Thursday, November 30, 2006

My Hamster Wheel

Minus the cheese.

I have been in meetings since 8:30 this morning, and I'm only running on two cups of unleaded coffee. So please excuse this uncreative post. Instead I leave you with two of the most bizarre news articles I've ever read. I won't lie. They made me laugh. See if you too don't find them disturbingly funny.

Missing Woman Found Dead Behind Bookcase
Quite possibly the most pathetic sad strange way a person could die.

A woman's body was found wedged upside-down behind a bookcase in the home she shared with relatives who had spent nearly two weeks looking for her. A spokesman for the Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Mariesa Weber's death was not suspicious. Family members said they believe she fell over as she tried to adjust the plug of a television behind the bookshelf.

Weber, 38, returned home Oct. 28 and greeted her mother, then wasn't seen again. Her family thought she had been kidnapped and contacted authorities. Family members scoured her room for clues but found nothing, though they did notice a strange smell. On Nov. 9, Weber's sister went into her bedroom and looked behind a bookcase, where she saw the woman's foot. Using a flashlight the family saw Weber was wedged upside-down behind the unit."I'm sleeping in the same house as her for 11 days, looking for her," her mother, Connie Weber, told the St. Petersburg Times. "And she's right in the bedroom."

Both Weber and her sister had previously adjusted the television plug by standing on a bureau next to the shelf and leaning over the top. Her family believes Weber, who was 5'3" and barely 100 pounds, may have fallen head first into the space. "She's a little thing," her mother said. "And the bookcase is 6 feet tall and solid. And she couldn't get out." The sheriff's office said Weber appeared to have died because she was unable to breathe in the position she was in.

Man Baker Acted After Trying To Rob Bank
This happened in my parents' town. And no, it's not Hoop.

A 31-year-old ------- man who was first thought to be robbing a local bank was determined to require mental health care. On Nov. 16, the 911 caller stated a man wearing a Speedo- style bathing suit was present at the Compass Bank, where he advised the tellers he was there to rob the bank, according to Deputy A.F. Harris. The man was given a credit application instead of money and he left on a blue/purple motor scooter. Several minutes later, he returned with the credit application. He was met in the parking lot by Deputy Harris. The suspect again said he was there to rob the bank. After a confusing interview, the suspect was taken into custody and it was decided to Baker Act him, Deputy Harris said.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

It's Not Over Until It's Over

Yesterday on my way home Hoop called to ask if I was OK.

To which I replied:

(For optimal effect read quick and loudly)

"I waited all morning for our stupid Realtor to call and give me the address of the title company where we were supposed to meet. When she finally called, it was only to inform me that the buyers were STILL not ready to close. Apparently their mortgage company is waiting on their W-2 forms. Which is ludicrous since my mortgage company required that information before I could be approved. Evidently he works for a privately owned business, which doesn't keep those records on file. So he made a request to the IRS, but it's going to take 24 to 48 hours to ship. And what I really want to know is why the hell they didn't take care of this a month ago?!"

"Then the Realtor called me back to tell me she thinks the contract is going to fall through and that 'Look at the bright side, at least you'll get $500 back from their deposit!' I told her that amount wouldn't even cover the cost of getting the utilities turned back on. But what I really wanted to tell her was how much I'd LOVE to use that money to get her head extracted from her ass. She called me back a couple hours later to say that the contract is still valid, but the closing has been delayed again. 'Don't stress about this.' Like it's just that easy. Now I'm stuck coming in an hour early tomorrow and Thursday because I promised work I'd make up the time."

"I'm tired and I'm stressed and some dude almost took off my fucking hand trying to pass me at the intersection. Plus I read before I left, which was a HUGE mistake because now I can't stop thinking about that baby that got microwaved and bawling my eyes out. Or that lady who struck her seven year old son on the head with a hammer. They say the boy 'lived for a week longer, listless, unable to walk/talk/eat, and reeking of piss.' And they just let him lie there until he died so they could bury the body! So I've come to the conclusion that we're all doomed. Our society is completely poisoned babe. Now I'm fighting traffic to get home. And when I get there I have to go grocery shopping and make dinner because I promised Mom that I would and I hate going back on my word. So NO, I'm not OK today!"

There was a long pause before Hoop replied. "Oh."

And then, "Should I call you back later?"

Um yeah, that's probably a good idea.

November Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. Skank Hoe
2. Funniest Car Accidents Those are the ones where no one gets hurt right?
3. Hermorphodite clown Two words that should never be next to each other. Like, "Bush" and "Smart."
4. intercourse slang Can be found
5. How to make a ghetto christmas tree First, get a saw. Next, cut down one of the trees in your neighbors yard. If the trailer next door doesn't have trees you can substitute with a stick in a pot or a tree that you found discarded on the side of the road after the holidays. A true ghetto tree is ALWAYS out of season. Then, decorate. I prefer beer cans, paper chains, lightbulbs, paperclips, and shoe laces. But anything else found in the neighbors trash can will do too.

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter,
"Smudge On The Rug.". Curious what the title means? I suggest you flit on over and check it out!

Monday, November 27, 2006


Weekend Recap:
1. While driving home from work on Friday, I turned a corner and found myself in the middle of a large dust cloud. I figured there was construction up ahead.
2. As I neared, I realized it wasn't dirt I was seeing. It was smoke. I turned and watched in awe as the right side of the road quickly became engulfed in flames.
3. But before I knew it, I had already driven through it. Apparently the firefighters were too busy hosing the fire to worry about redirecting traffic.
4. It was eerily beautiful. A part of me (the illogical part) thought about pulling over and taking pictures.
5. Hoop says I'm addicted and he's going to take my camera away.
6. Friday and Saturday night my Grandparents came to stay.
7. I was fine with that until my Grandmother came stomping out of the bathroom to declare there was a wet face cloth hanging from the towel rack.
8. You see, the face cloth was mine and by placing it back wet I had committed some heinous crime against old people and/or face towels that required her to nag for twenty minutes to anyone who would listen.
9. She even had people sniffing it.
10. And yes, I'm blowing the whole damn thing out of proportion considering this woman is my Grandma and I love her despite her OCD tendencies. But for fuck sake, it's a face cloth!
11. Saturday morning the men of the family went out to build a Run-In for the horses.
12. The women played as overseers.
13. And because of that it all turned out beautifully. ;)
14. Saturday night Hoop and I took the boys to see "
Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny".
15. Two words, "Stoner movie."
16. Three more words, "Don't take kids." Although I'm sure the boys found the penis jokes a little funnier than I did. As we left I turned to them and said, "Whatever you do-" They finished my sentence with, "Don't tell Mom." Smart kids.
17. Sunday, the whole family went to the Flea Market.
18. I used to think Flea Markets were a great place to find really neat junk for really low prices. Not anymore.
19. Most of the wares were outrageously over marked. "I could get this brand new at Walmart for less!" I told one vendor. "Why don't you then?" She snottily replied.
20. Another vendor tried to sell me a $3 butterfly bookmark which I had bought back in ninth grade as a $1.00 barrette. "It's a hair clip," I told her. "You don't say!" She laughed. "I found it in a drawer at my Mother's house. I just assumed it was an antique bookmark."
21. Hoop haggled with a vendor for fifteen minutes over the price of some old Nintendo games. He finally left after the gentleman insisted everything was "rare" and worth twice the amount Hoop was willing to pay.
22. The crazy thing about this Flea Market is that it subs as a GED station too. You can shop and get your high school diploma at the same time!
23. Before leaving, Hoop and I made a pit stop at the Flea Market reptile shop. The couple inside couldn't have been any nicer. They gushed about their passion for turtles and iguanas, both of which they had running loose around the store.
24. They even had a trust fund set up in their will for their ten and fifteen year old tortoises at home.
25. By the time we left, Hoop and I were convinced we'd buy a tortoise for the next house.
26. Of course I'll have to keep Hoop from riding it.
27. No luck on the house hunt. Keep your fingers crossed! The closing is scheduled for tomorrow.

