Drum Roll, Please

Sylar's A Grouch

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: So what did you do for lunch?
Tink: A coworker and I walked to Gander Mountain.
Hoop: Gander Mountain!
Tink: Yeah, you know, that sports store?
Hoop: Did you drop the ring in the lava?
Tink: What? Oh... That would be GANDALF Mountain, you dope.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: I hate to say this, but I'm really looking forward to going home and watching more Heroes tonight.
Tink: Me too!
Hoop: And here I was convinced I was going to hate that show.
Tink: It's those fucking eyebrows. Stupid Sylar.
Hoop: You have to admit, they're kind of mesmerizing.
Tink: They're not human! They belong on a Muppet.

Yay, Goodies! I will be vlogging the drawing for the secret Pay-It-Forward prize tomorrow at sometime. It's not like the Annual PB Contest, you don't have to be there when I announce it. So, no pressure. BUT, there is a chance to get a second ticket thrown into the pot with your name on it. As of right now, anyone who commented on Friday or Monday's post will be entered into the drawing once. The first person to guess what the prize is correctly will get their name thrown into the pot twice. So get guessing!

One Stop Juju Shop

I went into this weekend expecting to do a lot of good for others. But what I GOT from others was much more remarkable. I had no idea Friday's post would evoke such an outpour of responses. It blew me away. Truly. Here I doubted, and the proof that chivalry is alive (if not a bit stunted), was all around me. So, thank you. To celebrate, I'm having a drawing. How's that for giving back? Anyone who commented on Friday's post, as well as anyone who comments today, will be entered into a drawing for a secret gift.

No, I'm not telling you what it is yet. But here's a clue: I posted a picture of mine not that long ago and everyone went crazy over it. So leave a comment, or a link to a post, about a good deed that you did this weekend or a good deed that was done to you. Keep the good juju ball rolling. I did a few simple deeds this weekend before stumbling on one I felt was more worthy of the challenge. It happened without me thinking of it being "the" good deed, too. Hoop and I were on our way back from the beach when we saw a car stuck in the sand.

The owner of the car, a middle-aged man, was sitting in the driver's seat looking a bit helpless. He was surrounded by able-bodied bystanders who were too busy ignoring him to help. The sad part was, it didn't take more than two minutes of pushing to get the guy back on the road. But he couldn't have done it alone, and the alternative was to call a tow-truck or wait for help. Who knows how long he'd been waiting already. The man didn't say much before zooming off. But I'd like to believe that he passed the good deed on to someone else.

We can hope.

Now your turn...

Movers, Shakers, and Ballbreakers

This morning I watched a teenage girl plow into a family of baby ducks I had just slowed down to let pass. Then she flicked me off. I cried rivers through my make-up all the way to work. When I finally got in, I hid in my office for an hour, not bothering to turn on the lights. My boss and his cohorts discussed politics on the other side of my door. Their voices carried through the vents like a loud speaker. "I think the government needs to stay out of things," my boss said to his audience. "Like Katrina. The government shouldn't have been helping those people."

I hissed air through my teeth, waiting for someone to disagree. But the silence, followed by a change in subject, told me that the cowards had all nodded their heads in agreement. "Those people", as if they weren't our people. Disgusting. I was standing in the checkout line of the grocery store two nights ago when a man carrying a case of beer came up behind my full cart. "Go ahead," I had told him, motioning for the conveyor belt. He took the spot without so much as a thank you. It made me think of all the doors I've held and cars I've let in lately without so much as a nod in return. Maybe these really aren't my people.

It feels like there's a Chinese fire drill going on in my head. All these thoughts are racing around, racing around, waiting for their chance at the driver's seat. "I'm too weak." "This is what I have to become to survive." "You're either a mover, a shaker, or a ballbreaker." I told Hoop on the phone this morning that I hate people. "You don't hate me," he said. "You don't hate your Mom." Leave it to Hoop to poke a hole in my generalization. "So I don't hate people. I just hate MOST people." I don't hate Jon Stewart... J.K. Rowling... the Dalai Lama. And for the record, I don't hate any of you.

There's a definite deficiency in the human condition though. Somewhere along the years we lost chivalry, followed soon after by compassion and morality. In an effort to be individuals, we lost the ability to be united. How do we fix that? Is it like a pendulum? Will it swing back? I'm not depressed. But thank you, to those who were concerned yesterday. I'm tired. I'm disappointed. I'm grieving over the loss of something I foolishly thought still existed. Every day I was being assaulted by it and I didn't even realize... This world is beating the optimism right out of me.

