Lyric Butcher: I've always had remarkable hearing. Maybe it's compensation for that lazy eye I had kickin' as a kid. It's damn near impossible to sneak up on me. Don't you dare whisper secrets either. When Duff was a puppy I would bolt awake from a deep sleep to the sound of him peeing on the carpet. When the T.V. malfunctions and doesn't turn all the way off, I can hear a low humming noise that no one else seems to notice. So why do I ALWAYS butcher the lyrics of every song I hear?
When Alanis Morissette came out with "You Oughta Know:"
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
I was convinced she was saying, "Of the cross-eyed bear." I don't know what I was thinking. Possible carnival prize? Physically deformed woodland creature? When Lil' Kim came out with "How Many Licks:"
Sixty on the bezel, a hundred on the rings
Sittin pretty baby with a Cash Money bling
12 A.M. I'm on the way to club
After three bottles I'll be ready to fuck
You can imagine the confusion I felt when I heard, "After three bibles." Is Lil' Kim chasing after altar boys? Maybe she beats her dates senseless with the bibles so they'll go home with her. Evidently it's hereditary though. My Father butchered the Kid Rock "Only God Knows Why" lyrics.
Only God... only God
Only God knows why
Oh my God... Oh my God.
Oh my God, I don't know why.
Which is exactly how I felt about the song every time I heard it on the radio.
Blue Tuesday: According to the press and Dr. Cliff Arnall's, a U.K. psychologist, today (January 24th) is the "Most depressing day of the year." By now all the things that people charged for the holidays are due. The midwinter weather is starting to wear everyone down. New Year's resolutions have been stomped into oblivion. There's nothing left to celebrate and work is resuming back to its dreary self. So make sure you take some time out today to do something nice for yourself or someone around you. Me? I'm not going to do anything productive until noon. Hmmm. I don't know what exactly makes that any different from any other day. But it would certainly keep me happy.
Joystick Joyride: Last night Hoop and I stopped at B&N for some much needed java. As we were wandering the aisles we came across a rather grotesque red, pink, and white Valentine's Day display. I gave the exhibit the "stank eye" as I passed it. It wasn't until I was halfway down the next aisle that I realized Hoop was no longer behind me. I doubled back and found him at the Valentine's display, palming a Kama Sutra book. We stood for a minute, contorting our heads to better evaluate the positions. When I realized I wasn't going to be able to pry him from the book for awhile I suggested we have a seat somewhere near the back corner.
Hoop: How about that one?
Tink: My leg will NOT bend that way.
Hoop: You sure?
Tink: Aw. They look like dolphins!
Hoop: Doesn't that one look just like the "Octopus," once your arms get too tired to hold yourself upright?
Tink: Are you memorizing the names?!
Hoop: Only the good ones.
Tink: Oh my God. *Turns book upside down*
Hoop: Oh yeah.
Tink: Um, NO... I'm not standing on my head.
Hoop: Look at this one!
Tink: The "Joystick Joyride."
Hoop: That is the greatest name EVER.
Tink: I'm starting to feel desensitized.
Hoop: What is the guy doing in that one?!
Tink: That does look a bit uncomfortable.
Hoop: It looks like he's shitting on her.
Tink: That's just lovely hon.
Hoop: Well why would his ass be-
Tink: Shhhh! Keep it down. People can hear you.
Hoop: Babe, doesn't it look like he's shitting on her?!
Tink: Oh my God. We need to go. Put the book down and back away slowly.
Labels: Daily Hoop Conversations