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:

Thanks... those who came before me. I'll try harder to appreciate my cushy life.


Once everything is built on my parents' ranch, my Grandfather (a retired minister) is going to bless it.

(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Peeling potatoes is a family ordeal.

Shrinking Brother

What's For Dinner?

Flea Market GED

Wide Load

Things That Make You Go "WTF?":
1. Does this chicken leg smell like dog to you?
2. At least you'll be wealthy homeless people.
3. Welcome to the FUTURISTIC antique store! We only sell things that will be antiques in 20 years.

Not Far From The Tree:
Woman On TV: "We're going in for plastic surgery to fix his saggy scrotum and my loose labia."
Mom: Oh my God.
Big Bit: What are they getting fixed?!
Papa Bear: His SCROTUM.
Mom: *Groan*
Hoop: I've never heard of someone getting that done. Do you think it hangs down to his knees?
Big Bit: What are we talking about?
Papa Bear: His BALLS, son.
Big Bit: Ewwww.
Mom: *Buries head in hands*
Hoop: Do you think they have help groups for that?
Papa Bear: A man should be proud of his package!
Big Bit: How does he walk?
Mom: I'm so glad they didn't hear what she's getting done!
Tink: Me too.

Friday, November 24, 2006

All Quiet On The Blogosphere

I think I have a turkey hangover.

I guess that's what eating two Thanksgiving dinners will do to a person. After visiting our families, Hoop and I had plans of stopping by our old house for some... exercise. Evidently Hoop's turkey-coma made him forget this when my little brother inquired about going with us.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Big Bit: Can I go?
Tink: No hon, not this time.
Hoop: Why not? I don't mind.
Tink: *Glares* I thought you wanted to stop by the house afterward and say "Good-bye?"
Hoop: Oh yeaaah. Sorry dude, not this time.
Big Bit: But why? I'll be good!
Tink: Hoop's Grandpa's medication makes him kind of grumpy.
Big Bit: I could cheer him up.
Hoop: Besides, my Grandma isn't expecting anyone extra. There might not be enough food.
Big Bit: *Rolls eyes* I wasn't planning on eating.
Tink: (Once in car) Not enough food?! It's Thanksgiving, Hoop. We're going to have a whole friggin turkey!
Hoop: I'm sorry. I panicked!

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop's Mom: Do you have to work tomorrow?
Tink: I do.
Hoop's Mom: That's awful!
Hoop: I have to work for four hours.
Tink: Yeah but you don't have to go in until 1. I have to get up at 6.
Alzheimer Grandpa: I don't have to get up at all!
Tink: *Whispers to Hoop* Please don't let those be his famous last words.

In Other News:
Mama Tulip has rejoined us! Click on over and tell her how much she's been missed.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Giving Thanks

My brain is a house that's haunted by memories.

No matter how much I'd like to think I'm moving forward, there's always a part of me that's looking back. It's like unplanned time travel. I smell bleach and suddenly I'm fourteen, cleaning out ice cream bins at the flea market. I get an email from an old friend and all I can think about is how I slapped her on the school bus the week before I moved away. Or the way bagpipes remind me of weddings and medicine balls like fifth grade gym class. These memories slip in and out like friendly/unfriendly ghosts. Yesterday at lunch I drove to my house to shut off the breakers. "I'm over this," I thought, killing the switch. But no matter how over it I am...

It's not quite over me.

The concrete slab in the side yard? That's where Hoop and I huddled under blankets to smoke. It's where we fought, and kissed, and made plans for the future. The lone swamp Oak outside? I tied peanut butter coated pine cones to its branches one year for Beltane. I passed up a perfectly good offer on the house simply because the buyers wanted to cut it down and build a garage. "Surely there's something here that doesn't hold some sort of memory." The guest bedroom? Home to four different roommates. One whose Mother was murdered three months after she moved in. Another who disappeared one day in pursuit of a missing life. The third used tape on the door to see if I'd broken in while she was away. The fourth was her girlfriend, a girl who put cigarettes out on my coffee table and talked in third person.

Somewhere beneath this fence post is a slab of cement with my Dad's and my initials on it. We built this fence three years ago with our own hands. It was the last time I saw him sober.

The year I moved in, my house was struck by lightning three times in four months. The first two times blew out my telephone line and fried my computer. The third time cracked this once great Pine tree in two. It oozed sap and sawdust for days. For two years it remained, not alive and not quite dead. I fondly nicknamed it "The Lightning Tree." I had it cut down the year the hurricanes rolled through. They asked if I wanted the stump removed. As you see I couldn't let them do it.

So much history! But don't misinterpret this as regret. I'm not sorry to leave. My life has moved beyond the memories that were created in this house. I'm looking forward to the new memories, the ones that always involve Hoop :D. And the couple that's moving in? I hear they're lovely. This will be their first home together. I can't think of a better place to start at. It's just... Now that it's time to go, I'm not sure how to say "Good-Bye."

So instead I'll say "Thank you."

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:
(Better late than never)



(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Hot Air, Cool Night

Ferris Wheel

Attraction To Lights

In Motion

"Bear Affair"

The one in the back looks like he's pooping.


This weekend's words are Blessing and Thanks.

