Good-Bye November

I haven't done one of these since Chris died.

It just felt like the right time.

November Hit Statistics:
1. The top referrers were Mama Tulip and Knight.
2. The most used search term was, "Carmeltoe."
3. The most mature search term was, "transvistite vajina photo." Vajina!
4. The stupidest search term was, "What does two-for-one special mean?"
5. My favorite search term was "shrinking brother."
6. These search terms are just disturbing: "what would the really scary elf look like" and "metal monsters carrying off garden gnome".
7. The highest hit post (267) was on November 25th, the day after I posted Bachelorette Party/Wedding updates.

30 Quirks For 30 Days:
1. I fall in love with things that inevitably get discontinued.
2. Which is why I usually don't confess to loving new things.
3. List of discontinued loves- "Firefly" (TV show), "Dead Like Me" (TV show), Total's Vanilla Almond cereal, Orbitz (that weird 90's drink with balls in it), Dunk-a-roos, "Pushing Daisies" (TV show), B&BW's Sunflower lotion, Wendy's Fish Sandwich, Wendy's pitas, toys made out of metal, stirrup pants.
4. OK, I was just kidding about the pants. But still.
5. I yawn every time I pass a cop on the road...
6. ...a result of my brain kicking on "look busy" mode, I think.
7. Some days I wake up and want everything to be suddenly different.
8. Like I'll have the urge to get high, or learn how to play the piano, or chop off all my hair and dye it red.
9. Sometimes it's more spectacular, like standing on my desk and screaming or breaking out in a badass dance routine.
10. Some days I'll look at my lunch (it's soup, it's always soup) and say aloud, "What the fuck am I eating old people food for?"
11. I hate being responsible.
12. But I'm just so damn good at it.
13. The smell of almond extract turns me on.
14. If you say, "This statement is a lie," and it is, isn't that the truth?
15. When I was fifteen, I started writing a memoir.
16. Just saying that sentence cracks me up.
17. How come fictional characters are almost never as pathetic as real ones?
18. I used to have a favorite color; but I don't anymore.
19. But, I would like to know who made me start liking pink against my will.
20. I come up with all kinds of unique diets in my daydreams.
21. There's one where you eat with nothing but chopsticks.
22. In another, you have to perform a trick for all your meals, like a dog.
23. Sometimes I think I've developed Adult ADD; possibly out of boredom.
24. Why don't they make a camera that takes pictures of things exactly how we see them?
25. I love pocket-sized toiletries.
26. Crap! I said I loved something again.
27. I can't delete it because then the Cosmos will think I'm trying to hide it.
28. Maybe I can counter it by saying I love something I really don't?
29. I love Macaroni-and-Cheese.
30. I love Ryan Seacrest.
*31. I love wedgies.
*32. The song Hoop and I danced to during our wedding was "Write You A Song" by the White T's.
*33. That was my secret song for us before Hoop proposed.
*34. Surprisingly, when I asked him to pick a song for us (out of a lineup of ten), he picked that song too.

BTW: That first picture in Tuesday's post is of condiment cups. Get your minds out of the gutter! ;)

Bon voyage, June

June Hit Statistics:
1. The top referrers were Alien and Krista.
2. The most used search term was, "potato berries."
3. The most mature search term was, "butt flu."
4. The most bizarre search term was, "he did not have the friendly."
5. My favorite search term was "spork him Batman."
6. The highest hit post (204) was on June 4th, the day I got quoted on Blogtations.

30 Quirks For 30 Days:
1. I don't mind motorcycles... unless they're Harleys.
2. No one buys a Harley to go fast. They buy a Harley to drive 10 miles under the speed limit, taking up both lanes, during rush hour traffic.
3. They might as well buy a really fancy moped.
4. If it were acceptable, I would never wear shoes.
5. I love making sound effects. My new favorite is Wall-E's voice.
6. For me, falling in love with a book is remarkably similar to falling in love with a person.
7. In the beginning, it's impossible to eat or sleep with any frequency. My attention is focused almost to the point of infatuation.
8. I get my heart broken by books too. With a human, you can always hope for more. At the very least, you could Google them later to see what they're up to.
9. With books, it's done when it's done, regardless if you're ready. You'll never know what happened next. You'll never see those characters again.
10. I once stopped reading a book two chapters to the end because I knew the main character was going to die.
11. It was about Cleopatra. Silly, huh? I mean, I KNEW she was going to die from the beginning. But by the end of the book (900 pages later), I couldn't bear to read about her dying. I loved her too much.
12. I hate friendly competition.
13. The only time I like to compete is when something important is at stake.
14. Hoop's family is the exact opposite. They show that they love someone by making them look like an ass. Usually the game is poker. But they'll settle for Risk, putt-putt, horseshoes, video games, and hunting Easter eggs too.
15. My only defense is to lose faster. :)
16. At work, I'll only fix something if someone complains about it three times in six months. I call it my "Rule To Keep From Going Crazy".
17. I have 698 songs on my IPod.
18. I don't own any clothes that are yellow.
19. Sometimes I get scared that nothing remarkable is ever going to happen to me.
20. I love to air dry after a hot shower.
21. Nothing makes me fall asleep faster than a violent storm.
22. It makes me sad that no one from my family asks if I'm going to college anymore.
23. Sadder still, I've even stopped hoping that I will.
24. When I'm really bored, I like to type in random urls to see what kind of information they pull up.
25. When I was little my paternal Grandfather owned a goat named Billy. Billy liked to drink beer with my Grandpa on Sunday evenings.
26. One time Billy got a little too drunk and ended up in the pool.
27. My Grandpa, not knowing that goats could swim, tried to jump in after him. There was a scuffle and Grandpa got hurt.
28. That was the end of the beer drinking Billy goat. The family joke was that Grandpa sold him to the first person that could get him out.
29. But I never found out for sure.
30. Some days I love having an old house. I'm always finding "treasures" in the yard.
*31. Yesterday I found a little toy boat, half buried in the dirt behind the Buttonwood bush.
*32. Before that it was a tiny red car beneath the shed and a plastic dinosaur in the brush beside the fence.
*33. It makes me think back to the day we moved away from Indiana. I was eleven. I left a note in the corner of the basement that said, "Hi. I hope you love this house as much as we did."

