Monday, November 27, 2006

Ohana

Weekend Recap:
1. While driving home from work on Friday, I turned a corner and found myself in the middle of a large dust cloud. I figured there was construction up ahead.
2. As I neared, I realized it wasn't dirt I was seeing. It was smoke. I turned and watched in awe as the right side of the road quickly became engulfed in flames.
3. But before I knew it, I had already driven through it. Apparently the firefighters were too busy hosing the fire to worry about redirecting traffic.
4. It was eerily beautiful. A part of me (the illogical part) thought about pulling over and taking pictures.
5. Hoop says I'm addicted and he's going to take my camera away.
6. Friday and Saturday night my Grandparents came to stay.
7. I was fine with that until my Grandmother came stomping out of the bathroom to declare there was a wet face cloth hanging from the towel rack.
8. You see, the face cloth was mine and by placing it back wet I had committed some heinous crime against old people and/or face towels that required her to nag for twenty minutes to anyone who would listen.
9. She even had people sniffing it.
10. And yes, I'm blowing the whole damn thing out of proportion considering this woman is my Grandma and I love her despite her OCD tendencies. But for fuck sake, it's a face cloth!
11. Saturday morning the men of the family went out to build a Run-In for the horses.
12. The women played as overseers.
13. And because of that it all turned out beautifully. ;)
14. Saturday night Hoop and I took the boys to see "
Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny".
15. Two words, "Stoner movie."
16. Three more words, "Don't take kids." Although I'm sure the boys found the penis jokes a little funnier than I did. As we left I turned to them and said, "Whatever you do-" They finished my sentence with, "Don't tell Mom." Smart kids.
17. Sunday, the whole family went to the Flea Market.
18. I used to think Flea Markets were a great place to find really neat junk for really low prices. Not anymore.
19. Most of the wares were outrageously over marked. "I could get this brand new at Walmart for less!" I told one vendor. "Why don't you then?" She snottily replied.
20. Another vendor tried to sell me a $3 butterfly bookmark which I had bought back in ninth grade as a $1.00 barrette. "It's a hair clip," I told her. "You don't say!" She laughed. "I found it in a drawer at my Mother's house. I just assumed it was an antique bookmark."
21. Hoop haggled with a vendor for fifteen minutes over the price of some old Nintendo games. He finally left after the gentleman insisted everything was "rare" and worth twice the amount Hoop was willing to pay.
22. The crazy thing about this Flea Market is that it subs as a GED station too. You can shop and get your high school diploma at the same time!
23. Before leaving, Hoop and I made a pit stop at the Flea Market reptile shop. The couple inside couldn't have been any nicer. They gushed about their passion for turtles and iguanas, both of which they had running loose around the store.
24. They even had a trust fund set up in their will for their ten and fifteen year old tortoises at home.
25. By the time we left, Hoop and I were convinced we'd buy a tortoise for the next house.
26. Of course I'll have to keep Hoop from riding it.
27. No luck on the house hunt. Keep your fingers crossed! The closing is scheduled for tomorrow.


Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:

Thanks...

...to those who came before me. I'll try harder to appreciate my cushy life.

Blessing

Once everything is built on my parents' ranch, my Grandfather (a retired minister) is going to bless it.

(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Peeling potatoes is a family ordeal.


Shrinking Brother


What's For Dinner?


Flea Market GED


Wide Load


Things That Make You Go "WTF?":
1. Does this chicken leg smell like dog to you?
2. At least you'll be wealthy homeless people.
3. Welcome to the FUTURISTIC antique store! We only sell things that will be antiques in 20 years.

