Thursday, August 31, 2006

Oddball Award

Here are my nominees...

There's a maintenance man at the park next to my parents' house that's been sneaking over to feed the horses. Apparently he puts on a cowboy hat as he's walking to the paddock and then takes it off again on his way back to work. Mom finally tracked the man down and scolded him for trespassing. To which the simpleton replied, "I thought they were owned by the park."

I received an excel sheet this morning with the instructions for it to be filled out and sent back IMMEDIATELY. When I opened it, I realized the whole sheet was password protected, making it impossible for me to type in. I called the person who'd sent it to me so I could request a workable copy... He's on vacation for two weeks.

I'm in charge of employee training for the location of the company I work for. We have another location, run by someone else. So I thought it was a little odd when I received a phone call from an employee in that area. "I need your help," she pleaded. Figuring their trainer was sick or out of town I asked what I could do for her. "I've tried to pass this test six times and I keep failing!" "Have you locked yourself out then?" "No. I need you to take it for me." And she was serious. "I can't do that." She became demanding, "You will do it, and you'll pass." I replied by hanging up the phone.

Got any candidates you'd like to add?

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: What are you doing?
Tink: Poking my nose.
Hoop: Why?
Tink: Because there's a soft spot in it.
Hoop: *Starts poking own nose*
Tink: Is that normal?
Hoop: I have one too.
Tink: Oh good. I was afraid I was going to get a butt nose.
Hoop: A BUTT nose?
Tink: Yeah, where the nose has a cleft and looks like a butt.
Hoop: And here I thought we made that term up when I was a kid.
Tink: Nope. It's a legitimate classification.

Ernesto Update:

And Florida waves good-bye.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
(While watching
The Swan)
Tink: Wow, they did an amazing job on her.
Hoop: Too bad they couldn't fix her personality.
Tink: *Gasp* You're awful!
Hoop: Watch. The psychologist is going to tell her, "We would really like to get you back in for counseling. Plus some speech therapy for that voice of yours. Oh yeah, and there's more."
Tink: Oh my God, look at her boobs! They're HUGE.
Hoop: Evidently when they asked her what size she wanted she said, "The largest you got honey!"
Tink: Even her kids can't stop staring at them.
Hoop: At least her husband will be happy.
Tink: Babe, we need to get bikes soon.
Hoop: Is this show making you self-conscious?
Tink: A little. That woman's husband just openly admitted he doesn't find her attractive anymore. And she's only 30 lbs heavier than me.
Hoop: You realize, they wouldn't even consider you for this show.
Tink: Well thanks I guess.
Hoop: In fact, I would be OUTRAGED if they did.
Tink: Let's just turn the channel and eat some cake.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Attack Of The Links

It's one of those days where fabulous just isn't going to happen folks. The rain is sucking out my creative thought. So please enjoy all the garbage below, included for your viewing pleasure.

Playing With The Big Dogs: Interested what the world's most popular blogs are? Check out
Technorati. Or if you're lazy check out the top five blogs here.

Engadget: keeps you updated on all the latest technology. Like the "The Babykeeper," a device that allows you to suspend your child from a public restroom door while you go about your business.
老徐 徐静蕾 新浪: your guess is as good as mine.
Boing Boing: cultural curiosities and interesting technologies. Check out the linked article about a stoner chick who accidentally texts a cop instead of her friend.
Gizmodo: the gadget guide. Click on the link to see the largest airhorn ever created. I wish I'd had one of those at graduation.
The Huffington Post: an online news/opinion paper. *Yawn* How did this make the top five?

Personally I think the list is rigged. I don't see any of us wonderful, talented, funny bloggers on there. And I happen to think we're tops.

Ohhh. I Lost: They say humans are the most intelligent creatures on this planet. Yet... There's a game, called "
The Game," where simply thinking of "The Game" makes you lose. The rules are as follow:

1. Knowledge of The Game is the only thing required to play it.
2. Thinking of The Game causes a player to lose.
3. A losing player must announce the loss.

They're calling it, "a social phenomenon and an anti-memory game." I call it RIDICULOUS.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: By the way, we have to have sex tonight.
Hoop: Nooo!
Hoop: Why?
Tink: WHY? Well... One, I'm horny. Two, I'm about to start my monthly oil change.
Hoop: *Starts rubbing Tink's leg*
Tink: What are you doing?
Hoop: We have exactly one minute before I have to get you back to work.
Tink: So now you're a miracle worker?

Spam Mail:
Rooster Scuffle from Louisa Roman
Tinny Salve from Mathilda Mejia

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: I'm thinking of creating a professional Myspace page to advertise that I'm looking for a job.
Tink: Oh? Well I know a bunch of people that would much rather you create a blog.
Hoop: Yeah but-
Tink: The "Hoop" craze is starting to die hon. Soon they're going to forget all about you.
Hoop: Well tell them I'm sorry. I just have so many more important things to do-
Tink: *Raises eyebrow*
Hoop: -like play Tiger Woods golf on my PSP.
Tink: I see.
Hoop: But they're more than welcome to join me in a round or two on the net!
Tink: I'll let them know.

Updates: Hoop had to cancel his second interview for tomorrow. After some extensive research, we found out the company is a scam. Their idea of "marketing" is to go door to door selling their products. What's really shitty is they do a good job of covering up who they really are until you're roped in. So it's back to the drawing board.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I DRINK Hurricanes

A while back I decided to give up watching the news. It's too depressing. Hoop won't listen to Fiona Apple songs for the same reason. He calls it, "wrist slitting music." And for the most part I haven't missed hearing about the daily murders in Jacksonville, or the traffic accidents on Spaghetti Junction. CNN has the "Personal Crime Risk" of Jacksonville posted at 281%. Isn't anything over 100 a little extravagant?

