Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Rinse and Repeat

One of these days I'll write a post with some SUBSTANCE.

Not today though.

Maybe tomorrow.

Around The Water Cooler:
Sales Rep: Good-bye! It was nice working with you.
Tink: Good-bye?
Sales Rep: I put in my notice today.
Tink: Where are you going?
Sales Rep: Arizona.
Tink: Did you find a good job there?
Sales Rep: Nope. I think I'll wait a few months.
Tink: How do you plan on LIVING while you're there?
Sales Rep: Remember my wife?
Tink: The woman who put a restraining order on you. How could I forget?
Sales Rep: She moved there last week.
Tink: Weren't you in the process of divorcing her?
Sales Rep: I think everything will be a lot better now that her kids are gone.
Tink: Where'd they go?
Sales Rep: She gave custody to their father and hauled ass out of town.
Tink: Sounds like a lovely woman.
Sales Rep: Now she has a cushy job as a nurse in Arizona. She said she'll pay for everything if I decide to move there with her.
Tink: And you believed her?
Sales Rep: I know. I'm a fool for love.
Tink: A fool for something.
Sales Rep: By the way, you wouldn't happen to be heading down town for lunch would you?
Tink: What happened to your car?
Sales Rep: I woke up this morning and the Saturn was gone. Repossessed. Apparently, the wife forgot to make payments on it.
Tink: What happened to your Mustang?
Sales Rep: She has it.
Tink: You never got it back?!
Sales Rep: No, but she says she'll give me the keys once I'm in Arizona.
Tink: *Open mouth stare*
Sales Rep: What?
Tink: Get out of my office-
Sales Rep: That bad?
Tink: -NOW.

Spam Subjects:
(In the order I received them)
Get a huge COCK But how would I fit in my pants?
Dude, what if your wife finds this?
I have a wife? Sweet! Make me pancakes, wench.
Dude you're gonna get caught, lol. Not if I kill you before you tell, lol.
Where did you hook up with that? Walmart. Their merchandise isn't the only thing that's cheap.
OMG, what are you thinking I'm thinking... What if I stopped shaving my toes?
So what you say Twprigge How did you know my elven name?

Around The Water Cooler 2:
Tink: Didn't you used to smoke?
Coworker: Yeah. I quit about two years ago.
Tink: What did you use to quit?
Coworker: Use?
Tink: Yeah. Like, gum, the patch, meds...
Coworker: I didn't use anything. I just stayed busy.
Tink: That's all?
Coworker: Mostly I just masturbated.
Tink: No wonder you're so happy!
Coworker: That's the trick. You need to find something to do when you get a craving that will make you forget about smoking all together. Something fun.
Tink: Like drinking?
Coworker: ...or sucking on a mint!

Btw: Despite the fact that I haven't responded to many of your comments lately, I DO read them and enjoy them immensely. It's what gets me through my days. So, thank you! Because of you, I haven't been carted off to the nut house yet.

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24 Comments:

At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

The only way that works out for you co-worker is if, after he gets to Arizona and gets his car back and gets settled he dumps the woman. Otherwise he's in for a really bad time. Oh hell, he's probably in for a bad time anyway. He'll probably end up sleeping at the bus station when he gets there cause she will have changed her mind.

They can't cart you off to the nut house cause they don't have internet there! Otherwise you would have GREAT blog fodder.

 
At 28 August, 2007, Anonymous TB said...

Is "sucking on a mint" some new euphamism for masturbation? Like "waxing the carrot" or "polishing the knob"?

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

Ok, hands up who things that the sales rep's move to Arizona isn't the brightest move he could make.

I'm glad you like comments Tink. I like 'em too.

 
At 28 August, 2007, Anonymous Michelle said...

Yup. Masturbation would do it.

Or flavoured toothpicks.

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

I am currently figuring out how I could masturbate at work everytime I wanted a smoke...

my cubicle IS pretty hidden...

Let the numbnut move here...he'll melt in 30 seconds. Darwin wins!

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Jay: My thoughts exactly. That guy is going to get down there, broke, jobless, and carless and she's going to leave his ass stranded. Personally, I think he deserves it for being so damn stupid.

TB: In this case I think "sucking on a mint" was meant in a non-dirty way. As if that activity were really all that fun. Pfft. My favorite masterbation term is "double clicking the mouse."

Peggy: You like my comments or your own? ;)

Michelle: Where do you find those?

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Scottsdale Girl: There's always the bathroom. Not that I've used mine for such a purpose. *Cough* Anyway...

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Tink, you're so funny (and adorable too)!

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger geenalyn said...

your co-worker's wife is a real peach...dumping her kids, moving across the country and totally going to screw him over and he's too stupid to see it coming.

as for sucking a mint...honest to god the first image that popped into my head was of oral sex. You see if you suck on a mint prior it can really increase the sensations....so i've heard *blushing*

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Moi said...

I learn so many things when I visit here.

I was just in your small drinking village. It was excellent.

I like the non-substance posts. Then I can just read and giggle. It requires very little of me. 8^)

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Starchy said...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha Dude, you slay me!

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Mamalujo said...

Try writing a post while ON some substance, if you find yourself unable to write one WITH substance.

Now I know why I never picked up smoking during my adolescence.

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

Spam subject: Where did you hook up with that?

I just got that one too! The subject lines these folks come up with crack me up.

Hang in there Tink!

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Pamer said...

i quit masturbating but found myself smoking more and more and more.....faster and faster...

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Kell said...

That poor, deluded guy. He should get the mustang and get the hell out of dodge.

 
At 28 August, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

You win. Your coworkers have edged mine out in scariness.

 
At 29 August, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

I hope the strangeness at your water cooler isn't catching...or worse yet in the water. Oh no, what if it's too late?

 
At 29 August, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

That's the way to quit, Tink! Take up masturbating, full-time!

 
At 29 August, 2007, Blogger coffespaz said...

There are times that I read your posts and just have to laugh. Can't really say much, but just laugh.

PS I heard you can go blind if you choose one of those options to replace smoking. I'll let you figure out which one! Ha!

 
At 29 August, 2007, Blogger Edge said...

Coworker #2 ... male or female? Why am I so obsessed with sex? Maybe I should take up smoking.

Coworker #1, will end up on an episode of COPS - Maricopa County, AZ.

~Jef

 
At 29 August, 2007, Blogger captain corky said...

Tink, thank god you didn't write a post with substance today! Since I don't have any substance and never have, this is one of my favorite places to visit. That and you're really funny.

Now I'll get out of your office. ;)

 
At 29 August, 2007, Anonymous wordgirl said...

If I worked where you worked, I would never be bored. Incredulous, maybe. But never bored.

 
At 29 August, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

I wish I had co-workers that interesting. Mine just talk about golf and who they brown nosed lately. An entire building full of kiss ass suck ups. Grrrrr.

 
At 29 August, 2007, Blogger furiousBall said...

In my current heart broken state, the spam subject lines are even worse than turning on the radio and finding only shitty Air Supply songs about lost love..."Couldn't Satisfy Her?", "Don't You Want to Be THE b!g man in the club?"

 

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