I need you to do something for me this weekend, OK? I don't ask for things very often. What I need is to hear about an act of chivalry, a conscious effort that caused you to go out of your way for someone else this weekend. I need to know that there's still hope. I'm going to do it to. Then I'm going to post about it on Monday. Leave your good deed(s) in the comment section of that post, or write a post of your own and leave us a link. It doesn't have to be something huge. Any small deed will do. Maybe if we put enough good juju out there it'll- I don't know, catch?

So pay it forward Homebloys, and have a wonderful and safe weekend!

LL The Interesting

LL's name stands for Lord Loser, which I refuse to acknowledge. I've even played around with the idea of renaming him. Like maybe to Hairy Harry... Or Mountain Man. Hey, MM is close to LL. There is nothing loserish about LL, which is why his name bothers me so much. In fact, LL has some of the coolest stories I've ever read on the blogosphere. He should have his own show on the Discovery Channel. Not like animal porn or anything either, a LEGITIMATE one. We should make a petition.

The first time I visited LL's blog, I was captured by this line. "Did I ever tell you about the time that I helped pack a dead woman out of the middle of nowhere?" That pause was your mind stuttering. You can read the full story here, here and here. Then there was the time he rescued two old people who were stranded and apparently suffering from dementia. LL, I should probably mention that you're going to have a whole lot of search terms for "dead" and "body" this month. Don't get freaked out, OK? It was just me.

One of my favorite posts on LL's blog is the one about his infamous anonymous commenter. The post was approximately 21,524 words long. Which, I think, counts as a novella. I ate a sandwich in the time it took me to scroll through it. I'm talking like a foot-long. Another thing that I like about LL is that he's humble. The last time I paid him a compliment he called me sweet, followed by the word liar. It was totally uncalled for, but it made me giggle like a school girl. He really does look handsome all cleaned up.

LL lives in Idaho. Which the thought of visiting, frankly, scares the shit out of me. I get lost thirty minutes from home... Where there are gas stations... and MAPS. I can't imagine what would happen to me out in the middle of nowhere. I would probably run out of gas and then get eaten by a gigantic moose. Are there moose in Idaho? Fine, bear. Whatever. But knowing that there are kind and capable people like LL out there makes me feel a little better about my chances. Which may not sound like a huge compliment, but it is. It really is.

LL Is...
(According to Google)
1. ...an outdoor apparel company.
2. ...a second rate rapper.
3. ...a famous Psychometrician who contributed to the study of human intelligence.
4. ...a "top-down parser for a subset of the context-free grammars." HUH?

Now see LL, was that so bad?

Have a great weekend Homebloys!

My Brand Of Heroin

Can't talk.... Too busy reading.

You can blame this book:


The 3rd Annual PB Contest Winners!
LL- *Undecided
Jay- Goody Bag
Geenalyn- Goody Bag
Fiwa- Goody Bag
Ikkinlala- Goody Bag

For everyone who chose the goody bag, please email me your mailing address (twstdtinkatyahoodotcom). I'll have them out in the mail by next weekend.

*LL: If I don't hear an answer from you by today, I'm going to give you a personal post on Friday. Sheesh. Who knew it would be so hard to choose? ;)

3rd Annual PB Contest!

(Rules and prizes listed in yesterday's post.)

9:00 AM Contest
1. What is the name of my sock zombie?
2. “Cheese and Rice” is a cussing alternative for what two words?
3. What does Hooker Headers sell?
4. Who in my family loves gay techno?
5. The sound of termites eating reminds me of what?
WINNER- LL!
Prize:

1:00 PM Contest
1. What was the “Christine of Appliances”?
2. Name the award I give out yearly.
3. Who was leaving notes in my office?
4. What big gift did Hoop get for Christmas?
5. According to Kurt Vonnegut, what are semi-colons?
WINNER- Jay!
Prize: Goody Bag

5:00 PM Contest
1. Name a character (besides Tink) from my story “Twisted”.
2. In what month did I quit smoking?
3. Before my friend’s parents adopted her, what did they consider buying instead?
4. What title did I give the poem recited to us by a bum?
5. What strange animal did I see at the mall last June?
WINNER- Geenalyn!
Prize: Goody Bag

Surprise Contest
1. What is "Braum"?
2. Name the publication I get the “I Saw You” blurbs from.
3. Where did Hoop propose to me?
4. What is the only thing I can make out of origami?
5. Who won, Tinkzilla or the Candy Lego Robot?
WINNER- Fiwa!
Prize: Goody Bag

Midnight Contest
1. Which two words did I post for the WWC on April Fools Day?
2. Name the cards Hoop wanted to spend five-hundred dollars on.
3. Who is Hoop’s fantasy girlfriend?
4. What do I suspect the Lucky Charms’ leprechaun really is?
5. How old am I?
WINNER- Ikkinlala!
Prize: Goody Bag

And that concludes the Third Annual PB Contest! Thanks to everyone who played. For the winners who chose the goody bag- well, that's everyone unless LL decides otherwise- I'll get with you soon about your mailing information. Packages should go out next weekend. Have a fantastic finish to your weekend Homebloys!