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: *Runs into the warehouse*
Supervisor 1: What's wrong?
Tink: I keep hearing voices.
Supervisor 1: In your head?
Tink: No, through the ducts.
Supervisor 2: You have ducks in your office?
Supervisor 1: And they're talking to her.
Supervisor 2: I think we should give her a drug screening.
Tink: The AC ducts you dorks. I hear voices through them and now I'm trying to find out where they're coming from.
Supervisor 1: That's because there's no insulation in the walls.
Supervisor 2: We can hear you in the bathroom.
Tink: You can hear me peeing?!
Supervisor 2: Ew, no. We can hear you talking in our bathroom.
Tink: That's really no better.
Supervisor 1: Yeah, do you mind talking quieter? It makes it hard to concentrate.

Have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving guys!

PB will be closed tomorrow for the holiday and may or may not return on Friday,
depending on how fat I am and if I can reach the keyboard over my belly.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Please Excuse Me

...while I a spokesperson that looks nothing like me screams.

(You might want to cover your ears for a minute)

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 0 Days + 7

The closing has been delayed a week. Which means Hoop and I stressed ourselves out last weekend for NOTHING. The buyers were supposed to do their final walkthrough last night at six. So I waited by my phone for three hours to hear something back about it. Of course our Realtor never called. So I got up at five o'clock this morning, as planned, to go into work early so I could leave early.

Let's add that up for you.

-2 hours of sleep from normal
+2 hours of driving to and from work
+2 hours of driving to closing
+1 hour of closing time
-3 hours away from work
-0 hours of sick/vacation time left
= A miserable girl named Tink.

What, did you think I'd actually break even because the numbers did? Pfft.

My Realtor actually had the balls tits to schedule the closing in HER town instead of the one where the buyers, the seller (me), and the other Realtor live. I can't decide whether this woman is evil or a fucking genius. Two hours before the closing was scheduled to happen my Realtor finally decided to call and inform me that it's been delayed. Fortunately it had nothing to do with the walkthrough. The buyers are having some issues getting insurance. So we wait...

...and I mentally plot ways I'd like hurt our Realtor.

My favorite one involves superglue and a rabid dog.

Insult: I'm pictureless today. I thought I'd be sneaky and bring my photo program to work and load it on my office computer. But the IT has foreseen my plan and blocked all access but his to load new software. "FOILED AGAIN!" They're really beautiful too. You're going to have to take my word for it at the moment. I'm going to load them at my parents' tonight. Hopefully some of you will still be around to enjoy them. The rest of you have either fled from my insanity or gone on holiday. Lucky bastards... I'd flee my insanity too if I could!

Injury: My parents have been kind enough to house Hoop and I (plus our dogs) until we find another house. There aren't words to describe the gratitude I feel. The only problem is, I can't get comfortable. I come "home" from work and hop around doing laundry or dishes and seeing if anyone needs assistance with anything. Then Hoop and I go to bed and I lay there for an hour trying to feel something other than anxious. When I do fall asleep it's only to wake up at 2. Then I struggle to get back to sleep, only to wake up a few hours later so I can get ready for the hour drive to work. I feel like a balloon without a string. Nothing is tethering me down. I just keep floating up and bumping into the fan.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I know I haven't been the best or most diligent Blogger lately. I swear I'll make it up to you when this is over. Gold sporks for everyone!

Or maybe some really juicy personal posts.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Shaken and Stirred

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night Hoop and I drove out to Gainesville to have dinner with
Tammie and her husband Jeff.
2. Jealous? You should be. She's just as wonderful as you think she is.
3. I was proud of myself. I didn't try to touch her stomach the whole time we were there! Although I was tempted to touch her hair. She has the most gorgeous curls you could ever imagine.
4. We pigged out on Italian and discussed everything from travel (which I've done little of), to moving (which I've done too much of), to movies and sports. Before I knew it, two hours had flown by and it was time to say our good-byes.
5. Some people *cough*Hoop*cough* thought I was crazy for scheduling a night out on the same weekend we were moving. But honestly, I think it saved my sanity. What's left anyway.
6. Hoop had to work Saturday morning, dressed like an Alice In Wonderland playing card. I wish I could say there were pictures. Unfortunately I didn't have time to take any.
7. I was too busy mowing the yard and bleaching/scrubbing out trash cans.
8. Do you know what's stupid? CLEANING a trash can. You're just going to put garbage back in it sooner or later.
9. The rest of Saturday pretty much sucked.
10. The carpet cleaners never showed up, forcing us to call someone else last minute.
11. Then the lady at the UHaul place informed us that we got a free month of storage with the purchase of our trailer.
12. Of course we already had a storage unit somewhere else and half full of our heaviest furniture.
13. And then I called our new Realtor and accidentally left the message, "How gay" on her voicemail. She was very curt when she called back.
14. I can visualize the hate mail now. WHY are you people here?!
15. I'm not a bigot. Honest. Here, have some
gay penguins. Apparently one of them was running for President back in '94.
16. Saturday night Hoop and I decided to take a break and go to the fair. We're not huge fans of the attractions or the food, but we love the atmosphere. I mostly go to take blurry pictures of all the rides.
17. Of course there is the exception... For a dollar each, Hoop and I entered a tent that bragged to house the largest horse in the U.S. We were impressed. The horse wasn't. He never paused in his eating. Which might explain his size.
18. Sunday whipped by in a blur of cleaning, moving, pitching things, and the dog running away. Evidently Duff didn't want to move. I threatened to move without him. But he didn't seem worried. Instead, he ran circles around the yard and then disappeared into the woods for two hours.
19. This morning, as I drove the hour to work, I found my mind wandering around. It's not usual for me to have so much free time.
20. "If Google owns Blogger why isn't it called "Bloggle" instead?"
21. "If commas are the points where everyone pauses in a sentence, and I use too many commas, does that mean I have an abnormal pausing problem?"
22. "How is Splenda better for you than sugar if it's made FROM sugar?"
23. And that was without coffee.

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:

Persevere and Challenge

I played! I just haven't had the chance to load them yet. Look for them tomorrow.

Not Far From The Tree:
Alzheimer Grandpa: Whatcha doin'?
Hoop: We're looking for a place to stash our lawn mower. Is that OK?
AG: Sure! How about over here?
Hoop: I don't think it'll fit back there.
AG: How about under this thing?
Hoop: I don't know what's in that.
AG: *Lifts it up and roaches pour out*
Tink: *Hops up and down* Nasty!
Hoop: Close it Grandpa!
AG: What was that?
Hoop: That's where Grandma keeps her compost.
Tink: How about over there?
Hoop: That works.
AG: No, no. That's too close to the house. What about over here? What's under this thing? *Points to compost cover*
Tink and Hoop: NO!
AG: *Lifts it up and roaches pour out*
Tink: *Closes lid* Leave that alone OK?
AG: There were all kinds of dirt and bugs in there!

