LEAVE ME ALONE!
I don't want to switch to Beta. The format I'm on has been running for four years now, and you can't even keep it under control. I have little faith in how well you can manage a brand new format with even more functions for you to screw up. I don't appreciate the full page ad when I logged on this morning either. How tricky you are, disguising the conversion box to look just like the normal log in one. You almost had me. Then there's that ad that's been taking up the whole upper half of my dashboard lately. "Your new version of Blogger is ready!" Ha! Like it's some kind of gift. More like a big fat turd wrapped in a pretty box. I'm on to you!
Affiliate of the Mafia
(Thank you Folioweekly for providing the blog fodder.)
Women Seeking Men:
MOST GIRLS ARE CATS! But I'm a tiger! Out hunting for a real man! I'm hard to catch, don't like cages. Vicious appetite for passion! White female, 52, 5'5", 180, Non-smoker, non-drinker seeks healthy, honest male. Can you handle dangerous game? At least cats can be declawed. You just sound scary, chick.
Men Seeking Women:
APPLY HERE. Semi-affluent black professional seeking future housewife. Prefer 25-35 years old. Only women who can truly appreciate a man who works hard for his household and wants to relax and let's the days stressors go away. Busty is a plus. The only thing that would have made this better is if you followed up "housewife" with "barefoot and pregnant." Good luck to you. You might want to check into that mail-order thing.
A HUMANE SOCIETY? Men are hormone driven dogs chasing passionate self-willed cats called women! So!? Get a better leash! Single white male, 50, 6', 200, non-smoker, non-drinker seeking shapely, cuddly, humorous, independent, erotic female looking for a new puppy for fun! Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a match for personal ad number one.
COMING OUT. Of a 30-year marriage. Want single white female 23-53, light smoker, social drinker. Don't want to be hit, bit, no fake breasts or personality disorders. Romance, friendship, passion, honest communication. Serious sense of humor a must and trust. 23-53?! Nothing screams "desperate" quite like having a 30 year span between the ages you're requesting. Besides, 23 years is younger than the marriage was old. Are his hormones over ruling his sensibility? Perhaps he's fantasizing. But if that were the case, why no fake boobs?
DENZEL LOOK-ALIKE... Not! But this attractive, black professional gentleman, 55, 5'11", 200lbs, nonsmoker, nondrinker, with many interests, would like to meet a Christian-hearted black female between the ages of 40-63 for friendship, romance, and more! What a tease. You should have downplayed the reference. Then you might have sounded more interesting. Next time try, "URKEL LOOK-ALIKE... Not!" Because who doesn't sound appealing compared to Urkel?
I Saw You:
RED HOT. Pretty little redhead smoking at white building at Deerwood, drives a Cougar, would love for you to introduce me to your hot brunette friend in purple. I'm sure the red head is a little less than flattered.
SAN MARCO SEXY. You: Hot and spicy Cajun Momma in Trans-Am with the top down singing to Chingy. Me: brown-haired beau looking for some lagniappe. Do you want to ride dirty with me? Lagniappe, the extra "gift" you get when buying in bulk. Like, "Buy 12 donuts, get the 13th free!" I just don't see how that correlates. Then again, look who I'm speaking about.
DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter, "Free." The chapter everyone has been patiently waiting for. Go on, read it! I promise it was worth the wait.
Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 6 Days