Monday, February 06, 2006

Memoir of My Last Nerve.

While looking through a stack of old Better Home and Garden magazines, I came across an old Christmas issue that featured Gingerbread Houses.

Gorgeous aren't they? Do you know what I was thinking while looking at these confection houses? "Screw that, I'm going to make a fucking CASTLE next year." Mind you, I've never attempted to make so much as a Gingerbread Man, let alone a Castle.

Honestly I think I've gone and shot off all my nerves. This weekend I stood on the last one, jumping up and town as if it were a trampoline. "Weeeeeee!" It made me a little nutty. I'm selling my house in less than a year for something a little roomier out in the country. The pros being more land and living closer to my family. The cons being that the nearest city is forty minutes away.

While out driving around, looking for land for sale, I realized how difficult an undertaking I'd signed up for. Roads in my Mom's area can start off lovely, a horse farm here, a ranch house there. Then they start to deteriorate. Suddenly the farms and houses give way to burnt shells of dwellings and mobile homes that teeter on the edges of cinder blocks. And somewhere, smack dab in this mess no less, is the property I'd been so hopeful about five minutes earlier.

On top of land, I'm stuck with the mind blowing decision of finding out what kind of house I can build for the small amount of money I can afford to put in it. Do you want a one story? Can I have a two story? Tub and shower? Double sinks? Front porch? Brick, cement, stone or vinyl siding? Lake or no lake? Eat-in Kitchen? Vaulted ceiling? Cozy lofts? I love you Hoop. You are my heartbeat. But damn it, "I don't know. I don't know what I want for this house. I don't know what it will look like. I don't know what I can afford. I don't know babe."

Last night he looked at me with worry across his forehead, "Are you OK?" "I'm just frustrated." Thank God for his patience. I look around at the current house and see the grout that needs to be redone, the walls that need to be painted, the carpets that need to be cleaned, the overgrown lawn, the dings in the walls and the dog scratches on the doors and I almost lose hope.

We were invited to a Super Bowl party last night at Hoop's Grandmother's house. I really did want to go. But that last nerve twanged and told me that all the furniture we'd moved from Hoop's apartment and had thrown haphazardly into the spare bedroom needed to be sorted... NOW. Bless Hoop's heart. Despite my sincere pleads that he go without me, he stuck around and helped organize everything. The house looks amazing.

So for the moment that last nerve is satiated. I'm feeding it mass amounts of coffee and chocolate and keeping it warm by sitting on it, hoping it won't hatch into a full grown temper tantrum later. Whenever it stirs, I start thinking of all the wonderful things there are to look forward to. I'll be able to see the family more than twice a month. The dogs will have more property to roam, ending the days of playing "Find the Landmine" in the yard with poop. Hoop will build a deck and we'll drink sweet tea in the sun. And soon the other nerves might resurrect themselves, making the last one less lonely and volatile. Let's hope.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I used to own turtles when I was little. They were great starter pets.
Hoop: I'd love to have a tortoise.
Tink: One of the huge ones?
Hoop: Yeah, the ones that live over a hundred years.
Tink: What would we do with it?
Hoop: We could pass it down through the generations
Tink: Or I could sit on it and read.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: Is this your hammer?
Hoop: Yup.
Tink: What the hell happened to my hammer. It wasn't as long and it had a smaller head on it.
Hoop: Well you don't need that hammer anymore. You have a bigger one now.
Tink: Yeah, I guess.
Hoop: You can use my hammer anytime.
Tink: *Keeps looking around room*
Hoop: Is this the biggest hammer you've ever had?
Tink: We're not actually talking about hammers anymore are we?


At 06 February, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

I feel you on the nerves. Even thinking about selling a home and buying a new one is nervewracking.

So sweet of Hoop to skip the Superbowl party to help you organize. Luckily, the game was pretty boring so you didn't miss much. No great commercials, no wardrobe malfunctions and the Rolling Stones sounded like they have one foot in the grave.

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Pssst. Hey lady, over here. I got whatcha need. Nice fresh unfrazzled nerves, goof for what ails ya.


Heh, that last Hoop conversation was great. I must confess, when I saw those gingerbread house pictures in bloglines, without reading a word, I was thinking "Holy fuckin' shit, who knew Tink was a goddess of the baking sort?!"