Miss Ya, May

May Hit Statistics:
1. The top referrers were Five Star Friday and Alien.
2. The most used search term was, "i hate elves."
3. The most mature search term was, "talking pussy."
4. The most bizarre search term was, "spiky piss stuffer."
5. My favorite search term was "20 reason to yell oh crud."
6. The highest hit post (210) was on May 6th, the 34th edition of the WWC, with a theme of three and fire.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. I went to a male burlesque once...
2. ...and then begged the strippers NOT to touch me.
3. There was something gross about those over-muscular, oily men with their long girlish hair.
4. I watched my friend and her Mom get a lap dance, and then I scooted into the corner of our L-shaped booth so the strippers couldn't "get" me.
5. I don't know what I'd expected. But whatever it had been, it wasn't watching a bunch of knock-off Fabios kissing ladies (ON THE MOUTH!) while they shoved crumpled bills into their banana hammocks.
6. It's a miracle I don't need therapy.
7. Maybe I DO need therapy!
8. I've decided to name my new car Squirrel Killer.
9. I actually had a squirrel run into the side of my car yesterday. It was fine. It just rolled off and then ran away. But still! That's two squirrels in less than a month.
10. I think having a car this quiet is actually a liability.
11. Today it's squirrels. Tomorrow it'll be stupid people on bicycles.
12. I don't like mac-n-cheese, breakfast, pumpkin pie, boiled peanuts, Ramen noodles, or sweet potatoes.
13. Hoop says this makes me un-American.
14. I have a horrible sense of geography.
15. In order to understand where places are in the world, Hoop has to relate everything to me in the form of a game.
16. Usually Risk. As in, "Do you remember where I destroyed your army last time?"
17. Surprisingly, I have a pretty up-to-date knowledge of what's going on in the world though.
18. You can thank CNN for that, and for depressing the hell outta me each and every morning.
19. Ever since Hoop started buying old Garbage Pail Kids cards, I can't stop thinking up parodies.
20. Like Turdies (Furbies), My Lil Homeys (My Little Ponies) -or My Lil Stonies! See? That one just came to me.- and Wedgie Tales (Veggie Tales).
21. I hate science fiction novels that use "old speak".
22. There is nothing more annoying that having to weed through a dozen "my lady(s)", "my sweet(s)", "doth(s)", "fare thee(s)" and "shall we(s)" just to get to the heart of another crappy story about elves and dwarfs.
23. Also, while I'm ranting, you can only describe someone as having cool brown eyes and as being "of average height" so many times before I want to scream.
24. In the last year and a half I've bought two books from aspiring science fiction writers that have both fallen into that same awful trap.
25. The first book spent an entire page describing a table!
26. They say patience can be acquired...
27. ...I think in actuality, you just go numb.
28. I used to think that I'd rather go deaf than blind...
29. ...But then I bought an IPod.
30. My Mom and I agree that Gmail is more professional than Yahoo...
31. ...and that Hotmail is like the slutty third sister.
*32. It's been hard to concentrate today. I finally mapped out the dates for the 3rd Annual PB Summer Extravaganza and I can't wait to get started.
*33. As some of you might remember from last year, the Summer Extravaganza consists of a contest (with prizes!), a Header Showdown (poll), the anniversary of Hoop finding out about this blog, the celebration of the halfway point of the year, and Arabella day.
*34. October may be my favorite month. But July is my favorite month for blogging. It's going to be better than ever this year Homebloys.

Have a great weekend!

Arrivederci April!

April Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Tuesday. Way to go WWC members!
2. The most popular hour being 2pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and LL.
4. The most used search term was, "rude cactus." Wrong blog, dillholes.
5. My favorite search terms were "old fat bartenders," and "nude tractor."
6. The highest hit post (251) was on April 22nd, the first day of our new WWC theme, numbers and elements.

30 Quirks For 30 Days:
1. I would rather not own the nicest of things.
2. I always end up worrying that I'll break them too much to actually enjoy having them.
3. I knew a guy who bought a car that was almost as expensive as my house. He would always park it at the back of lots, away from other vehicles. He'd wash it every Friday and wax it twice on Saturday. He carried a brochure of it in his wallet.
4. I used to joke that it should be penis shaped.
5. Eight months after he bought that midlife crisis car, a dump truck carrying gravel accidentally unloaded on the highway in front of him, destroying his cherry red paint. As it turned out, it wasn't something fully covered under insurance. I caught him behind his apartment one day with a bottle of cherry red nail polish.
6. He never bragged about that car again.
7. Have you noticed that the things we want to take notice of are almost always yellow (like school buses and post-it notes)?
8. Single women should wear more yellow shirts.
9. I can only take complaining for fifteen minutes and 32 seconds at a time.
10. I can almost always be bribed with cake.
11. Sometimes I find it easier to play stupid than to come off as a bitch.
12. I hate over-plucked eyebrows, errant clothing tags, and people who whistle while using the bathroom.
13. I love warm clothes, the feeling of six o'clock on a Friday night, and the smell of new books.
14. We just interviewed a young, pretty little thing to be our new promotion girl at work. You would have thought a celebrity was in the office by the way the guys were acting.
15. Sometimes men's brains remind me of fish in a bowl. You drop them a crumb and they scrounge to get it first.
16. I always did like watching fish.
17. The first time I ate sushi was on a blind date.
18. I hated it, which in turn made me hate the guy.
19. Oddly, I love the stuff now. Maybe it was just the guy I hated after all.
20. I used to read Hoop's ex's Myspace page.
21. That is never a good idea. NEVER.
22. Not even if you're bored and you hear she has a mohawk now.
24. I judge people by the bumper stickers they put on their cars...
25. ...more than the actual cars themselves.
26. Every time Hoop goes out with the boys for a drink, I make sure I'm matching him drink for drink at home.
27. It's no fun being the only sober one.
28. Unless your partner happened to be an alcoholic.
29. Would it be weird if I took pictures at my own wedding?
30. I wish I could pull off pink hair. That Esurance chick is hot!
*31. Who is the hottest cartoon chick ever? Inquiring minds would like to know.
*32. Ok, ok. MY inquiring mind would like to know.

Have an awesome weekend Homebloys!