Every once in awhile NOT watching the news has bitten me in the ass. Like now... Evidently there's a Tropical Storm named Ernesto making a visit on Thursday. I was totally oblivious. This mug shot was taken on his way out of Cuba.

Ernesto. Pfft. Not exactly the kind of name that strikes fear in the hearts of men. They should start adding descriptions at the end for emphasis. Like, "Ernesto the Shit-Kicker" or "Ernesto the Home-Wrecker." Those might make me get out the plywood and nails. For now my provisions list will remain:

1. Batteries for flashlight What flashlight?
2. Batteries for vibrator Check
3. Food There might be some cans of ravioli in the cabinet.
4. Drinks Beer is very important. Pick up 24 pack on the way home.
5. Ice The beer wont have time to get warm.
6. Clean Clothes If the power goes out it's going to be too damn hot to wear clothes.
7. Clean WORK Clothes If the power goes out I'm sure not going to work either.
8. A deck of cards Of course. Although no strip poker. Remember? No clothes.

There's something funny about Floridians' memories. It's akin to a pregnant woman's. Please, no hate mail until I finish. A pregnant woman has her baby, and it hurts like hell. Hurts so much she might even vow never to do it again. But usually she does. She forgets, and for good reason. The baby outweighs the temporary cost. Floridians are like that with Hurricanes. The storms blow through, the power goes out for weeks, it's hot, there's a shortage of food/gas/ice, offices close down and sometimes there's serious structural and road damage.

Yet we stay.

"Who could give up sunshine and beaches?!"
"At least we can predict them."
"I don't fear Hurricanes. I drink them!"

And chances are we'll act nonchalant about the next one too.

In 2004 it took three huge storms and all of the above problems for me to finally put plywood over my front window. I spray painted it with the words, "1-Charley. 2-Frances. 3-Ivan. 4-SALE!" The next year I laughed about it. I told people how safe we were when storms grazed by, too close for comfort. And thankfully none hit. This morning I rolled my eyes at the mention of Ernesto. "He's just a Tropical Storm. It's too late in the year for a major Hurricane." And then I found articles on 2004's Frances and Jeanne. They came through in early to mid September.

Huh. I guess I shouldn't be so cocky.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While walking down town)
Hoop: Stupid whistle.
Tink: What?
Hoop: My nostril has been whistling for two weeks.
Tink: I don't hear anything.
Hoop: *Puts nose up to Tink's ear* Hear it now?
Tink: Sounds like a regular nose. How's mine sound? *Puts nose up to Hoop's ear*
Hoop: It's not nearly as bad as mine *Puts nose up to Tink's ear*
Tink: *Looks around* People are going to think we're not normal.
Hoop: I'm NOT normal. My nostril is whistling!

Hoop's got an interview today at 2! Think happy thoughts for us.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Back To Normal

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night Hoop and I headed out to one of the local beaches.
2. We were buzzed, so wearing our bathing suits had sounded like a great idea.
3. The furthest we got in was up to our ankles...

Hoop: You going in?
Tink: Ooo no. Sharks.
Hoop: I know. What were we thinking?
Tink: Only tourist swim in the ocean-
Hoop: -at night.
Tink: They can have them. That's why they call it tourist "season" anyway.

4. So we walked the beach instead.
5. This particular beach is known for the large amount of shells that wash up on its shore. Some stacks get up to one foot high and several feet deep!
6. Neither of us had thought ahead to bring a flashlight. So we each took to a pile and started weeding through the shells by touch.
7. It was during one of these digs that I grazed my hand across the sand and saw an unbelievable explosion of blue-white sparks.
8. At first I thought it was the buzz, or a trick of the moonlight. But it kept happening. "Hoop?! Something strange is happening with this sand."
9. He had noticed it too. We soon realized the sparks happened when any kind of contact was made. If you took a step, the sparks would scatter out from your foot like a wave. If you ran your hand in a pattern they would follow and then fade.
10. We argued whether it was due to friction or microscopic organisms. Regardless of reason, we felt like we'd discovered something truly amazing.
11. And evidently we're
not the only ones.
12. Saturday we headed over to my parents house for a birthday celebration for Papa Bear and Hoop.
13. Papa Bear got a sign from my Grandparents that said, "My name is ----, and I am 44 years old." Just in case he'd forgotten.
14. Hoop got a bright orange whip.
15. Of course now that ALL the boys have whips, they had to have a competition on the deck to see who was better using them.
16. No, I don't know who won.
17. I was too busy ducking blows to really care.
18. Sunday we brought the dogs back home...
19. ...and made a valiant effort to get them readjusted.
20. First we ran them around the house.
21. Next we set up their cages and washed their blankets.
22. Then we dressed Duff up in lingerie and I took pictures.
23. "One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn't belong."
24. Don't let the picture fool you. He really loves it.
25. Last night Hoop and I went to see
26. I highly recommend seeing it. It's one of the better "Feel Good" movies of the year.
27. SPOILER: Although the part where Vince's wife leaves him because he's jobless kind of made Hoop squirm in his seat a little.
28. *Ahem* Hoop is working on the job search today btw.
29. I woke up this morning feeling like a pretzel dog.
30. Between Hoop, both canines, and our heavy comforter, I didn't have a single inch of wiggle room.
31. I did say I wanting things back to normal didn't I?

Spam Mail:
(I must be off their no-spam list now)
White Trash from Cyril Pitts
Taxi Sand Life Span from Humphrey Bradley
Princess Agony from Sue Nicholson

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:


Fortunately it was just a discarded nail polish bottle and not the little woodland creature I first imagined it had been.

"Get me outta this Mom!"

