Rinse and Repeat
One of these days I'll write a post with some SUBSTANCE.
Not today though.
Around The Water Cooler:
Sales Rep: Good-bye! It was nice working with you.
Sales Rep: I put in my notice today.
Tink: Where are you going?
Sales Rep: Arizona.
Tink: Did you find a good job there?
Sales Rep: Nope. I think I'll wait a few months.
Tink: How do you plan on LIVING while you're there?
Sales Rep: Remember my wife?
Tink: The woman who put a restraining order on you. How could I forget?
Sales Rep: She moved there last week.
Tink: Weren't you in the process of divorcing her?
Sales Rep: I think everything will be a lot better now that her kids are gone.
Tink: Where'd they go?
Sales Rep: She gave custody to their father and hauled ass out of town.
Tink: Sounds like a lovely woman.
Sales Rep: Now she has a cushy job as a nurse in Arizona. She said she'll pay for everything if I decide to move there with her.
Tink: And you believed her?
Sales Rep: I know. I'm a fool for love.
Tink: A fool for something.
Sales Rep: By the way, you wouldn't happen to be heading down town for lunch would you?
Tink: What happened to your car?
Sales Rep: I woke up this morning and the Saturn was gone. Repossessed. Apparently, the wife forgot to make payments on it.
Tink: What happened to your Mustang?
Sales Rep: She has it.
Tink: You never got it back?!
Sales Rep: No, but she says she'll give me the keys once I'm in Arizona.
Tink: *Open mouth stare*
Sales Rep: What?
Tink: Get out of my office-
Sales Rep: That bad?
(In the order I received them)
Get a huge COCK But how would I fit in my pants?
Dude, what if your wife finds this? I have a wife? Sweet! Make me pancakes, wench.
Dude you're gonna get caught, lol. Not if I kill you before you tell, lol.
Where did you hook up with that? Walmart. Their merchandise isn't the only thing that's cheap.
OMG, what are you thinking I'm thinking... What if I stopped shaving my toes?
So what you say Twprigge How did you know my elven name?
Around The Water Cooler 2:
Tink: Didn't you used to smoke?
Coworker: Yeah. I quit about two years ago.
Tink: What did you use to quit?
Tink: Yeah. Like, gum, the patch, meds...
Coworker: I didn't use anything. I just stayed busy.
Tink: That's all?
Coworker: Mostly I just masturbated.
Tink: No wonder you're so happy!
Coworker: That's the trick. You need to find something to do when you get a craving that will make you forget about smoking all together. Something fun.
Tink: Like drinking?
Coworker: ...or sucking on a mint!
Btw: Despite the fact that I haven't responded to many of your comments lately, I DO read them and enjoy them immensely. It's what gets me through my days. So, thank you! Because of you, I haven't been carted off to the nut house yet.