Mahalo March

March Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Tuesday. WWC!
2. The most popular hour being 3pm.
3. The top referrers were Karen and Reb.
4. The most used search term was, "butt flu."
5. My favorite search terms were "Cmon tink, you know I was just kidding," and "pus filled neck wound."
6. The highest hit post (301) was on March 25th, the first day back from our vacation.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. I have old lady hands.
2. That's why I don't wear more rings.
3. Although I own a whole jewelry box full. I pull them out and admire them some weekends. But after that, back into the box they go.
4. When I was small, my friend and I used to throw crab apples at his uncle's trailer...
5. ...who was autistic.
6. We didn't know that back then. All we knew was that he was a little odd.
7. He couldn't do anything for himself, but he could tell you every song and album name of any artist you mentioned...
8. ...and he had a wicked album collection.
9. I only chew crunchy things on the left side of my mouth.
10. I still collect stickers.
11. When no one is in the office, I walk around and fantasize about all the things I could steal.
12. But I never do.
13. I always tip, even when the service sucks.
14. I used to wish the same wish on ever falling star, tossed coin, and birthday candle. I wonder sometimes if that's why it came true.
15. When I was 18 I worked in a shoe store. They required me to wear nice clothes that I couldn't afford. So on the days I worked alone, I used to wear the new shoes around the store and put them back in the box before I went home.
16. My stoner Dad used to end every conversation with the words, "Peace, love, dove."
17. It drove me fucking crazy.
18. I still wonder why my first Step Dad never loved me.
19. I prefer the taste of coffee out of Styrofoam cups.
20. But I try to go green every where else.
21. Too bad most eco-friendly products suck.
22. When I was in the 9th grade I wrote the poem I wanted on my grave.
23. "Here lies a girl of love and light. God called to her and she took flight." Gag.
24. I've since changed my mind. I'd much rather it read:
25. "What are you looking at?!"
26. Maybe they could even include a picture of me on the tomb with eyes that follow people around.
27. One isn't the loneliest number...
28. Zero is. That poor guy doesn't even know HIMSELF.
29. I have so few friends my own age, I'm not sure how people my age are supposed to act.
30. I love objects with bird and fish patterns on them.
31. Yet I own neither.
*32. I have a hard time telling the taste of apples and pears apart.

P.S. One of the girls I was subbing for came back today! Hopefully this means I'll have time to work on Twisted Tink again. Updates to come.

Have a fantastic weekend Homebloys!

Farvel February

Shit. Did you all know it's MARCH already?

February Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Thursday.
2. The most popular hour being 3pm.
3. The top referrer was Joel by a landslide (324 clicks).
4. The most used search term was, "slang for intercourse".
5. My favorite search terms were "men can poop," and "coffee iv please".
6. The highest hit post (543) was on February 14th, the day Hoop left on his all-dude camping trip.

29 Quirks For 29 Days:
1. I love little items of mystery...
2. ...lock-less keys and unmatched silverware...
3. ...buttons without shirts and pretty bottle caps.
4. These treasures quickly turn into stories or artwork in my head.
5. I'd be a pack rat if I didn't watch myself.
6. When Hoop stumbles on a word that cracks me up, he finds a reason to use it during every conversation.
7. Like "ginger", or "burple", or "smushie". All three send me into a fit of giggles I can't help or explain.
8. I would rather be a little crazy than a little boring.
9. Growing up, I had a best friend who was adopted. Her siblings were ten, fifteen, and eighteen years older than her. I always thought it odd that her adoptive parents waited so long.
10. Then her Mother explained it to me one day, in front of the rest of the girl's family. Before they'd adopted my friend, they'd seriously considered buying a monkey. When they couldn't find a monkey, they settled on a baby instead.
11. It's been ten years and I still haven't gotten over my own mortification. My friend, on the other hand, acted as if it were no big deal!
12. Rotten food grosses me out more than bodily functions.
13. I have never driven in snow.
14. It's been six and a half months since I quit smoking...
15. ...but I fantasize about it every day.
16. Life would be so much better if it had a soundtrack.
17. If it did, do you think they'd make us pay by the song?
18. I've always thought orange a rather unloved color.
19. Blue is the obvious choice for most popular.
20. I often wonder if there are colors we can't see.
21. And if we can't see them, can we even imagine what they look like?
22. My dream job would be in a zoo.
23. Not like, in the food court, but actually handling animals.
24. Too bad I have absolutely no experience with that sort of thing.
25. Unless you count taming a demon dog into a civilized pet. But he was all of fifteen pounds at the time, hardly a lion.
26. I can be talked into just about anything after a good foot rub.
27. After reading a book, I usually have to give myself a day to let the characters in my head go to rest.
28. Otherwise they mingle with the next book's characters, creating bizarre storylines in my mind.
29. I've been known to fall in love with a person's voice.
*30. Only to fall out of love with their face.
*31. I put garlic in EVERYTHING but sweets.
*32. I would love to go play in the rain...
*33. ...without the repercussion of getting wet.

Not Far From The Tree:
Mom: Aren't you excited we're going to Sea World tomorrow?
Lil Bit: Oh yeah.
Mom: When's the last time you were there?
Lil Bit: Um, I've NEVER been there.
Mom: What? Are you sure?
Lil Bit: Uh-huh.
Mom: Didn't we take you-
Lil Bit: Nope.
Mom: Really?!
Lil Bit: No. You've never taken me to Sea World, Mom.
Mom: Wow, sweetie. I'm so sorry!
Lil Bit: Yeah, it's OK. I'm just the third child.

Have a fantastic weekend Homebloys!

Done With December

And the whole effin' year for that matter!

December Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Monday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Alli and Jay.
4. The most used search term was, "ghetto christmas tree".
5. My favorite search terms were, "batgirl forced to dance," "clown on a moped," and "warming me cockles."
6. The highest hit post (197) was on December 4th, featuring this post, for absolutely no good reason.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. I always leave a bite of food on my plate.
2. I don't know why.
3. Maybe it's so I don't feel guilty for eating the WHOLE thing.
4. Or maybe it's a subconscious tribute to my Homebloys who are no longer in the blogosphere.
5. Ha! You thought that shit had died out. Well think again, Homebloy.
6. I'm addicted to chapstick. Perhaps a little unhealthily.
7. I have a mini meltdown if I can't find any.
8. I've been known to use lotion in a pinch.
9. Five years ago I told a girl to eat raw ham, and she did.
10. She told me she wished she could get a tapeworm so she could lose some weight.
11. I thought she was joking. She wasn't.
12. She didn't get a worm, but she DID get food poisoning...
13. ...and lost EIGHT pounds.
14. You should be careful what you wish for.
15. I like memories with morals.
16. Even really fucked up ones.
17. I have a magic wand on my desk.
18. When I'm really frustrated, I wave it around and pretend it's fixing things.
19. My nickname, Tink, derived from a really strange acid trip when I was seventeen.
20. Apparently, I was trying to climb into my shoe.
21. I was also wearing a very large sweater that gave me the impression that I was shrinking.
22. Not many people know this about me.
23. Well, except you. Oh, and you. And now you.
24. Whatever. I'm not running for President.
25. I'm a very cuddly person.
26. Sometimes, when Hoop is busy doing something else, I just stand next to him and wiggle.
27. I also like to slap his cheeks and then kiss him for a "surprise".
28. It makes the kiss better, I swear.
29. Kind of like the sweet-and-salty concept.
30. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my job was tell my boss that one of our new hires was illiterate.
31. He didn't even give me a chance to apologize to the guy.
*32. I inadvertently create new words all the time.
*33. I blame my large vocabulary...
*34. ...and my slow brain.
*35. Like I'll be thinking, "That was really ---. Do I say 'shitty' or 'crappy'? Which is more appropriate? Have I used either one too much today? I'd hate to sound repetitive."
*36. Meanwhile my impatient mouth blurts out, "That was really critty."
*37. It's my hope that one day words like "Doring" and "Critty" and "Hute" will be in the dictionary.

