Hoop, Hoop's brother Nash, and I went out for coffee last night at our local dive. Hoop brought along homework. Yes, I know. He's my loser, and I love him. While he was plowing through some business literature, Nash was busy trying to show me how to play poker. He was trying to prepare me for Hoop and my trip to visit their family next weekend. Nash, by far, had the worst undertaking.
Texas Holdem, High Spade In Hole, Aces Up, High-Low, Aces Wild, Seven-Five-Two Card Draw, Five-Of-A-Kind, Doubles, Triples, Flush, Stud, Bluff, Hook, Fold, Raise, Bet, Bust, and Jackpot.
Are you impressed? Me too. Eventually I might even learn what those terms mean!
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I beat you? Yay, I beat you! Screw the poker face. I'm much better at gloating.
Nash: That's OK, I'll kill you later.
Tink: You're too late. Hoop has dibs on killing me later.
Nash: After he kills you, can I have your car?
Tink: Sure! Free stuff for everyone.
Hoop: What do I get?
Tink: You get the house and the dogs.
Tink: But you have to keep the dogs in order to keep the house.
Tink: Sorry. It's the punishment for killing me.
Hoop: I understand.
Fun With Dick And Jane: A Cautionary Tale
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent)
Last Saturday Dick and Jane went to a fair with Jane's family. While they were there, Dick was approached by his exwife's parents. "Sally is 10 months pregnant and ready to pop anyday," they told him. "Oh?!" Dick exclaimed. Jane stared at Dick and fumed. When the ex's parents left Jane turned to Dick, "Is it yours?" "Noooo," Dick answered. But he was quiet for an hour after.
When they got home Jane asked Dick again, "Are you sure it's not yours?!" "It's not mine," Dick said. Jane was skeptical. On Monday, Jane could think of nothing else. She was almost ill with worry. Four hours she spent on her computer, looking for a divorce certificate that would prove Dick was right. Jane found nothing, which only made her worry more.
When Jane got home she searched the house for the certificate. Jane didn't know whether to feel bad or justified for digging in Dick's things. Five minutes before Dick got home, Jane found what she was looking for. "Over a year ago," she cried out. "It isn't Dick's. It isn't! Thank God." Dick got home, oblivious to the trouble. "How was your day Jane?" He asked. "Absolutely wonderful Dick," Jane answered. Jane threw her arms around Dick and kissed his face. What would you have done in her place?
Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: I love you.
Hoop: I love you more.
Tink: Yeah well, my love totally wipes out your love because it's so large and powerful it sucks up all the available love in the universe leaving nothing but a black hole. Therefore, I love you more.
Hoop: Would you really want that?!
Tink: No, not really.