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 1 Day!

Friday, November 17, 2006

This Is Where I Lose My Shit

A week ago I called St. Vincent's House (Ok, so that site's a little scary) to request they pick up a furniture donation I had for them. They gave me a date of today and assured me they'd call this morning with an ETA. Before contacting them I had called The Betty Griffin House, where I was rudely informed that I would have to steam clean my couches before they would pick them up. Awfully prudish about FREE furniture aren't they? Then this morning rolled around. I waited by my cell, but no one from St. Vincent's called. By 11 o'clock I was beginning to worry.

Tink: Hi. I was told someone would call me this morning to tell me what time to expect my pick up? But no one has yet, and it's almost afternoon.
Man On Phone: What's your name?
Tink: Tink Erbell.
Man On Phone: Someone should have called you by 8:30 Ms. Erbell.
Tink: Well they didn't.
Man On Phone: I wouldn't worry about it. If the driver hasn't arrived yet I'm sure he'll be there shortly.
Tink: Is he going to call before he arrives?
Man On Phone: No. He'll just show up.
Tink: See, that's my problem. I'm at work right now. I need someone to give me a time to be there so I can take my lunch and head home.
Man On Phone: Oh.
Tink: Does the driver have a cell phone?
Man On Phone: I don't think so.
Tink: There's no way you can give me an estimated time?
Man On Phone: No, I'm sorry. You can drop them off if you'd like!
Tink: *Through gritted teeth* If I had the means to drop them off I wouldn't have called you guys to pick them up. Listen, it's OK. I'll just take them to the dump or something. Thank you for your time.
Man On Phone: OK. Have a good day.

(Ten minutes later my cell phone rings)

Tink: Hello?
Man On Phone: Ms. Erbell, this is So-N-So from St. Vincent's. I'm calling to let you know our driver is at your house and he says that no one's home.
Tink: Mr. So-N-So do you remember me? We just talked about ten minutes ago. The reason why no one is home right now is because no one called me this morning to let me know what time I should be there.
Man On Phone: Oh yeah! You are the same girl huh? *Laughs*
Tink: That's me.
Man On Phone: Well I'm just calling to let you know that he's going to come back at noon.
Tink: Excellent. By the way, I thought you said the guy didn't have a cell phone.
Man On Phone: He doesn't have a WORK cell phone. He has a personal one.
Tink: How convenient.

When the driver came back, somewhere around 12:30, I tried to explain how the situation had gone so terribly awry and to apologize. Unfortunately, neither he nor his helper spoke very good English. So I just pointed at the couches and got out of the way. And except for a little mishap where they "accidentally" tried to take my $300 bookcase, things went smoothly.

Last Night: We had good intentions of moving everything last night. Our expectations were to finish by eleven. We were halfway done by midnight. So with a heavy heart I agreed to stop for the night and rent the trailer again on Saturday. It's a good thing too. I would have totally forgotten the washer and dryer. How does one overlook large furniture like that in an almost bare house? I think I'm losing my shit guys. The worst part of the evening was not breaking down all our furniture or moving it with just the two of us, although that DID suck. It was moving the bed in our bedroom and seeing the carpet underneath. It's black (with dirt) and polka dotted (with various pen inks). Apparently our dog has been having a party under there every night when we go to sleep. The carpet cleaners are coming out tomorrow. I literally had to beg them to come since they're all booked for the holidays. I'm not ashamed to admit I was prepared to cry too.

Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...


I'd like to believe these words were specifically picked out for me. ;)

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While taking a break from moving)
Hoop: I'm pissing outside OK?
Tink: Suit yourself.
Tink: You have quite some aim there.
Hoop: You should have seen me when I was a kid. I could pee up to 15 feet!
Tink: I take it you have a story?
Hoop: I was about 10, maybe 11. I was using a public urinal when I started wondering how far back I could go and still make it in. Before I knew it I was up against the other wall! I had to be pissing 10-15 feet.
Tink: No way.
Hoop: Ask Tech. He walked in on me while I was doing it.
Tink: Ok, so let's see it. How far can you go now?
Hoop: Now? Probably not very far. Back then all my parts were new.

Tonight Hoop and I are driving out to Gainesville to meet the lovely and talented
Tammie, and her husband Jeff! I am so excited. There's a tiny part of me that's nervous too. It's that fear of disappointing... or being found really really annoying.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 4 Days

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Dear Blogger;


I don't want to switch to Beta. The format I'm on has been running for four years now, and you can't even keep it under control. I have little faith in how well you can manage a brand new format with even more functions for you to screw up. I don't appreciate the full page ad when I logged on this morning either. How tricky you are, disguising the conversion box to look just like the normal log in one. You almost had me. Then there's that ad that's been taking up the whole upper half of my dashboard lately. "Your new version of Blogger is ready!" Ha! Like it's some kind of gift. More like a big fat turd wrapped in a pretty box. I'm on to you!

Ms. Erbelle
(AKA Knuckles)
Affiliate of the Mafia

(Thank you
Folioweekly for providing the blog fodder.)

Women Seeking Men:

MOST GIRLS ARE CATS! But I'm a tiger! Out hunting for a real man! I'm hard to catch, don't like cages. Vicious appetite for passion! White female, 52, 5'5", 180, Non-smoker, non-drinker seeks healthy, honest male. Can you handle dangerous game?
At least cats can be declawed. You just sound scary, chick.

Men Seeking Women:

APPLY HERE. Semi-affluent black professional seeking future housewife. Prefer 25-35 years old. Only women who can truly appreciate a man who works hard for his household and wants to relax and let's the days stressors go away. Busty is a plus. The only thing that would have made this better is if you followed up "housewife" with "barefoot and pregnant." Good luck to you. You might want to check into that mail-order thing.

A HUMANE SOCIETY? Men are hormone driven dogs chasing passionate self-willed cats called women! So!? Get a better leash! Single white male, 50, 6', 200, non-smoker, non-drinker seeking shapely, cuddly, humorous, independent, erotic female looking for a new puppy for fun! Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a match for personal ad number one.

COMING OUT. Of a 30-year marriage. Want single white female 23-53, light smoker, social drinker. Don't want to be hit, bit, no fake breasts or personality disorders. Romance, friendship, passion, honest communication. Serious sense of humor a must and trust. 23-53?! Nothing screams "desperate" quite like having a 30 year span between the ages you're requesting. Besides, 23 years is younger than the marriage was old. Are his hormones over ruling his sensibility? Perhaps he's fantasizing. But if that were the case, why no fake boobs?