January Search Terms:
1. What temperatures do a heat wave come up to? You realize it's not a literal wave, right?
2. six year old blogger No matter how old I act, I'm still 24.
3. butt mints skit As long as I can call in a butt double.
4. beef hives I guess that would make me Queen Beef.

Out With October

So ends my favorite month...

Updates on Halloween tomorrow.

October Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Tuesday.
2. The most popular hour being 2pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Alien.
4. The most used search term was, "bottling pickled beef tongue"
5. My favorite search terms were, "horse in a bikini," "dog chews crotch," and "tint tits."
6. The highest hit post (247) was on October 23rd, the day I (sort-of) announced Hoop's and my engagement.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. My 14yr old brother doesn't understand etiquette when it comes to two-way radios.
2. See, you're supposed to beep once and then wait for the other person to beep back before talking.
3. He just talks.
4. I don't know how many times I thought my purse was speaking to me.
5. It's very unnerving.
6. I love scaring people.
7. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't jump out from behind something to scare Hoop.
8. Fortunately, he has nerves of steel. I hope our children inherit that trait.
9. Because scaring babies is WAY too easy.
10. I, on the other hand, startle easy. I have been known to scare myself while trying to scare others.
11. Every car I've ever owned has been blue.
12. I never put songs into a mixed CD arbitrarily.
13. Because of this, sometimes one CD will take me six months to make.
14. Despite being good at handling finances, I hate handling cash.
15. Six years ago, when I worked as an assistant manager at a retail store, my least favorite part of the night was counting the drawer down.
16. I used to have nightmares that my drawer was a penny off and they wouldn't let me go home until I figured out where it went.
17. I've been looking at getting a part time job as a bank teller so I can go back to school.
18. A BANK TELLER.
19. The flowers in my office are so fragrant, I can fart and no one notices!
20. Hoop's Mom says I belong on an episode of Seinfeld.
21. I think it's strange that the cleaning lady tells me what I can and cannot put into my own trash bin.
22. God forbid I slip up and put an empty coffee cup in there. Then she goes all trash Nazi on me and "accidentally" forgets to take my bin for a week.
23. Before I leave this job, I'm going to collect all the used coffee cups I can. Then I'm going to make a pyramid out of them on my desk.
24. It didn't take Hoop proposing to know that we would be together for life...
25. But somehow, it made it feel more real.
26. That doesn't make the prospect of planning a wedding any less daunting though!
27. Do you think we could get away with having it at the bowling alley if we get everyone really really drunk first? No? Why not?
28. Sometimes Hoop and I pretend we're in a musical.
29. Not during sex though. That would just be weird.
30. My four favorite smells are fresh coffee, blooming Jasmine, men's cologne (lightly), and fog from a fog machine.
31. I hate the smell of cut grass, grease, old cigarette smoke, and feet.
*32. On a typical night I get five to six and a half hours of sleep.
*33. Which explains why I once fell asleep while cleaning the tub.

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: *Answers phone* I'm not here.
Coworker: Oh. Ok. Hey Tink, this is-
Tink: You didn't wait for the beep!
Coworker: Oh. Sorry.
Tink: Beeeeeeeeep.

November Search Terms (Already!):
1. girlfriend wondering what to do with his ex-wife's wedding gown WHY does he have his ex-wife's gown? Do you hear that? Those are alarm bells hon.
2. husband told on your knees lick clean our pussies Those poor cats.
3. its not over until its over Thank you Obvious Man.

Sayonara September!

September Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Tuesday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Alien.
4. The most used search term was, "acceptable for females to fart and cuss?" Whether it's acceptable or not, you're going to do it.
5. My favorite search terms was, "wireless vibrating underwear." That's one way to put a little wiggle in your walk.
6. The highest hit post (273) was on September 18th, my first day as host of the WWC.

30 Quirks For 30 Days:
1. I got propositioned by a gay guy today.
2. We started talking while waiting in line for food. Twenty minutes later, the guy was telling me I was beautiful and handing me his business card.
3. I should probably stop you before you go thinking he's a talent scout or something. He was a brick layer.
4. I was so startled, I didn't answer when he said, "I don't know if you have a boyfriend or husband or anything..."
5. Hoop thinks the guy was trying to get in on my hot boyfriend. Cute girl equals cute boyfriend, right?
6. I'd like to believe it's because I'm just that good.
7. The feeling of Tylux, the super soft fabric TY Pluffies are made out of, has the weirdest effect on me. Touching it makes my teeth hurt! Same with hearing someone use sandpaper or the squeak of chalk on a board.
8. I have a rule about toads and frogs in my yard. I'll save the first three that hop in my path. After that, they'll have to fend for themselves with the dogs.
9. When I was in the first grade, my teacher threw a "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" themed party.
10. We came in from recess and found little chocolate bars on our desks. Mine was a miniature Mr. Goodbar.
10 1/2. But I didn't care for peanuts, so I swapped mine out for the blind girl's Hershey bar next to me.
11. Turned out my teacher had hidden a golden ticket in one of those candy bars. I'll give you two guesses which one it was in.
12. It wasn't the Mr. Goodbar.
13. As the winner, I got to sit at the teacher's desk all day and do artwork instead of book work.
14. I felt so bad for swindling that poor little blind girl, I didn't color a single page all day.
15. What, you thought I came clean? Pfft. I wasn't that sorry.
16. By the way, click on that link for cool trivia about the movie.
17. I'm obsessed with games that play on genetics, evolution, or artificial intelligence.
18. My first love was a game called "Creatures."
19. Then there was "The Sims," followed by "Black and White." My newest addiction is "Fish Tycoon."
20. I don't even care about fish!
21. But the game that I'm most anticipating doesn't come out until next year. It's called "Spore." Whenever I start talking about it, I turn into a 12 yr. old boy.
22. It's amazing how much of my life I've wasted (and WILL waste) on artificial life.
23. October is my favorite month.
24. Every year I go to great lengths trying to figure out a Halloween costume to wear, only to scrounge last minute through the Walmart reject bins.
25. For five years straight I was fairy, a good one for three and a bad one for two. I had a purple wand that granted nightmares.
26. Then fairies became popular and I wasn't into it anymore.
27. I think it would be much cooler if we were called Bloogers instead of Bloggers.
28. It just rolls off the tongue. Bloogers. Bloooogers. See?
29. We should divide from the rest of the blogosphere. Like, start a civil war or something.
30. It'll be like Emo and Goth. So close that no one can really see the difference, but people will believe us because we're SO insistent that there is one.
31. If I were God, I'd make it rain coffee every morning at 7.
32. I think the world would be a happier place then.

