It's no virgin birth, but...
1. Saturday, Nash came into town on a two week leave from Boot Camp.
2. Before leaving basic they made him sign a contract promising he wouldn't drive, drink, or smoke.
Tink: So mainly they don't want you to have any fun.
Nash: Pretty much.
Tink: Did they say anything about hookers?
3. We gave him a bottle of White Russian mix and Amarulla for Christmas. He was thrilled.
4. That night Nash, Hoop, Bob, and I went out to celebrate the holiday at the local bars down town.
5. I was on a mission to have fun. The boys were on a mission to find Nash a girlfriend.
6. Unfortunately the only girl we came across that met all of our standards was hanging out with four other dudes. I made a move anyway.
7. It wasn't until the end of the night, as the boys were trying to sweep me off for a beer run, that I realized how well my "move" had worked...
8. ...for me. Apparently she thought I was pretty cute.
9. On the way back to Grandma's, Bob struck up a conversation with a guy on a bicycle...
10. ...who decided to follow us home.
11. We passed around shots and asked our new friend about himself. "I'm a male whore," he sheepishly replied.
12. We laughed, thinking he was joking.
13. Then he suggested we call a local singles line for a little fun. It was free, so we agreed. We should have known something was off when he had all the numbers and prompt cues memorized.
14. Or the fact that every "joke" message he left began with "Hi, my name is Tom. I live in a brothel." Hmmm.
15. In the end Hoop sent the guy packing. He was just too creepy. But Tom-from-the-brothel didn't understand that. He decided we were outing him because he wasn't cool enough.
16. "Me, cool? Pfft. I'm the anti-cool baby."
17. Ten minutes later we forgotten he'd even been there.
18. We were too busy having a cherry fight in the backyard. No one knows where the hell the cherries came from though.
19. An hour later the boys dragged me out again for a little
20. Which really means they wrestled each other all along the main street while I rolled my eyes and took pictures.
21. Then we paid a couple bums to take pictures with us. The best specimen was "Santa-Bum" who cheerfully told the boys to sit on his lap and then threatened to punch them when they wouldn't.
22. The day before Christmas was spent with Hoop's family. There was gift buying, gift opening, good food, and a poisoning.
23. But a trampling came before all that.
24. Two days prior, my parents took in a horse they'd never met before. He seemed like a suitable match...
25. ...until he decided to push my Mom down on Sunday and trample her. Good thing she's so tiny. She curled up in a ball beneath him where his hooves couldn't reach. After she was free she picked up her gun and-
26. Ok, so she didn't kill him. But she WANTED to. Instead she calmly called the carrier to take him back.
27. If that weren't enough drama for one day...
28. Hoop's Mom bought a 10 week old Cocker Spaniel puppy last week. She knew having a puppy would be hard work. She factored in the house breaking, the chewing, and the constant yapping. What she didn't factor in was her Mother's irrational fear of rodents.
Tink: What's all over the floor?
Hoop: Oh my God, it's Rat Poison.
Tink: It's what?!
Hoop: Mom, we have to rush the puppy to the vet. *Explains situation*
Mom: I'm sure she just ripped open the bag.
29. Luckily Hoop was not satisfied with that answer. He called the number on the back of the bag and a vet within 40 minutes of finding the poison.
30. They say she ate enough to kill her 3-4 times over. If we would have waited until after dinner, as Hoop's Mom suggested, it would have been too late.
31. The puppy is recovering right now. Although they won't be sure of her condition for three more weeks.
32. We searched the house afterward and found no less than 50 bags of poison scattered around the house. NONE had been eaten by rats.
33. Grandma claims she hears things scurrying around at night...
34. ...But she can't hear you talking to her a half a foot away. :)
35. Christmas morning brought the biggest haul Hoop and I have ever seen.
36. From Hoop I received the best present of all though, a painting by our favorite artist down town. There are only 35 in existence, and no prints.
37. It's of the building where Mom and Papa Bear got married and where Hoop and I would walk on our first dates. It's in the town where we met and shared a home. I can't think of anything more fitting to place in our new house.
What was your favorite present/memory this holiday season?
Contest courtesy of Odd Mix:
(In All Its) Glory
(Some Random Weekend Pictures)
Can you spot the bee in this picture?