Don't Forget

Tomorrow is the Third Annual PB Contest!

The Contest: If you would like to participate, the first part of the contest will start tomorrow at 9am (Eastern Time). I will post five questions. The first person to submit the correct answers in the comment section of tomorrow's post will be the winner for that set. The second set of questions will be posted at 1pm, the third set at 5pm, and the last set at midnight. I staggered the times so that everyone in all times zones would have an opportunity to play. A fifth "surprise" set will pop up sometime between 5 and midnight, so check back often.

Da Rules: In the circumstance that no one gets all the answers right, the person with the most correct answers will win. If for some reason you cannot comment on the blog (Blogger has been known to screw up) you can submit your answers to my email. You cannot win more than once. Cheating, if you are clever enough to find a way, IS allowed. There is only one right answer to each question. But feel free to argue a point. I love a good debate. Winners will be announced as they come.

Prize:
1. (Will involve you emailing me your mailing address) A mixed goody bag.
OR
2. Because it was so popular the first two years, a personal post. Which means I will dedicate an entire post to you and things that make me think of you

Have fun!

You Have The Power

"What power?" "The power of voodoo." "Who do?" "You do!"

(Great. Now I have the Labyrinth stuck in my head.)

I'd originally decided to get my wedding invitations through Etsy. I'm all into handcrafted shit right now. So after much deliberation, and then even more waiting, I finally got my sample invitations in the mail. Wouldn't you know it, they suck. I am SO glad I didn't order a whole bunch of them! The first thing I noticed was that the ink was smeared in spots, KEY spots, like around our names. Where the ink wasn't smeared it was filled in poorly. Portions of the design were outlined in white where it should be black.

Then I saw the envelopes; they were strip-and-seal. Strip-and-seals are OK for normal use, great even, but they look tacky when used for something as formal as a wedding invitations. I just don't get it. If you were sending someone samples of something, wouldn't you make sure they were perfect? Even if you crapped on the rest of them, the initial ones should look good, right? I've realized that this is probably how the whole wedding planning thing is going to go for me. I'm going to screw it up before I get it right.

I chose the wrong wedding venue, but then I got it right. By the way, I finally got the check! That baby is going in the bank TODAY. I chose the wrong florist, but now I'm going to get it right. We requested she send a sample (again with the samples) of the color rose I was interested in. That was a month ago. No rose. No call. I phoned her two weeks ago and she couldn't even place who I was. Then she assured me that she'd get it and would call me by the end of the week. What's the chance of me getting two deposits back?

I chose the wrong invitations, but now you're going to help me get it right. What's that, you say? You heard me. I think it's time for yet another poll! Hoop and I have picked out the invitation we like best (a mix of my modern taste with his traditional) but we can't decide on the color. So we decided to have a poll and go with whatever color gets the most votes. There are four to choose from, and don't worry about matching it with anything else. We've decided not to go crazy making everything into a theme.

The choices are:

MIDORI

CHARCOAL

CHOCOLATE

ORANGE


VOTE HERE!

The poll will end on Sunday at midnight.

You can check on the results here.

Tomorrow: Updates on the story of the cleaning lady's daughter!
Friday: Pickled Beef will be closed for the holiday.
Monday: Good-bye Month

Happy New Half Of The Year!

Today at noon, the year officially rolled over into its second half. Can you believe that? To celebrate, we're going to be recapping resolutions and confessing whether we've managed to stick to them or not. For those who would rather not participate (chicken shits), there's a gigantic chocolate fountain in the back. I hope you brought your bathing suit! Please, no cannonballs in the shallow end.

TINK'S 2008 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS:

1. Don't die. (Well die eventually, just not this year.)
Check. Although, I think I died a little when I heard Jamie Lynn's baby wasn't born with two heads. Where's the justice anymore?

2. Don't kill anyone. (Unless they're really asking for it.)
Check. But if I don't get my refund from the Hilltop soon, that may change.

3. Keep your sanity. (I will guard this last marble with my life.)
Check. It seems I'm adding and then subtracting marbles daily. We'll come back to this one when the wedding is closer.