Not Far From The Tree:
Woman On TV: "We're going in for plastic surgery to fix his saggy scrotum and my loose labia."
Mom: Oh my God.
Big Bit: What are they getting fixed?!
Papa Bear: His SCROTUM.
Mom: *Groan*
Hoop: I've never heard of someone getting that done. Do you think it hangs down to his knees?
Big Bit: What are we talking about?
Papa Bear: His BALLS, son.
Big Bit: Ewwww.
Mom: *Buries head in hands*
Hoop: Do you think they have help groups for that?
Papa Bear: A man should be proud of his package!
Big Bit: How does he walk?
...
Mom: I'm so glad they didn't hear what she's getting done!
Tink: Me too.

28 Comments:

At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

I'm with you on the fire thing. I would have wanted to take pictures too. Your recap was great. And I love the "Not far from the tree"
Great pictures too. I loved your "Thanks" and the sentiment that went with it. Great job!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Sunshine said...

Family get togethers....they're so weird and sweet.
Hope your housing situation gets fixed soon!!!! Perhaps telling people a tale of woe regarding the need for scrotum or labia surgery will entice someone to move out of a house you want and give it to you at far below market value?????
Just a thought....

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Ok, I'm laughing to hard about the "not far from the tree" bit to remember anything that went before it!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Peggy said...

The next time Hoop is bargaining for Nintendo games, have him tell the vendor that the games are only worth what somebody is willing to pay for them.

As far as those folks having plastic surgery on their mummy and daddy bits, I think they just need to be told NO. Who has EVER found a scrotum to be a pleasant thing to look at?

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...

Aaaghh! And Ewwwwww! And I agree with Peggy - no amount of plastic surgery is going to make a whole lot of difference to the average scrotum!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Re: labial nip 'n' tuck.

You know what they say: "Loose lips sink ships."

[giggling, ducking, and running]

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Gracey said...

LOL! I thought you were making up the GED testing, that's just too funny. I haven't been to a flea market since I was a teenager in CA; I wonder if the one by my childhood home has changed. Too funny!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Okay, the conversation on the plastic surgery is hilarious :)

And I've never had anyone get mad at me for placing a wet face cloth on the rack. But I've often wondered what was thought when I've used a decorative towel to dry my hands and face.

I'm of the belief that there should be something in the guest room for folks to use. Anyway... I probably would have gotten in trouble with you.

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Hey, Mike, do you remember the pee towel? Haha, you were so mad! :)

Tink, I love the picture of "Short" Little Bit! So funny! All those pictures were great!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Peggy said...

Oh yeah, how else is a face cloth supposed to get dry if you don't put it on the rack? What were you supposed to DO with it? Wad it into a ball and leave it on the side of the sink? Maybe she could have really sunk her teeth into you if you had . . . . . left it on the floor!

snort - Foo! You're funny!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

I most definitely would have stopped and taken pictures of the fire. Whenever I come up on a place where there has been a car wreck I take pictures, so I'm sure I would at a fire too.

That Flea Market GED is probably as useful as my high school diploma.

 
At 27 November, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

Was the woman on tv an ex-pornstar? :-P

"Shrinking Brother" made me giggle :-)

Sending you some good house vibes!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

I would have contemplated taking pictures of the fire, too.

I love the Shrinking Brother pic. That's so cool! The expression on his face is contageous...you can't help but smile.

My fingers are crossed...good luck with the house hunt!

 
At 27 November, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Good Lord, how do they have sex?

Good luck tomorrow. It's a done deal by now. You're officially homeless.

 
At 28 November, 2006, Blogger gawilli said...

Ditto on the fire pictures. Have camera, will stop.

Cool. Nintendo games...which ones? I loved Nintendo. I'm surprised people even remember those things the technology is so advanced compared to pacman, frogger and pong.

 
At 28 November, 2006, Blogger Sunshine said...

Tink, when you're not busy being homeless today, I have a "stoner" post for you just put up.

 
At 28 November, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Newt + Jay: >>I'm with you on the fire thing. I would have wanted to take pictures too.<< I think it's a gift, being able to see beauty in the terrible.

Sunshine: Ooooh a "stoner" post! I'll be right over. ;)

Chris: My family deserves their own sitcom.