Au revoir August

August Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Thursday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were the ladies at So Many Blogs So Little Time (who have just called it quits) and Mamalujo.
4. The most used search term was, "semen slang." Might I suggest "Manthrax" or "Dong Water"?
5. My favorite search term was, "dangers of sticking finger in your belly button." Because there are just so many.
6. The highest hit post (231) was on August 20th, the day I was showered in awards.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. Men can believe what they want, but I DON'T have penis envy.
2. I have intestine envy.
3. How is it that guys can drop brown several times a day and I struggle to do it once in three?
4. Oh yes, I'm going there.
5. You never hear men discussing fiber pills or Activia. Do they even make that stuff for them?
6. Men think the solution to constipation is eating "something with a tomato in it," or sitting on the toilet playing video games "until something slips out". Slips out?!
7. Further more, I think it's awful that guys can poop anywhere. It took me two years to feel comfortable enough to poop in the company bathroom! Even then I had to the run water and hum.
8. I have been smoke-free for 5 days, 19 hours, 37 minutes, and 11 seconds.
9. Ask me how I am. Go ahead, I dare you.
10. That pooping conversation didn't come up for nothing.
11. I hate Oprah.
12. It's not because she's black, or female, or rich. It's because she picks shitty books.
13. I will never understand how a $2 salad becomes a $9 meal at Ruby Tuesdays. Unless by charging so much they hope you enjoy it more. Which I do. Because damn it, if I'm going to pay $7 for a salad I'm going to lick the plate when I'm done.
14. If Hoop had been born in the 1960's and female he most certainly would have been a bra burner.
15. His biggest beef right now is the "click it or ticket" law. He believes it should be our choice whether we wear a seat belt or not and that telling us we have to is against our freedom.
16. I disagree, since I know he wouldn't wear one if there wasn't a law.
17. For awhile I only humored his theories about how Congress is limiting our freedom little by little. Until Jacksonville started talking about a dress code law.
18. $500 if you're caught wearing baggy pants or bottoms that show your ass when you bend down, no matter your age or sex. I swear someone has transported me back to high school. Next they're going to be outlawing baseball caps and bandannas.
19. When I was three I broke my leg.
20. I was on visitation with my Dad. My Mom didn't find out until two weeks later when he returned me. He lamely told her I'd fallen off the bed.
21. I still wonder about what really happened.
22. My favorite flower is the lily.
23. Of all the taste buds, sour is the one I'd pick to lose.
24. I LOVE sugared pecans.
25. At age 19 I thought I ruled the world.
26. Now I think the world rules me.
27. Whenever I'm feeling really blue, I read about someone who had it much worse than I do. Like Rachel Plummer....
28. Then I feel even worse.
29. I think all humans are a little masochistic.
30. It's the reason we pick scabs and listen to sad music when we feel like crying.
31. If someone ever writes my life story... (I don't know why. Maybe I invent the cure for ugly) ...I don't want the last sentence to be "The End."
32. Or, "and then the clowns ripped off her face."
33. I'd rather it say, "She was one cool chick."

Bye-Bye July

July Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Friday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Lefty and Jen.
4. The most used search term was, "probably fraudulent hermaphrodite." Oh-ho! Now they're not so sure.
5. My favorite search term was, "tits vacuumeruumer."
6. The highest hit post (534) was on July 27th, the day of the Second Annual PB Contest.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. For 24 hours back in December 2005, this blog was named "0cean
peach."
2. That following night, Hoop and I had a conversation that would
change the history of this blog forever.
3. Thus, Pickled Beef was born.
4. "Ocean P3ach" was a name I created when I was twelve, the title to
a future restaurant I had hopes of owning.
5. For years I kept a detailed notebook of recipes and decoration
ideas. I even had a location picked out for my beachy sandwich shop.
6. But as with most childhood dreams, I realized as I matured how
impractical the idea was.
7. How was I going to feed strangers when feeding MYSELF was such a chore?
8. I almost always screw up popular sayings...
9. ...Most of the time because I like how I say them better.
10. I snort when I laugh too hard.
11. I don't believe in conventional "kinky."
12. My idea of spicing things up is pretending to be a sex doll.
13. It's creative, unique, and totally effortless!
14. Who says boys don't like dolls?
15. I hate when people say, "Oh, she was such a beautiful girl!" when looking at younger pictures of older women.
16. I'd rather be remembered as a beautiful older woman instead.
17. So I have a plan. On my 65th birthday, I'm going to have a picture burning party.
18. Of course, that'll be in 2048, so it might be more like a picture deleting party.
19. It just doesn't sound as satisfying.
20. Oh hell. Maybe we'll just burn the computer for fun!
21. I love rain. I love the smell of it, the sound of it. I just wish it wasn't so... wet.
22. I once bought a CD with the "sounds of the Rainforest" on it. Duff was a puppy at the time. I woke up every hour thinking he was peeing on the carpet.
23. I have Duff conditioned to jump out of bed each time my alarm goes off. I say "each time" because it usually goes off two or three before I'm motivated enough to move.
24. Once I'm up, I lift the covers so he can jump back in. I did it for him once as a courtesy. Now he WON'T get back in until I do. The dog is more spoiled than Hoop!
25. I have 28 highlighters in my desk.
26. I have 80-something highlights in my hair.
27. My Mom once died my hair highlighter yellow.
28. I had a car I named Avery because it was highlighter blue.
29. It's a sign!
30. Maybe I should make a movie like "The Number 23." Only, instead of "23" everything equals "highlighter." Oooo. Scary.
31. Incidentally, you CANNOT get 23 out of the word "highlighter," no matter how much you break it down.
32. I've never understood why there are couches in some public bathrooms.
33. Is it for the people waiting? In case you need to take a power nap?
34. I mean, how comfortable do you want to get in there?

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
(After watching "The Number 23")
Oh my God babe. We have two dogs and three remotes. 23. Creepy, huh?

Tink Quote Of The Day:
Look! I can make a hand-bra with one hand!

Joi gin, June!

June Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Friday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Lefty and Mamalujo.
4. The most used search term was, "fraudulent hermaphrodite."
5. My favorite search term was, "female pudding wrestler." As long as it's chocolate.
6. The highest hit post (200) was on June 14th, the day I hit 365 (+2) posts.