(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Wonderfully Kitschy

Natural Curves

Hoop and I found this whole Conch shell on one of our beaches.

Pouting Pup

Friday, August 25, 2006

Pass It On

For ten years I haven't seen or spoken to anyone on my Dad's side of the family, except for Dad himself. My grandfather, Bob, was the pillar. He was the Godfather. When he died, the bond that held us all together dissolved. My father, always the black sheep, was ousted by the rest. As was I by association. Sometimes I think of them and wonder if they ever thought of that little blonde 13 year old that liked Unicorns. Did they miss her? Or did they think she was worth nothing more than their reckless brother?

Today I stumbled across something that connected my life from ten years ago to the wonderful life I lead now... a Myspace account. One of my littlest cousins was six when I last saw her. Beana. She liked dollhouses. She was completely round and always covered in her Mother's kisses. She's sixteen now. I wasn't sure it was her account at first. The avatar picture depicted someone much sadder than I imagined she would be. She's "emo" now. Obsessed with death and thinks the whole world hates her. Untouchable.

Linked to her account were three of my other cousins. One of Beana's brothers is 23, divorced, with kid, in the military. Another cousin is 21, pregnant, and married to a man that looks like he crawled out from beneath a bar counter. Who are these people? I read their descriptions and thought, "Funny. I have to read up on members of my own family like they're strangers." I once had dreams of getting reconnected with them. I fantasized that I'd look them up, call out of the blue, and be welcomed back with open arms. I imagined they thought of me often and just didn't know where to find me.

Another grandfather died in March of this year. I was notified by my Dad through a text message, too late to go to the funeral. I found the obituary in my search across the family's blogs. "Preceded by eight grandchildren," it said. Eight. And I make nine... Sometimes you can't go back. You can't become a round peg and still hope to fit in that square hole. It's been almost two years since my Father and I spoke. He text a few times, and then disappeared with the disconnection of his number. I had counted on the family contacting me if anything were to befall him. But if I don't exist...

There are so many difficult lessons in life. This one may be one of the most important.


I have a Mom that is my best friend, and a Stepfather that calls me his "daughter." I have two brothers, my pride and joy, and Grandparents that want nothing more than my success. And I have a man who carries around my heart like a locket and tells me he loves me a million times a day. That's what's ahead. Those are the things that I look forward to everyday. They're what makes me that round peg. There is nothing behind me... or you for that matter. It doesn't matter who hurt you, forgot you, mistook you. It matters who loved you and who loves you now.


Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...


All the cool people are doing it!

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Ugh I need to brush my teeth. My ass tastes-
Hoop: -What?!
Tink: I mean... My mouth tastes like ass.
Hoop: And your ass tastes like mouth?
Tink: At this point, I'm not sure which one is worse.

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter,
"Casino City." Click on over. Try your luck. The odds are Blogger's acting up. But you never know when you'll hit the jackpot!

P.S. So what happens to Scorpio now that its ruling planet has been demoted? That's got to screw with astrology. But I'm feeling really charitable today. So how about I share Uranus with them? I always thought Uranus didn't get enough attention anyway. Heh.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Welcome Back Kotter Hoop!

A couple hours before Hoop reached home, he stopped at a truck stop to wake himself up. Eleven straight hours of driving with no one to talk to can get to a person. As he was mindlessly wandering the isles he came across some pills, advertised to "perk" the user up. He thought it was worth a shot, so he bought a pack. All the way home he didn't feel anything. In fact, he'd forgotten he'd even taken them. It wasn't until about an hour after he got home that he realized... He was tripping balls. "How is this stuff legal?!" He asked, staring at the trail from his cigarette. "I don't know. But you're making me jealous."

Fortunately the pills didn't take effect until long after he let me maul him in the doorway. Well, maybe the mauling was mutual. I have a crescent shaped hickey on my neck to prove it *grumble*. Afterward I lay there staring at him, tracing my fingers down his face and shoulders. I stared at our intertwined hands, the lazy smile across Hoop's face, and I was reminded that he is the most beautiful work of art I've ever set eyes on. I feel like I've been reunited with my laugh, and given permission to finally relax again. Not that I wasn't appreciative before, but this trip has made me understand how very lucky I am. So maybe the time apart wasn't so bad after all... I still wouldn't want to do it again.

And for anyone placing bets, Hoop DID NOT choose dinner first. ;)

It's Official: Leading astronomers declared today that
Pluto is no longer a planet. Maybe they're replacing it with Paris Hilton? Her ego is about the SIZE of a planet. She's got a gravitational pull... on paparazzi and drugged out teen stars. And not to mention she thinks the galaxy revolves around her. Sounds like another planet we know *coughEARTHcough*. Plus she's already been inducted into Planet Hollywood and personally, I think she's an alien.

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: Did you hear? Pluto is no longer classified as a planet.
Co-worker: *Sigh* Everything we learned in school is a LIE.
Boss: Do you know why?
Tink: Something about it's orbit and size.
Boss: No, it's because girls went there to get more stupider.
Tink: That's JUPITER, sir.
Co-worker: *Snort*
Boss: Well, they still got stupider.
Tink: Don't make me put you in time out.

P.S. Any guesses what side dish I cooked with dinner last night? Creamed corn. Evidently, "Fear is not a factor for me."

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


On Monday I wrote a post about strange events, one involving me being stalked through Walmart by a gentleman I classified as "mentally disabled." After receiving an email yesterday from an upset reader, it has come to my attention that I should probably clarify the situation.