DENZEL LOOK-ALIKE... Not! But this attractive, black professional gentleman, 55, 5'11", 200lbs, nonsmoker, nondrinker, with many interests, would like to meet a Christian-hearted black female between the ages of 40-63 for friendship, romance, and more! What a tease. You should have downplayed the reference. Then you might have sounded more interesting. Next time try, "URKEL LOOK-ALIKE... Not!" Because who doesn't sound appealing compared to Urkel?

I Saw You:

RED HOT. Pretty little redhead smoking at white building at Deerwood, drives a Cougar, would love for you to introduce me to your hot brunette friend in purple.
I'm sure the red head is a little less than flattered.

SAN MARCO SEXY. You: Hot and spicy Cajun Momma in Trans-Am with the top down singing to Chingy. Me: brown-haired beau looking for some lagniappe. Do you want to ride dirty with me? Lagniappe, the extra "gift" you get when buying in bulk. Like, "Buy 12 donuts, get the 13th free!" I just don't see how that correlates. Then again, look who I'm speaking about.

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter,
"Free." The chapter everyone has been patiently waiting for. Go on, read it! I promise it was worth the wait.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 6 Days

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Rinse and Repeat

Four o'clock this morning I woke up to the sound of the dog gagging, again. Not wanting another incident like last time, I quickly threw Duff onto the floor. Then I realized I didn't have anything to clean up the carpet with, again. So I shot out of bed, yelling obscenities the whole way. This of course woke up Hoop, who responded by locking onto my arm and shouting, "What's wrong?" "Let go of my arm." I replied, trying desperately to get out of his vise grip. "The dog is puking!" This made Hoop jump out of bed too. "I thought you were having a nightmare," he mumbled sleepily. After a mad scramble, we both ended up at the back door. Minus one sick dog.

"Where is he?" Hoop asked, swinging the door wide. I shivered uncontrollably as the icy air blasted me in the face. "DUFF!" I called out. We heard his paws padding across the hallway. He was half a foot from the door when... "Blech." He threw up on the floor. "Ugh!" Hoop moaned. I looked down at the milky puddle on the floor. "Well, it's not shit." Hoop glanced at it and blinked a few times. "What is that?" "Disposable razor." "We really need to start feeding him twice a day." Then we crawled back in bed. Hoop forgot the whole thing ever happened. I remembered at seven o' clock this morning when I slipped on the puddle I'd forgotten to clean up.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While loading my SUV)
Hoop: What else can go into storage?
Tink: How about your "Calvin and Hobbes" books?
Hoop: No, I'm going to put those in my car. I might want to read them at lunch.
Tink: Ok. How about your bookends?
Hoop: Those are going in my car too.
Tink: Please tell me you're not going to use them for the "Calvin and Hobbes" books.
Hoop: What? No. I just want to keep them safe.
Tink: SAFE? Wait a second. Do you not trust this storage center?
Hoop: Pfft. Babe. I'm sure everything will be fine.
Tink: *Looks back at SUV* So, why are we only packing MY stuff?

November Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. Butt nose I'd rather have no nose at all.
2. Pickled Bums Perfect stocking stuffers?
3. I don't do perky Me neither. Get the hell off my blog!
4. Ghetto Christmas That's my theme this year.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: I had this crazy dream last night.
Hoop: About what?
Tink: You remember that skanky girl I told you about that went to high school with me?
Hoop: Who could forget?
Tink: I had a dream last night we were walking down town and saw her. She was wearing this vinyl cat suit with a diamond shape cut out of the middle. We walked up to her and she started talking to us. Then she bent down to get a cigarette, and when she stood back up her stuff was exposed.
Hoop: Stuff?
Tink: Yeah.
Hoop: Like, what kind of stuff?
Tink: An enormous bush!
Hoop: *Cracks up*
Tink: She kept talking to us, totally oblivious. I just kept pointing at it and you couldn't stop laughing.
Hoop: And?
Tink: Isn't that enough? I kept pointing, and you kept laughing.
Hoop: That sounds about right.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 7 Days

Monday, November 13, 2006

Monday Again?

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night Hoop and I went over to his family's house, where I had to listen to yet another person's advice on house hunting and how I'm doing everything wrong.
2. Only, this person also implied I was not looking out for Hoop's best interest.
3. I think I'm developing an eye-twitch...
4. ...and my life is starting to feel like a very confusing infomercial. "Don't buy for six more months! Don't move for two more years. The market is dropping! The market is rising! It's a buyer's world. It's a seller's dream. You're not going to get what you want. Don't settle for what's not best. Move here. No, move here. You don't want to move there. Can't you afford a little bit more? Buy, buy, buy!"
5. *Clicks air-remote* Mute.
6. When people ask how it's going, I'm going to start replying, "Fine." That's it. No details.
7. Maybe if I talk less they'll have less to comment about.
8. I could become a mime!
9. Saturday morning I gave Hoop a "Honey Do" list and left for an all ladies Kahlua Party.
10. There were so many fascinating people to talk to there. I almost didn't want to leave.
11. Like the witty nurse from Jacksonville. "We call the ER the 'Rod and Gun Club.' At the beginning of the month they can afford bullets, because their welfare checks have come in. So we get a lot of shooting victims. At the end of the month, once the money runs out, we get a lot of stabbings and beatings."
12. Or the photographer who spent a week at
Burning Man. "They resurrect a city in the middle of an empty dessert, and then they destroy it a week later. Some people stay behind for a month afterward for cleanup. But in the end, there's no trace of what had been or what might be in years to come. Some go for the drugs. Some go for the inspiration or to work as artists. Most go out of curiosity. But whatever your reasons, you leave with something so much more than you came with."
13. And the sassy housewife. "I only go to Tupperware parties for the free wine."
14. As I was leaving I announced loudly, "Thank you ladies, it's been fun. But now I have to go buy some cock." In all actuality I said "caulk." But it took them a few seconds to realize that.
15. "You know, the stuff you put down in the shower?" On the way home I couldn't stop thinking about the post
Chris Cactus wrote about caulk (and balls). It's a small world Dude.
16. Saturday afternoon Hoop and I fixed all the things the inspector had wrote on the list. It went smoother than planned, save for an incident involving exploding caulk (not "cock" you gutterheads, we've moved past that) and some puppy prints in the fresh grout.
17. We decided to reward ourselves Saturday night by going to a party Hoop's boss was throwing.
18. We got a bit lost along the way though...