30 Quirks for 30 Days:
1. The other day my Mom called to say, "Your brothers and I would like to unbury the crystal beneath Fate."
2. Which probably sounds like a bunch of gibberish to you.
3. Ten years ago, a girlfriend and I buried a large Quartz Crystal at the base of a tree. It was "our" tree, the one we met at each morning and snuck out to each night.
4. We had named her "Fate." She was the last on a lot, saved from the saws. Unlike the grove around her, which had been covered in KKK symbols and then chopped down so as not to cause offense.
5. Three years after we buried the crystal, our friendship dissolved. We agreed to leave the crystal behind. I think we both wanted to believe that it would protect the tree in our absence.
6. Or maybe it was so that some part of us would still remain, a trace of all that was.
7. I think about it sometimes. I wonder how my friend is and if the tree is still there. I wonder if she ever went back and got the crystal...
8. I guess there's only one way to find out.
9. When I was four, the fire sprinkler system at my KinderCare malfunctioned and flooded the school.
10. I remember being scared and wondering why it was raining in the building.
11. But most of all, I remember hiding in a fireplace.
12. I'm pretty sure there wasn't a fireplace in my classroom.
13. Maybe I had been eating glue that day.
14. I taught my dog how to snort like a pig.
15. I figure if she looks and acts like one she might as well SOUND like one too.
16. Not only am I a compulsive hand washer...
17. ...but I'm a compulsive hand sniffer too.
18. Which kind of goes hand in hand if you think about it.
19. I don't have penis envy. But I AM fascinated by balls.
20. One night I asked Hoop all kinds of questions about them until he started blushing. Which is as rare a sight as Nicole Richie eating.
21. In my opinion, balls prove that God (should you believe in one) is a woman.
22. Because if God were a man, those things would be covered in steel.
23. Hoop says I'm secretly obsessed with sex. I like dirty humor. My favorite songs have to do with the horizontal tango. I look up from whatever I'm doing whenever there's a scantily clad person on the tube.
24. To which I responded, "And this BOTHERS you?!"
25. Apparently I have a lot in common with other people's boyfriends. One of my leading search terms for the month was, "my boyfriend's nipples taste like onions."
26. So between that and the "obsession with sex," I'm pretty sure I was a dude in a previous life.
27. Maybe I was Elvis! I can wiggle my hips AND I like blue suede.
28. Although in all likelihood, I'm probably a reincarnation of Billy Fury. He died the day before I was born.
29. Wow, I bet he was disappointed.
30. If you want to know who you might be a reincarnation of, you can check the famous death listings here.
31. Why do these lists always get weird the further I get down them?

Second Annual Blog Header Show Down:
And the winner is...

A Few Good Sporks

Thanks to everyone who voted. I'll have the new layout done soon.

For those Americans who don't have to work tomorrow *Grumble*... Happy 4th of July!

Ma'assalama, May

May Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Thursday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Sunshine and Maggie.
4. The most used search term was, "slang for intercourse."
5. My favorite search term was, "dos boobs." Because three is too many, and one just isn't enough.
6. The highest hit post (229) was on May 8th, the day of Sunshine's Blog Prom. Ah, good times!

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. My Dad once tried to invent a vibrating tampon.
2. I can't believe I haven't told you this already.
3. I was 18 at the time. He asked my friends if they would like to try it out.
4. They were crazy enough to consider it. If it hadn't been for the threat of shock from the watch batteries, they might have even gone through with it.
5. A few years later I looked it up on the net for a lark. Turns out, someone had already invented it...
6. ...as a means for controlling cramps.
7. Not exactly the purpose my Father had in mind. He was never one for practicality.
8. I fully believe the "dirty old man" gene runs through my family line. My Grandfather owned a bar, an underground gambling ring, and an adult toy store.
9. When he died, they found 33 black trash bags filled with porn in his garage.
10. Every morning on the drive to work, I fight the feeling that I'm crossing over to the dark side.
11. I'd switch jobs, but I'm not sure what my alternatives are.
12. My Mom, the professional career counselor, says I should find something that uses my natural talents.
13. So far I haven't found anything that requires an experienced daydreamer.
14. It's very disheartening.
15. I've been doing these monthly quirks for over a year!
16. I figured I would have run out of things to say by now.
17. Apparently, you all and Hoop provide ample fodder.
18. What a cool word. According to dictionary.com, fodder means "people considered as readily available and of little value."
19. Oh. Ouch.
20. Pfft. What the hell do the dictionary people know anyway?
21. I have dimples in my earlobes.
22. I have an innie belly button.
23. I think I have an irregular amount of smell receptors in my nose.
24. Things to me don't always smell the way they do to others.
25. My friend's car smells like butter.
26. My pants smell like burnt wood.
27. The sales room smells like unwashed feet.
28. THAT one I firmly believe is true. The sales guys can deny it all they want.
29. We have a soap thief at work.
30. Full bottles of soap will go missing within an hour of being put out.
31. Who the hell steals soap?!
32. I talked to my boss about it. He asked how I didn't see the culprit, since my office is right next to the kitchen.
33. Which leads me to believe...
34. ...my split personality is doing it.
35. I knew she was evil!

Have a great weekend!

Adios April

April Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Monday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Alien.
4. The most used search term was, "photography: little red riding hood." Depends on what kind of photography. I wouldn't want to be sued.
5. My favorite search term was, "Sleeping Licker."
6. The highest hit post (218) was on April 23rd, the day I received a "Thinking Blogger" Award.

30 Quirks for 30 Days:
1. When I was growing up, my Mom was big on "Family Chore Day." I was designated Vacuumer.
2. Each time she would warn me, "Don't run over the cord!" I got it in my head that something horrible would happen if I did.
3. Like, maybe it would explode.
4. Because of this, I was scarred for the next 15 years of my life. I would literally break into a cold sweat each time I turned on the Bissel. Until one day when the unfortunate happened. I ran over the cord.
5. Not only did it NOT explode, but it didn't even suck up the damn cord.
6. I'll admit, I was a little disappointed.
7. I don't consider myself a person who has many "confessions."
8. If for no other reason than I admit them freely...
9. I like Pokemon video games.
10. Occasionally, for no apparent reason, I lose hearing in one of my ears.
11. I have a sneaking suspicion my nipples taste like onions.
12. Child protegees piss me off.
13. Sometimes I wonder if I have a split personality...
14. ...and if everyone is keeping it from me because they like her better.
15. I used to fantasize about shaving my head.
16. Until Britney Spears did it.
17. Everyone should have someone they aspire NOT to be.
18. When I was eleven, my girlfriends and I would sit by the radio on Friday nights hoping for a personal dedication.
19. After two months of waiting, we decided to take matters into our own hands and dedicate a couple of songs to ourselves.
20. And by a "couple" I mean twenty or thirty.
21. The radio station eventually banned us from calling.
22. I just wish they hadn't done it on the air.
23. That same year, one of my girlfriends gave me a jar of powdered Koolaid for Christmas.
24. I thought it was a little odd that she seemed panicked after I gave her a gift. As it turned out, she had none to give me in return.
25. But instead of confessing, she simply excused herself to the kitchen.
26. She fessed up years later. Which is really funny, since at the time I thought it was the coolest gift ever.
27. Some days I feel like Napoleon Dynamite.
28. Some days I feel like Hermione Granger.
29. The second happens less and less.
30. I've been known to do things solely for the amusement of my dogs.
31. Like pretending to be a cat...
32. ...or a wounded animal.
33. ...or a rabid monkey.
34. Maybe it's not the dogs I'm amusing. Hm.

