Thursday, April 13, 2006

Sloppy Jane

Last night Nash, Hoop and I went out for a couple of drinks. First, I got tipsy. Ok ok, I got toasted. Then we went home. After that Hoop ate a PB&J sandwich in bed. Then I got sick.

Tink: Oh my God, what are you eating?
Hoop: A PB&J sandwich.
Tink: In bed?
Hoop: Why not? Want a bite?
Tink: No! Ugh, it's making my stomach turn.
Hoop: Peanut Butter?
Tink: Yes.
Hoop: Peanut Butter is the All-American food!
Tink: I don't care. Can you please stop saying its name?
Hoop: I'm sorry. I'll just finish this sandwich real quick, OK?
Tink: I think I'm going to be sick.

I don't know which is more disconcerting, the fact that I didn't recognize anything I threw up or that I feel so absolutely horrible today. I feel like someone ran me over with their car, backed up, ran me over again, and then used me as a hood ornament.

That's "Ms. Erbell" if you're nasty: Nash's girlfriend just called me at work. "Is this Tink, Hoop's girlfriend?" She asked. Which I heard as, "Tink Hoopgurfend." "Um no," I answered politely, "This is Tink Erbell." Then she started laughing, which only confused me more. It's really not that hard to do in the state that I'm in. Or any state for that matter. Like Idaho. That state totally confuses me. Anyway... After she finished laughing she said, "No, no. I wasn't saying a last name. I was asking if this was Hoop's girlfriend." My next thought was, "If I say yes am I going to have to bail him out of jail or something?"

It's always odd when people you don't know very well call you on a number you never gave them. After I got over the feeling that I was being stalked, I tried to assess the situation for what it was. Another chance for eavesdropping coworkers to gain leverage on me. The bastards are always trying to get to know me better. The nerve. "What's wrong?" I asked Nash's girlfriend. "Nash didn't call me last night!" "Don't worry, he's OK. We were out drinking until late." Shit. Did I just say that? Now they know I drink! They're going to be gossiping about it over the coffee pot... Wait. You work at a beer distributor you dope.

"Oh, phew. That makes me feel a whole lot better." You would have thought that might be the end of our conversation. But no, Nash's girlfriend is sweet and talkative and only 20 years old. She could talk for fifteen minutes on eight different topics with only one breath. If I could bottle her energy and enthusiasm I'd be rich. At the end of our talk she piped in with, "So don't tell Hoop and Nash I called, K?"

Who says that to someone they don't really know? That's pretty presumptuous. She's requesting I not tell my one confidant, who hears about such trivial things as what color my snot was today. It's yellowish green if you're curious. The first time she said that to me it had been preceded with, "I think I'm pregnant with Nash's kid." I had known her all of two hours. She's not pregnant btw. I'm waiting for the "I just robbed a bank" call where she asks me to harbor a fugitive and not call the cops.

I don't need a cure for a hangover. I need a cure for people who want to pester me while I'm on one.


At 13 April, 2006, Blogger FA said...

Every once in a while, when I'm in your state, I like to "mistakenly" forward my phone to a co-worker's extension. It usually works, especially if they're not that bright.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

Okay Nash's girlfriend confused me and all I drank last night was diet coke...

Hope the day flies by for you since ya feel crappy :(

At 13 April, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

How can you NOT LIKE PEANUT BUTTER??? It is the food of the gods!


At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Ah, where to start.

I'm living in my own private Idaho (living in my own pri-vate I-da-ho...), but I reside in Texas. That, my dear, is why Idaho is confusing.

Gigglepuss seems to be wearing some sort of parfum that smells not a bit unlike the toilet bowl cleanser Mom used to use when I was a kid. Nothing whatsoever to do with your post; it's a bonus misfire.

Onward. I know what you mean about being weirded out when someone who seems to know you calls at your work number.

"Hi, this is Brent blahblahblah..."

"Brent, Brent. Whom do you represent?"

"Dallas Morning News blahblahblah."

"Brent, you realize this is a work number, right?"

"Uh... no. Say! Would you like to buy a business subscription?"

"No... Brent. No, I would not. What I would like is to know how you got this number so that I might, somehow, expedite the prominent display of someone's head. On a stick."

Or, as Jeff Dunham's sidekick, José would say, "On ay steeck."

Nashgurfend says, "So don't tell Hoop and Nash I called, K?" You blog the whole thing. Priceless.

See there? I've got a mean streak going today, and I'm not even hung over!

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

FA: With all the construction going on I just ignore the phone because either A. I can't hear it or B. They wont hear me if I answer. It seems to be passing the excuse detector. :)

Mary: Not ever quick enough girl.

Amanda: No, I love PB. Just evidently not when I'm drunk... and in bed.

Foo: I love your bonus misfires. "You blog the whole thing." Yeah, but I DIDNT tell Hoop or Nash. So technically it doesn't count. Right? :D

At 13 April, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Does Hoop read your blog? I don't know this about you.

Also, even hung down you are a funny, funny lady, Ms. Erbell. Don't forget to drink lots of water/Gatorade.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB: No, Hoop doesn't read the blog. Although if he discovered it I wouldn't be upset.

I've been drinking so much water I feel like my eyeballs are floating. Bleh.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Poor Ms. Erbell. LOL.

And I don't think anyone but Mr. Potatohead understands Idaho.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

If you work for a beer distributor, shouldn't you get special treatment or time off for a hangover?!

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

It's so weird you're blogging about PB. I got a hardcore craving for the stuff last night...I haven't eaten it in oh, maybe 6 years.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

That is just *weird* about Nash's girlfriend calling you at WORK. Hmmmm.

Poor you, I hate hangovers. And even worse I hate when I have to work w/ them...or be a mom w/, yeah that sucks too. LMAO

Hope you get to feeling better.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

Getting hungover mid-week then going to work the next day? Staying up late (3 a.m.) then getting up, working a full day, partying again the next night, staying up late (again), going to work the next day...why can't I do that any more? Those were the days.

Tink...tell Nash's gf that she better find someone else to confide in and get a clue. I don't think even I was THAT ditzy when I was her age.

BTW: Sounds like you've got a sinus infection going there. Get some drugs and drink plenty of water.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Melanie said...

Tink - wandered over from Jess. I love your profile pic. and if you're really that cute on a daily basis, I might have to find you and put a bag over your head.
Very cool blog btw.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Well arent you lucky to get such random phone calls at work? Hehe. Life is fun.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Hope you feel better soon!!! The older I get the more likely I am to develop a hangover even after a few drinks. The same night. Maybe I'm developing an alcohol allergy. Hmmm. That would stink.

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

I've had an occasional all-day hangover from just a couple drinks. Even when I was a total lush and drinking all the time. I sometimes wondered if I got a bad batch of beer/wine/grain alcohol... (no, not all mixed up - ooh, I might hurl just thinking about that)

At 14 April, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Geez! I hate hangovers like that! They really cramp my drinking style.

BTW the girlfriend is going to try and be your best friend. Just warning ya.

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