4. Walk more. (Instead of scooting across the office in your chair yelling, "Weeee!")
Does pacing count? If so, check!

5. Buy new clothes. (Well, if you insist.)
How did I forget this resolution?! I'm going out to fulfill this one tonight.

6. Take up a new dirty habit to replace smoking. (Like gardening... Or crack.)
What is... Etsy, ITunes, Boba, and Yahoo Answers.

7. Create a new slang word and see if it sticks. ("Yo Blo." BLO: the shorthand of Blogger. Also referred to as a Homebloy.)
Oh yeah Homebloys. So I only have one other person saying it *cough*Newt*cough*. But that's one more than I had in January! Progress baby, progress.

8. Spread some love through the Blogosphere.
Aw. Do you feel loved yet? What if I bribe you with goodies during the upcoming PB Contest?

3rd Annual Blog Header Showdown Recap:
(Say that ten times fast)
As you can see, "Peeking" was the winner. I think saying it won by a "long shot" would be an understatement. The final statistics were:

Peeking- 74.4%
Bullshittier- 11.6%
What's For Blog- 14%

Thanks to everyone who voted! Without you, well, this place would suck.

Sudden Death Match

Despite having "sudden" in the title, this match will go on for two and a half days, starting today at 5pm (EST) and ending on Sunday at midnight. One of these contestants has an amazing lead, which almost caused me to cancel the sudden death match entirely. But tradition is tradition folks, and I'd like to give the people who voted for the other three contestants a chance to make this one count. So for your voting pleasure, here are the top three contenders:

(Click For Larger View)

Peeking

Bullshittier

It's What's For Blog


VOTE HERE!

Please, only vote ONCE. If you'd like to see the poll results, you can go here.

In Other News:
1. The cleaning lady wasn't fired! In fact, she came in yesterday with her nine year old daughter and made the little girl apologize to my coworker. I'm not sure who was more mortified. "I was afraid I was going to make her cry!" My coworker told me afterward. I only wish I'd been around to see my post-it-note pen pal. I'm thinking of leaving her a small present, via her Mother. Whatcha think?
2. I would like to clarify that the coworker who was vandalized was NOT the same coworker in the conversation on Wednesday. But for those who were curious, the last coworker is 31 years old. I'm thinking of putting a globe in this year's Christmas gift exchange.
3. Hoop called our original wedding location yesterday to see if they'd mailed out our check yet. I was getting worried, seeing as they'd told us it was in the mail two weeks ago. Come to find out, they hadn't. Why am I surprised at this?!

Random Conversation:
(On the phone)
Tink: Hi, I was just calling to update some information.
Wedding Cake Lady: OK?
Tink: Our wedding venue has changed. We found out a few weeks ago that the coordinator had overbooked the place.
Wedding Cake Lady: Oh no! That's horrible!
Tink: Tell me about it. But we found a new location and I'm going to need to have the cake delivered there instead.
Wedding Cake Lady: Not a problem.
Tink: Also, my cellphone number has changed-
Wedding Cake Lady: -OK.
Tink: I should probably mention that those two are totally unrelated.
Wedding Cake Lady: *Laughs* I was afraid to ask!
Tink: Yeah, I'm not hiding from them or anything.
Wedding Cake Lady: I thought maybe you had punched that coordinator.
Tink: Oh I wanted to. But then how would we ever get our money back?

Have a fantastic weekend Homebloys!

Two For One Special

WEEKLY WORD CHALLENGE 41!

The words for this week were Front and Back.

How did you interpret them?

Front

Here's the front of our ceremony location.

Back

Here's the back.

(Random Pictures)

Caterpillar


"Ahhhh! Quit bugging me!"

The words for next week are:
Raw
and
Finished

And that concludes our theme of WWC Flickr group word suggestions. But don't let that stop you from submitting more! We're going to do this again soon. If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details.

Happy snapping!

*************************************************************
3RD ANNUAL BLOG HEADER SHOWDOWN!

In the left corner, three new contestants:
(Click For Larger View)

Peeking

Bullshittier

It's What's For Blog


In the right corner, three old contestants:
(Click For Larger View)

A Few Good Sporks

Pink Tink

Pouty Tink


Who will win when they go head to head in the first round of the show down?

VOTE HERE!

Da Rules:
1. Please, only vote ONCE. If you'd like to see the poll results, you can go here.
2. The poll ends this Friday at 5pm (Eastern Time).
3. The top three contestants will compete in a Sudden Death match over the weekend with the winner being announced on Monday.

P.S. "I Heart Etsy" will return next Tuesday.