Mazzel March

March Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Thursday.
2. The most popular hour being 3pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Mamalujo.
4. The most used search term was, "T."
5. My favorite search term was, "Beer Wallpaper." Interior decorating for the TRUE alcoholic.
6. The highest hit post (214) was on March 14th, the day of Attaboys.

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. It has taken me 24 years to realize that the biggest challenge I will ever face is not understanding others, but rather understanding myself.
2. Last week I spent three hours surfing the web for cars, only to have Hoop toss my carefully selected stack of ads to the side. They weren't what he was looking for. I should have understood. Instead, I wanted to cry.
3. Then it hit me. I didn't care if I found the solution. I wanted the recognition that I had TRIED.
4. What an awful mentality to have in a society that rates you on usefulness.
5. Now I know how the maker of waterproof sponges felt.
6. When I was a kid I couldn't wait until I was old enough to eat dessert for dinner.
7. Now that I'm an adult I get cravings for salads and soups. Go figure.
8. I spent thirty minutes this morning brain storming new porn titles.
9. My top ten are: Mighty Joe Hung. The Pursuit Of Horniness. Happy Meat. Creamgirls. Men In Back. Snow White and The Seven Whores. Stranger Than Friction. The Filth Element. All Quiet On The Western Cunt. Get Well Poon.
10. I think when God was handing out brains, mine fell on the floor and rolled through the dirt first.
11. Hoop says my farts smell like cereal.
12. Do you think that has anything to do with growing up in the same town as a General Mills factory?
13. My Dad and I used to wake up in the morning, sniff the air, and place bets on what kind of cereal they were making.
14. I always guessed Lucky Charms. The thought of those Leprechauns sitting on rainbows making marshmallows all day...
15. ...was better than the thought of them being out of work and terrorizing us little kids like they did in that movie.
16. I never quite got over teething.
17. Most often the victims of my chewing habit are pens and tape.
18. One time it was a glowstick at a beach party. I ended up with dye in my mouth and neon teeth for two days. It was the first time that people encouraged me to talk MORE.
19. Sometimes (when I'm alone) I hum Barney songs.
20. I can never spell Restaraunt" "Restaurant" correctly.
21. One of the most frustrating parts of my job is coaching people how to use a computer.
22. I can sympathize with the temp employees who don't know how to use a mouse because they've worked labor jobs their whole life.
23. What I can't understand is when I get asked how to forward an email by a superior who is a college graduate.
24. I'm so bored right now I actually Googled Barbie to see if she still came with shoes.
25. And then I went on KFC's website to complain about an order of food I got last night. Somehow they'd managed to make it both cold AND burned.
26. Then I looked up upcoming movies for 2008. They're making a Jurassic Park 4 by the way.
27. After that I practiced typing my name backwards to see how quick I could do it.
28. I think I have adult onset ADD...
29. ...Or maybe it's the paint fumes. The guy at Home Depot told Hoop and I our kids are going to be born with two heads and three arms from all the paint we've been exposed to.
30. So on top of pretending to be experts they're pretending to be fortune tellers now? Shit, sign me up for that gig!
31. Have you noticed that fortune cookies don't actually have fortunes in them any more? They're more like sayings. "A rat who gnaws at a cat's tail invites destruction."
32. Hoop thinks it's because the cookie makers got sued when someone didn't get rich like their fortune told them they would.
33. Just in case, I think the makers of Girl Scout Cookies should start printing "FAT" on their product.
34. Because that's what I'm going to be if I finish off this box I've been working on all morning.

Farewell February

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
"I could barely understand her. She needs to take a prununsheashon(pronunciation) class or something."

February Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Tuesday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Foo and Mamalujo.
4. The most used search term was, "Totally Useless Information." Pretty much the basis for this blog, I'd say.
5. My favorite search term was, "How to make a ceiling Hoop." Superglue and booze my friends.
6. The highest hit post (211) was on February 19th, the day I posted updated pictures of the house.

28 Quirks for 28 Days:
1. When I was young and towheaded, I used to pluck out all the little black hairs that sprung up on my head.
2. All you sickos in the back are going, "Oh her HEAD."
3. Now that I'm 24, I find myself armed with tweezers again. Only this time I'm plucking out white hairs instead.
4. I paraded around the office this morning with one such hair (10 inches long) yelling, "It's just not fair!" To which a coworker replied, "They're hairs of wisdom."
5. "Yeah well, I already got my wisdom teeth removed. Why stop there?"
6. I've never been a big fan of peanut butter, and raisins really gross me out.
7. I used to think it was because I didn't like my foods tortured.
8. But then I fell in love with honey roasted cashews.
9. Hoop and I have been together for a year and five months...
10. ...and I still flirt with him.
11. I once told a friend that the girl her ex-beau was seeing was "ugly."
12. When she finally saw her, and realized the girl wasn't ugly, she was outraged with me.
13. Sometimes a forewarning is better than a kind act.
14. I wish I looked good in red lipstick.
15. I love post-it-notes.
16. I would much rather hire someone who has been at a job for five years than fifteen. It shows they haven't settled in their ways yet.
17. One time I got a little overzealous shaving...
18. ...and ended up with a Hitler mustache on my nether regions.
19. Which can be rather embarrassing when you don't have time to fix it and then your dearest wants to get frisky.
20. Doubly embarrassing when he stares and asks, "Did you mean to do that?"
21. I remember the year I started growing up...
22. ...I was twelve, and could no longer bring my dolls and toys to life.
23. I'm really looking forward to replacing the toilet seats in the new house.
24. Think about it. Other people's asses have been sitting on those things for the last 18 years!
25. I miss the way things were before I put my house on the market.
26. Some nights I lie awake wondering if I've royally fucked things up...
27. ...and if I have, when will I know it for sure?
28. Without fail, products that I love and use regularly will be discontinued weeks after I have discovered them.
29. I'm good at faking jealousy when jealousy is appropriate. For example, my coworker just got a brand new truck.
30. I don't really care. But I know it makes him happy to have something other people will covet.
31. Every once in awhile I dream about you bloggers...
32. ...and I wonder if we're meeting half way.

