Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Poker Face

Hoop, Hoop's brother Nash, and I went out for coffee last night at our local dive. Hoop brought along homework. Yes, I know. He's my loser, and I love him. While he was plowing through some business literature, Nash was busy trying to show me how to play poker. He was trying to prepare me for Hoop and my trip to visit their family next weekend. Nash, by far, had the worst undertaking.

Texas Holdem, High Spade In Hole, Aces Up, High-Low, Aces Wild, Seven-Five-Two Card Draw, Five-Of-A-Kind, Doubles, Triples, Flush, Stud, Bluff, Hook, Fold, Raise, Bet, Bust, and Jackpot.

Are you impressed? Me too. Eventually I might even learn what those terms mean!

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I beat you? Yay, I beat you! Screw the poker face. I'm much better at gloating.
Nash: That's OK, I'll kill you later.
Tink: You're too late. Hoop has dibs on killing me later.
Nash: After he kills you, can I have your car?
Tink: Sure! Free stuff for everyone.
Hoop: What do I get?
Tink: You get the house and the dogs.
Hoop: YES!
Tink: But you have to keep the dogs in order to keep the house.
Hoop: Damn.
Tink: Sorry. It's the punishment for killing me.
Hoop: I understand.

Fun With Dick And Jane: A Cautionary Tale
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Last Saturday Dick and Jane went to a fair with Jane's family. While they were there, Dick was approached by his exwife's parents. "Sally is 10 months pregnant and ready to pop anyday," they told him. "Oh?!" Dick exclaimed. Jane stared at Dick and fumed. When the ex's parents left Jane turned to Dick, "Is it yours?" "Noooo," Dick answered. But he was quiet for an hour after.

When they got home Jane asked Dick again, "Are you sure it's not yours?!" "It's not mine," Dick said. Jane was skeptical. On Monday, Jane could think of nothing else. She was almost ill with worry. Four hours she spent on her computer, looking for a divorce certificate that would prove Dick was right. Jane found nothing, which only made her worry more.

When Jane got home she searched the house for the certificate. Jane didn't know whether to feel bad or justified for digging in Dick's things. Five minutes before Dick got home, Jane found what she was looking for. "Over a year ago," she cried out. "It isn't Dick's. It isn't! Thank God." Dick got home, oblivious to the trouble. "How was your day Jane?" He asked. "Absolutely wonderful Dick," Jane answered. Jane threw her arms around Dick and kissed his face. What would you have done in her place?

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: I love you.
Hoop: I love you more.
Tink: Yeah well, my love totally wipes out your love because it's so large and powerful it sucks up all the available love in the universe leaving nothing but a black hole. Therefore, I love you more.
Hoop: Would you really want that?!
Tink: No, not really.


At 11 April, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Why was Jane so scared?

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

Isn't poker fun?? I suck at poker face too, no worries.

I dunno about dick and jane. I'd probably done about the same thing...Tom never had a girlfriend before me, so it's hard to say though....plus I suck at advice. ;)

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger FA said...

I know I'm not Jane, or a Jane for that matter, but I think I would've just left it alone. I don't think the divorce certificate rules anything out. There's always the post divorce drunk late night chance meeting at the bar that ends with reliving old times or the I'll show her grude fuck. Not that I've done any of these things, I'm just sayin' they probably happen?

Hoop doing homework at the coffee shop? I'd say loser only if he was alone and reading a trashy romance novel...homework with card playing friends just says motivated to me. :)

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Now there's a title! Forget "Tink: Mistress of the Known Universe" or "Tink: She Who Must Be Obeyed".

Tink: Black Hole of Love.


At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Mamalujo1: Where have you been?! I've missed you!

Jane was scared because Dick might be having a baby by someone else. Not exactly a mood/relationship booster there.

Mary: Fun if I can figure the game out. I'm still stuck on how aces can be low and high cards. :)

Never had a girlfriend? Awww! That just doesn't happen anymore.

FA: Ahaha. You're AWFUL! Dick was the one who ordered the divorce. They'd only been married three months. So I doubt he wanted to rekindle that fire after it was put out.

Motivated he is... Although I'm not really sure how much actual work he got done. We kept dragging him into the game. So, maybe IM the loser then. :P

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Foo: Think I can put that on my business cards?

