Thursday, March 08, 2007

Deviation From Organization

I logged on to Yahoo this morning, saw this picture and thought to myself, "Man. Harry Potter is starting to look OLD!"

(Yes, I know who it really is.)

I think I should be the poster child for sleep and coffee deprivation. Even my autopilot is malfunctioning. Did I mention I had a dream the other night that my Mom had a penis? No?! Well, why ruin a good thing? I'm sure Freud would have a ton to say about that. AG is finally home and doing much better now that he's with family. He's never going to be "healthy." He's 80-something years old! But the truly amazing thing is that he's walking again, despite what the doctors said. That alone is cause for celebration.

I went to the local Goddess shop at lunch to pick up some sage for the house. The young brunette behind the counter struck up a conversation and before I knew it I was rambling on about my problematic house. I realized how funny the situation was halfway through when she stopped saying "uh huh," and just stared at me wide eyed. So I laid it on a little thicker. Swarms became hoards. Loose windows became gaping holes. By the time we were ready to leave I had her believing my house was possessed.

Jay's birthday was yesterday! It's not too late to wish him a happy one. While you're at it, bring me back a slice of cake OK? Make sure the stripper is out before you cut it though. Sunshine's birthday is in a few days. Head on over and send her some early wishes. While you're at it, bring me back that stripper OK? I'm fine on cake. Thanks. Anyone else have a birthday coming up, just passed, or today? Not because I'm going to send you presents or anything. Pfft. I just want to know what kind of goodies you're having.

Two nights ago Mom asked me what I love about Hoop. At first I thought it was a trick question. But by the middle of my list, I realized she wasn't going to say anything negative. In fact, she wasn't saying anything at all. Mom has always acted like Hoop and my relationship is temporary. It doesn't really matter what she thinks. But that doesn't stop me from wanting her to love him too. "What do you love about Hoop?" she'd asked. "I love his sense of humor." I'd said. I should have elaborated more. "I love how his sense of humor varies. Sometimes he's terribly witty. Other times, gross or shocking. Sometimes it's at other's expense, but mostly at his own. I love that he loves to make people laugh."

That might have saved me from this awkward conversation:

(While watching a show about conjoined twins)
Tink: How awful!
Papa Bear: Can they be separated?
Mom: No. They share everything but a head.
Hoop: They could just lop one of those off.

Hoop was the only one who laughed.



At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

Your mother had a penis? Did she keep it in the fridge or just throw it in a drawer somewhere? Or did she put it out as a converstaion piece. Like on the coffee table or something?

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I'm sorry there isn't any cake left over. The stripper wasn't very coordinated. She tried to spin around the pole and lost her balance and fell face first into the cake.

I thought it was pretty funny but she didn't see the humor in it at all. You knew those girls took themselves so seriously? I mean, I kinda see her point. But, I just wasn't able to save BOTH my beer AND catch her.

I'm sure you would have understood.

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Duh - you love Hoop because, dude, he's so bloggable! ;)

At 08 March, 2007, Anonymous mamatulip said...

I had a dream once that I caught my father jerking off in the middle of a street one night. He had his back to me and at first I didn't realize it was him and then all of a sudden I realized it WAS him, and then I woke up. I was scarred by that dream, seriously scarred.

That Harry Potter/Mick Jagger mix-up is freakin' hilarious, girl.

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

You nailed it on the harry potter thing. Too funny. And I have to agree with Chris, you love him because he IS so damn bloggable.

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Mike said...

Dreamt your mom had a penis, huh? Hmm... not sure what else to say about that.

I like Hoop's answer to such a complex surgery... just lop off a head ;)

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Tink, you always crack me up. Harry Potter. Hee!

And we watched the same show about conjoined twins!! I love that channel. They had a microcephalic girl on earlier.

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger meno said...

I would have laughed about the head lopping off too. But not about mom-n-the-penis. You'll be hearing from my lawyer if i have a weird dream about my mom tonight.

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I actually chuckled at Hoop's response. I am so awful! :)

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Pamer said...

JAy's birthday was yesterday?? MArch 7th? Tat's my birthday too! Cool...and my first name is Jay as

At 09 March, 2007, Blogger Lucia said...

I love the image of you describing a house of horrors to the goddess shop woman. I'm surprised she didn't try to sell you a wheelbarrow full of sage to make things right.

At 09 March, 2007, Blogger Eric said...

wow, what a ... probing ... question.

At 09 March, 2007, Anonymous Toni-Marie said...

Freud would have a thing or two to say on your dreams.
I used to love customers who would stand around and talk if there was no one around, you meet some of the most interesting people that way.
I'm lucky enough to not bring partners home, so my Mother knows if she gets to meet someone I'm dating it's obviously serious,she's never really questioned my about the men in my life anyway though.

At 11 March, 2007, Blogger EE said...

I'm still stunned by MamaT's little beauty of a dream......cue the crickets........LMAO!

Ok then.

Of *course* you want your mom to love Hoop. :) But hell, I love him and I've never met him! How could she NOT?!

At 12 March, 2007, Anonymous TB said...

I love Hoop. He's my kind of peeps.

Also, isn't it sort of bad karma to lie to the goddess shop employee while buying sage ;o)


Post a Comment

<< Home