Friday, November 10, 2006

What's Mightier?

The pen, the sword, or the venomous tongue?

There are certain traits I always knew to be genetic: height, build, hair and eye color. They're the visual "markers" that state we belong to a certain family. "That Debbie, she has the Gibson eyes!" But what about the internal stuff, the traits that make up our personalities? Is it possible to pass on charm, money sense, or the habit of procrastinating until the very last second? The person I believe I resemble the most, my
Mom, is an amazing and talented woman. But like all humans she's flawed, built with a few imperfect (and perhaps undesirable) qualities.

Back when I was going through the terrible-teens, my Mom and I would get in these awful fights about nothing. Maybe I stayed out too late the night before. Maybe she wanted to borrow the sweater I was wearing. They would start off as unplanned verbal attacks, crude and juvenile. "I hate you!" "You're grounded!" "Yeah well... You're OLD!" And it would end with well orchestrated letters, designed to disarm and destroy in one blow, slipped under my door. At least that's how I viewed them at the time.

I hated seeing those envelopes. I would start crying before I even opened them. They symbolized my ultimate defeat. I had made the grave mistake of giving her time to think, and now I was going to pay. Once I understood that those letters would NEVER contain a white flag, I tried to avoid them. I wouldn't read them. I ignored them. I'd try to apologize before she could even pull out a pen. Eventually I moved out on my own, and I believed the days of the venomous tongue were done. I was wrong. "You're such an asshole Hoop. A big, fat, hairy ASSHOLE!"

That was me last night, knee deep in paper and boxes. Hoop had been complaining for an hour that he was tired. I had been packing for three evenings straight. Hoop's first mistake was letting me go to bed angry. His second was letting me get up angry. As I laid into him this morning, words of poison frothing off my lips, I felt the shadow of my Mom lurking about. These weren't juvenile insults I was throwing around. They were words meant to disarm and distroy. After Hoop had left for work I sat in the bathroom thinking, "I sounded like my Mother! Which means this horrible trait is genetic. Shit, I'm doomed. WE'RE doomed. Poor Hoop." We should adopt.

Oh, and speaking of Hoop, he's fine. He says the "new one" I ripped him makes it a lot easier to get in and out of the bathroom quicker. *Sigh*

Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Unposted as of yet. Check back later for updates!

Around The Water Cooler:
Coworker: I get so disorientaded.
Tink: Oriented.
Coworker: Whatever.
Tink: What makes you disoriented?
Coworker: Wearing glasses.
Tink: Well, that kind of defeats the purpose.

Around The Water Cooler 2:
Sales Guy: Sorry to interrupt. I need you to get me that invoice.
Coworker: I'm on lunch.
Sales Guy: I know, but I need to leave in five minutes.
Coworker: But, I'm on lunch.
Sales Guy: You're sitting right outside the building!
Coworker: Would you like me to Mary-Fucking-Poppins it for you?
Sales Guy: *Leaves in a huff*
Tink: I think Mary Poppins would have been nicer about it.

Around The Water Cooler 3:
(Please, no hate mail. I do not condone where this conversation went)
Tink: I swear, some men can't manage money to save their lives.
Coworker: Who are we talking about?
Tink: Papa Bear. My poor Mom has her hands full.
Coworker: It's like living with a Downs Syndrome person.
Tink: Excuse me?!
Coworker: They look like adults, but they're not capable of handling adult things.
Tink: Did you just compare my Stepdad to a mentally disabled person?
Coworker: Well I didn't mean any offense to the disabled.
Tink: I mean... I can't... Nevermind. I'm going back in.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 11 Days

Have a wonderful weekend!


At 10 November, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Your coworker's comment about living with someone with Downs Syndrome was a truly cringe-worthy statement. So painful!

Sorry to hear about the argument; Hoop seems to have had a good sense of humor about it all, though!

PS: "Disorientated." Ha! Almost as good as "Irregardless."

At 10 November, 2006, Anonymous Turtle said...

The tongue is most definitely the most cruel item. I used to be there myself, being able to take down even the mightiest. Learn to tame it, gf. I'm glad I did, because Foo never would have stayed around if I were still like that. (scary thought)

Hang in there with the packing and moving. This too shall pass, and it will all be worth it in the end. Keep looking to the future with hope. You can laugh about it all later.

Treasure and love the one you're with. Guys like ours are too few and far inbetween. (BIG hug)

At 10 November, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

That's the funny thing about guys, they don't even remember the argument 15 seconds after it happens. In their world it's over done and forgotten. Whilst we boil and steam for hours/days/weeks/months. This too shall pass my friend. Of course if he doesn't start helping you more I think I am going to have to kick him IN the ass. Seeing as it's snowing out your part of the world is looking quite appealing. Just say the word and I will fly down there, stick a spork up where the sun don't shine on hoop, and help you pack.