Courtesy of Odd Mix:


Civilized
Barbaric

Have a great weekend!

P.S. Depending on how much work we get done this weekend, I may or may not be blogging on Monday. But I should have tons of updates and pictures for you on Tuesday.

A Pudding Diet...

...always sounded fun.

Until I realized that was all I'd be eating after Friday.

I'm having my wisdom teeth extracted tomorrow. So I won't be blogging. Hopefully I'll be back by Monday. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd RATHER be working. I'm looking forward to this about as much as a hole in the head... Or two if you want to get technical. Wish me luck! I'll miss you guys.

January Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Wednesday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Sunshine.
4. The most used search term was, "joystick joyride."
5. My favorite search term was, "The older I get, the more I realize love sucks."
6. The highest hit post (220) was on January 17th, the day I posted about my ring dream.

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. I remember a lot of things I shouldn't.
2. Like the 1988 presidential campaign. I was five.
3. I remember arguing with a little boy from my KinderCare about who was going to win. We'd been pretty sweet on each other until I realized his Dad was a Republican. My Mom was a Democrat.
4. Neither of us knew what those words meant. But we knew it made us different. "Bush is gonna beat Doo-doo-cock-see's butt!" He yelled.
5. I remember yelling back "Nu uh!" before I bonked him in the face with my fist.
6. The fight was short lived though.
7. One, because there were teachers everywhere.
8. Two, because my eyepatch made it hard for me to see what I was hitting.
9. I don't like Tootsie Rolls.
10. Then again, I'm not really sure what they are.
11. I used to pretend they were Pound Puppy turds.
12. The expression, "My life flashed before my eyes" always confused me.
13. That close to death, wouldn't you be thinking of the life you hadn't lived yet?
14. My car hasn't been cleaned in over eight months.
15. I'm starting to think the dirt is what's holding it together.
16. Whenever Hoop pisses me off in the morning I think of ways to get back at him.
17. Like, "Maybe I'll just quit shaving."
18. I always imagined speed dating would be a great way to practice pick-up lines.
19. Although I'll admit, I've never heard of one that worked.
20. A guy slid up to me one night at a bar and said, "You're almost as beautiful as my car."
21. I was too scared to ask. Especially since the nicest car in the lot was a Honda.
22. I think I'd make a good relationship consultant. Like a professional wingman! My motto could be, "I'll rate it before you date it!"
23. I hate being rushed...
24. ...unless I'm the one that's rushing.
25. If you say "rushing" enough, it stops making sense.
26. I hate people who repeat words. "Yup yup." "Right right" "No, no."
27. As if saying it more than once will make it mean more.
28. I admire the "Emo" crowd.
29. Unlike most people, they wear their emotions on the outside.
30. I'm allergic to a lot of make-ups. So I've thought about carrying around a sign that says what kind of mood I'm in instead...
31. ...but I don't think many people would care.
32. I secretly love chick flicks.
33. I fantasize about writing one of every kind of book one day.
34. Because I've never heard of anyone doing it.
35. I'm a sucker for challenges.

Beneath The Willow


Tranquility


Stuck In Traffic (Moo)


Cattail Pond


...And Eat It Too.

Ugh. I look demonic. Like I'm sacrificing the cake.

Onward

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While driving around looking at houses)
Tink: Hoooop, I have to pee!
Hoop: Want me to pull over?
Tink: I'm not going to pee on the side of the road.
Hoop: You could mark one of those houses for us.
Tink: Can you imagine if life really worked that way?
Hoop: People peeing all over stuff they want?
Tink: Yeah. But then you'd have to keep peeing on it. You could never leave. Otherwise you'd come home from work and someone else would be living in your house because they marked it while you were gone.
Hoop: True.
Tink: Unless you invented a sprinkler system that continuously marked the house for you!

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
You know what I'm not going to miss when we move? Dinner with your family. It's like watching homeless people at a soup kitchen. I actually got mad at Lil Bit's friend last night because he took too much bread. And he's only 12!

December Hit Statistics:
1. The leading countries for visits on my blog were the US and Canada.
2. The primary day for hits was Friday.
3. The most popular hour being 4pm.
4. The top referrers were Jay and Sassy.
5. The most used search term was, "saggy scrotum."
6. My favorite search terms were, "christmas in the ghetto," and "pickled farts."
7. The highest hit post (244) was on December 11th, the Monday after I gave out the Golden Spork Awards.

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. I once made a love-making CD as a Valentines gift for all my friends.
2. They were like opals...
3. ...only lucky for the people getting them.
4. Two nights ago I pulled my shoulder carrying a 24 pack of Cokes.
5. Which is probably one of the most embarrassing things I've admitted to in a long time.
6. I only share my food with people I really like...
7. ...a neurosis I developed in high school, watching all the other kids eat while I eye-balled their food.
8. I'm sure they weren't all that comfortable with it either, now that I think about it.
9. I still use my fingers when I count.
10. The other day my boss congratulated me for arriving to work on time for the last six months.
11. I've been 3-15 minutes late every day for three years.
12. Maybe if I'm 30 minutes late I'll get a raise!
13. Hoop loves my "homemade" green beans and almonds...
14. ...which come from a box.
15. I've been described as "girly, with tomboy tendencies."
16. My finger/toe nails peel.
17. The rednecks around here hang big brass balls off their trailer hitches.
18. Maybe I could get rich by making big brass tits!
19. Hoop used to think only pregnant women had bumps on their nipples, like mouth grips for babies.
20. Some people are born with photographic memories...
21. ...the other 80% of people have pornographic ones.
22. I like questions that have no answers.
23. Did socks start off with left and right matches?
24. Do you think the Wicked Witch was made of sugar?
25. Why doesn't super glue stick to itself?
26. I think Hoop is smarter than I am.
27. It's just not immediately obvious because I'm more organized.
28. I went to school with a guy who had three birthdays...
29. The one on his birth certificate, the other his Mom swore by, and the one written in his family's bible.
30. They were two and three days apart from one another.
31. I think it was a cover-up for his adoption.

Did you know? "January is named for Janus (Ianuarius), the god of the doorway and beginnings in Roman mythology. Which means, 'January is the door to the year.'" (Wikipedia)