It was never my intent to offend or belittle the handicapped. I'm sorry if I upset anyone else. Over the years I have done extensive work as an aid for the mentally challenged. So I know how difficult closed mindedness can be for them and their cause. The man that was following me on Saturday was not handicapped in the way you might have imagined him. He was very obviously disabled, mentally. But not in a necessarily harmless way. He was a large gentleman, 40ish, alone (as was I) and the way he was following was not OK. He did not have the friendly/kind intentions of say... someone who has downs. He was not shy in the way autistic people are usually classified. He was disturbed, and it showed.

As I mentioned to the upset reader, "Most of the things I blog are meant to be in good fun. It's humor. I'd be lying if I didn't say I expected someone to take offense at some point. I am surprised it was on this issue though, since most of my jokes concern men, religion, politics and vibrators. Well... I didn't really expect the vibrators to complain."

To prove I don't play favorites among all my other taboo topics:
(Have some tomatoes)

Religion and Politics
Religion and Politics 2
Men 2

Thank you
Folioweekly for providing the blog fodder.

I Saw You:

WALKING AT WALMART. You: Squinty-eyed punk with sidekick. Me: Sexy goddess with annoying Conor Oberst-loving friend screaming Bright Eyes who almost got squished from staring at your amazing fine tooshie. I'd tap that! Some English teacher once told her she should be more descriptive.

PALM VALLEY. You: Golf goddess, great swing, great other stuff. Me: Black man, no hair, 5'2" and 280 lbs. I love to race hamsters but for you I would take up golf. Will you teach me?
Hamsters?! And at 5'2" weighing 280lbs what the hell were you even doing at a golf course, playing target?

Men Seeking Men:

HIRSUTE MAN. Mature, gay white man looking for hirsute gay white man who needs frequent brushings and rubs.
Hirsute: Covered with hair. I really don't need to say anything more. But I think it's good to mention, I first thought hirsute meant "pretending to be a horse."

Women Seeking Men:

SINGLE, FUN BEAUTY. Tall, older, successful, non-smoking, non-racist or discriminating man sick of games. Into all kinds of activities (white water rafting, hiking, sailing, traveling). Non-racist, yet she specifically mentions white water rafting? What about the other kinds of rafting huh? Water bigot. Stop talking in code. We know what you're all about.

I NEED LOVE. Woman seeking a young and attractive man, teeth optional. Hot, older woman needing love in all the right places. A little flabby in some areas, but I'm still hot to trot. Teeth optional. Honey, you need to come by my house. It would be like discount day at Rednecks R' Us.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: What time are you leaving in the morning?
Hoop: About 6 or 7 o'clock.
Tink: And it takes 11 hours to get home?
Hoop: Well, I can make it in 10.
Tink: Hoop, promise me you won't fly.
Hoop: *Spoken as if to a child* No silly. My car CANT fly!

Tink: *Bursts out laughing* I miss you.
Hoop: I miss you more.

Days Til Hoops Back: 1 (He's coming in tonight!)

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Cue the Crickets

5 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start.The blogs have been awfully quiet lately. In situations like this I usually check three things for fault: pits, teeth, breath. But that's real life. Unless someone has invented (and is testing) smell-o-vision... in which case forgive me, I ran out of after-coffee-mints. There just doesn't seem to be a reason for the lull. Are we on the wrong bandwagon? Is this one running out of gas? Are people getting bored with the internet? I have a problem about getting interested in things long after they've hit their peak. I put my house on the market just as the real estate bubble burst. I usually get into games that are too old to have tech support. I look for clothes they stopped making five years ago. I started adopting the slang, "Sweet!" just as it's was being switched over to, "Tight!" So it wouldn't surprise me. But it does bum me out. I have grown to really care about the people I've met through blogging. I'm not ready for this trend to die out. Maybe we can start a campaign like, "Save the Whales?" Or "Feed the Hungry?" Direct and to the point.... I'm thinking, "Save the Bloggers." And "Read the Blogs." Or maybe more along the lines of, "Save a worker: BLOG." Cause Lord knows my mind would be mushified by now if I didn't have all your blogs to fill my time with. Start.

Simology: A few months ago I bought Sims 2. Of course my first project was to make a virtual Hoop and Tink. Who could resist? In the original Sims game I created a house full of sims that resembled people I disliked. Mostly old roommates. I told them to jump in the pool, and then I removed the ladder so they couldn't get out. They died.

Don't look at me like that. It's just a GAME.

Anyway, last night Tink-sim and Hoop-sim had a baby boy. I've been watching Tink-sim's belly grow for a few days. It really is amazing how far our technology has advanced. They've even got the puking and frequent urges to pee down. And then Tink-sim went into labor. After one minute of strained pushing (don't you wish it was that easy?) out popped a bouncing baby boy.

Do you know where Hoop-sim was during this ordeal? Practicing golf in the living room.

Sweet Dreams: I had a dream last night that I was in charge of filming a carnival for a major news station. One of the main events was seeing who could jump from a tall platform and land on their feet. Another was a wrestling match where people were encouraged to bite and scratch. And then a newscaster came on and announced, "Welcome to the second annual 'Construction Workers Pretending To Be Cats' festival." I remember thinking it all made sense after that.

What's up with the cat dreams? I'm a DOG person. Not that construction workers pretending to be dogs would be any more logical.

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: So then you go-
New Employee: Uh huh.
Tink: -to the login-
NE: Uh huh.
Tink: -screen and type-
NE: Uh huh.
Tink: Could you please stop that?!
NE: Uh... Uh huh.

Days Til Hoops Back: 2

Monday, August 21, 2006

Strange Events

On Friday night I took a coworker out to celebrate her 30th birthday. It was all pretty uneventful... until a man dancing at the bar we were in had a heart attack. It took the paramedics five minutes to get there and four to revive him. Nine minutes... I can only hope he made it OK.

On Saturday I was stalked followed around by a mentally disabled gentleman while I was grocery shopping. I wasn't worried so much as creeped out. I called my Mom for company.

