Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Me(2)+More/Hoop=Post 57

The Queen Mama's Meme: Five Firsts in 50 Words or Less

My First Car: A mint condition powder blue 1985
Plymouth Reliant. It was 15 years old with 21,000 original miles on it. I hated it at first, absolutely loathed the color and boxy shape. But it grew on me. It had bench seats that I would wax before picking up friends. Then I would hit corners just to slide them into the windows. The car was also damn near indestructible. In its lifetime the Reliant was sabotaged, hit, slept in, sat on, smoked out of, and ridden hard. But it always got me from point A to B. I loved that ugly car.

My First Crush: I had a boyfriend in Kindergarten named Stephen. He bought me a ring out of a candy machine, which I promptly lost. He was heartbroken. One day while out on the playground, we found a broken Opal ring out by the fence. He gave it to me when our parents arrived to take us home. As our Mom's were pulling us toward the cars he called out, "---- ----, you better not lose that ring cause it's the LAST one I'm giving you!" I lost it a week later.

My First Word: ANTI­DIS­ESTABLISH­MENT­ARIAN­ISM... And then I popped the bottle back in my mouth and crawled off to rewrite the Constitution for better baby rights everywhere.

My First Pet: I've had numerous cats throughout the years, a few dogs, a Parrot that some kid fed Playdough and killed, some mice that bred themselves to a population of well over 100, 3 turtles, a slew of fish, and a fly on a string. But the first pet that I could actually call mine was a Rat Terrier named Jazzi. I didn't like her when my Mom brought her home. She was whinny, needy, and not the prettiest ball of tub I'd ever seen. But she wanted nothing to do with anyone else. She wanted me. I've had her for over seven years now. She's my living foot warmer, my furry baby, and a partner in crime. I couldn't have asked for a better "accidental" friend.

My First CD: The "Free Willy" soundtrack. No shit. I still have it, although I wouldn't dare listen to it.

Shellular Phones: Last night while walking one of the most tacky discount departments stores I've ever seen, I came across a basket of gigantic ceramic
Conch Shells. Without hesitation I grabbed a shell, cupped it over the whole side of my face, and began to talk as if it were a phone. Hoop stared at me with a look I couldn't quite decipher. Suddenly he reached out and grabbed a shell himself. There we stood, two jackasses with huge Conch Shells up to the sides of our heads, talking to each other through them from two feet away. That's what love is my friends. Sharing the same world, even if it is a little nuts and not exactly normal. Even if you're the only two people who understand it. That's love.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(After watching a commercial for "Male Enhancement")
Hoop: Should I get some of that honey?
Tink: No.
Hoop: Come on. You wouldn't like a bigger hammer?
Tink: Again with the hammers?
Hoop: *Nods and smiles*
Tink: Babe, if the hammer gets any bigger the nails are going to run away scared.
Hoop: Are you just saying that?
Tink: No. Now shut up.
Hoop: You're awesome.

Tink: Yeah yeah, whatever.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
(While roaming around a department store, Hoop flings a butterfly net over my head)
Hoop: Caught ya!
...
Hoop: You don't like this do you?
Tink: Not particularly.
Hoop: I can't believe they make net's this big!
Tink: *Glares*
Hoop: I mean...I can't believe your head is that small.
Tink: What?!
Hoop: Shit. I mean... I can't believe they make head shaped nets.

14 Comments:

At 07 February, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Tink, I always feel happy after I read your posts.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

The Free Willy soundtrack. Damnit woman, I think I heart you.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

Hysterical. Especially the head-shaped nets!

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

*hee hee*

You sound much cheerier today, duckie! (Sorry, I just love that word and I never get to use it...)

Why don't I ever see people talking on giant conch shells?! I would so love that.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

You waxed the seats? Man, that's awesome...better than riding on the Scrambler. ;)

LOL at the last Hoop conversation. That's so something that Dave would do and say. I love how guys stick their feet in their mouths without even trying. When Dave and I stood up to give our speech at our wedding, Dave grabbed the mic before I could get to it and thanked everyone for coming and introduced me to our guests as his FIRST wife.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Arabella: That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever posted! I feel happy after you read my posts too. ;)

Amanda B: My second CD was the "Wayne's World" soundtrack. I still listen to that one regularly.

Gradual Gardener: They should market those huh? "How to catch a date."

Chris: Thank you. I am feeling a bit better today. Although the weather looks like the inside of Eeyore's head.

Mama T: FIRST wife? Oh man, that's classic. Men must take a class on how best to eat their foot. Hoop prefers his fried over crow.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

I love the part about Shellular phones. LOL

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Hoop prefers his fried over crow.

LMAO.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

My first car was a '74 Chevy Malibu. It was an old fed car that my dad got at some auction and then proudly drug home. I looked like a freakin' FBI agent driving around in the heap.

Hoop and his hammers. He slays me.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Hey, I been meaning to ask; what's it like working at a beer distributorship? Does Hoop just like think he's got the most awesome girlfriend ever cause of that? Man, what a cool job.

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

I want a fly on a string! Alive!

 
At 07 February, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Oh my God, Tink! I used to wax Big Z's seats, too! Fun times...

And what is it with men and the size of their hammers? Don't they know there comes a point when bigger could actually cause pain?!

And am loving the shellular phones. You and Hoop crack me up.

 
At 08 February, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

Are you sure that hammer is not really a shovel, he dug himself into a nice hole with the net conversation.


Yay! You did TQMs meme. I like it!

 
At 08 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Debbie: I bet you never got pulled over in it though. I almost bought a Crown Vic before I found my SUV. It would have looked like a cop car if it hadn't been purple.

Mamalujo1: I bet he'd be pretty psyched, if he didn't work for the same place ;). It's cool I guess. But it's still WORK. Besides the free beer at meetings I don't really see the difference from any other job.

Mignon: Mine was alive... For 30 minutes.

Queen Mama: Oh good. I was beginning to think I was cruel with the whole seat waxing thing. LOL. My friends thought it was funny, despite the bruises.

Ditsy: I keep telling him he should be a grave digger.

 

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