Friday, June 06, 2008

Miss Ya, May

May Hit Statistics:
1. The top referrers were Five Star Friday and Alien.
2. The most used search term was, "i hate elves."
3. The most mature search term was, "talking pussy."
4. The most bizarre search term was, "spiky piss stuffer."
5. My favorite search term was "20 reason to yell oh crud."
6. The highest hit post (210) was on May 6th, the 34th edition of the
WWC, with a theme of three and fire.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. I went to a male burlesque once...
2. ...and then begged the strippers NOT to touch me.
3. There was something gross about those over-muscular, oily men with their long girlish hair.
4. I watched my friend and her Mom get a lap dance, and then I scooted into the corner of our L-shaped booth so the strippers couldn't "get" me.
5. I don't know what I'd expected. But whatever it had been, it wasn't watching a bunch of knock-off Fabios kissing ladies (ON THE MOUTH!) while they shoved crumpled bills into their banana hammocks.
6. It's a miracle I don't need therapy.
7. Maybe I DO need therapy!
8. I've decided to name my new car Squirrel Killer.
9. I actually had a squirrel run into the side of my car yesterday. It was fine. It just rolled off and then ran away. But still! That's two squirrels in less than a month.
10. I think having a car this quiet is actually a liability.
11. Today it's squirrels. Tomorrow it'll be stupid people on bicycles.
12. I don't like mac-n-cheese, breakfast, pumpkin pie, boiled peanuts, Ramen noodles, or sweet potatoes.
13. Hoop says this makes me un-American.
14. I have a horrible sense of geography.
15. In order to understand where places are in the world, Hoop has to relate everything to me in the form of a game.
16. Usually Risk. As in, "Do you remember where I destroyed your army last time?"
17. Surprisingly, I have a pretty up-to-date knowledge of what's going on in the world though.
18. You can thank CNN for that, and for depressing the hell outta me each and every morning.
19. Ever since Hoop started buying old Garbage Pail Kids cards, I can't stop thinking up parodies.
20. Like Turdies (Furbies), My Lil Homeys (My Little Ponies) -or My Lil Stonies! See? That one just came to me.- and Wedgie Tales (Veggie Tales).
21. I hate science fiction novels that use "old speak".
22. There is nothing more annoying that having to weed through a dozen "my lady(s)", "my sweet(s)", "doth(s)", "fare thee(s)" and "shall we(s)" just to get to the heart of another crappy story about elves and dwarfs.
23. Also, while I'm ranting, you can only describe someone as having cool brown eyes and as being "of average height" so many times before I want to scream.
24. In the last year and a half I've bought two books from aspiring science fiction writers that have both fallen into that same awful trap.
25. The first book spent an entire page describing a table!
26. They say patience can be acquired...
27. ...I think in actuality, you just go numb.
28. I used to think that I'd rather go deaf than blind...
29. ...But then I bought an IPod.
30. My Mom and I agree that Gmail is more professional than Yahoo...
31. ...and that Hotmail is like the slutty third sister.
*32. It's been hard to concentrate today. I finally mapped out the dates for the 3rd Annual PB Summer Extravaganza and I can't wait to get started.
*33. As some of you might remember from last year, the Summer Extravaganza consists of a contest (with prizes!), a Header Showdown (poll), the anniversary of Hoop finding out about this blog, the celebration of the halfway point of the year, and Arabella day.
*34. October may be my favorite month. But July is my favorite month for blogging. It's going to be better than ever this year Homebloys.

Have a great weekend!



At 06 June, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

"There was something gross about those over-muscular, oily men with their long... "


"girlish hair"

Oh .. didn't see that one coming. ;-)

You don't like mac&cheese? I've never met anyone who didn't like mac&cheese. You are very ... um ... unique. Yeah, we'll go with "unique."

You can practice your world geography here:

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger the planet of janet said...

i didn't think ANYONE didn't like mac and cheese. i like the real stuff but that kraft blue box? *shudder*

and yay for summer extravaganzas!!!!!

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

when I first met my husband, he didn't know that you could make mac n cheese homemade from scratch. neither did anyone in his family. when i made all of them a four cheese mac n cheese i won all their hearts at once. boxed stuff is a sin.

doest thou wish for less oily men and more manly hair?

you crack me up girl.

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger LL said...

Niiiiice Maggie...

I too will wager that she's never had homemade mac & cheese.

Now the boiled peanuts... that I can agree with.

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger gr said...

the foods you don't like? My man Hoop is right: you ARE un-American

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

Talking pussy? That is awesome. *snort*

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

Milady, Sweet Potatoes doth make me want to ralph.
I have to google map EVERYTHING. I think I might need to get a really cool compass ring just in case I find myself in a field somewhere someday.

At 06 June, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have squirrel phermones on your car. And I married the slutty third sister. I really did. And I'm very happy about that. She was born in Texas and raised in Georgia. Do you know where Georgia is. That's where deliverance took place I think. According to Girl From Florida you get mushroom tapped at those places.