At 11 April, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

If Dick's ex was 10 months pregnant, I would have told the parents they were full of shit and to leave Dick and Jane alone. I would have told them that no matter how far along they said she was.
Then I probably would have done a little snooping too, if I'm being totally honest.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

All I can think of is, Why didn't they induce her yet?

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Actually, a woman is pregnant for a total of 10 months. The misconception is 9. I imagine she's ready to have it out of her though.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

And some of us were preggers for nearly eleven months...

I, personally, can totally get where Jane is coming from. Although, given the weirdness that is my life at the moment, maybe I'm just neurotic ;)

My personal preference is a maniacally grinning poker face. Really makes them wonder. Usually, they just wonder if I've had too much vodka, though...

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

"I love you more" wars.

I have them all the time.

Everything is taken care of over at Life's a Trip. Thanks for checking in!

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Damn, I want to meet someone I can have conversations with like your Hoop conversations...

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

I suck at any type of a poker face. Pple totally know when I'm lying, lol, I suck.

Well, only bc of where I've come from in the last year can I be truthful when I say Jane sucks. She should trust Dick. ;)

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

I just spent a good five minutes reading and re-reading He's my loser, and I love him. I kept reading 'lover'.

Um...if I were Jane I'd have taken his word for it but if it still bugged me I would have done some investigating of my own.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

I like you making him keep the dogs as a punishment for killing you - but do you realy want Jazzi going to your murderrer? Or are you counting on Jazzi to make him pay in particularly harsh ways?

And, Mary, I am in Tom's boat so MDW need never worry about one of those moments. See, Tink, we do exist - we are just endangered and need protection.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

If Dick's behaviour was suspicious I would have bugged and pestered him about it until he hated me and was forced to say mean things back at me. And THEN I would've snooped in his stuff and googled Dick and his ex and his ex's parents and anyone else associated with the whole mess. What? Something wrong with that?

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Pixie: We're all a little neurotic :). Maniacal grin huh? Kind of like playing Poker with the Joker.

Chris: You want Hoop? I'll loan him out to you for 2 weeks. Please? I want to clean the house without it being messy again in 8.5 seconds.

Hehe. I almost wrote sexonds.

EE: I suck at lying too. Although how do you know I'm telling the truth? I might be lying about being a bad liar. Hmmm?

BTW: I'll tell her you said so. ;)

Mama T: He's that too. He's my lover, best friend, roommate, and SLAVE. Muwahahaha. Ahem.

Odd Mix: I'm gluing a protection order to your forehead.

If by harsh you mean annoying him with her incessant whining for attention until he goes insane, then YES.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

I love you Mignon. Nuff said.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Ha! J and I also do the "I love you more" routine and try to get all creative with the back-and-forth. :)

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Hey, I've been here, quietly reading in the background! Try campaigning sometime; it's a bitch.

Re: Dick and Jane...I figured she was scared because of the baby thing. What I'm really interested in is the mood/relationship booster (NOT) thing. Now with the blessing of hindsight, has Jane really considered the "what if" of a different outcome? Is that too scary to consider? If so, why? Does Jane love Dick so much, (the guy, not the unit) as in so much that it sucks up all the available love in the universe, that a different result would not have changed those feelings?

Love DOES NOT mean never having to say you're sorry; "I'm sorry" had better be just about first and foremost in the vocabulary. Love means never having to say OH SHIT.

You sure you've missed me!?

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Mamalujo1: But you're assuming that Dick would still want to be with Jane if Sally were carrying his kid. Who's to say he wouldn't reunite with Sally out of obligation? Who's to say that baby wouldn't make him suddenly realize he made a mistake? "And baby makes three." There is no room for a fourth adult in that equation. X+Y=Z and Jane makes C. Bye bye Jane.

Anyway... Of course I missed you! How's the campaign going?

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

No doubt I would hope Dick feels an obligation, (in the deepest sense of the word) but if Dick loves Jane, that obligation would and should be only to his baby, not Sally. Jane is worrying about something over which she has no power, that being Dick's possible decision to return to Sally because of a baby. And that worry has at its foundation Jane's own apparent insecurity at how much Dick loves her. The question still centers on Jane: Why is she worried about Dick leaving for Sally? Worry and love are vicious competitors. Worry sucks everything into its black hole. Love is a supernova.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Oh yeah... campaigning sucks.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Find me love without worry.