Tink: Mom, there's a mentally disabled guy following me around Walmart.
Mom: Well zig zag or something and try to lose him.
Tink: He's not an Alligator!

I'll be damned if that didn't work though.

See what happens when Hoop's gone?! Wait... Strange things happen when he's NOT gone too.

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:


I had a (paranoia induced) fantasy that this was a snake coiled in my bug zapper.


In reality, it was a tiny lizard with a big attitude.


My white birthmark


In my fantasy world it looks like an elf. He's usually holding a heart-shaped balloon in his right hand (your left). But seeing as I'm barely tan enough for him to show, the balloon has been rendered nonexistent by my day glow.

(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Mood Lighting

Sick Advertisement

Sweet Dreams: Last night I had a dream that Hoop's Mother invaded our house will twelve orphans, who acted more like feral cats. When Hoop came home we ran around looking for a quiet room to have an overdo rendezvous in. When we finally found a room where children weren't hanging off the fan or tearing at the wall like wild animals, we fell on each other in relief. The sex was amazing... up until the point where Hoop came creamed corn. I stared for a minute before telling him he should get "that" looked at. To which he calmly replied, "Just hand me a towel."

Remind me never to go to bed hungry again.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(During a phone call)
Tink: What are you doing now?
Hoop: Well, Nash and I just finished having a few boats on the beer.
Tink: Boats on the beer huh?
Hoop: I mean-
Tink: -And how many boats have you had dear?
Hoop: Enough not to want to get back on the beer again.

Days Til Hoop's Back: 3

Friday, August 18, 2006

Going On A Bear Hunt

Yesterday I set up camp and the wonderful people below decided to join me around the fire. Click on over to hear their "Save The Day" stories. Then pull up a log to tell us one of your own.

Jay: A boating mishap
GrayMama: A Father-Daughter car ride
Newt: Haley’s comet, a Bull Moose, and camping in a hotel. Oh my! ;)

Anyone I missed?

Hook, Line, Stinker: I was never particularly lucky when it came to fishing. I didn't mind getting up early, or hooking my own bait. I had no problems sitting patiently for hours waiting for a bite. I simply never caught anything. During one of our family summer camping trips, I snuck off to the lake long before anyone else had gotten up. Since I wasn't very good at the sport, I liked to go fishing when no one was around to tease me about it.

The bait shop wasn't open yet, so I grabbed a couple things from the cooler that I thought might work in a pinch. Bread. Marshmallows. Bacon. It's no wonder I wasn't used to catching anything. But I figured hey, it was worth a shot. Within minutes of throwing in my line (tied down with bacon) I had a bite. I whooped and yelled and struggled to reel that Catfish in. I was so excited. Until I realized I had no idea how to get it OFF. It was the first fish I'd ever caught and there was no one around to see it or help.

So I ran back to the campsite to see if anyone was awake... with that poor fish dangling on my line. When I got there and all was quiet, I started to panic. I didn't want to kill the fish. But I also wanted everyone to see my fine catch. So I grabbed the drink cooler, dumped out its contents, threw the fish in, and dragged it back to the lake. After filling the cooler with water and biting off the cord to my rod, I went back to fishing to see if I could catch anything else.

That morning I caught twelve Catfish. Not wanting my family to miss out on my great accomplishment, I made damn sure to save them all. I ran out of cooler space after the first three fish and had to resort to using various buckets and crates around the campground, including the toolbox in the back of my Dad's truck. When my Dad finally tracked me down later that morning, he was shocked to see my haul. So shocked he didn't say anything for several minutes. And then he started laughing. He didn't stop until all the fish were safely back in the lake.

Except for the one in his toolbox. I kind of forgot about that one until the next day.

Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...


Don't be a wuss. Join the fun!

Not Far From The Tree:
(During dinner)
Papa Bear: Did someone not get their lasagna?
Mom: That's Hoop's.
Tink: *Blink* Um.
Mom: But since he's not here, you can have it.
Tink: He'll be glad to know you were thinking of him.
Mom: Be sure to let him know it was good.

Not Far From The Tree:
Hoop's Dad: *While fast asleep* Thank you! What did you do to it?
Hoop and Nash: *Busts out laughing*
HD: Boys...
Hoop What's he dreaming about?
Nash: I don't know. But we could really screw with him right now.
HD: You better behave.

Days Til Hoop's Back: 6

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!

Thursday, August 17, 2006


Do you know what blogging feels like some days? Camping. We're just friends, sitting around a fire and telling stories.

One of my fondest memories involving my Father was the day he took all of us kids camping. There were seven of us, my cousins and I, against the only adult brave enough to take us into the wilderness. Dad picked out a spot for the tents at the bottom of a hill while we unloaded the coolers full of bacon, eggs, cokes, and Smore fixings. I argued that we should set up camp closer to the lake, but he assured me that he knew what he was doing.

And then it rained. We all scattered to our tents to get out of the storm and found... the insides of our tents were soaked too. Evidently rain likes to form rivers down hills when it rains. Who knew?! Pfft. By the time we realized what was happening it was too late to set up camp elsewhere. The river running through our tents had made them too heavy to lift. With nowhere dry to stand I begged my Dad to take us home. He responded by pushing a picnic table into the main tent.

"Sit," he barked at us. We huddled, shivering and complaining on that table while he rummaged through his truck. When he came back there was a deck of cards in his hand. "What's that for?" I asked. "Poker," he said. That night we stayed up until the storm cleared, although it wasn't because we were bothered by the rain. We had stopped caring long before that happened. We were too busy having fun, playing Poker in the rain on a picnic table in a tent. Even the littlest, barely four, got in on the fun.

