Wednesday, March 07, 2007


"Missing: a blogger named Tink."

At least that's what the poster said a few blogs down the way. No reward though. That was kind of disappointing.

I'm sorry for the extended absence. I ended up working on Monday and taking Tuesday off. Things have been crazy lately. Not the good kind of crazy either. Not the kind that makes you table dance with a bottle of tequila while singing Marley. No. It's the kind that makes you want to commit yourself just so you get a decent nights sleep.

Where do I start? Here. Read the post I didn't finish on Monday...

Weekend Recap:
1. There's a buzzing in my ear.
2. I think it might be my brain dying.
3. 20 hours of being exposed to paint fumes can't be good.
4. Saturday morning Hoop and I drove out to the new "hood" and dropped off my car for repairs before heading to Home Depot for paint.
5. Besides the nonfunctional brake lights and shredded front tire, I found out I needed new CV joints and ball bearings. Cha-ching!
6. After a couple more hours of preparation, and four more trips to Home Depot for forgotten supplies, Hoop and I were ready to finish painting.
7. At midnight we ran out of primer.
8. But we had plenty of brushes, rollers, tarps, and tape!
9. So it was off to Walmart to deal with the highly qualified able minded idiot employees.
10. First they couldn't work the system. Then they couldn't figure out what color we needed. Then, after 30 minutes:
Employee 1: What're you guys doing?
Employee 2: They're looking for this color. *Looks at underside of can lid*
Tink: You can't go by that. That's where the oily stuff collects at the top. It's the color dabbed on the front.
Employee 2: Really?
Employee 3: So it's kind of a yellow color.
Tink: No, you're looking at the wrong end.
Employee 3: It's not this yellow color?
Tink: No.
Employee 3: Are you sure?
Tink: Yes.
Employee 1: I saw you brought up a can of Kilz. You know that's not paint right?
Hoop: Yeah, we know. We were trying to get it tinted.
Employee 1: TINTED?! *Laughs like we're the idiots* You can't put color in primer!
Tink: You can, and we have.
Employee 1: Oh yeah? Who did it?
Hoop: Home Depot.
Employee 1: But you're just going to paint over it!
Tink: That's the point.

Eventually we finished painting. Well, the main rooms at least. What we failed to realize (until it was too late) was that it doesn't pay to buy cheap rollers. There are hairs all over our walls. In the end, you have to learn when to give up, give in, and understand that you've hit your
Fuckit Point. I think I hit that point on Sunday, after realizing there were termites in our bedroom. Thank God there's a termite bond. Or maybe it was when Hoop and I realized we could see the backyard from below our living room window. It's falling out of the wall. That is NOT one of the three being replaced either.

But enough bitching.

Here's the good news. The week is half over, Nash is coming into town this Friday, and Hoop and I are almost out of limbo. We'll be moving our things in this weekend! Amazingly, all this work and stress has only brought us closer. There's something about remodeling... The need for team work. The long hours of tedious preparation, broken only by the good conversation. The feeling of accomplishment when you're done. It's been very healthy for us. I wish it were as healthy for my mental well being.

Not Far From The Tree:
Papa Bear: Did you see that cop I warned you about?
Tink: No, I didn't.
Papa Bear: That's because he pulled me over.
Mom: Did you get a ticket?
Papa Bear: Nope. I was going 75 in a 60 too.
Tink: How did you get out of that?
Papa Bear: I explained to him that I was scratching my ass-
Mom: -you told the COP that you were scratching your ass?!
Papa Bear: Yeah. See, in order to scratch it I had to extend my leg and that caused my foot to press harder on the gas...
Mom: *Buries head in hands* Oh my God.

Not Far From The Tree 2:
Tink: I wish there was a Dunkin' Donuts around here.
Papa Bear: There's a Krispy Kreme.
Tink: It's just not the same.
Papa Bear: I can't go to either. If I set foot in one of those places I'm going to start cramming donuts into my orifice.
Tink: Your orifice, huh?
Papa Bear: Otherwise known as my mouth.
Mom: Well I hope it's your mouth and not any other kind of orifice.
Papa Bear: Oh yeah honey. I regularly stick donuts up my butt. You know, for later.
Tink: Ewwww!
Mom: Well I'm glad that wasn't the case when that cop pulled you over. I'm not sure he would have been so lenient.
Papa Bear: Oh no. He would have been insulted.
Mom: Insulted?
Papa Bear: You know how cops feel about donuts. He might have thought I was saving it for him.

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At 07 March, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

FINALLY I get my Tink Fix!

Just remember that all this is going to be worth it in the end...then you get to meet your neighbors...

At 07 March, 2007, Anonymous OddMix said...

Boy, am I glad you're back! I was getting worried.

