admired their streamline architecture. I bemoaned their tiny yards.
24. One of the houses I had requested to look at turned out to be right next to some railroad tracks. *Sigh* And evidently on the wrong side of them.
25. Another house, our Realtor refused to show us. "It's been on the market for over a year because it... smells." I pressed her as to WHAT the house smelled like. "Cat piss? Mold?" She hesitated. "Well, a woman died in it. They didn't find her body for two weeks. They've tried everything, and nothing will get out the smell. It's enough to put you off your lunch."
26. Not to mention house hunting for the day.
Hoop: Why didn't they find her for two weeks?
Realtor: She was going through a divorce, and apparently really ill.
Tink: That's awful! Did she have pets?
Hoop: Oh my God, did they EAT her?
Tink: I was wondering if they starved. But when you put it that way-
27. Hoop fell in love with one of the first houses we looked at. It's a 15 year old jewel sitting on 1/2 acre lot. It needs a lot of TLC though.
28. Not to mention a new AC, some carpet, and an all over (outside and in) paint job. Plus it's a bit out of price range.
29. I have faith something is going to work out, and hopefully soon. The pickings seem to be getting pretty slim.
Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 8 Days
(Some Random Weekend Pictures)