Delayed On Account Of Stupidity

The 3rd Annual Blog Header Showdown will start tomorrow, and not today as originally stated. We were without power for most of the weekend and it was all my fault. As I was blow drying my hair Saturday morning, the power went out. Oddly, it didn't dawn on me to think that the two might have anything to do with each other. No. My conclusion was that we were experiencing a brownout. Hoop checked the breakers, but not thoroughly. Because, as I'd told him, we were having electrical problems. So what was the point? It would be back up soon.

Fast forward to last night. -Do you like how I did that? You didn't even have to live through the torture of the whole thing! You're welcome.- Still no power. "Listen," Hoop finally confessed. "I've never heard of a brownout before. But I'm pretty sure our electricity should be back on by now." I had to agreed. "Maybe it's one of the GFCI outlets." I am so fucking brilliant. So we ran around the house looking for reset buttons to press. That's when we realized that our house only has ONE GFCI outlet, and it's not in either of the two bathrooms. Huh. Termites AND shoddy electric work.

After pressing the reset button of the lone GFCI outlet, the electricity still wasn't back on. That's when Hoop decided to go back out to the box. "Oh!" Came his muffled reply a minute later. "This breaker wasn't fully tripped!" Suddenly, the lights came back on. I couldn't decide whether I should be elated or pissed. "Yay!" I shouted, followed by "What the hell, Hoop? I had headers to make tonight!" His smile quickly turned to confusion. "But YOU said it was a brownout." And that's when I realized...

It's not always such a great idea to act like you know what you're talking about.

Because the one time someone decides to listen to you, you're going to be wrong.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Wouldn't you say that I'm a pretty independent person?
Hoop: ...Sure you are.
Tink: Why did you hesitate?
Hoop: I didn't hesitate.
Tink: You did to! What, you don't think I'm independent?
Hoop: You're always asking for help.
Tink: With what?
Hoop: The laundry, the dishes, the yard-
Tink: *Smacks Hoop's arm*
Hoop: What? It's TRUE.

TOMORROW: WWC and the start of the 3rd Annual Blog Header Showdown. Yeah, both. I know, I'm crazy. My head is going to blow up one of these days. Btw, don't forget to get your MS Button below if you've participated in Newt and OneDaisy's Fundraiser.

Very Big Show

As I mentioned a few posts ago, it's almost time for the 3rd Annual Summer Extravaganza! For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, I've included links to last year's celebration with the schedule of events below.

June 23rd - June 27th: Blog Header Showdown
Six blog headers, three contestants from last year against three new contestants for this year, duke it out in a battle royale for the rights to this blog. The three with the highest votes on Friday will face off in a sudden death match over the weekend. The winning header will be named on Monday and placed on it's throne, where it will sit for the remainder of the year in Pickled Beef glory. Exciting, no?

July 1st (Tuesday): Happy New Half Of The Year!
The celebration to commemorate the first half of 2008 will begin at noon, when the second half of 2008 officially makes an appearance. Bring your bathing suit. We're going to have a chocolate fountain!

July 18th (Friday): PB Contest
Five sets of five trivia questions about this blog posted at 9am, 1pm, 5pm, midnight, and once randomly (Eastern time) for PRIZES. Last year's winners were given the choice of a mailed goodie bag or a personal post. Don't miss out! The questions aren't too hard. I even allow cheating!

July 25th (Friday): Hoop Day
The third anniversary of the day Hoop discovered my blog. We usually celebrate with a guest post, or an interview, or a list of my favorite Hoop conversations of the year. One can never tell. But either way, it's bound to be a good time.

*EDIT* Yeah, I'm a dope. It's only the 2nd anniversary of Hoop finding this blog. I got stuck on the threes.

July 30th (Wednesday): Arabella Day
A celebration of some very important people... YOU. The holiday started out as a guest post for my good friend Arabella during the first Pickled Beef contest. She enjoyed it so much that I (jokingly) said that I would make it a yearly thing. Well, it stuck. Since then, we've used the occasion to rejoice in one another. The rules are simple, say something about the person who commented before you, even if it's just about their nice tits. The chain breaks at midnight (Eastern time).

Have a great weekend Homebloys!

P.S. I'm working on a new Twisted (Tink) chapter for next week. For those still reading, I'm sorry for the delay. Things have been, well... CRAZY, for lack of a better word. Bear with me!

Open Forum

I'm in a foul mood today.

Not toward you. You're OK.

Work is sending me to a different branch tomorrow to conduct interviews. I have one interview every half hour from 8:30 am until 4:30 pm. It's like speed dating for job candidates. "I'm sorry. I'd really like to hear how you're qualified for the position, but the egg timer just went off. You have to leave now." I'm trying to figure out how to cut my list of twenty questions down to four. Maybe I'll just cut them up into strips and draw them randomly out of a hat as the applicants arrive.