Hoop: What are we looking for again?
Tink: A dolphin mailbox... Oooh, there it is!
Hoop: *Turns into driveway*
Tink: No, that's a swordfish.
Hoop: Well, let's try it anyway.
Tink: I'm pretty sure that's NOT it.

19. It wasn't. Thirty minutes later we found the correct house. The rental property Hoop's boss' boyfriend lived at was nothing more than a cottage. It was slightly overgrown and under-kept. So we didn't really expect much when they offered to show us the dock.
20. The "dock" turned out to be a $300,000, two story monstrosity with a million dollar boat attached. "That's some dock," Hoop gasped.
21. Sunday morning Hoop packed up the car for a quick drop-off at my parents' house.
22. Can you tell he played a lot of Tetris as a kid?

23. After unloading the car at my parents', we headed out to meet our new Realtor. Most of the houses we saw looked like they'd been built in a mold and stuck on a postage stamp. Hoop admired their streamline architecture. I bemoaned their tiny yards.
24. One of the houses I had requested to look at turned out to be right next to some railroad tracks. *Sigh* And evidently on the wrong side of them.
25. Another house, our Realtor refused to show us. "It's been on the market for over a year because it... smells." I pressed her as to WHAT the house smelled like. "Cat piss? Mold?" She hesitated. "Well, a woman died in it. They didn't find her body for two weeks. They've tried everything, and nothing will get out the smell. It's enough to put you off your lunch."
26. Not to mention house hunting for the day.

Hoop: Why didn't they find her for two weeks?
Realtor: She was going through a divorce, and apparently really ill.
Tink: That's awful! Did she have pets?
Hoop: Oh my God, did they EAT her?
Realtor: *Blink*
Tink: I was wondering if they starved. But when you put it that way-

27. Hoop fell in love with one of the first houses we looked at. It's a 15 year old jewel sitting on 1/2 acre lot. It needs a lot of TLC though.
28. Not to mention a new AC, some carpet, and an all over (outside and in) paint job. Plus it's a bit out of price range.
29. I have faith something is going to work out, and hopefully soon. The pickings seem to be getting pretty slim.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 8 Days

(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

"Sailor's Delight"

Cardboard Only

Friday, November 10, 2006

What's Mightier?

The pen, the sword, or the venomous tongue?

There are certain traits I always knew to be genetic: height, build, hair and eye color. They're the visual "markers" that state we belong to a certain family. "That Debbie, she has the Gibson eyes!" But what about the internal stuff, the traits that make up our personalities? Is it possible to pass on charm, money sense, or the habit of procrastinating until the very last second? The person I believe I resemble the most, my
Mom, is an amazing and talented woman. But like all humans she's flawed, built with a few imperfect (and perhaps undesirable) qualities.

Back when I was going through the terrible-teens, my Mom and I would get in these awful fights about nothing. Maybe I stayed out too late the night before. Maybe she wanted to borrow the sweater I was wearing. They would start off as unplanned verbal attacks, crude and juvenile. "I hate you!" "You're grounded!" "Yeah well... You're OLD!" And it would end with well orchestrated letters, designed to disarm and destroy in one blow, slipped under my door. At least that's how I viewed them at the time.

I hated seeing those envelopes. I would start crying before I even opened them. They symbolized my ultimate defeat. I had made the grave mistake of giving her time to think, and now I was going to pay. Once I understood that those letters would NEVER contain a white flag, I tried to avoid them. I wouldn't read them. I ignored them. I'd try to apologize before she could even pull out a pen. Eventually I moved out on my own, and I believed the days of the venomous tongue were done. I was wrong. "You're such an asshole Hoop. A big, fat, hairy ASSHOLE!"

That was me last night, knee deep in paper and boxes. Hoop had been complaining for an hour that he was tired. I had been packing for three evenings straight. Hoop's first mistake was letting me go to bed angry. His second was letting me get up angry. As I laid into him this morning, words of poison frothing off my lips, I felt the shadow of my Mom lurking about. These weren't juvenile insults I was throwing around. They were words meant to disarm and distroy. After Hoop had left for work I sat in the bathroom thinking, "I sounded like my Mother! Which means this horrible trait is genetic. Shit, I'm doomed. WE'RE doomed. Poor Hoop." We should adopt.

Oh, and speaking of Hoop, he's fine. He says the "new one" I ripped him makes it a lot easier to get in and out of the bathroom quicker. *Sigh*

Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Unposted as of yet. Check back later for updates!

Around The Water Cooler:
Coworker: I get so disorientaded.
Tink: Oriented.
Coworker: Whatever.
Tink: What makes you disoriented?
Coworker: Wearing glasses.
Tink: Well, that kind of defeats the purpose.

Around The Water Cooler 2:
Sales Guy: Sorry to interrupt. I need you to get me that invoice.
Coworker: I'm on lunch.
Sales Guy: I know, but I need to leave in five minutes.
Coworker: But, I'm on lunch.
Sales Guy: You're sitting right outside the building!
Coworker: Would you like me to Mary-Fucking-Poppins it for you?
Sales Guy: *Leaves in a huff*
Tink: I think Mary Poppins would have been nicer about it.

Around The Water Cooler 3:
(Please, no hate mail. I do not condone where this conversation went)
Tink: I swear, some men can't manage money to save their lives.
Coworker: Who are we talking about?
Tink: Papa Bear. My poor Mom has her hands full.
Coworker: It's like living with a Downs Syndrome person.
Tink: Excuse me?!
Coworker: They look like adults, but they're not capable of handling adult things.
Tink: Did you just compare my Stepdad to a mentally disabled person?
Coworker: Well I didn't mean any offense to the disabled.
Tink: I mean... I can't... Nevermind. I'm going back in.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 11 Days

Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Your Faces Are Safe

It seems my guard spork right-click disable feature has been keeping some people from commenting. So I've taken it out of my template. Apparently the only people it has excluded are the people I want to have around. Kind of defeats the purpose huh? The truth is we're not safe, ever, no matter how many traps and blocks we install. It's the price we pay for choosing the internet as a means for expressing ourselves.

I don't like that there are people out there stealing our stuff, not creative enough to make their own. It's upsetting, disappointing, and may very well bring about the end of this wonderful community some day. But not today. Today I'm going to post, as I've posted 232 times before, and hope that no one takes advantage of it. Because you see... I'm just a girl with a fist full of sporks and a very open mind, wanting to be heard.