My Father wasn't a wise man. He often did stupid and dangerous things. He wasn't particularly good at being a parent either. He acted more like that crazy uncle everyone has. But sometimes, just when I thought he'd failed me yet again, he would come through and save the day. I lived for those moments. What "save the day" memory sticks out most in your mind? Pull up a log, sit by the fire, tell me if the fish are biting, and join me in some blogger camping.

Fun Fact: "Kumbaya, my Lord" started out in the 1920s as a Gullah spiritual sung on the islands of South Carolina between Charleston and Beaufort. "Come by here, my Lord" in Gullah is "Come by (h)yuh, my lawd." American missionaries probably took the song to Angola after its publication in the 1930s, where its origins were forgotten. In the late 1950s the song was rediscovered in Angola and returned to North American where it swept the campfire circuit as a beautiful and mysterious religious lyric.

My Happy Thought: I couldn't help but feel blue last night on the way to my parents. Not having Hoop home is starting to get to me. Work is well... work. The house situation is dismal at best. My realtor continues to push that we should lower the price. Meanwhile she's not pushing my house at all. Who has an open house and doesn't advertise? So I wasn't in the greatest mood when I pulled onto my parents' road. And then I saw Big Bit.

He was parked at the stop sign with his Go Kart. I pulled up and rolled down my window. He revved his engine and gave me a shit-eating grin. "You can't be serious!" I laughed. He nodded and revved the engine again. "I have a V8!" I called out to him. Suddenly he was gone, shot off in a burst of speed and gas. I pushed down on the peddle, closing the distance between us in a matter of seconds. "How fast am I going?" He screamed over the noise. "30 mph," I lied. His grin widened as he slammed on the gas again, peeling into the driveway ahead of me.

More August Search Terms (Again):
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. vibrating underwear alarm That's one way to get up in the morning.
2. Shamu soundtrack Wouldn't that just be a bunch of clicks and whistles?
3. "poet nymph" There wasn't supposed to be an "o" on the end of that was there?

Days Til Hoop's Back: 7

P.S. I haven't forgotten about the birthmark picture I promised you all. I just haven't been home to load it. Mark it as one of my, "Coming Attractions." hehe

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Shout Outs

1. To Jay, who posted a question to the cosmos yesterday and still hasn't gotten an answer. That's Cosmos' way of snubbing me because I dropped her name a few posts ago like an ass-kisser corporate peon. "Cosmos and I? We're like sisters. In fact, you could call me her top executive head receptionist." Head over there and help a guy out won't you?

2. To my dog, Jazzi. Do you know why she's so awesome? Besides the fact that she lets me dress her up in a
bra and post pictures of it on the internet... (Wow, does that constitute as puppy porn?) She jumps on trampolines. Her grandparents were circus freaks.

3. To Hoop, who's half a dozen states away on vacation. He's proof that women harness some unknown power that make men feel guilty without the women even saying a word. He text me this morning, worried, asking if he and I were alright. Poor babe. Evidently when I say, "Have fun" it gets translated into "I'm mad at you" by the time it reaches his ear. And, "I love you baby" translates into "Your clothes are going to be in boxes on the lawn when you get home."

4. To the naked guy standing in the doorway of Big Bit's bedroom this morning. Bet that got your attention huh? I stayed at my parents' house last night and woke at 5am to the glowing of a full moon. No, not that kind of moon. The other kind. I could have been dreaming... I guess. But I clearly remember rolling back over and thinking, "Yup, that's a butt" and then going back to sleep like it was just some normal thing.

More August Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. "how to shoot a horse" Crazy rednecks. They finally found me.
2. pooping metaphors Some people are known for knitting. I on the other hand...
3. kinds of pickled beef
KINDS? Am I that sheltered?
4. what is pickled beef
You're looking at it. Not me... the blog.
5. sexy tink Flattery will get you everywhere!

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter,
"Breaking Ground." I bet you two crisp hundred dollar bills that you think, "What the hell is she on?" when you get done reading it.
After further inspection of my purse I am embarrassed to tell you that I'm fresh out of hundreds. But I have plenty of pocket lint to go around! Now go. Click on over and enjoy.

Days Til Hoop's Back: 8

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


5 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. A week ago someone made an offer on our house... for 38 grand less than the asking price, and with the stipulation that we'd pay to tear down a tree and install a pool. No shit. This house thing? It's getting old. At this point I'd be willing to TRADE someone houses. My ad would read, "Are you a redneck? Are you looking to get sun on the rest of your body? Got a cute little place out in the country? Trade houses with me and live 15 minutes from the beach with access to more than just a tractor store." I went to the gas station at lunch and met a woman wearing a dirty sundress with no shoes and a mouth full of holes. You know what my first thought was? Where the hell does SHE live? Because it's starting to dawn at me that all the good lots of land are owned by rednecks, passed down through six generations of mud-bogging, frog-leg-eating, wife-beater-wearing country folk. They decorate their yards with broken down cars and grills made out of old beer kegs and have no idea what they have under that mess they call lawn furniture. That's where all the good land in Florida is hiding. End.

August Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. craziest nonsense insane I hope that means I being nominated officially.
2. reality show hoops is pregnant
Is it mine?!
3. "shit out letters"
You are one talented mo'fo!
4. "arabella day" It's June 29th. Mark your calendar.
5. hoophoop weird That's probably the name of the kid he's bearing me.

Not Far From The Tree:
(Driving back from a business dinner while on the phone with my Mom)
Tink: So I'll be over tomorrow night after work.
Mom: Great! You know we'd love to have y-
Tink: -Shoot. Hold on Mom, my boss is flashing me.
Mom: WHAT?!
Tink: With his lights! *Laughing* He's flashing me with his lights.

