Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Joi gin, June!

June Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Friday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Lefty and Mamalujo.
4. The most used search term was, "fraudulent hermaphrodite."
5. My favorite search term was, "female pudding wrestler." As long as it's chocolate.
6. The highest hit post (200) was on June 14th, the day I hit
365 (+2) posts.

30 Quirks for 30 Days:
1. The other day my Mom called to say, "Your brothers and I would like to unbury the crystal beneath Fate."
2. Which probably sounds like a bunch of gibberish to you.
3. Ten years ago, a girlfriend and I buried a large Quartz Crystal at the base of a tree. It was "our" tree, the one we met at each morning and snuck out to each night.
4. We had named her "Fate." She was the last on a lot, saved from the saws. Unlike the grove around her, which had been covered in KKK symbols and then chopped down so as not to cause offense.
5. Three years after we buried the crystal, our friendship dissolved. We agreed to leave the crystal behind. I think we both wanted to believe that it would protect the tree in our absence.
6. Or maybe it was so that some part of us would still remain, a trace of all that was.
7. I think about it sometimes. I wonder how my friend is and if the tree is still there. I wonder if she ever went back and got the crystal...
8. I guess there's only one way to find out.
9. When I was four, the fire sprinkler system at my KinderCare malfunctioned and flooded the school.
10. I remember being scared and wondering why it was raining in the building.
11. But most of all, I remember hiding in a fireplace.
12. I'm pretty sure there wasn't a fireplace in my classroom.
13. Maybe I had been eating glue that day.
14. I taught my dog how to snort like a pig.
15. I figure if she looks and acts like one she might as well SOUND like one too.
16. Not only am I a compulsive hand washer...
17. ...but I'm a compulsive hand sniffer too.
18. Which kind of goes hand in hand if you think about it.
19. I don't have penis envy. But I AM fascinated by balls.
20. One night I asked Hoop all kinds of questions about them until he started blushing. Which is as rare a sight as Nicole Richie eating.
21. In my opinion, balls prove that God (should you believe in one) is a woman.
22. Because if God were a man, those things would be covered in steel.
23. Hoop says I'm secretly obsessed with sex. I like dirty humor. My favorite songs have to do with the horizontal tango. I look up from whatever I'm doing whenever there's a scantily clad person on the tube.
24. To which I responded, "And this BOTHERS you?!"
25. Apparently I have a lot in common with other people's boyfriends. One of my leading search terms for the month was, "my boyfriend's nipples taste like onions."
26. So between that and the "obsession with sex," I'm pretty sure I was a dude in a previous life.
27. Maybe I was Elvis! I can wiggle my hips AND I like blue suede.
28. Although in all likelihood, I'm probably a reincarnation of Billy Fury. He died the day before I was born.
29. Wow, I bet he was disappointed.
30. If you want to know who you might be a reincarnation of, you can check the famous death listings
31. Why do these lists always get weird the further I get down them?

Second Annual Blog Header Show Down:
And the winner is...

A Few Good Sporks

Thanks to everyone who voted. I'll have the new layout done soon.

For those Americans who don't have to work tomorrow *Grumble*... Happy 4th of July!

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At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I love reading your end of the month lists, however weird they can get sometimes. LOL!

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

I am only a compulsive hand washer when I'm cooking. I wash my hands every time I touch something. When I'm chopping something like onions I was my hands, THEN I put the onions in the pan and then wash my hands again. Same with everything else. Can you say OCD?

A Few Good Sporks won?? WOW! I changed my vote for round two for some reason. But, sporks are very cool.

Can't wait to hear if the crystal is still there.

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger mjd said...

I am curious about the crystal and the burial as well as the significance of the crystal to your friendship. Hopefully, you will let us know if the crystal is found.

I changed my vote in round 2 to Pouty Tink. Oh well, the Few Good Sporks is fun. Thanks for letting us help pick your masthead.

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger captain corky said...

Balls really, really hurt when you get kicked in them. You might be right about God being a woman. ;)

Can't wait to see the new layout.

P.S. I don't really make Allyson stay in the kitchen in lawn chair. I was just funning. ;)

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Chelle: Sometimes? Pfft. You're being NICE. ;)

Jay: I'm really bad when it comes to cooking. I won't use a utensil if I forget what I was using it on. Which happens often. I end up with about four forks, two spoons, and two knives in my sink before the meal has even been served.

MJD: Maybe I'll post about it this week. :)

Corky: I knew you were funnin'. I was just funnin' back. Except for that part about my coworker. That shit was true. I wanted to kick her husband in the nonsteel balls.

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Lefty said...

Yes, they should be covered in steel. I learned the hard way ALWAYS to wear my cup.

Yes, it was quite the bizarre list.

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

I love your quirky lists - they crack me up! I did not vote for a few good sporks, but it has grown on me in the last few days. I can't wait to see the new layout. I am just too lazy to fool with mine.

Happy 4th Tink - I'm sorry you gotta work. :(

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

I buried a St Joseph statue in the yard of the house I lived in w/my husband before I divorced. I wonder if it is still there?


Happy Independence Day to you and HOOP!

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger meno said...

Did you know that if you just sit and watch balls that they move around?

Wouldn't you be the re-incarnation of someone who died when you were conceived?

I voted for the sporks! Yay.

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Sporks! Sporks! Ooo-rah!

You have to work tomorrow?! Alas.

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

YAY! I voted for the sporks. I loooove the sporks.

And fraudulent hermaphrodite? WTF?

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Meno: That's what I'm talking about!! We had a lengthy discussion over what causes that. Not that we came to any conclusions... Ah, conception. So that would be about 10 months previous? Hm. I'll have to investigate.

At 03 July, 2007, Blogger Spamboy said...

(insert slow golf clap here) Good list this time around.

At 04 July, 2007, Blogger Mamalujo said...

C, you know I love you, right?

At 04 July, 2007, Blogger Maggie said...

Yeah, that was my favorite and I'll admit I only voted once just like you asked.

So did your family dig up the crystal? That's a cool story btw.

At 04 July, 2007, Blogger Godiva Jen said...

It's all about the sporks, man! All about the sporks.

Why is it that girl friend relationships tend to dissolve over time? We need them, we thrive on them, we love them, we long for them, we want them and then they go all pernicious on us. You think such a relationship, regardless of age, is cemented over that amount of time, but then it goes *pop* and just like that it's gone.

It's happened to me too.

At 04 July, 2007, Blogger spellconjurer said...

I forgot what I was going to say, cause as the pop up comment window was loading it said at the bottom something about "loading ssl dot slash dot something google-anal....." I got all distracted thinking about google's anal being loaded,,,,,

At 04 July, 2007, Blogger Lynn@ZelleBlog said...

Wonder what happened to the crystal. I had a tree like that too.

I only talk to one of those girls now. Sad.

At 05 July, 2007, Blogger Cindi said...

"One of my leading search terms for the month was, "my boyfriend's nipples taste like onions."

Eww Eww! I never ever find any funny search terms in my sitemeter.

At 05 July, 2007, Blogger Edge said...

You have to be my soul sister if you are secretly obsessed with sex. Although that sounds rather freakish and odd and now I want to take it back or something.

Let's just say we must share a mental link.


Pudding wrestler ... ( 14 year old boy laugh ) $240 worth of puddin'


At 05 July, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

Well, I didnt look back 9 months but the day before I was born an actress, a composer, and a physisist died.

P.S. I love the new look!


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