Papa-Bear is insanely funny. And I have to steer clear of donut shops, too. Especially KK donuts. There is a KK bakery near here that I can't go within ten miles of lest I be pulled into the vortex of fried and glazed warm sugary goodness.

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

It's the kind that makes you want to commit yourself just so you get a decent nights sleep.

Poser. You've obviously never spent any time institutionalized or you'd know it's next to impossible to get a decent night's sleep, what with all the screaming about giants ants and the smearing of feces on the walls.

Or... um... so I've heard.

Diggin' the "scratching my ass" defense. Nicked!

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

You were missed, Tink! Glad you're back.

Papa Bear's defence cracked me up. Obviously it was a man cop who pulled him over. A woman cop woulda upped the fine, just for telling that story!

Now I'm jonesin' for a krispy kreme...

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger Kim: The Mom, The Myth said...

(((Tink))) I'm so glad you're back!

Go to youtube and search for Robin Williams and watch his Fukitol routine. You'll feel better. :)

At 07 March, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I won't touch KK donuts because if I do I'll crave them and life will suck. I didn't have nachos till I was a young adult and now I have a nacho addiction. I can't have both addictions or I'll be a fat ass. Which BTW I'm trying to get rid of. It's a vicious circle.

There's a DD and a KK right down the street too.

Glad you are back. I like hearing the woes of painting and owning a home. It makes me happy I rent. :)

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I have never hear of anyone get off because "he was scratching his butt!" That's too funny!

I am happy you're back!

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Just think of all the good blogging material you're going to miss not being around the family all the time! ;)

Termite bond?!?!? Yikes.

At 07 March, 2007, Anonymous TB said...

You need a Fuckit Bucket as David Sedaris would say. Fill it with whatever makes you the happiest, beer, tequila, candy, whatever and then indulge whenever you need to.

I know it seems slow, but you're making progress bit by bit and what you said is so true. You are going to be so rewarded by the results when you're in and unpacked and walking around the house marveling at everything you accomplished.

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

I was thinking of you today while I was doing dishes and I said to myself that if by tonight there wasn't a new post from you I was going to email you. I missed you. :)

Tinting primer is brilliant; it's the route that we always go. It can literally save you a gallon of paint in the end. Y'all are smart cookies.

And it's neat to hear that this is bringing you and Hoop closer together. (Yes, I just said 'neat'.) When Dave and I were remodeling my mother's house, my childhood home, it was a very stressful time in my (our) lives -- my mom had just died, we were working on the house, I was handling her estate, Dave was working full-time, we were planning our was tough, and yet it totally brought us closer together. I'm sorry things are rough right now as far as the house goes but I'm really glad that it's not coming between you and Hoop.

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

Hey .. my comment is gone? Oops! I must have messed up the word verification and not realized it.

Anyway, I'm glad you're back cause I was about to lose it!

Love the doughnuts story. You can't hide doughnuts from cops!

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger meno said...

WHAT? You have a life outside of blogging? That's outrageous.

Welcome back.

At 07 March, 2007, Blogger flutter said...

I am SO using that excuse to get out of my next ticket.

At 08 March, 2007, Anonymous Michelle said...

maybe it was when Hoop and I realized we could see the backyard from below our living room window. It's falling out of the wall

This is the part where ya get super happy when you know you're living in Florida and not in someplace like Nebraska (Hi Kell!) where there's 2 feet of snow on the ground. Whew, ya?

Okay, well, I tried. :o)

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

I'm glad you're okay and skating along on the edge of reason. Moving in will be fun. Just think of all the STUFF that has been living in boxes this whole time that you thought you couldn't do without.

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Mike said...

Umm... sorry about the house pitfalls. That stinks about the termites and window.

The primer story was pretty funny. That sounds like a good excuse to be rude ;)

And my preference is Krispy Kreme over Dunkin. But I still avoid both.

And thanks for the tip. Why couldn't you have passed on that little gem of wisdom a year ago? Now that I don't speed any longer, I'm not sure it will pay off.

At 08 March, 2007, Anonymous wordgirl said...

I think Wal-Mart must have transferred someone from produce to work the paint section. Everybody knows that primer can be tinted to best fit the color that will be painted over it. What in hell is wrong with these people?

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Betty said...

When you get all settled in, you ARE planning to post photos of the new house, aren't you?

At 08 March, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

Far from the tree #2 had me laughing out loud.

Glad you're back darl'n

At 09 March, 2007, Anonymous Toni Marie said...

I think that says something about your relationship when stress brings your closer together, thats a rare thing, but great, you guys must be a really great couple.
I love your conversations they always make me laugh.
I added you to the blogroll on my site I hope you dont mind.


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