At 10 November, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

It's nice to know that you are human too, Tink. We all get that way sometimes. My mom is known for harsh words too. It is something I have to constantly watch myself.

Yeah, good thing Brendan is adopted. Haha! He has such a good nature that did not come from me.

At 10 November, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Hoop probably figures he has it coming. Besides, he knows that some day he will be able to use it against you. You know, the big guilt trip. You're mean blah blah blah. haha

At 10 November, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Jess: The worst part is, she says stuff like that all the time! Believe it or not she's our front desk person, the first thing people see (and hear) when they walk into our door. Irregardless? Oooh, THAT makes me cringe too.

Turtle: I really do need to work on curbing it. The whole time I was yelling at him a part of me was thinking, "Stop it. Stop it before it gets ugly." Sometimes he needs a good kick in the ass, but he doesn't deserve the treatment I gave him this morning.

Newt: It's so crazy right now it's almost comical. I told him last night that we had to stop at the gas station and get newspapers (to pack plates). So we stopped and he ran in without letting me out. So I figured he was being nice and getting them for me. Nope. He was getting himself a lotto ticket. I can't wait till this is over!

Chelle: Did you think I was a droid? hehe

Jay: You have a point! Even more reason for me NOT to give him anything to use against me. You're a wise man Jay. Very rare thing to be ya know? ;)

At 10 November, 2006, Blogger Gracey said...

It's okay to be human at times; it happens to everyone. The important part is catching yourself later and apologizing to the person you probably hurt. I know this from experience.

At 10 November, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...


My mom was the same way. It used to infuriate me that her method of argument-ending was with a pen and pad.

At 10 November, 2006, Blogger gawilli said...

Having a time frame to work around always adds a lot of stress. I'm much better at holding my tongue now than I used to be - thanks to Willi also as he does not generally push that button. And that's a good thing! My mom used to tell me not to put those kinds of things down in writing because once you did, they were there to stay. I think that was pretty good advice.

Oh, and sometimes I feel disorientaded too.

At 11 November, 2006, Anonymous Kat said...

Hi, just stumbled on your blog. I like it, very entertaining. I can see why you might worry about having your stuff stolen because you are very creative. I've just started a blog, political mostly in nature, and I'm not very creative these days. Still, I've been checking into the Creative Commons License. Don't know much about it but its and there's also I bet you could sell some of your stuff, maybe. I dunno. Just thought I'd see if you know about these and if you do check it out and think its worthwhile, let me know if you have time and maybe I'll look into it, too, though why I don't know. Anyways, thanks for an entertaining blog. Mine is Demokat if you ever want to check it or roll it or whatever. Good luck with the moving. I'm ex-Navy wife so I know, I know.

At 11 November, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Careful. Words spoken in haste during moments of anxiety and anger can destroy so much. Forgiven, but sadly, never forgotten. Sorry for the unsolicited advice. Love the blog.

At 11 November, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Oh Tink! I feel for you! I have barely survived moving. I keep making comments to the hubs that the next time I move it will be in a pine box!

Half the battle is hearing yourself. If you already hear that you are turning into your mother (the parts you didn't like) then you can change.

At 11 November, 2006, Blogger Peggy said...

Be gentle with each other. With the move to God knows where coming soon, you're both bound to be edgy.

At 11 November, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Are you sure you don't work somewhere in the same company I do?!

At 12 November, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Don't fret Tink. It happens. But it's good that you're recognizing things early on. Words are devastating. Take it from me. And if you nip it early, you'll do great. The problem is that the more episodes that occur, the more there is that you can't erase. This is something I've learned the hard way.

At 13 November, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

I suffer from a similar affliction. Trouble is...I'm deadly when I speak AND when I write. No one is safe.

At 13 November, 2006, Anonymous Lily said...

I envy your ability to even decide about where to move! Why does my husband love Florida? (ok, sports. So he can watch year round sports)

Sometimes we think about what we get from our parents, but not what we DONT get-which can sometimes include such basic things as learning to speak reasonably about needs (vs guilt tripping, manipulating) learning to manage anger (vs emotional or phys violence) how to resolve things in ways that dont damage our relationships, and so on.We dont all get those things, or under stress we forget them. Moving is VERY stressful, the unknowns, all that crap. Moving sucks ass.

I was pretty careful to marry a person that (in my view) has a sense of humor about things. Humor can be seen as belittling, but he doesnt do it that way. He uses it to diffuse tension. He uses it to show me when I am ridiculous. But only when I AM being ridiculous. If that makes sense.
Yesterday we argued about a loose dog that shit on my driveway. I was SOOO mad.

He comes over and looks at me and goes "Look at you! Do you blame the dog?"

Ok so it was just a dog. Sue me.


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