On top of work woes, I'm having pre-wedding-planning jitters. During lunch I asked Hoop for the hundredth time if he just wanted to elope. "We could do it in Hawaii!" He nixed that idea and reiterated that he'd really like all the family to be there. Isn't this role reversal? My feeling on the situation is, we're poor. Bottom line. We might be able to save up three grand by next year. But even having a backwoods wedding where I cater and Hoop gets his tux from a funeral home is going to wipe out any chance of us having a honeymoon.

Hello! The honeymoon is the BEST part!

Anyhoop. I'm rambling, I know. It's the coffee... or the crack. I'm just kidding. I don't do crack. Do you know how expensive that shit is?! Here's the deal. You all have until Thursday night to ask me whatever question(s) you want and I am obligated to answer them all. I know I haven't been the most diligent responding to my comments lately, although I promise I read and enjoy every one. So here's your chance.

Ask me about something I've written in the last month, or about something I haven't yet divulged. (Is that even possible?) Maybe you're sick and you want to know my bra size. You're going to be very disappointed if you do. Perhaps you have a question for Hoop or one of the dogs. Do you have a critique, suggestion, or rant? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. Ok, ok. If you don't get it yet, you never will. Happy questioning my friends. I will see you again on Friday!

The Red Carpet

(NOT JUST A DIRTY PORN TITLE)

And the awards go to...


Mitchgib
Nettie
*******************************************


Corky
Scottsdale Girl
*******************************************


Orhan Kahn
Mamalujo
*******************************************


Peggy
Geenalyn
*******************************************

MOVIE REVIEWS

The Simpsons Movie:
I've anticipated a Simpsons movie ever since I was a kid. Now that they've finally made one, I don't really care anymore. They waited too long. "I think this is the end of an era," Hoop said as we left the theater. That's what it felt like too, the end. Not that I was expecting a huge blockbuster or anything, come on it's the SIMPSONS, but I expected something more than what was delivered. It felt like a really long and somewhat dull episode. Hoop and I agree, they should have left it on the TV. Two out of five sporks.

Bourne Ultimatum
There aren't any surprises here. Jason Bourne is pissed and he's out to get information. True to Bourne form, the movie was filled with good stunts and tricky situations. The end tied up loose strings and we all left the theater satisfied. The only problem I had with this movie was the filming. Like in "Ocean's Twelve", they didn't seem to use a stand for the camera. The shots were jerky/shaky. At one point the main characters stopped moving and the camera kept doing circles around their faces. Blech. Motion sickness.Three out of five sporks.

Stardust Beautiful. Funny. Clever. "The Princess Bride" of the new age. Its only flaw is that I didn't write it. I was sceptical when I heard that Robert De Niro was playing a pirate. Then again, my opinion might have been colored by Johnny Depp, the man who makes criminals look good. But I'm telling you now, NO ONE could have played the part better. Five out of five sporks.

Rush Hour 3
The best part of the movie were the bloopers during the end credits. For that alone I might recommend seeing this movie. Otherwise, don't waste your money at the theater. Like the other two, Rush Hour 3 is completely unrealistic and filled with corny jokes and slapstick fight scenes. Only, unlike the first two, we've seen these bits already. Overplayed and under-funny. One out of five sporks.

The Lost Room
Hoop and I picked up this Sci-Fi mini-movie series for $5. We had no idea what it was about. I chose it based on the cover alone. After watching it, I would definitely place it on my top five "great finds" list. The plot revolves around a hotel room and what happened to it one night in 1961. The room disappeared, it's objects scattered throughout the world. But those who have the key can still unlock it. What happens when a man's daughter goes into the room and disappears? Will the objects help him find her, or further enmesh him in the mystery of the room? Five out of five sporks.

Stranger Than Fiction
I know this one came out awhile ago, but Hoop and I just got around to seeing it. I'm not a big Will Farrell fan. I thought he killed his career with "Zoolander." But then "Elf" came out and I was proven wrong. Apparently someone DOES want to pay him for crap. But this movie surprised me. Not only was it really really well written and directed, but I didn't want to hurt him once the entire time! It's a movie I could watch more than once, which is saying a lot for me. Hoop and I gave it five out of five sporks.

Brodimus the Gifted

I haven't known Brodimus Prime for very long, but what I've seen so far has been impressive. I met him initially not through a blog, but through his artwork on Flickr. I've always prided myself on my creativeness in photography, writing, and drawing. So it takes some amount of jealousy for me to be impressed by someone else's work in any of those areas. I can honestly say that Brodimus' art is something worth being envious over. This of course only makes me like him more.

