Wednesday, February 01, 2006


It is safe to assume that in a past life (if I am to believe in such things) I was NEVER Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Mary Jacob, or numerous other "Pioneers of Invention" worth noting. I am perfectly happy with letting someone else do that dirty work. Maybe this is because, like my Navigation Gene, I was born with a horribly stunted Inventing Gene. Whenever I sit back and try to think of something worth creating my brain short circuits and floods my mind with images of things that have already been invented. Maybe I should work on inventing a time machine instead.

There are people out there with original ideas, albeit not always good ones.
Bruce Van Patter's web site is one of the funniest I've found on strange patents. Some of my favorites being:

  • Dad Saddle- for when little kids "ride horsey" on their dad's back.
  • Santa Detector- it's a stocking with an alarm that sounds when the stocking is filled.
  • Talking Dog Collar- with recorded messages, it sounds like your dog is talking! Sort of.

    Daily Hoop Conversation:
    Hoop: So I came up with an invention.
    Tink: Oh?
    Hoop: Vibrating underwear.
    Tink: Hmmm.
    Hoop: It would have a wireless remote-
    Tink: -It's already been done.
    Hoop: Really? Vibrating underwear has already been done?
    Tink: Well, they're more like discreet strap on devices. I think one's called the Dolphin and another is the Bumblebee.
    Hoop: And HOW do you know all this?
    Tink: *Shrugs* I'm a girl.
    Hoop: Do I need to go raid your "toy" box?

    Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
    Hoop: I just thought of another invention!
    Tink: Ok.
    Hoop: There's this box. Only, one side is clear. And somehow using magic, we transmit little pictures on to it.
    Tink: Mmmm Hmmm. What kind of pictures?
    Hoop: Plays and shows, only in thirty to an hour segments. Then we get manufactures to buy time slots on this box that they'll have to pay to advertise on! We'll be RICH.
    Tink: *Walks away*
    Hoop: Babe?

    Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
    Tink: I just thought of an invention.
    Hoop: Great!
    Tink: You take a chair-
    Hoop: A chair, wonderful.
    Tink: -and you stick it on top of two curved wood beams. This enables the chair to rock backwards and forward without falling over.
    Hoop: Wow. You know who would really go for that? Old country people.
    Tink: I was thinking more along the lines of new Moms and their babies.
    Hoop: That too. Huh. A rocking chair.
    Tink: And you know what I'd call it?
    Hoop: I'm all ears.
    Tink: Tink's Weeble Wobble-matic!
    Hoop: You. Are. Brilliant!
    Tink: I know.
    Hoop: I love you.

What are some inventions that you've thought of?


At 01 February, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

This is a true story. In the 90's before the internet, pdas and blackberries became so pervasive and powerful, I thought of an idea to have a toll free number people could call for directions where someone would be sitting at a desk and they could look it up and talk you through to your destination.
I could be retired on a caribbean island right now if it weren't for Mapquest.

At 01 February, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Premoistened toilet paper. Seeing as how I am anally VERY wierd, I like to wet the wad before wiping my ass. It's a real bitch when water isn't available; I walk around feeling like a shitass. Wait, I AM a shitass. Now they've come out with it and I'm wondering why in the hell I didn't call those Inventech people already. Hmmmm. Would you want to be known as the guy who invented premoistened toilet paper? Life is a dilemma sometimes.

Aren't you glad you know how I clean up after taking a dump now?

At 01 February, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

Hubby came up with an invention once. It was a little stick-on piece of foam for bikers to use on their prescription glasses, to keep the wind from getting into their eyes. You'd stick it right on the bridge of your nose, where those little rubber pads are that hold the glasses away from your face.

I kept picturing what happened to Steve Martin's invention in The Jerk, though, so I discouraged it!

At 01 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

I hope Dave doesn't read this. He is the KING of inventions. He's always thinking of stupid stuff to invent, stuff that is going to allow us to sit back and watch the greenbacks roll in...the man drives me crazy...

At 01 February, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

As long as inventions that violate the laws of physics count, I'd invent a handbag capable of containing everything that a woman could possibly want to carry around with her, yet is as light and as fun to carry as a baby hamster.

I'd carry one in dark red leather.

At 01 February, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

How did I miss out on vibrating underwear? I am so behind the times.

At 01 February, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

I'm not even good enough to 'invent' already made items...

At 02 February, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I have invented a nursing bra with pads that fit and don't stick out like neon circles, to let everyone know you are wearing them.

Nursing pajamas with an Asian theme, so you could easily access both bosoms for your child.

I thought up a dusitng stick that would fit between your electronics equipment..

I think up shit all the time. I wish I could stop. I also think of ways to make something better. I cannot help it, you are right it must be a gene.

At 02 February, 2006, Blogger mE said...

I don't invent things per se. I just always want to *improve* things... I drive the Pirate crazy, because I just can't leave things alone.

Of course, he sort of likes this quality when it comes to cooking.

Oh, I guess I *do* invent things, if you include making up new recipes!

The Vampire is an aspiring inventor, though. The problem is that his inventions always involve clever new ways to blow things up...


At 02 February, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I want some vibrating underwear. But I want to control the remote.

I can't top ya'lls inventions. Ooops, I just typed with my accent.

At 02 February, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

In the summer of 1990, my friend Lisa and I were baking up a storm, trying to come up with a lowfat snack to use when bicycling and exercising. Our tasters discouraged us from continuing.

A year or so later, she sent me an advert for the then-new product Power Bars.

We had bad tasters. Our snacks didn't need to taste good, darn it!

At 03 February, 2006, Blogger Jaye Wells said...

Hi, I found your through Mignon's blog. My husband swears he invented the idea of TiVo about ten years ago. I am still mad at him for procrastinating on that one.

At 27 March, 2006, Anonymous Normund said...

I enjoyed reading through your great blog and seeing your point of view.


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