Interview With A Vampire Satire

Questions from the wonderful and talented Mamalujo:

1. If you could meet some famous historical person (now dead), who would it be?

There are so many to choose from! That's like asking me which books I'd like to read before I die. My list of dead people to commune with would be: Da Vinci, Roald Dahl, Amelia Earhart, Douglas Adams, Anne Frank, Hans Christian Andersen... Wow, most of these are authors. Of course there's the generic answers like Napoleon, Cleopatra, Abraham Lincoln, Joan Of Arc, and Jesus. I don't think there's a dead person I wouldn't like to meet. Save for Hitler and such. Let's not resurrect murders thankyouverymuch.

2. What's the longest you've ever gone without taking a dump?

Seven days. I was vacationing in New York at the time. I have a problem with pooping on holiday. Apparently my body doesn't think it's necessary. After the sixth day I stopped eating, too afraid my body would explode with the pressure. Can you imagine? You're waiting in the subway, minding your own business, when suddenly the woman standing next to you combusts and showers you in shit. Lovely.

3. Have you quit smoking?

Sure! Twice. Am I smoking now? Unfortunately, yes. That is, until I can figure out a way to stop and NOT be tempted to kill everyone who looks, talks, or breathes at me. Hoop's Mom, a psychiatrist, keeps offering to hypnotise us. But I'm too afraid I'll walk out of her office clucking like a chicken or throw myself in front of a bus at the first unhealthy thought I have towards her son. They say you can kill one addiction with another. So far I'm just racking them up: coffee, books, movies, vibrators. I'm still working on it.

4. Do you go to church?

The last time I went to church was... eleven years ago. Unless you count the two minute wedding ceremony I attended back in 2002. But we were all counting the seconds until we could get drunk, so it wasn't exactly "holy." I tried being religious once. I wanted to believe in angels and heaven. Besides the whole Eve scam, I thought all the stories in the bible were pretty cool. And then that youth minister had to go and ruin it by telling me there were no such thing as dinosaurs. "How do you explain the gigantic bones?!" My thirteen year old self had asked. "Man created them," he explained. Then he asked me not to raise my hand again.

5. What do you consider to be your "signature" dish?

Hmm. I'm partial to my Marsala porkchops. Hoop likes my family recipe for chicken salad. I have a friend who raves about my spaghetti sauce. But desserts are my favorite thing to make. Cake cookies. Mini-cheesecakes. Mint chocolate chip cookies. Canollis. Man, I'm making MYSELF hungry!

Want to play? Leave a comment saying, "Interview me." I'll respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions to be a little more intimate! Then you will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.

Be afraid. ;)

Courtesy of Odd Mix:


Busy


Content


(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Barge At Sunset


Dockyard


"Strike A Pose!"


Pretend Video Gaming

That's the new TV that Nash is "playing" on.

Borrowing A Beat


Private Drive


Find a few more pictures HERE.