Monday, April 24, 2006

Cover Your Virgin Ears

Do you know why I love cuss words? They're so damn versatile. There's not many words that can act as noun, expression, adjective AND verb. You can stick "Shit" anywhere and have it make perfect sense. "That shit was awful!" "Shit! We almost hit her car." "I hate her shitty driving." "You've got to be shitting me." The word "Fuck" is even more impressive. You can stick it in the MIDDLE of a word and it'll make sense. "Abso-fucking-lutely." Try that with some other verb. "Abso-jogging-lutely." Yeah... No.

I don't cuss when I'm not at home or out with friends and Hoop. Like kids who have indoor and outdoor voices, I have a PG and a R one. Hoop, on the other hand, needs constant reminding. He seldom thinks about who's in hearing range when he lets loose with a string of obscenities. Which embarrasses him and me to no end when the victims of his ear pollutants are kids. It's something he's working on. Hopefully he'll have it mastered before some angry parent throws a punch at him.

I think cussing is a kind of art too. Unless you're talking to your garden variety Rednecks. In which case cuss words fill up half of their four page dictionary. It takes a certain amount of flair to do it without sounding like an idiot. You can't use the same word too many times. You have to emphasize it at the right spot. And you have to be creative. It also helps if the word your using can't be taken literally. Otherwise you end up with this...

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Lee's parents are horrible pack rats. Their house is nothing but floor to ceiling shelves of collector dolls and figurines.
Hoop: Nash was worse. He had shit on the walls, shit on the shelves, shit overflowing out of his closet, shit on the dressers, and shit poking out from beneath his bed.
Tink: *Bursts into laughter* Ewwww.
Hoop: What?

Silent Hill: Hoop and I weren't impressed with the plot. But the imagery was brilliant and creepy. Which is kind of funny since the only part I actually jumped at was when one of the main characters tripped over a bucket. Everything in the movie, from the music to the outfits, reminded us of the video game. It was a little hard to get into the movie because of it. We came home itching to dust off the Playstation.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
*Bomb siren goes off in the movie*
Hoop: Level TWO.
*30 minutes later another bomb siren goes off*
Hoop: Level THREE.
Tink: Shhhh.
Hoop: But Babe, level three's demons are SO much harder! How are we going to survive?
Tink: You are such a Nerd.

More Search Terms:
(All the terms that people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. El bonero Shhh. That is my superhero name!
2. A picture of the inventor of nachos You're going to make a shrine to him aren't you?
3. Lifesize witches
As opposed to what? Miniature ones?


At 24 April, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Fan-fucking-tastic post. That's some good shit right there.

Just the other day my mother looked at me and said "I thought you were going to make it a whole post without using the 'F' word, but you found a way to use it at the very end".

Sometimes you have to just let one fly.

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Damnit, I love a good curse word and every possible, creative variation thereof. We're actually convinced that our daughter's first word will be some form of "fuck."

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Damnit, I love a good curse word and every possible, creative variation thereof. We're actually convinced that our daughter's first word will be some form of "fuck."

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

God I am the worst at what happens to fly out of my mouth. And my all time favorite is the F word. You know you use it a lot when for once YOU refrain from using it in predictament and your children finish your sentence for you using it. LOL

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger FA said...

I seem to be in good company. There's nothing better than letting loose with a string of curse words or even just the random one for emphasis.

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

I love when people get really creative with curse words, like, "Fuck me skipping through a poppy field."

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Abso-jogging-loutely. HYSTERICAL.

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger Rock said...

"Fuck that shit ho."

I've always said that "fucking" was the greated greatest adjective/adverb/modifier around. If it aint' fucking fantastic it ain't shit.

In my younger days I used it quite liberally. As you get older and have to communicate with staffs and customers you tend to ratchet down certain inflamatory items because you never know when one can come flying out. But I fucking totally agree with your premise on this one.

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Your post amused me, Tink. I am not a "cusser" at all. The worst I say is crap, but there are a few times with I have said something in frustration. I personally do not like the "F" word, but that's just me. I will not judge a person using it. :o)

I do laugh at the way some people cuss. I always laugh when I hear, "Hell, no!" It just sounds funny to me! I'd say it but my daddy may wash my mouth out with soap! Hehehe. (Hey, maybe that is way I do not curse, it's all that soap I tasted growing up. It was not allowed in my house. Hehehe)

I like your new Tinkerbell picture, but I miss your smiling face! :o)

At 24 April, 2006, Anonymous honestyrain said...

if i stopped saying fuck i'm not sure how else i would express my disasisfaction in a way that would be satisfying to me. i tried banging my head on a wall once. turn ed out not to be as rewarding as hoped.

At 24 April, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

I am the inventor of nachos. Not many people know that.

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Heh, you gave me a flashback to returning back to real life after Basic Training. It took a few months before I could have a PG conversation again...

At 24 April, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Never thought about the versatility thing. Just the utility.

My kids only have outdoor voices. I'm sure of it.

At 25 April, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I have tried to curb my potty mouth but get a little drinky in me and the f-bombs start droppin'. Me luvs some fuckin' cussin'.

At 25 April, 2006, Blogger wordgirl said...

I cuss more in person than I do on paper or in my blog. parents WILL find my blog.

At 25 April, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

That explains it. I've been trying to figure out what the Silent Hill thing was all about. The trailer scares the living shit out of me though. The little girl that speaks in the demon voice is fucking creepy.

At 25 April, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

I think we have our own version of rednecks here in Kent - Chavs!


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