Friday, February 09, 2007

Shallow Musings Of A Wannabe Armpit-Sniffer

(Creative post title brought to you by the "Blog Title Generator" at Dingchak.net.)

InADvisable: Thank you
Folioweekly for providing the blog fodder.

Women Seeking Men:

I'M NOT YOUR WIFE! Or your Mother or the other woman you think you own! The term is friends with benefits! White female, 52, 5'5", 180, seeking open-minded, available, white male, non-smoker. No alcoholics or Viagra jockeys! I'm getting bored, guys! I have no idea why you're still single. *Backs away slowly*

I Saw You:

SHIVER ME TIMBERS. You: Sexy drunk pirate at Target. Me: Confused. Thought maybe I hit your boat in the parking lot. Would like to check you for scurvy. Send me a message by parrot.

THE PEARL. Thank you for watching over me as I vomited in the street and my friend looked for my ride home. I would like to thank you in person. Because nothing says "True Love" like puke.

HOT GUY AT PUB. You: Sexy, bald, dancing manager at Fionn MacCool's on Thursday. Me: thick Latina lover who wants to get inside your khakis. Maybe we could share a Guinness and I could see your sausage rolls? If he has more than one roll, you need to head for the hills.

Men Seeking Women:

I'M NOT HUGH HEFNER! You're no Playboy bunny sweetheart! I use dumbells, you take Paxil! I collect movies, you're a shoe junkie! We're both somebody's ex! White male, 50, 6', 200, seeks lovable single female.

ONE KIND OF GUY. I am shrewd, analytical and practical; I possess all the necessary qualities to become the right man for anyone's dream man. 50, 5'8", 150lbs, black hair, brown eyes, very confident with positive outlook on life. Shrewd. Analytical. Practical. Wow... You sound like a TON of fun. Maybe we can meet at the Laundromat on Friday and fold socks together.

TARZAN LOOK FOR JANE. Tarzan white, 46 seasons, 5'10", solid 180, seek Jane. Good if Jane like water, jungle animals, and high places. Ok if Jane have kids. Jane no take Tarzan to mall. Tarzan nice.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I had a dream last night that I died.
Hoop: That you died?
Tink: Yeah. But then I came back as a ghost and gave you cupcakes.
Hoop: Cupcakes.
Tink: Uh huh. To console you.
Hoop: Well that was nice.
Tink: Of course! I was a friendly ghost.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Shoes last me forever.
Tink: Me too. Do you know when I got these boots?
Hoop: Seventh grade.
Tink: *Blink* That's right!
...
Tink: Did I ever tell you about the time-
Hoop: -your friend took date rape drugs on purpose?
Tink: Uh, yeah.
...
Tink: You wouldn't happen to know when my period is going to start, would you?
Hoop: In about two to three days.
Tink: Damn... You're good.

Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Tumble
Twirl


Have a fantastic weekend!

Labels: ,

18 Comments:

At 09 February, 2007, Anonymous mamatulip said...

Good grief, I love when you post those ads. The pirate one is my fave this time around. ;)

I think I'm going to start referring to Hoop as Casper.

Have a great weekend, Tink!

 
At 09 February, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

A headline generator? Brilliant!!

Tarzan who is only 5'10"?? I don't think so dude.

Those personals slay me.

Have a great weekend.

 
At 09 February, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

Wow...Hoop is good! I guess you haven't been together long enough to just get the grunt that supposed to mean he's listening when he's really thinking about...oh anything else!

I can get away with telling my hubby I told him all sorts of things because of that!!!

 
At 09 February, 2007, Blogger Betty said...

Hoop is better than good. Are you sure he's human?

 
At 09 February, 2007, Anonymous Patsy said...

Hoop is either psychic or he knows you very, very well and he has an excellent memory. Those ads are funny!

 
At 09 February, 2007, Blogger meno said...

My husband keeps track of my periods too. I think he has a vested interest.

Love the ads. I wonder if any of them ever work.

 
At 09 February, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Wow, does Hoop read your mind or what?! Eeerie stuff! ;)

Those ads remind me why I'm off the market!

 
At 09 February, 2007, Blogger Tawcan said...

Wow Hoop is good. Like good good!

Do you really have boots from grade 7? If so wow!

 
At 09 February, 2007, Anonymous Michelle said...

GRADE SEVEN?

Zoinks.

 
At 09 February, 2007, Blogger Mignon said...

Cupcakes are so good. So good. Was it a wet dream?

 
At 10 February, 2007, Blogger mrspao said...

What sort of cupcakes were they? Hostess?

 
At 10 February, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

I gave that random blog title generator a whirl, since I'm guilty of being one of those pre-emptively apologetic shallow people for whom the author (Dimsum? Wingnut? Dingbat? Something like that.) wrote the thing. The first title that came up is "Demented Rants Of A Pissed off Code Monkey".

I'd be lying if I said that was anything less than dead bang center on the mark.

Like you and Hoop, it takes me a very long time to wear out a pair of shoes. A pair of sneakers that I wear every day typically lasts two or three years. Dress shoes would be immortal (since I go out of my way not to find myself in situations where I need to wear them) except that my feet have continued to grow as I age. My nose and ears, as well.

The physical attribute that's often linked to foot size has remained woefully constant, however.

Hoop's on to something, knowing your time of the month. If a guy could just have that all mapped out and plan to be out of town on business or a multi-day bike tour, that would be great. Unfortunately, the only way I know is when Turtle tells me, and by then it's too late for the information to do me much good.

[Disclaimer: Turtle's not a raging PMS'er at all, and the above statements have been issued for entertainment purposes only.]

[Disclaimer addendum: The above disclaimer has been issued upon fear of death or dismemberment.]

 
At 10 February, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

p.s. - But seriously. Turtle's not like that, and she's not looking over my shoulder just now.

WV: "qtfiled". Making a mental note of the pretty young waitress who's always so sweet to us when we go to that little Italian place.

 
At 10 February, 2007, Blogger EE said...

Those things from Folioweekly always crack my ass up. Funny stuff....

Esp the whole "would love to check you for scurvy....." Umm....okay....

LOL at you and Hoops' convo. :)

Have a great wkend Tink.

 
At 11 February, 2007, Blogger Arabella said...

Seems like everything's getting back to normal in the world of Tink. I'm so glad!

 
At 11 February, 2007, Blogger Peevish said...

Wow, that boy pays attention!!

 
At 12 February, 2007, Anonymous TB said...

I'm always trying to get Jeff to sniff my armpits. I think they smell really good. He's not buying it though.

 
At 22 February, 2007, Blogger Obsidian Kitten said...

omg, your conversations with Hoop are killing me.

i think i'm getting a coffeebleed out my nose.

 

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