At 06 June, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

I don't think I've ever been to a male strip show. Strangely, after reading this post, I have no desire to ever do so. Huh.

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger Sassy Mama Bear said...

Maybe squirrel magnet, instead of killer?
You don't like Mac n' Cheese? This could be an issue when/if you have kids is about all you can ever afford.
Nice to know another couple that plays Risk, if only you were closer.

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger Eric Shonkwiler said...

To 13: I agree with Hoop.

To 21: Isn't that technically fantasy? Or are these space elves?

My Indie hat is up.

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

I love the end of the month posts. I don't know how you come up with more each time.

Tinkapalooza!!! Woohoo!!!

PS - my husband doesn't like mac & cheese either.

At 06 June, 2008, Anonymous emily said...

10. I think having a car this quiet is actually a liability.

--I drive a Prius, and actually have fun sneaking up on people in the Publix parking lot :) - is that mean? It's better than squirrel hunting, right?

At 06 June, 2008, Blogger Jen said...

I'm totally straight, but lemme just say that I'd rather see the girlies pole dancing than the mens-folk. Nothing sensual about a peterthang being thrust in your face over and over and over. Or being kissed by strange and weird Fabio look alikes. . . Ew. Just ew.

I have to say that I'm a lover - not a hater - of mac 'n cheese. Don't hate the play-ya; hate the game. I also love sweet potatoes and can eat them without anything on them. Pumpkin pie also rawks my world around the holidays.

I so thought that we be soul sisters. . . .

At 07 June, 2008, Blogger Reb said...

Mac & cheese, home made from scratch, throw some cooked bacon in and you have a whole meal! Mmmm. Pumpkin pie, made with fresh pumpkin (not the canned crap) is easier to eat, but still never my first choice. WTF? Boiled Peanuts? I think that must only be in the states, it hasn't made it's way north of the border, TG! Sweet potatoes, no matter how you dress them up are revolting!

#25 one page describing a table is no where near as bad as Steven King taking three pages in Cujo, to describe the woman trapped in the car trying to pee into a bottle. That was the only King I ever read, don't care to try to wade through anymore. Like the few movies of his stuff that I have seen though.

At 07 June, 2008, Blogger Peggy said...

To fix #14 you must No. 1 get a passport and 2. come to visit ME! Once you've actually been to a place, you will always be able to find it on a map of the world.

At 07 June, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

My Little Homies - snort!

At 07 June, 2008, Blogger Sparkling Red said...

My aunt once went to see male strippers, and she was totally traumatized when one of them tried to tea-bag her. After her story, and yours, I don't think I'll be trying that particular adventure.

And mouth kissing? Don't they know how easy it is to catch serious diseases that way? Yech.

At 07 June, 2008, Blogger Newt said...

The Ipod has managed to make cleaning an enjoyable task. I wonder if we could just get Ipod implants. I could handle a usb port behind my ear if it meant I could take my own personal soundtrack everywhere. Just think, you dont' have to worry about droppin it, getting it wet, leaving it behind. Just plug in to update your library. Hmmmmmm

At 07 June, 2008, Blogger Mignon said...

No bacon or breakfast links? French toast?? Not un-American. Just inhuman.

At 08 June, 2008, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I have a friend who gives out his email address at hotmail by saying, "it's johnsmith @ not hotm-a-l-e, like you would think."

At 09 June, 2008, Blogger Jo said...

At least you're in the car when the squirrels attack?

Just the smell of boiled peanuts makes me woozy. I don't eat breakfast, I think my stomach doesn't wake up until about 3 hrs after I do.

Ewwwie, I'm right with you on the male strippers! I was traumatized when one showed up for my bachelorette party. He was wearing a g-string & thought it would be sexy to bend over in front of looked like there was a monkey in his underpants :O

At 09 June, 2008, Blogger Farmer*swife said...

I know, male strippers? No offense, Guys, but you look better shirtless but in your shorts. No tightie whities....keep the package, um, sealed. LOL!!

And, girlie hair???

I did get a deck of cards with hot guys (shirtless, but jeans and stuff) but they were also showing their appendage at full mast.

It's been ten years and I still have that deck of cards ;-D

No ramen noodles? We make "shells and cheese" around here. Like Velveta Shells and Cheese but not from a box; everything tastes better from scratch!

Happy Monday! [I can't wait to check out your PB games!!]

At 09 June, 2008, Blogger Ben O. said...

Why July?

Just curious.

Ben O.

At 10 June, 2008, Blogger Janet said...

Ramen noodles doesn't fit into americana...and I think boiled peanuts is purely a southern thing...sweet potatoes, too. But mac & cheese, breakfast & pumpkin pie! Hoooeeee!!!

#18 begs the question...why do you watch? I've given up all's all sensationalized for ratings, even CNN now. Sad, really.

I doth bid thee farewell, milady ;-)

At 11 June, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Five Star Friday shout out!


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