Sticker Collection: Traffic was slow on the highway this morning. Painfully slow. My head panged with the promise of coffee as I whipped past the old gentleman in the Cadillac Deville. As I turned off on my exit, I realized the old man in the Caddy had somehow managed to get in front of me again. "What the hell?" I waited as he nudged his car forward, missing every opportunity traffic gave him to get out on the road. It was then that I noticed something odd. His license plate was yellow. "Are those yellow polka dots?" I craned forward to get a better look. "No, those are tags!" Evidently someone had failed to tell this poor man that the tag he receives each year is supposed to go OVER the old one. So he'd covered his plate instead, never letting the tags overlap. I counted nine before the car finally eased onto the street.

(More) November Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. "tink is bad!"
My halo's just a little bent.
2. "half a cigarette a day"
Does NOT work.
3. definition "giving someone a complex"
*Twirls hair around finger* Like, apartments?
4. alien light saber poke Also known as "probing," usually resulting in a baby 9 months later that's green tinted.

5. coworker stealing your idea One word, "blackmail."

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 12 Days

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Time Wasters Anonymous

But first, an update...

Three steps forward. Two steps back.

That's how I felt as I was unpacking a box of kitchenware this morning, the same box I had packed and taped the night before. It all started yesterday, about the time the plumbers arrived. The AC guy had already given me the wonderful news that we had a snake chopped up in our AC unit. The two plumbers walked in and immediately started pulling on my bathroom fixtures. "Have you ever seen anything like this before?" Eight words that should never come out of a repairman's (or a doctor's) mouth. "And that means?" I called from the hallway. "We're going to have to cut holes." Make that fifteen.

"Is there any way you can fix it without cutting holes in my newly painted walls?" "We can reach through and tie them off, but it's not going to last forever." "I don't need 'forever,' I need 'fixed.' The house is closing in two weeks." One hour later they were done. "I went ahead and did a free inspection for you," the head plumber announced. "But I already have an inspection. Hence the reason you guys are here." He shrugged and handed over a little piece of paper that stated in bold red pen, "Needs to be replaced." "I can't give this to the buyers! It'll look like I didn't get anything repaired." He shrugged again and handed me the bill. "Oh, and you can't use the showers for 24 hours."

So there I was at seven this morning, without coffee and the means for bathing. Then I got the bright idea of filling a huge cooking pot with hot water. The pioneers did it. "Fuck!" I yelled from the kitchen as I stared into an empty cabinet. I'm sure the pioneers DIDN'T use the word "fuck." "I packed them all!" Hoop ran out from the bathroom armed with a comb and a bottle of hairspray. "Aw, babe. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I can't get my hair to lie flat." He had cowlicks on every angle of his head. Sacrifices must be made. So without mercy or regret I tore into one of the boxes. Then I filled my pot and took it into the shower. At least I could pretend I was having a normal morning.

Join The Club:
Thanks to
Graymama's article about Male Lactation, I have officially wasted a full morning clicking on random links to equally random and odd articles. Won't you join me in our first official meeting of TWA?

Behold, a man who was "pregnant" with his own twin.
2. A child psychologist who is pregnant with her third child at the age of
3. The
origin of the term, "Jumping the shark."
4. A NYC cop tests positive for
drugs after eating marijuana meatballs.
5. Did you know Garden
Gnomes have their own liberation front? Hundreds have been stolen liberated from their homes over the last year! The people are now fighting back with sites like "Gnomes Without Homes" to find their missing lawn furniture friends.
Chupacabra sightings in Texas? No one seems to know what this beast really is.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 13 Days

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

On The Run

The HVAC and plumbing people are coming over at one. Cross your fingers they don't empty my wallet. I'm all out of spare arms and legs today.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: The school faxed me over my transcript letter.
Tink: That's great!
Hoop: Not really.
Tink: Oh no. What happened?
Hoop: Here, let me read it to you. "To Whom It May Concern. This letter is to verify that Hoop has completed the courses necessary to obtain his Bachelors degree in Nursing."
Tink: *Starts choking* NURSING?!
Hoop: MmHmm.
Tink: Nursing.
Hoop: I swear, there isn't anything this school can't screw up.
Tink: So... do you want to practice those nursing skills on me tonight?
Hoop: I'm glad YOU find this so funny.
Tink: We could get you one of those cute little white hats!

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
(While laying in bed half asleep)
Hoop: Babe?
Tink: Hm?
Hoop: What did they mean by "Nursing?" Like, nursing BABIES?
Tink: No, you goob. Like a Nurse in a hospital.
Hoop: Oh.
Tink: How exactly would you nurse a baby?
Hoop: They make devices. I've also heard that men can lactate if they-
Tink: -Good-night Hoop.

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
Tink: *Wraps bra around head*
Hoop: That's lovely dear. New hat?
Tink: No, mouse ears.
Hoop: It looks like you have boobs on top of your head.
Tink: Men would love that.
Hoop: If you're going to grow a second pair, you should do it on your back.
Tink: How would that be practical?
Hoop: I could cop a feel no matter which side I hug you from!

November Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. Bologna car finish
AKA: Bologna Facing, the act of putting Bologna on someone's car to peel the paint off. I'm not sure if this is myth or fact, but feel free to try it and post back some pictures.
2. corn in dookie It's one of the great mysteries of the world. Even when you don't eat any, it's STILL in there.
3. urban dictionary "smoke out" You been smokin' da reefer?
4. description of pickled beef tongue Rubbery? I don't know. Quit putting me off my lunch.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 14 Days

Monday, November 06, 2006

The Snotty Bean

Weekend Update:
1. Hoop and I spent the weekend watching my parent's petting zoo house while they went to Orlando to celebrate their anniversary.
2. For those of you just joining us, that breaks down to ten dogs, three horses, three cats, and two kids.
3. By yesterday afternoon Hoop and I were both whining to each other, "When are they going to be home? It's tough playing farm hand!"
4. To be fair, neither of us are morning people. The only time I get up before seven is for work, and then I operate on caffeine and autopilot.
5. You can't be on autopilot when hauling three large buckets of feed to horses who would happily trample you for an alfalfa cube.
6. Saturday evening Hoop, Big Bit, Little Bit, and I drove out to the roller-skating rink.
7. It wasn't my idea.
8. I spent most of the night clutching Hoop's hand and babbling about how I was "surely" going to land on my face and bust out my teeth.
9. Hoop tried to reassure me. But I don't find responses like, "I'd take you to the hospital" or "Teeth can be fixed" that comforting.
10. And just as I was beginning to relax enough to start bending my knees a little bit...
11. was time to go home.
12. Big Bit now refers to me as the "Frankenstein Skater."
13. Sunday we all went out to look at some houses with a NEW realtor.
14. The owners of the first house we looked at were laid up with Bronchitis. So we made the kids wait in the car as we shuffled through the house, trying not to breathe or touch anything in the process.
15. The owners of the next house were also home when we arrived. The husband happily volunteered to show us around. And by "us" I mean Hoop.
16. After rudely being left behind in several of the rooms and cut off from the conversations, I decided to wait in the middle of the house for everyone to finish their walk-through.
17. "Beautiful yard!" I exclaimed to the gentleman as we walked outside to leave. "It's even got a pond in the back," the man said, directing his reply over my head to Hoop.
18. On the way home, Hoop entertained the boys by stuffing his nose full of Boston Baked Beans.