It also helps that he looks a lot like Hoop (according to Hoop). My other half isn't the type to meddle in my tiny corner of the blogosphere. Occasionally he'll humor me with a guest post or surprise me by knowing the real names of my closest Blogger buddies. But last night, as he peered over my shoulder at Brodimus' blog, he took a strange interest in our featured member. "He's from Atlanta? Then he MUST be cool!" So there you have it Brodimus, you have been deemed "cool" by the toughest critic ever.

If Hoop ever establishes that "Church of Cool" like he's been talking about for the last two years, you might have an invite for a deacon position. Hoop would also like to add that Happy Hour is every Sunday from 8-5. On top of being a Blogger and a professional graphic artist, Brodimus is also newly engaged. His fiancé is a stone cold fox. Which is another thing he and Hoop have in common. *Cough* I'm kidding. But seriously, you should go over there and leave him some newlywed advice. But none of that generic stuff.

If I hear "don't go to bed angry" one more time, I'm going to puke. Tell him something really useful. Like, "don't get so much life insurance that you're worth more to them dead than alive." Or if giving advice doesn't appeal, maybe you could give him some funny wedding stories or ideas. Regardless, go say Hi. Brodimus is a pretty awesome guy to know. I was tickled when he chose this post as his prize. What better way could there be to introduce him? So to you, Brodimus my gifted friend, welcome!

Tomorrow: Back to normal (whatever the hell "normal" is around here) with a farewell-to-July post. Yay!

2nd Annual PB Contest!

(Rules and prizes listed in yesterday's post.)

9:00 AM Contest
1. What breed of dog are Jazzi and Duff?
2. What do Hoop and I like to “hunt” for on the beach?
3. On what day did I hit 365 posts?
4. What did Ginger the Miracle Puppy ingest over Christmas break?
5. What kind of fruit is growing in our backyard?
WINNER- Brodimus Prime!
Prize: Post

1:00 PM Contest
1. What can Hoop almost always be seen wearing?
2. Finish this sentence, “My father had two ------.”
3. What color are my eyes?
4. Name two of my addictions.
5. What color is our kitchen?
WINNER- Jay!
Prize: Goody Bag

5:00 PM Contest
1. What do I think the birthmark on my leg looks like?
2. What was the name of the tree where I buried a crystal?
3. Where did Hoop and I find the sporks used in the current header?
4. What kind of car did Hoop run into?
5. What shape does "Karma" take the form of?
WINNER- Pamer!
Prize: Goody Bag

Surprise Contest
1. Where did Hoop and I share our first kiss?
2. How many horses do my parents have?
3. If Hoop had a blog, what would it be named?
4. Give the punch line to this joke: “What has six eyes and seven teeth?”
5. What kind of company do I work for?
WINNER- Geenalyn!
Prize: Goody Bag

Midnight Contest
1. In what month did Hoop and I stop being homeless?
2. How many brothers does Hoop have?
3. Name five movies that Hoop and I have seen this year and LIKED.
4. How long is my commute to work (one way)?
5. Where was the Alamo Plaza?
WINNER- Fiwa!
Prize: Goody Bag

That's the end of the Second Annual PB Contest! Thanks to everyone who played. To those who won, please leave a comment on which prize you would like to have.

Have a great weekend.

The Guest Of Honor

(Post By Hoop)

Now I have my own holiday? Just for finding out my girlfriend has been secretly supporting our relationship to the world? I tink somebody loves me!!! It's a damn good thing too, because that somebody means everything to me. I wish I could have partook in the holiday festivities. But unfortunately, I was secluded in my little internetless world I like to call work. No but really, I hope you guys had fun. I'm sure ya'll enjoyed all your booze, strippers, and sandwiches. Damn I love sandwiches. My Grandma makes killer club sandwiches. I can make a sandwich out of anything. It's my special talent. Some of the best sandwiches are the classics like ham, peanut butter and banana, grilled cheese, and the old faithful pb&J.

I grew up on those, but then expanded my horizons to such sandwiches as egg salad, chicken salad, BLT's, and clubs. I also love tuna fish, roast beef, cubans, steak, chicken, baloney, or just plain ol' turky sandwiches. Throw some pepper jack on and I'm in heaven. As I got older, my love for sandwiches evolved even further. I started experimenting. Throwing a little mayonnaise on my peanut butter and bananas, tomato and mayonnaise, spam sandwiches, Eggo waffle sandwiches. I concocted sandwiches out of anything. One of my favorites was the triple decker with pb&J on the bottom, pb and bananas on the top.