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: We went to this beautiful spring on Saturday.
Rep: Were there fish in this spring?
Tink: Uh, I don't know. I didn't see any.
Rep: Because I wouldn't get in if there were fish.
Tink: Oh-kay. Why?
Rep: Fish bite.
Tink: No they don't! They nibble.
Rep: I wont eat fish either.
Tink: Are you really that much of a pussy?
Rep: I figure, if I don't eat them they wont try to eat me.

Days Til Hoop's Back: 9

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Hoopless In Florida

I missed you guys!

Hoop left seven hours ago, traveling with Nash to Tennessee for a ten day getaway with the guys. Don't mind the pale shade of green I'm turning. I'm sure I'll *sniff* get over it once I get back to work.

Vacation Recap:
1. Saturday night we all went out to celebrate Hoop's 29th birthday in high fashion.
2. In other words, there was lots of booze.
3. We spent a good bit of the night prank calling a number I'd found written on the bathroom wall.
4. I'm not proud. But it WAS funny.
5. And to be fair, poor Timmy from Atlanta should have never announced on his voicemail that he was going to be gone for the week. That only made us think we could call 25 times without repercussion.
6. I pretended to be Tammy, an orgasmaholic with a fetish for disgusting bar restrooms. He's probably never going to erase that message.
7. Monday, Hoop and I packed the car for a two day trip to Orlando.
8. After spending the day at Wet-N-Wild we both agreed on what we wanted to build, should we ever come across a lot of money...
9. ...a lazy river. Preferably around the house like a moat.
10. That night we went to Pleasure Island to sit in at the comedy clubs.
11. For those who've never gone,
The Adventures Club (the main one), is interactive.
12. I got selected three times during their bits. One involved the heart-throb character Hathaway Browne, who spent the night trying to "seduce" me away from Hoop.

13. Hoop thought it was all pretty funny until they started clowning on him for drinking girlie drinks. We left soon after.
14. Tuesday, we played at Sea World.
15. My favorite part of the day was when Hoop surprised me with a plate of fish...
16. feed the sea lions of course.
17. But I only fed the blind and disfigured ones, since they looked the least loved.
18. I particularly liked one, who I nicknamed "Popeye," since he couldn't seem to help but smile up at me.
19. I begged Hoop to let me keep him, but he told me it would have to wait until we built the moat.
20. Wednesday was Hoop's official birthday, marked with a cake so overloaded with candles it looked like it was on fire.

21. I gave him a PSP, which seems to have attached itself to his hand like a leech.
22. My hope is that his new toy will be less novel once he's had a Tink-free week to play with it.
23. Uh... Yeah.

24. Thursday we went to Devil's Millhopper in Gainesville.
25. It's a large sinkhole. Also a good place to hide evidence.
26. *Cough* At least I IMAGE it would be.

27. Then we drove to Paynes Prairie, a park that boasts to have wild bison and horses on it.
28. What we saw on the other hand, was a baby armadillo and some deer.
29. At the end of one very long trail we found ourselves in the middle of a swamp. "I don't think bison or horses would graze on this," I said. "Maybe it gets clear further down," Hoop replied.
30. It didn't.
31. One mile and four ruined shoes later, Hoop and I came to a very short observation deck. It showed us...
32. ...more views of the swamp. WONDERFUL.
33. Of course the adventure itself, not to mention the company, made it well worth the wet trek.

34. We made up for the lack of civilization by going to see "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" that night with Nash.
35. It was cute. Totally written by a guy depicting women in the most psychotic light... But cute.
36. Yesterday Hoop, Nash, Big Bit, and I packed a cooler and drove over to one of Florida's many springs.
37. There is nothing better for making you forget your vacation is almost over than drifting on a raft through a spring fed river.
38. Tomorrow is yet another work day, and Hoop isn't here for company, so enjoy the conversations below and help me count down the days until he's back.

Days Til Hoop's Back: 10

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: Once the umpires got fired they couldn't find work anywhere else in that profession. So a lot of them had to stoop to working the minor leagues where they literally worked for peanuts.
Hoop: Yeah, cause who would want to hire-
Tink: -You mean, they handed them a big bag of peanuts at the end of the day and said, "Here's your pay, man?"
Hoop: Oh shut up.
Tink: "Hope you have an elephant at home?"
Hoop: You know what I meant. We should probably stop for gas soon. Are you hungry?
Tink: I could eat.
Hoop: Whatcha in the mood for?
Tink: Peanuts.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Why do you keep scratching your ear?
Tink: It hurts. Is there something on it?
Hoop: Just a little bump, a pimple or bug bite or something.
Tink: It's probably cancer.
Hoop: Don't say that!
Tink: What if I have ear cancer and they have to remove my ear and I end up looking like Picasso?
Hoop: Then we'll grow you another.
Tink: On a
Hoop: Sure.
Hoop: Do you think that mouse could HEAR out of it?
Tink: I was thinking the same thing!

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
How much do you think we could get for Clydesdale sperm on the black market?

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
(While leaving message on realtor's voicemail)
Tink: So if you need me to fax it to you, call back and I'll run over to Home Depot-
Hoop: -Home Depot?
Tink: Shoot, Office Max. One of those stupid places. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. Thanks. *Hangs up phone*
Hoop: While we're at it, why don't we stop at Pizza Hut too?
Tink: Why?
Hoop: Because I need to put air in my tires.
Tink: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Hoop: Or we could just skip it and hit the gas station for some movies before heading home. Although I'd really like to get something to drink at the shoe store.
Tink: I'm never going to hear the end of this am I?
Hoop: Nope.
Tink: Serves me right for making fun of you about the peanuts.
Hoop: Literally.

