Thursday, February 22, 2007

Cover Your Virgin Ears II

(The sequel to "Cover Your Virgin Ears I." Consider the title your warning.)

Why are certain words both erotic and insulting, depending on the context they're used in? Like "pussy." Here's a shocker. I have one. I happen to like it. So why is "pussy" also the term for someone who's considered weak? I do my Kegels. I could probably crack a walnut with this bad boy. And "dick"? Unless you're one-eyed or really tall, why is that an insult? The only time I would consider myself looking like an "asshole" is if I ate something really sour. Why is the phrase, "I want to screw/fuck you," offensive once you take out the "I want"? You never hear, "You're such a vagina." Or "Why are you such a penis?" Aren't they the same thing?

People are appalled by these words. They're taboo, only meant to be uttered between the sheets or yelled when angry. Why? Wouldn't it be more effective if you called them something really foul? Pus Pocket. Sewer Breath. Booger Face. Scab. Month Old Yogurt. Razor Burn. Donald Trump's Combover. Can you imagine someone yelling that out their window in rush hour traffic? You'd laugh. You'd think it was juvenile. But if you really stopped to think about it... Wouldn't you rather be a pussy or a dick? At least they have a function. Geesh.

Give Me A Break: I ordered windows a week ago for three that were damaged in our house. The check for them had been cut to me at closing by the title company. What I didn't realize until yesterday, when I went to cash it, was that they'd made it out to the wrong person. They'd made it out to the seller. Niiice. It's just as well. The window company called this morning to inform me my windows had fallen off the back of their truck. "Just mine?" I asked. "Just yours," the guy sighed. "Of course." So it'll be another week or so before they can order more. Anyone want to join me in a drink?

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19 Comments:

At 22 February, 2007, Blogger tammy said...

I'd love to join you for a drink, I'll even buy the first round!

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

You know what bugs me? The way women up and decided that "bitch" was actually a compliment. So now if somebody wants to insult these women he has to come up with a much worse word.

Of course, the only word he go to is a really bad word that starts with "C" and ends with "T". And then these women get all offended and pissed off! Well hell. If they had just let "bitch" stay an insult they wouldn't get called the meaner word!

Uhh .. anyway, I'll buy the first round.

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

Oh sure Tammy beats me by a couple of seconds in offering to buy the first round.

Fine!

I'll buy the second.

 
At 22 February, 2007, Anonymous TB said...

Tink, you're the strongest, most self-assured, but also nicest pussy I know.

And if we lived near one another, I'd take you out to two for one happy hour and of course you could have both drinks. It's a benefit of hanging out with a preggo.

 
At 22 February, 2007, Anonymous Patsy said...

Tink, Sorry but I find those words offensive, I think it is a age thing, raised that way. Logically nothing wrong with them, but.....

Hey, I want ta go for a drink with you guys.

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger mjd said...

Hey, I will join you for drinks as long as we meet in warm Florida and not cold Indiana.

He,he, the last thing that I want to be called is a Donald Trump combover...very funny Tink.

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

Sometimes fellas around here will say "you're such a GIRL!" Okay - is there a faster way to piss me off? I don't think so. Being called a girl is not an insult.

Never mind about some folks referring to pussy as an insult. We know it isn't.

Next time I'm in FL, I'll get in the first round. If you come to Scotland then the 1st round is on you mate!

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger Mignon said...

This is only barely related, but on a spring break trip to New Orleans my friends and I started saying to each other, "Lick my sweaty butthole." Instead of fuck off. So we got to NO and met some Swedish guys and convinced them to tell us how to say it in Swedish (it was something like "Sleeka mit svetika huitole") and it had such a nice ring, that we started saying it to each other instead of the English version. And later Frederik took me aside and very earnestly informed me that it wasn't actually something that people in Sweden would say to each other. I guess they like this better "din morsa luktar friterad getröv i fittan" - check it out... http://www.angelfire.com/ne/marko/swear.html

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Just your windows. Of course. Maybe they were messed up anyway......

 
At 22 February, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

I've been told I'm a prude as I don't like to hear "bad" words. But honestly, they're just words! It's people that decide they are bad, you might as well decide that "chair" is a bad word. If enough people go along with it...

Anyways, whatever drink we are up to, it's on me!

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

Wow, you got all your favourite words into one post! :)

 
At 23 February, 2007, Blogger Mike said...

You never hear, "You're such a vagina." Or "Why are you such a penis?" Aren't they the same thing?

Umm... Tink, they're different. I don't have a vagina. I don't think ;)

I can remember in elementary school, 5th grade to be exact, the big time insult was to call someone a tampon tester. Yep! That was the biggie one for us. You never wanted to be called that.

Sorry about the windows :( That's a real bummer.

 
At 23 February, 2007, Blogger spellconjurer said...

Anyone who's ever had the opportunity to see the play, "The Vagina Monologues", has been part of a chanting audience, a yelling audience even, concerning the word CUNT. You yell it, say it, use it, until it has literally no meaning. It becomes a non-defined string of 4 letters. Taking away the power of what was intended by it completely. Would you cunt a sandwich? Honey the steering on the car seems to be pulling to the side, I think my cunt is low on air. (snort) Sweetie I dropped my cunt on the floor, could you grab me a clean one? Babe, can you grab the cunt? It's ringing and it's probably your mom. Hey the cunt dispenser is clogged up again!!!! Call the plumber. WOW your Christmas cunt is SO beautiful! Look how all the lights twinkle and sparkle! OK I think should cunt up now.

 
At 23 February, 2007, Blogger Alien said...

I've often pondered the same thing about words. Oh, and I think I may be one of the only women on earth that doesn't really mind the word "cunt." It IS fun to say if you think about it, no?

 
At 23 February, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

Ok, between the check and the windows I'm starting to believe you really do have some sort of evil gremlin following you around. Just don't feed him after midnight okay? We don't need this to get even worse.

And I can't think of a word that truly bugs me. Oh wait, there is a word that makes me cringe in pain: "Bush" and I ain't talk'n bout the one near the pussy or the cunt for that matter.

Though we did have a hell of a time teasing Girl J's daughter after we found out she is bothered by the words "moist" and "succulent"

 
At 23 February, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

I like the word "lubricious".

A lot.

WV: "fhhreit". Okay, now try saying "celsius". If you can't, I'm going to have to cut you off.

 
At 23 February, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

When I'm really mad saying 'cunt' makes me feel a bit better. It really does. I've never minded that word.

You know what word I think is really weird? Banister. Say it a few times out loud. It's such a weird word.

Dude. I'm so sorry about your windows. That just...sucks. Only your windows fall off of the truck...my tooth falls off...dude, it's been a shitty week. The first round's on me.

 
At 24 February, 2007, Blogger eric said...

and what about The Finger?

ohhhh ... not The Finger. i don't know why, but if i get one of those while driving, i feel completely violated.

 
At 28 February, 2007, Blogger Obsidian Kitten said...

Month Old Yogurt! hehhehheh

i'm going to save that one for a special occassion. i might even pair it with "crumbly toe cheese topping"

kinda made me think of that Rescue Me episode where Denis Leary & the firehouse gang are trying to come up with substitutes for the C and T words and they ask Laura if, as a female, she would prefer being called a Cwat or a Twunt. i think soda squirted out of my nose i was laughing so hard...

 

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