Oh yeah, I forgot baby, nobody cares about those things but you.

Well I am getting tired, so I will say my goodbyes...

This one goes out to all of our (Tink's) fans. Thanks to everyone who supports us and Tink's Blog. You have been great.

(Back to Tink)

Don't forget, tomorrow is the Second Annual PB Contest!

The Contest: We're going to do this a little differently this year. If you would like to participate, the first part of the contest will start tomorrow at 9am (Eastern Time). I will post five questions. The first person to submit the correct answers to the comment section of tomorrow's post will be one of the four winners. The second set of questions will be posted at 1pm, the third set at 5pm, and the last set at midnight. I staggered the times so that everyone in all times zones would have an opportunity to play.

There'd be a set between 5 and midnight, but Hoop and I really want to go see the Simpsons movie. If plans change, a fifth set might unexpectedly pop up. :)

Da Rules: In the circumstance that no one gets all the answers right, the person with the most correct answers will win. If for some reason you can not comment on the blog (Blogger has been known to screw up) you can submit your answers to my email. You cannot win more than once. Cheating, if you are clever enough to find a way to, IS allowed. There is only one right answer to each question. But feel free to argue a point. I love a good debate. Winners will be announced as they come.

Prize:
1. (Will involve you emailing me your mailing address) A mixed bag of surprise goodies.
OR
2. Because it was so popular last year, a personal post. Which means I will dedicate an entire post to you and things that make me think of you

Have fun!!

Joi gin, June!

June Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Friday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Lefty and Mamalujo.
4. The most used search term was, "fraudulent hermaphrodite."
5. My favorite search term was, "female pudding wrestler." As long as it's chocolate.
6. The highest hit post (200) was on June 14th, the day I hit 365 (+2) posts.

30 Quirks for 30 Days:
1. The other day my Mom called to say, "Your brothers and I would like to unbury the crystal beneath Fate."
2. Which probably sounds like a bunch of gibberish to you.
3. Ten years ago, a girlfriend and I buried a large Quartz Crystal at the base of a tree. It was "our" tree, the one we met at each morning and snuck out to each night.
4. We had named her "Fate." She was the last on a lot, saved from the saws. Unlike the grove around her, which had been covered in KKK symbols and then chopped down so as not to cause offense.
5. Three years after we buried the crystal, our friendship dissolved. We agreed to leave the crystal behind. I think we both wanted to believe that it would protect the tree in our absence.
6. Or maybe it was so that some part of us would still remain, a trace of all that was.
7. I think about it sometimes. I wonder how my friend is and if the tree is still there. I wonder if she ever went back and got the crystal...
8. I guess there's only one way to find out.
9. When I was four, the fire sprinkler system at my KinderCare malfunctioned and flooded the school.
10. I remember being scared and wondering why it was raining in the building.
11. But most of all, I remember hiding in a fireplace.
12. I'm pretty sure there wasn't a fireplace in my classroom.
13. Maybe I had been eating glue that day.
14. I taught my dog how to snort like a pig.
15. I figure if she looks and acts like one she might as well SOUND like one too.
16. Not only am I a compulsive hand washer...
17. ...but I'm a compulsive hand sniffer too.
18. Which kind of goes hand in hand if you think about it.
19. I don't have penis envy. But I AM fascinated by balls.
20. One night I asked Hoop all kinds of questions about them until he started blushing. Which is as rare a sight as Nicole Richie eating.
21. In my opinion, balls prove that God (should you believe in one) is a woman.
22. Because if God were a man, those things would be covered in steel.
23. Hoop says I'm secretly obsessed with sex. I like dirty humor. My favorite songs have to do with the horizontal tango. I look up from whatever I'm doing whenever there's a scantily clad person on the tube.
24. To which I responded, "And this BOTHERS you?!"
25. Apparently I have a lot in common with other people's boyfriends. One of my leading search terms for the month was, "my boyfriend's nipples taste like onions."
26. So between that and the "obsession with sex," I'm pretty sure I was a dude in a previous life.
27. Maybe I was Elvis! I can wiggle my hips AND I like blue suede.
28. Although in all likelihood, I'm probably a reincarnation of Billy Fury. He died the day before I was born.
29. Wow, I bet he was disappointed.
30. If you want to know who you might be a reincarnation of, you can check the famous death listings here.
31. Why do these lists always get weird the further I get down them?

Second Annual Blog Header Show Down:
And the winner is...

A Few Good Sporks

Thanks to everyone who voted. I'll have the new layout done soon.

For those Americans who don't have to work tomorrow *Grumble*... Happy 4th of July!