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

I feel your frazzled last nerve! Dave and I sold my childhood home, built in 1918 and in *serious* need of attention (more attention than the 30 grand we gave it) and it was probably the most stressful thing we've ever done together. Just take deep breaths in and out and know that it will end up okay. Also, research the shit out of everything. Dave and I are thinking about building a house in about a year (see, my nerves are starting to dance with just the mere mention of it) and we are going to research everything to make sure we get the best bang for our buck, so to speak. ;)

How sweet that Hoop stayed around to help you organize. He's a keeper.

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

I'm sorry, but with my dirty mind, I just couldn't avoid a very disturbing image involving Hoop and his "hammer" there at the end of the second conversation. Just exactly how much time passed while you were looking around the room, before Hoop made that comment and you looked back at him? Enough time to work a zipper?

Oh to be young again and not have kids running around the house.

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

We used to have a fixer-upper. It made our marriage frazzle and in need of fixing-upping.

I'm afraid of turtles but tortoises are like big kindly reptilian marlon brandos. I wonder if you could sit on marlon brando and read. When he wasn't dead.

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB: I think we should switch cases here. I'll look for your house and you can look for mine. It's so much more fun when it's not your own problem your trying to fix. Why is that?! Just know a fellow blog-sista feels your pain. I'm cheering for you girl.

Chris: Bless you, you sweet nerve dealer. Hooking me up with a "fix" for all my needs. I WISH I were a baking goddess. I get too caught up in eating the dough. I can only ever make half of what I intended because of it. I'll have half a castle by Christmas... Maybe.

Mama T: I don't mind the research, or even the house hunting etc. All that is kind of fulfilling since it's going to be your HOME. I just wish I could hire someone to go to work and school for me. LOL

Mamalujo1: *Chokes on coffee* God I love having a male mind in the mix. There wasn't any whipping out of "hammers." But I'm sure the thought crossed his mind. It's probably crossing his mind right now. And right now. And now. hehe

Mignon: Marlon Brando tortoises! That's f'n great. Man am I going to have fun on Photoshop with that one. ;)

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Honey, it's never about the hammers.

And I feel ya on the home improvements thing. We'd love to put ours on the market in about ayear, but I look around at all the "little" projects that should be done and think, "When, oh when, do we have time to do all that crap?"

Your last nerve and mine should get together and go out for a tall, stiff drink. Oh, shit, too late. Mine just died.

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

I wish I could buy more nerves as easily as I could buy more milk, but more easily than I can buy that LOWFAT RANCH DRESSING THAT I LOVE AND THAT THEY NEVER, EVER HAVE AT THE SUPERMARKET.

Maybe we could pool our nerves?

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger Brooke said...

I'm sorry about the nerves sweetie! House crap will do that to you.

At 06 February, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

The title of this post made me wet myself.

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Househunting IS stressful! (((your nerves)))

I love that last conversation w/ Hoop. Too funny.

At 06 February, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

Yes, new home is great, until you look around at the dings you put in it while moving around, the scratches from the dogs, the plumbing that doesn't work and the roof that leaks, day. Not to mention the sinkholes that open up and swallow your house whole.

GRRRR, homeownership bites. You get attached, you fix the POS up, everything goes to hell and you get to foot the bill.

Sorry, the house in the country is a great idea Tink. Call me and I will come help with putting the deck in. With YOUR hammer, though, not Hoop's.

At 07 February, 2006, Blogger V said...

I'm so envious! Not of the pending temper tantrum of course....but house buying. And having a house to sell! So, so envious. Good luck!

At 07 February, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

If you get a fixer-upper, you're going to have to put up with A LOT of hammer jokes...

At 07 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Queen Mama: "Honey, it's never about the hammers." Hoop doesn't believe me when I tell him that the size of the hammer doesn't matter, if you have hard enough wood.

Arabella: Your Ranch Dressing and my Kellogg's Vanilla Breakfast Bars must be on holiday together. That or it's a conspiracy.

Brooke: ((Brooke)) I missed you.

Amanda: How convenient! My new side business is "Dry Pants."

EE: My nerves thank you. ;)

Ditsy: "Not to mention the sinkholes that open up and swallow your house whole." Let's hope THAT doesn't happen. LOL Although this is Florida. We're like one big floating landmass.

V: You want to buy a house in Florida girl? It's a great starter home. I promise I'll remove all the poop landmines. :)


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