Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Dear Blogger;

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I don't want to switch to Beta. The format I'm on has been running for four years now, and you can't even keep it under control. I have little faith in how well you can manage a brand new format with even more functions for you to screw up. I don't appreciate the full page ad when I logged on this morning either. How tricky you are, disguising the conversion box to look just like the normal log in one. You almost had me. Then there's that ad that's been taking up the whole upper half of my dashboard lately. "Your new version of Blogger is ready!" Ha! Like it's some kind of gift. More like a big fat turd wrapped in a pretty box. I'm on to you!

Ms. Erbelle
(AKA Knuckles)
Affiliate of the Mafia

(Thank you
Folioweekly for providing the blog fodder.)

Women Seeking Men:

MOST GIRLS ARE CATS! But I'm a tiger! Out hunting for a real man! I'm hard to catch, don't like cages. Vicious appetite for passion! White female, 52, 5'5", 180, Non-smoker, non-drinker seeks healthy, honest male. Can you handle dangerous game?
At least cats can be declawed. You just sound scary, chick.

Men Seeking Women:

APPLY HERE. Semi-affluent black professional seeking future housewife. Prefer 25-35 years old. Only women who can truly appreciate a man who works hard for his household and wants to relax and let's the days stressors go away. Busty is a plus. The only thing that would have made this better is if you followed up "housewife" with "barefoot and pregnant." Good luck to you. You might want to check into that mail-order thing.

A HUMANE SOCIETY? Men are hormone driven dogs chasing passionate self-willed cats called women! So!? Get a better leash! Single white male, 50, 6', 200, non-smoker, non-drinker seeking shapely, cuddly, humorous, independent, erotic female looking for a new puppy for fun! Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a match for personal ad number one.

COMING OUT. Of a 30-year marriage. Want single white female 23-53, light smoker, social drinker. Don't want to be hit, bit, no fake breasts or personality disorders. Romance, friendship, passion, honest communication. Serious sense of humor a must and trust. 23-53?! Nothing screams "desperate" quite like having a 30 year span between the ages you're requesting. Besides, 23 years is younger than the marriage was old. Are his hormones over ruling his sensibility? Perhaps he's fantasizing. But if that were the case, why no fake boobs?

DENZEL LOOK-ALIKE... Not! But this attractive, black professional gentleman, 55, 5'11", 200lbs, nonsmoker, nondrinker, with many interests, would like to meet a Christian-hearted black female between the ages of 40-63 for friendship, romance, and more! What a tease. You should have downplayed the reference. Then you might have sounded more interesting. Next time try, "URKEL LOOK-ALIKE... Not!" Because who doesn't sound appealing compared to Urkel?

I Saw You:

RED HOT. Pretty little redhead smoking at white building at Deerwood, drives a Cougar, would love for you to introduce me to your hot brunette friend in purple.
I'm sure the red head is a little less than flattered.

SAN MARCO SEXY. You: Hot and spicy Cajun Momma in Trans-Am with the top down singing to Chingy. Me: brown-haired beau looking for some lagniappe. Do you want to ride dirty with me? Lagniappe, the extra "gift" you get when buying in bulk. Like, "Buy 12 donuts, get the 13th free!" I just don't see how that correlates. Then again, look who I'm speaking about.

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter,
"Free." The chapter everyone has been patiently waiting for. Go on, read it! I promise it was worth the wait.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 6 Days

18 Comments:

At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Alien said...

Wouldn't you LOVE to see the kind of people that answer ads like that first lady's... the tiger chick. Dear lord, what the hell is wrong with people? LOL!

Allison

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

I walk with a friend durning lunch and she was telling me a story about a hot guy she didn't meet so, thinking back to your posts I told her we should take out an add:

You: hot male in UPS store mailing off leathers, me tiny blushing Korean woman pulling cookies out of a box to even out the shipping weight. I should have left a trail of the extra cookies leading to my car/heart, but I didn't have the nerve.

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

You: A tiger stalking you prey from the high grass, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounch. Once you get your claws into him you won't let go. Thrashing, tugging, ripping his flesh in a ravenous attack.

Me: A big, sexy, appetizing hunk of meat. Laying there in the open, taking a drink of water, blissfully unaware of the danger that lurks behind me.

*SNORT* I love those personals.