Peggy + Peevish: You know those couples who get matching tattoos together? I think it's one of those situations. What guy in his right mind would willingly let someone do surgery on his "daddy bits?" Ick.

Foo: I'm dubbing you my local comedian Foo. *Passes around a basket of tomatoes*

Gracey: Believe it or not, I don't make this stuff up. Maybe I should post "proof" photos more often! :D

Mike Y: I think decorative towels should be banned. I ALWAYS use them and get in trouble. Although apparently I use the regular ones and get in trouble too.

Chelle Y: The PEE towel? Oh do tell!

Peggy: Next time I'm going to hide it. *Snort*

Graymama: Shockingly, no. She seemed like a regular (albeit nutty) woman. It was airing on the E network or something.

Mama T: Big Bit DOES have a contagious smile. It also helps that he's an absolute goof.

TB: LMAO. My grandparents? Ugh girl. I didn't need THAT mental image. It's bad enough I walked in on my parents once.

Gawilli: He's looking for Kid Icarus. Hoop's big into Atari and Nintendo. My favorite is Frogger. Before I was old enough to go to school I would hang out at the children's dentist office my Mom worked at. They had the original Donkey Kong and Frogger arcade games. I sat there and schooled the patients on how to play, all day long. :)

UPDATE: NOW they're telling me the contract might not go through. I guess nothing is "over" until it's over. Cross your fingers for me guys!

 
At 28 November, 2006, Blogger Domestic Chicky said...

OMG-this is too funny! I followed you here from Sunshine (but totally not in a stalker way...yet). Can't wait to read more!

 
At 28 November, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

I thought those places where you could learn car repair and/or become a dental assistant were sort of crazy. But now I find one can shop for junk AND finish high school. I'm still trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

 
At 28 November, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

First, I loved the face cloth story. Second, good luck on the closing! Third, great flea market story. :)

(We saw "Stranger than Fiction" on Saturday. J wanted to see the Tenacious D flick, but meh. It looks like a rental.)

 
At 28 November, 2006, Blogger EE said...

I would have wanted to take pictures of the fire too. ;)

Oh and LMAO, I SAW that episode of Dr 90210 w/ the saggy scrotum and uneven labia. I was seriously shaking my head the entire episode.

 
At 28 November, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Tink, a few years ago, my dog peed on the floor so I wiped it up with Mike's towel hanging on the shower. I got distracted and did not put it in the washing machine right away, but left it by the shower.

Mike went in to wash his face, and used the towel to dry off. Haha, he was so mad at me! I told him, "Who uses a towel that is on the floor by the shower again?" Oh, well.....

 
At 28 November, 2006, Anonymous Lily said...

I see nothing wrong with shopping and learning. Sounds efficient.There's a place not far from me that sells chicken and fudge. And...live bait. We live on a lake.

How does one's labia get all...droopy? Excessive tugging? Anxious habit? Straddling bannisters? WHAT? WHAAAAT?

Now if there was a place that offered GED's, live bait, and scrotum improvements... half the men in my suckish town would be in heaven.

Hope you had a good holiday.

 
At 28 November, 2006, Anonymous Ch3ll3 said...

Okay, first I was laughing myself ridiculously ill at "shrinking brother" and then I had to go and read the last conversation! LOL

Thanks, Tink. I needed that.

 
At 29 November, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I had a hard time reading past "everyone had to smell the washcloth" ewwwwww.

I was surprised that the GED sign possessed correctly spelled words.

Where are you guys going to go after the closing?

 
At 29 November, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

Your words were very well said! And I love the futuristic antique store idea!

And I think you were right to be glad they hadn't heard what her procedure was going to be. Freaks.

 
At 29 November, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Well said. And your brother should really get that shrinking thing checked out.

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger Lindsey said...

your conversations in your blog make me laugh hysterically. i think you have a good sense of humor!

 

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