19. Or maybe he was just entertaining himself.
20. Somewhere in the moments that followed, Lil Bit was dared (or perhaps he offered) to eat one of the snotty baked beans for $3.
21. "Sure!" Hoop declared, plucking the candy from his nose. "NO," I mouthed at him. My gag reflex was already starting to kick in.
22. He smiled back devilishly, plucking a fresh bean from the bag without the boys noticing. "Money first!" Lil Bit called out, taking the bean in his hand gingerly.
23. Then he ate it.
24. We were all so grossed out we forgot to tell him (until five minutes later) that Hoop had switched the beans. He didn't seem to care either way. He had his money.
25. Of course I called my Mom directly after. "Do you know what YOUR littlest son just did?!" I announced into the two-way. "You mean YOUR little brother?" She laughed back.
26. Damn. She's got a point.

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:


The days of this being our "home" are winding down.


The bond between a boy and his horse.

(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Lucky U

Hoof Prints


Hoop's "What Is This?" Game:
(Answer for last week: Popcorn ball mix)

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 15 Days

Friday, November 03, 2006

So Ends Another Episode

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I have an idea for my costume next year.
Hoop: Oh yeah?
Tink: I'm going to wear my clothes backwards and then brush my hair forward so I can wear a ponytail off my forehead.
Hoop: Oh-kay.
Tink: Then I'm going to put a mask on the back of my head and walk backwards... Do you think that will freak people out?
Hoop: Probably. You're freaking ME out just talking about it.
Tink: They'll be like, "Oh no! Which side is the front of her?"
Hoop: You could call yourself "Confucianism."
Tink: Yeah! That's perfect.
Hoop: I was joking.
Hoop: And you're just joking too, right?

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: Mmm. What kind of cologne are you wearing?
Coworker: Curve.
Tink: It's smells really good. That reminds me of a story.
Coworker 2: *Turns to listen*
Tink: You know how you're not supposed to fart in the shower?
Coworker: This is the story my cologne reminded you of?! Thanks a lot.
Tink: That was just the lead-up.
Coworker 2: This should be good.
Tink: You don't fart in the shower because somehow the water and the steam mixture makes it really really stinky, right?
Coworker: Yeah.
Tink: So Hoop comes in this morning while I'm showering and he sprays on his cologne and then he leaves. Suddenly, I can't breathe. I have two choices. I can run out into the cold air to open the door, or I can use what little air I have left to yell at him.
Coworker 2: Choices, choices.
Coworker: So what did you do?
Tink: I used up my air, of course. The point of my story is... Shit, I forgot the point.
Coworker 2: Well, that was educational.
Coworker: Glad I could spur that lovely memory Tink.
Tink: I'm sorry guys. I'll let you know if I remember the point, Ok?

October Hit Statistics:
1. The leading countries for visits on my blog were the US and Canada.
2. The primary day for hits was Monday.
3. The most popular hour being 4pm.
4. The top referrers were Mignon and Alien.
5. The most used search term was, "where's waldo costume."
6. My favorite search terms were, "alanis morissette peeing in a cup," and "Have you seen your stepdads penis?"
7. The highest hit post (224) was on October 30th, the day I answered everyone's questions.

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. I've always believed myself to be a fairly level-headed person.
2. Evidently that doesn't apply to mornings where I haven't gotten enough sleep or coffee.
3. Someone had dumped dead bugs in the toilet yesterday before I went to use it. As I reached over to flush, and happened to get a good glance into the bowl, I was momentarily confused and then panicked by the thought that maybe I had pissed them out.
4. I'm really good at talking on the phone with strangers...
5. ...but not so hot when it's with someone I know.
6. I never let my gas tank get below the 1/4 line.
7. Once, when I was very little, my Mom and I started to run out of gas on the freeway. She told me to, "Pray." I remember squeezing my eyes shut and whispering "Don't run out of gas" over and over again.
8. And we didn't.
9. I haven't prayed since... But I wish on stars and tossed coins more often than I can count.
10. When I was ten someone told me, "It takes seven years for a wish on a falling star to come true."
11. So I wished for a car.
12. The word "Burple" (Blue-Purple) cracks me up.
13. Now that I have long hair, I have no idea what to DO with it.
14. I hope I don't have ugly kids.
15. Because I know I hate telling people their babies are cute when in reality they look more like hairless monkeys.
16. You're all wondering if you're kids are really that cute now, aren't you?
17. They are. Otherwise I wouldn't have said anything.
18. I have never seen Hoop cry...
19. ...or throw up.
20. Which leaves the score at Tink 10, Hoop 0.
21. Sometimes I start things just for the feeling of satisfaction when I finish.
22. I do NOT think Disney World is the happiest place on Earth.
23. Canada is.
24. Have you EVER met an unhappy Canadian?
25. The only time I feel sad about leaving my house is when Hoop and I are sitting outside. Some of our best conversations (and arguments) have happened on that side stoop.
26. Funny isn't it? The part that's more valuable, the inside, holds so much LESS value to me.
27. I'm a pretty easy person to shop for. I don't request much, and it's usually inexpensive.
28. Like this year for Christmas I want a new cookie pan.
29. The only one I own is four years old, rusted, and came from the dollar store. I can't use it without putting two layers of foil on it first.
30. One week after moving in, Hoop dubbed it "The Great Pan."
31. Almost all of the names I use in my stories have befitting meanings to the characters or situations they're attached to.
32. Except "Anabar." I just liked the way that one sounded.

Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...


I don't even know what that last word means, but I'm sure it's something tricky. Thanks OM *eye roll*.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Picture Post

As requested.


...and the Angel he corrupted.

Spiky Eyes

Madonna and the Transvestite Witch

Sex Bot

Ugliest Woman Ever

Believe it or not ladies, he's single!

Sanchez The Bartender

Monster Mash

Wet T-Shirt Contest

"We're headed to BINGO!"

Birthday Surprise

And just for the hell of it...

Eww! What Is This?