Drunk Plumbing: The problem with wearing priceless family heirlooms is that people are always worried about losing or damaging them. Except for me. I wear a fourth generation diamond ring on my middle finger. MY worry is that someone is going to try and steal it off of me... In which case I'd swallow it. I have it all planned out. Of course my plan doesn't factor in choking, or if my assailant has a weapon on them. Then you have people like Hoop, who point out that I'd have to dig through my own shit should my plan actually work.
But loss or damage? It rarely crosses my mind. Me, the person who leaves her ring on the edges of sinks and in random decorative bowls around her house all the time. So you can only imagine the panic I was in when my priceless family ring was swallowed whole by the open drain in Hoop's Dad's house on Saturday night. Everything went slow motion as I chased the ring around the sink. Hoop called out, "Ohhhhhhh. Nooooooo." The ring went "PLINK" at the bottom of the drain and everything sped up again. I turned to Hoop with a quivering bottom lip. "It's gone!"
After consoling me for a moment, Hoop and his Dad leapt into action. It wasn't until Hoop's Dad unscrewed the "U" shaped pipe below the sink that we realized he might be a little bit drunk. Their reunions were known to be heavy on the wine. As he dumped the contents of the pipe into a plastic cup, I practically cried at the little gold circle that glittered from the bottom. "Let me clean it off for you," he said, pouring the water through his cupped hand... right into the sink. The sink without the "U" shaped pipe at the bottom. I don't know what was better, our gasps or his look of utter confusion as the water rushed across the floor.
Things That Make You Go, "WTF?":
1. Drink more milk, it'll make your boobs grow.
2. First thing this morning I had to cart in three huge boxes of shit so I could put my desk back together... Why are you laughing?
3. Make the dog stop winking at me!
4. I need a shower. I'm starting to make my own cheese.
Four Wheeler Hell: As some of you may know, I don't know how to drive manual. I don't know when to shift gears. I don't know what each gear is for. I don't even how many there are. So... What better way to learn than on a manual Four Wheeler at the edge of a mountain right? No better pressure than a dozen eyes of your Love's family watching you. Why don't you throw in the challenge of a race while you're at it? There were moments on that ride, no doubt while I was eating Hoop's dust, that I seriously wondered how long it would take all my bones to break on the way down. Fortunately the ride was short and I only came close to the edge once or twice.
So you're probably wondering... Did I finally learn how to drive manual? The answer is, NO. But I did learn how NOT to fall off a mountain. You don't go fast enough to get out of second gear.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
(After watching Matchstick Men)
Hoop: We could become Con Artists and make lots of dough.
Tink: But I can make money without being a Con Artist.
Hoop: FREE money?
Hoop: Pfft. How?
Tink: *Kisses Hoop passionately* Give me all your money.