Find a mother that doesn't fear harm to her child. Find a wife who's greatest fear isn't losing her husband, due to accident or change of heart. Find a child who isn't scared of rejection. Find a friend who isn't afraid of being left alone. You can disagree with the perception and I will listen with an open heart. But I've seen and felt how fear hides in love's shadow. It's there whether you like it being there or not.

I'm sorry campaigning sucks. It'll be SO worth it in the end though!

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

The greatest love comes with the greatest risk. Ask Jesus. Fear can be found in love's shadows, absolutely. Love is always ready to comfort the afraid. "Whether you likeit or not."

God, I love talking to you!

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Now on THAT we can agree!

I love talking with you too. Even if you are hardheaded. ;)

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Sorry, not done. Now you can't get me to shut up!

I hear you. I worry about something awful happening to those I love. I don't ever worry about them not loving me, though. I don't know Dick and Jane, but even so, I hope that their love for each other is unconditional, in that sense. They each deserve that kind of love. We all do.

Do you still love me?

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

LOL! Oh shut up.

I never said Jane feared Dick didn't love her. Haven't you ever done something against your own wishes out of love? Haven't you given up something you wanted to do the right thing? It IS about love, but it ISNT about Jane. Jane can't fight for this, rebel against it, or change it. In this situation, Jane doesn't matter.

Yeah, I still love you. *Grumble grumble*

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

BTW: I feel like Tarzan with all these "Jane" statements.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Shoot, the only cards I get to play is Old Maid, Go Fish, and War. War is stinking the longest game ever. I swear Brendan wants to play that one to delay into going to bed!

Love your conversations too (and thanks for the nice compliments on my blog. Sorry to make you cry! LOL!)

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

odd mix- I tried to tell Tom that's he's not the only, he was just smart for not wasting his time on anyone else, other than me :)

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger wordgirl said...

Everything I ever knew about poker (which wasn't much)I've forgotten.

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger Melissa said...

I would have done the same thing. I did my fair share of snooping when my DH's past didn't include me.

BTW, I just noticed in your profile that one of your favorite books is The Giver. I ADORE that book. I always wanted to teach it, but couldn't get my hands on thirty copies. LOL

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger Emily said...

Hmm...I have been in Jane's shoes before, so I understand completely. I don't think she did anything bad or wrong...its an instinct to try to protect ourselves, and our hearts are delicate items...
Its not a sign or symptom of a troubled relationship because Jane would never worry if she didn't love Dick dearly.
;) Rock on

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Tink: You would put "Black Hole Of Love" on your business card. Seriously?

<*koff*> What sort of business are you in?

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

If I were Dick, I would except Jane to do just what she did. If I were Jane I would do the same thing. Jane has to protect herself, we all do. I guess it would bug me a little that she went through my stuff. But if I had something to hide it would be hidden really well.

Is keeping the dogs really that MUCH of a punishment? I mean, he did kill you, you know? Seems like he should suffer a bit more than that.

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

WOW! 37 comments! That's pretty impressive!

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Chelle: Smart kid! I used to get my Dad on that game all the time. There is no quick War. LOL That's kind of profound sounding, huh?

Melissa: What grade do you teach? You can buy 30 copies of The Giver on Amazon:


But it's kind of pricy ($175.50). I hear Barnes and Nobles gives discounts to teachers.

Emily: "Jane would never worry if she didn't love Dick dearly." Well said. :)

Foo: LMAO. Well maybe "Calling Cards." Although I don't think Hoop would like that. And you'd have to wonder about people calling for the "Black Hole Of Love." It sounds like a cheap porn title.

BTW: I'm totally setting myself up for some interesting search term results for this month.

Jay: I think you should come up with Hoop's punishment for killing me OK? I'm not that good at torture methods.

"WOW! 37 comments! That's pretty impressive!" Yeah, but I'm 10 of those! :)

At 12 April, 2006, Blogger Melissa said...

I used to teach sixth grade, back before babies. And, I couldn't buy 30 copies, being a poor teacher and all. LOL I'll have to teach it, though, if I teach that level when I go back to work. :)

At 13 April, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

Speechless. You've left me speechless.


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