Thursday, February 09, 2006

Poking the Puppy

Day One on Wellbutrin: I think he gave me placebos.

Still... It might be a good idea to test that orgasm theory tonight.
Chris has got me all paranoid. Paranoia isn't a side effect is it?! See? No really, I'm just joking. You don't have to hide your kids, I swear.

DISCLAIMER: Be prepared for strong sexual content in 5.2 seconds. The staff of Pickled Beef cannot be held liable if you continue reading and are appalled, offended, or corrupted. Thank you, that is all.

Speaking of orgasms. What do you call yours? Got any pet names for your significant other's member? Do you have code words for sexual acts? Here's some names I've used/heard/found. The ones in blue are my personal favorites. Drop your two cents in the box and feel free to coin any that you like.

Female Orgasm:
* Catching one
* O-train
* O-face
* Jasm
* Releasing the Hostages
* Splooge
* Squeezing the trigger

Semen Slang:
* Penis butter
* Man chowder
* Manthrax
Dong water
* Population Paste

Intercourse slang:
* Riding the Baloney Pony
* Stir the macaroni
* Parking the Beef Bus in Tuna Town
* Press bellies

* Having a dog ear sandwich
* Yodeling in the Canyon of Love
Lapping the little man in the canoe
* Smoke the pole
* Suck the ice cream
* Feed the calf
* Powder your nose
* Jack the beanstalk
* Polish the purple helmet

END of Disclaimer


At 09 February, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

I have never even heard most of this sexual slang! Suddenly, I'm feeling old.

You know the best cure for feeling old? Riding the baloney pony.

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

Ok, "Doses of Tink" should definately have come before the disclaimer section. Otherwise, me & my gutter mind read all kinds of different meanings into phrases like "Shoot the Wendy bird" and "I sharpened the Lost Boy's arrow."

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Arabella: Pfft. You're NOT old. You just don't live around gutter heads like I do. Very vocal gutter heads.

Gradual Gardener: LMAO! Oh girl you're cracking me up. And I thought I had a dirty mind. ;)

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Ummmm wow. LMAO What was that one a bit ago, you didn't list it here, it was in an entry you had like last wk. Do you have any clue what in the hell I'm talking about?!?!? (lol) Something about coins????

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Sorry to scare ya... But it needed to be said! Just in case!!

Boy, I am so sheltered... I've never even HEARD 99% of the items on your list...

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

In high school, we used to call the beautiful act of lovemaking "Porking the tuna."

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I probably said these before, but I had a very, um, expressive BF who called sex "punching the kitty" and "dunking the clown."

He also once imitated Grover during sex. I'm still scarred.

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

EE: I have the 3 second memory of a Goldfish. I can't remember what I wore last night to be- Huh? Did you say something? Who are you? Please fill in the gap.

Chris: Don't apologize. I adore you for the honesty. Now... Do these pants make me look fat?

Mama T: Do you think "Pickling the Beef" would catch on if I started using it?

Mrs. Harridan: *Snort* GROVER? Grover. Huh. I can feel my libido dying at the thought of it.

At 09 February, 2006, Anonymous gb said...

Every guy says
"Hey, I'm going to get some nookie"!

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Probably! You could even say "Tickling the Beef" if you wanted to, you know, change it up a bit. ;)

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Shoot, really? You don't remember? LOL...[sigh] I'll have to go search for it I guess. I'll be back.

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger ragingmom said...


At 09 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Double clicking the mouse!!!!!

LOL, I found it. :)

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

EE: Have I told you lately that I love you? I totally forgot about that one! Which is sad because I use it all the f'n time. Thank you.

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

We do the Bone Dance. What kind of shit are you on anyway??

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger eric said...

i still remember that guy in "office space" talking about how "if things go right, i'll be showing her my o-face." a reversal, but that's what i remember.

i also remember from "there's something about mary" ... "baby batter."


At 09 February, 2006, Blogger Rock said...

Man - I'm on the road today in a friggin' trailer in the Califronia Central Valley and I do NOT need to be reading this shit.

Man I love it when girls who say they looked like Allysa Milan talk this way.

And does Hoop see somebody who looks like Jen on the side?

At 09 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

LOL Tink, glad I could help!

At 10 February, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

I'm sure my significant other will just love me saying this....but being that him and I are very goofy, his "member" is affectionately called El Bonero. You have to roll the R.
And I've heard of "bumpin uglies" as intercourse slang.

At 10 February, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

I love the Tink stories so much!

I don't think I could add much to the slang that you haven't already heard. Yours are priceless. Especially the semen ones.

At 10 February, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Must. Read. More. Stories.

Geez, I sound like my kids at story time. "Just one more page, pleeeeeeeze!"

At 10 February, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

I don't think I have much new to add.

Sex=the horizontal mambo and/or makin' friction

I would tell you what Hubby calls his member, but he would kill me I've never really named my girly parts. Is that sad?

At 10 February, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

I love your blog Tink.

"Parking the beef buss in tuna town" is the funniest thing I've read all day.

At 10 February, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

I'm a little late, but here are a couple I've heard (and I really dig Doses of Tink, btw)...

A woman's privates:
- spider collection

A man's privates:
- one-eyed yogurt thrower

- bumping fuzz

- slapping salami
- going to the palm prom
- tossing the pink salad

At 10 February, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I am still relling by the tastes evoked by the semen slang... man juice is one I have heard.

Tink, did you kill off Tinkerbell?

Good luck with the Wellbutrin...and the no more cancer sticks.

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