Why Not To Buy A House
The house was completely quiet as I exited the bathroom last night.
It was in that stillness that I noticed a very faint noise.
It sounded like... rice crispies.
"What the hell?" I thought. "Maybe I'm just hungry." But it bothered me. So I stood still for a moment trying to figure out where it was coming from. Leaning into the open door, I followed the sound to the door frame. It was definitely coming from there. So I leaned toward the other side. Nothing. Back to the right. There it was again.
"Hoop!" I yelled. "The door frame is making noises!" He came and pressed his ear to the door as I'd instructed. "How did you hear that?!" "I don't know. Doesn't it sound like rice crispies?" "Yeah. Weird." Then he started pressing on the wood. It gave under his fingers like a sponge. "Oh no!" I moaned as he ripped a chunk of it from the wall.
I could actually HEAR the termites munching on our house.
If that doesn't gross you the fuck out, I don't know what will.
Tink Quote Of The Day:
My gynecologist told me I have perfect breasts. Isn't that nice?
Not Far From The Tree:
Papa Bear: Do you remember how your Mom said she used to get back at her brothers for picking on her?
Tink: Yeah. She ratted on them for things they didn't do.
Papa Bear: Well, Lil Bit has started doing that to Big Bit and me.
Tink: What, ratting on you?
Papa Bear: Yeah! It's really starting to piss me off.
Tink: Ok. You do realize you're the PARENT, right?
P.S. Thank you all for the moral support in my job search! I haven't quit my job yet. I'm just searching at the moment. Unfortunately, like the housing market, the job market has fallen flat on its face around here. I have impeccable timing. With my luck, I'll buy stocks the same day the market crashes too.