Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Vacation Continued

Drunk Plumbing: The problem with wearing priceless family heirlooms is that people are always worried about losing or damaging them. Except for me. I wear a fourth generation diamond ring on my middle finger. MY worry is that someone is going to try and steal it off of me... In which case I'd swallow it. I have it all planned out. Of course my plan doesn't factor in choking, or if my assailant has a weapon on them. Then you have people like Hoop, who point out that I'd have to dig through my own shit should my plan actually work.

But loss or damage? It rarely crosses my mind. Me, the person who leaves her ring on the edges of sinks and in random decorative bowls around her house all the time. So you can only imagine the panic I was in when my priceless family ring was swallowed whole by the open drain in Hoop's Dad's house on Saturday night. Everything went slow motion as I chased the ring around the sink. Hoop called out, "Ohhhhhhh. Nooooooo." The ring went "PLINK" at the bottom of the drain and everything sped up again. I turned to Hoop with a quivering bottom lip. "It's gone!"

After consoling me for a moment, Hoop and his Dad leapt into action. It wasn't until Hoop's Dad unscrewed the "U" shaped pipe below the sink that we realized he might be a little bit drunk. Their reunions were known to be heavy on the wine. As he dumped the contents of the pipe into a plastic cup, I practically cried at the little gold circle that glittered from the bottom. "Let me clean it off for you," he said, pouring the water through his cupped hand... right into the sink. The sink without the "U" shaped pipe at the bottom. I don't know what was better, our gasps or his look of utter confusion as the water rushed across the floor.

Things That Make You Go, "WTF?":
1. Drink more milk, it'll make your boobs grow.
2. First thing this morning I had to cart in three huge boxes of shit so I could put my desk back together... Why are you laughing?
3. Make the dog stop winking at me!
4. I need a shower. I'm starting to make my own cheese.

Four Wheeler Hell: As some of you may know, I don't know how to drive manual. I don't know when to shift gears. I don't know what each gear is for. I don't even how many there are. So... What better way to learn than on a manual Four Wheeler at the edge of a mountain right? No better pressure than a dozen eyes of your Love's family watching you. Why don't you throw in the challenge of a race while you're at it? There were moments on that ride, no doubt while I was eating Hoop's dust, that I seriously wondered how long it would take all my bones to break on the way down. Fortunately the ride was short and I only came close to the edge once or twice.

So you're probably wondering... Did I finally learn how to drive manual? The answer is, NO. But I did learn how NOT to fall off a mountain. You don't go fast enough to get out of second gear.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(After watching
Matchstick Men)
Hoop: We could become Con Artists and make lots of dough.
Tink: But I can make money without being a Con Artist.
Hoop: FREE money?
Tink: Sure.
Hoop: Pfft. How?
Tink: *Kisses Hoop passionately* Give me all your money.
Hoop: OK.


At 19 April, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

I'm so glad you got the ring back!

They make this little jar of blue stuff that smells bad but cleans rings good. It has a little basket immersed in the blue liquid, and you drop your ring in there for a while and then scrub it with this teeny brush. Just don't spill it everywhere, because it smells bad and it stains, and that's what happened to me about two years ago, and that's why I haven't cleaned my ring since.

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

First, Arabella, WHAT IS IT??? I want that stuff now.

Okay, Tink. I really almost barfed. "I need a shower. I'm starting to make my own cheese." Ugh, even though I know exactly what you mean, the smell that I am imagining right now. Holy hell, that's some bad stuff.

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Arabella: I use windex and a toothbrush. LOL. What can I say? I'm ghetto.

Mignon: That was a Hoop quote. Then he dared me to lick him. Wow, I think that was TMI even for my blog.

At 19 April, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Oh man, I've had to take a drain apart before too, for an earring. You'd think I'd be a little more careful now, but not really.

And when I read about the cheese, is it gross that I got a little hungry?

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

ROFLMAO..."Then he dared me to lick him." Okay...that sounds like something Foo would say but never follow up on. But he'd still say it.

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Dude, I dropped my wedding ring down the drain. I know that sinking feeling all too well. I'm kind of LMAO at the drunken-water-all-over-the-floor aspect of your story, though.

And I'm so stealing this quote (except I'll change all of the "I's" to "you's"): I need a shower. I'm starting to make my own cheese. *yoink*

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

LOL about the drain story.

Ok...the cheese comment. Umm, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. LMAO!

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Drunk plumbing - excellent! Especially because you got the ring back... Free money - heh. Now Hoop just needs to be a con man, not you. ;)

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger FA said...

LOL --You gotta love some drunk plumbing. The 4 wheeler. Not a great place to learn to drive a manual. I had a manual cars for 16 years and still never got the hang of the 4 wheeler. There are too many extraneous things to think about. Will I hit that tree? Am I on 3 wheels? What's that burning flesh smell? Oh, it's just my calf.

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

You made me cry, Tink. At work! Tears of laughter at the drunk plumber, the winking dog, and the race. I am still laughing.

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Okay, you totally made me laugh out loud picturing you swallowing your ring so someone could not steal it! I had never thought about that one!

I enjoy reading your posts. I am going to go out and buy some more milk now! :o)

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

OMG! Hoop did NOT fall far from the tree.

Too much cheese, Tink. I got a visual that was really disgusting.

Gotta go drink some milk.

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger wordgirl said...

Glad you got your ring back. I'm living proof that milk doesn't make boobs grow...unless the books have milk inside them.

At 19 April, 2006, Blogger eric said...

that reminds me of the time i changed the oil in my wife's civic. i drained it all out, put a new filter on and started pouring the new oil in. but i hadn't plugged the hole at the bottom, so almost all of the new oil ended up on the driveway.

the funny part (to me) was that i was out there so long, people in the neighborhood thought i was doing serious mechanic work on it.

i had just finally undone my disaster when a manly guy stopped in his car and said, "sounds like you got 'er runnin' good."

i just nodded like i was some kind of pro. i wasn't drunk, though.


At 20 April, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I had to fish my truck key out of a sewer drain with a magnet and a piece of wire once. This was, of course, the key to my work truck. That I had to get back, or I would have to call my boss and explain to him what happened.

One other time I had my work cellphone in the back pocket of my jeans, and went to use the lady's room at one of my greenhouses. I didn't remove the phone from my pocket first, though, and it fell in the toliet as I was using it. No way was I fessing up to that one; I told my boss it fell in a puddle.

At 20 April, 2006, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

The drunk plumbing story may well be the funiest thing I've read this year! The sad thing is that my dad does things like this... and he never, NEVER drinks. Maybe fathers just shouldn't *plumb*


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