Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Rinse and Repeat

Four o'clock this morning I woke up to the sound of the dog gagging, again. Not wanting another incident like last time, I quickly threw Duff onto the floor. Then I realized I didn't have anything to clean up the carpet with, again. So I shot out of bed, yelling obscenities the whole way. This of course woke up Hoop, who responded by locking onto my arm and shouting, "What's wrong?" "Let go of my arm." I replied, trying desperately to get out of his vise grip. "The dog is puking!" This made Hoop jump out of bed too. "I thought you were having a nightmare," he mumbled sleepily. After a mad scramble, we both ended up at the back door. Minus one sick dog.

"Where is he?" Hoop asked, swinging the door wide. I shivered uncontrollably as the icy air blasted me in the face. "DUFF!" I called out. We heard his paws padding across the hallway. He was half a foot from the door when... "Blech." He threw up on the floor. "Ugh!" Hoop moaned. I looked down at the milky puddle on the floor. "Well, it's not shit." Hoop glanced at it and blinked a few times. "What is that?" "Disposable razor." "We really need to start feeding him twice a day." Then we crawled back in bed. Hoop forgot the whole thing ever happened. I remembered at seven o' clock this morning when I slipped on the puddle I'd forgotten to clean up.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While loading my SUV)
Hoop: What else can go into storage?
Tink: How about your "Calvin and Hobbes" books?
Hoop: No, I'm going to put those in my car. I might want to read them at lunch.
Tink: Ok. How about your bookends?
Hoop: Those are going in my car too.
Tink: Please tell me you're not going to use them for the "Calvin and Hobbes" books.
Hoop: What? No. I just want to keep them safe.
Tink: SAFE? Wait a second. Do you not trust this storage center?
Hoop: Pfft. Babe. I'm sure everything will be fine.
Tink: *Looks back at SUV* So, why are we only packing MY stuff?

November Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. Butt nose I'd rather have no nose at all.
2. Pickled Bums Perfect stocking stuffers?
3. I don't do perky Me neither. Get the hell off my blog!
4. Ghetto Christmas That's my theme this year.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: I had this crazy dream last night.
Hoop: About what?
Tink: You remember that skanky girl I told you about that went to high school with me?
Hoop: Who could forget?
Tink: I had a dream last night we were walking down town and saw her. She was wearing this vinyl cat suit with a diamond shape cut out of the middle. We walked up to her and she started talking to us. Then she bent down to get a cigarette, and when she stood back up her stuff was exposed.
Hoop: Stuff?
Tink: Yeah.
Hoop: Like, what kind of stuff?
Tink: An enormous bush!
Hoop: *Cracks up*
Tink: She kept talking to us, totally oblivious. I just kept pointing at it and you couldn't stop laughing.
Hoop: And?
Tink: Isn't that enough? I kept pointing, and you kept laughing.
Hoop: That sounds about right.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 7 Days


At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

At least you waited until late in the post to use the word "catsuit", effectively stopping me in my tracks.

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

Oh, I LOVE those middle of the night dog puke moments. This morning I had to scramble to scoop up piles of cat barf before Sophie or Lily ate them. It was a race between napkin and tongue. Thankfully I think I can proclaim the napkin the winner.

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Animal barf pretty much sucks. My cat used to make this awful, machinery-like sound before he blew chunks. I shudder just thinking about it.

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

I'm laughing about the puke and slipping and the hork-hork noise, but I have to take issue with this: "...swinging the door wide. I shivered uncontrollably as the icy air blasted me in the face." Shall I describe the scene I opened my front door to in the middle of the night when I realized we forgot to let the dog in?

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

I'm really seriously considering never getting a dog. Ever. If I do I'm putting it in a play pen or something for the night. I'm really picky about not having dog barf on my floors, carpets or beds.

Yeah, I know, no kids either.

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Gracey said...

Who is the skanky girl from highschool? I bet you have some good stories about that! Must tell them sometime. lol

At 14 November, 2006, Anonymous Turtle said...

Tink: Isn't Hoop supposed to have the dreams about girls in cat suits and big bushes?

As far as barfing animals...we know all about them. Our boy cat loves to do it in the middle of the night AND in the middle of the bed. Ye usually does it on Foo's side too. You need to train Hoop to get up and clean it up before going back to sleep and stepping in it the next morning. You know, get him prepped for future kids.

At 14 November, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

I hate the wretching sound in the middle of the night, followed by the mad scramble to get the pet off the carpet in time more than anything.
We had the same thing last night. Weird.

I'm looking forward to seeing you guys on Friday!!!

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Ah, yes, the terrible sound of a pet puking in the middle of the night that can get a pet owner vertical and moving at high speed from a dead sleep...

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Oh, I loved "Calvin and Hobbs!" I would have kept them "safe" in my car too!

Oh, and Jay, we all know that you're a softy at heart. Kids and Dogs....may God give you a bunch someday! Hahaha!

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Lucia said...

Better to hear the gagging and get up than to step in it first thing in the morning.

"Only skanky girls have their stuff hangin' out of their catsuits," she said as she stuffed her skanky catsuit in a box to go to the storage place.

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Dog puke can be pretty nasty. While Barkley's always been pretty good, Syd has a habit of getting car sick or sick during the night. She throws up all sorts of ick. Haven't stepped in it, though. Otherwise I too might up chuck ;)

And I can't believe you'd sit there and point out her bush! Shame on you, even if it was only a dream.

At 15 November, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

Damn! That reminds me that I forgot to buy disposable razors at the store today.

At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Kell said...

My hubby never ever woke up when the dog got sick in the middle of the night. Even when she threw up in the bedroom, then happily let me to where she had done the same thing in the living room.

At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

"I'm dreaming of a ghetto Christmas..."

At 15 November, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

You are just too funny! And one of the few things worse than stepping in dog sick is stepping in COLD dog sick with BARE FEET.

At 15 November, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

Eeew.. I often get up and find myself stepping in cat puke when half-awake..

At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

LOL - I'm sorry I'm laughing, but really, that was gross and funny all at once. What a way to wake up (both times)!!

At 15 November, 2006, Blogger Peggy said...

I think the best alarm clock noise is the sound of your pet barfing. It can rouse me out of the soundest sleep and to a full state of alertness in seconds!

Our cats used to start wretching and I could be up and have that cat shoved out the cat flap before the mother lode arrived.

Thankfully our dog isn't a barfy sort.

Stepping in cold dog barf would snap me awake quicker than any Italian espresso!


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