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

I can't understand why you wouldn't want to upgrade ;) I guess you're not a glutton for punishment. If you were, you could take out a personal like the folks listed.

I always enjoy it when you share these with us :)

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Gracey said...

I switched to Beta a few weeks ago and it hasn't screwed me over yet. (((Knock on wood))) I probably just jinxed myself for writing this comment#! :)

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I think I would be too shy to ever post a page in the personal section. Nah, let him just come to me by chance! :)

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Lucia said...

I wish I would've written this letter to Blogger. A few days ago, I closed my eyes and clicked, and then I needed to tidy up the web page here and there.

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Kim: The Mom, The Myth said...

I am SO scared of the "new" Blogger. Bah.

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger gawilli said...

Ms. Erbelle. I love it!!

I am not going gently into betadom either...although, Jay moved and it seemed to work ok for him. The time factor concerns me more than anything else right now. If I blow it up, which I have been known to do, I don't have the time to put it back together again. I have noticed that when most of our sites are down, the beta sites are still up. What's up with that? Trying to make us miserable so we will move? Hmm.

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

I've actually created a couple stub blogs under Beta to see what it's all about. Its biggest selling point seems to be the ability to add and remove "modules" to your layout--basically for people who don't know enough HTML to modify their templates manually. But this comes at a price, as every page served from the blog now has a buttload of JavaScript garbage dangling off the end. Bet that will make them load faster, huh?

They provide the option of running in "classic mode", which in theory should allow us to use our customised templates, but if you do the conversion and it doesn't work you can't go back. I've been thinking about taking my Random Synaptic Misfire template and loading it on one of my beta test blogs to see if it really will run in classic mode. Just have to find the time.

In short, I don't see any obvious benefit to the new format, except for people who need drag-an-drop template layout features. Oh, and Blogger gets to move you over to a Google account so they have your e-mail address. Not that I'm cycical about their motives or anything.

 
At 15 November, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

I'm sorry, but seriously, how "dangerous" and "tigerlike" can a non-drinker/non-smoker be? What's she do for fun - get hopped up on 7-11 coffee and M&Ms?

 
At 15 November, 2006, Blogger EE said...

See, I went through all the effort to try to get that Blogger beta....only to be told afterwards that my system doesn't qualify.... Oh thanks. Like seriously, WTF?! LOL

And OMG, the dude who's "COMING OUT"..... 'Don't want to be hit, bit, no fake breasts or personality disorders.'....*seriously* exactly HOW bad of a marriage is he coming out of?!!?! My god.....

LMAO!

 
At 16 November, 2006, Anonymous eric said...

i switched over to the beta just for the fuck of it. a big thing to remember is that if you're commenting on someone's post and you're not signed in under beta, you need to click other and enter your info that way. if you don't, you'll lose everything when you sign into beta.

one good thing i've noticed is that my site is updated quicker with it. there are no strange lags now that you don't have to "republish."

e+

 
At 16 November, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

The personal ads... always terrifying...

Now, is Blogger Beta called "Beta" because it's the second version, or "Beta" because it's not ready for primetime (the more usual software use)????

 
At 16 November, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

About the letter--I couldn't agree more!

 
At 16 November, 2006, Anonymous Lily said...

I guess the beta IS helpful in some ways for people because it incorporates the "widget" concept that is very helpful for people that dont know html or how to do things like add links. You choose the elements and then move them around as sections as opposed to the whole template enchilada. Also some people get tired of image hosting things like their banner. So, they add the banner to the "footer" and then sneakily repaste the footer code into the header. Presto, permanent banner w/out hosting.
I mean some people had their blogs for a year and still have "edit-me" all along the sides!!!! This is a godsend for people like that. Google isnt really selling the beta very well, imo. But its not bad. Its just a way to get you deeper into the Googleplex Monopoly.
On those personals..
What a creepy batch of people! And FYI I am the chick in purple and you can kiss my ass, mofo.

 
At 17 November, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Do you guys really not have a place picked out? What happened to the house in the country that you loved?

 
At 17 November, 2006, Blogger Kell said...

I'm way to lazy for all the work it will take to switch to Beta. Plus, I worry that I'll completely lose everything. But Jay is coming up for Thanksgiving, so maybe he can change it over for me.

Great personals.

 

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