Gentle Manatees

Flipper Wannabe

Sweet Sea Lion

Kiss and Be Friends

Shamu's "Believe" Show

(Photo Funnies)

Is that his raft or his girlfriend?

Big Bit as "The Michelin Man!"

Friday, August 04, 2006

Last one out...

...lock the door.

Pickled Beef will be closed for business from Monday August 7th through Sunday August 13th. Last vacation of the year! Feel free to raid the fridge, just leave my beer alone. I'll miss you!

Last night I shooed Hoop out the door to go "play" with Nash while I got some R&R and went to bed early. That was the plan anyway. Instead I stayed up cleaning out my computer and making peanut butter cookies. The boys came home around 10:30, shortly after I had crashed out on the couch, and spent the rest of the night drinking and doing God knows what else. I woke up at 3:30 this morning to a very quiet house.


I walked around in a daze, staring into dark rooms as if to catch them hiding. But I was all alone in the house. The car was there. There were 18 empty beer bottles on the coffee table. But no Hoop or Nash. I went outside and yelled their names. Only the neighbor's dog cared to answer. So I sat down on the concrete slab, resigned to the fact that the
Langoliers had eaten them. And of course that's when they decided to reappear.

Do you know where they were? Walking. They were out walking, DRUNK, at 3:30 in the morning. What the hell? After sitting outside with them for five minutes I realized they were not in the least bit tired and all too happy to chat my damn ear off. So I shuffled back to bed and tried to clear my head of the murmurs from the TV and two overgrown children in my living-room.

Hoop didn't even open an eye as I kissed him good-bye this morning. So I carefully leaned over our bed and whispered to him:

Tink: Hoop? Hoop, wake up for a second.
Hoop: Hmmmm?
Tink: Where's Nash?
Hoop: *Points to the bed he's laying in*
Tink: He's in bed?
Hoop: *Points to our bed again*
Tink: Nash is in OUR bed?
Hoop: *Smiles and nods*
Tink: Isn't it kind of crowded under there?

And as promised, Nash's video of the Sea Lion at the Georgia Aquarium who fell in love with this little boy's blue car. And to the parents of said sweet child... PLEASE don't sue me.


I'll post pictures of my birthmark when I get back, hopefully with a little more color to highlight it with. Have a great week!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Have You Found My Ass?

I seem to have dropped it somewhere while I was dragging it around today.

"Tagged!" by
Odd Mix:

Five items in my freezer
1. A tube of corn
2. Twix ice cream
3. Some meat of unknown origin
4. An empty tray
5. A bag of ice from two years ago

Five items in the closet
1. A dirty vacuum cleaner
2. Santa Claus (or at least a model of him)
3. A military trunk
4. Three sets of X-Men posters
5. Two miniature Braves bats

Five items in the car
1. A pressure washer
2. Pennies (stuck to the bottom of the cup holder)
3. Tinkerbell floor mats
4. A hairbrush
5. Jumper cables

Five items in my backpack/purse
1. My camera rolled up in a Crown Royal bag
2. A dull nail file
3. Three different chapsticks
4. Movie stubs from April
5. Wet wipes

And because I'd rather you tag yourself, I'm making up the last question.

Five items in your junk drawer
1. Electrical tape
2. Corona parrot pins
3. Loose screws
4. vibrator remote batteries
5. manuals to appliances I no longer own

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
Do you think I should get bigger boobs?

Around The Water Cooler:
New Hire: I have a problem.
Tink: Sure thing! What can I help you with?
NH: I've been working on this orientation test for three hours and I still can't get it.
Tink: Did you take the class first?
NH: Yes, but the class doesn't teach you the things that are on the test.
Tink: That's impossible sir.
NH: Listen, can I just start working now?
Tink: I'm sorry. It's a requirement that you complete training first.
NH: If I'd know there was going to be a test I would have studied last night!
Tink: That's not necessary. All you have to do is take the class before the test. Have you tried taking notes or writing down the questions from the test and going back?
NH: Of course I have!
Tink: I don't know what else to tell you.
NH: The bottom line is, I don't have a fucking DEGREE in brewing beer!
Tink: Oh-kay.
NH: So unless you're going to send me to St. Louis for training, I'm not going to be able to complete this test.
Tink: Well I can assure you the company is NOT going to send you to St. Louis for unnecessary training. Especially when you are being provided with the information right here. What I can offer you is the chance to try the test again.
NH: ...
Tink: ...
NH: Fine.

And then he passed the test. No apologies. Not even an ashamed look in my direction.

They don't pay me enough.

Things That Make You Go, "WTF?"
1. I once considered making the third bedroom into a ball pit.
2. Clowns can be sexy. Just not the frowny ones.
3. The owner of the pizza place was so cheap, he used to put ads in the paper for the regular price.
4. You're so cute on the pot.
5. Doesn't this birthmark look like an upside down elf holding a heart balloon?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Hoop and I hit up Barnes and Nobles last night in search of some ideas for our upcoming vacation. I suggested we check out the book, "Weird Florida." I'm always game for a road trip. And what better destination than some bizarre natural formation or gaudy side attraction? We found a couple places of interest... Most of them where we live now.

That's right.

Evidently we live in the WEIRDEST part of Florida.

I was about to put the book away when I came across the section for odd grave-markers. This one caught my eye:

Tink: Wow. Check this out.
Hoop: Are you going to make me a monument like that when I die?
Tink: You would want something like that?
Hoop: So would that be considered phallic?
Tink: Phallic? As in, "resembling male genitalia?"
Hoop: Yeah.
Tink: But there isn't a phallus- *Stares at picture*
Tink: *Bursts into laughter* That's a DOG babe!
Hoop: What? No, it's a cock.
Tink: See the ears?
Hoop: Squint your eyes and tell me you don't see it. It even has veins!

And he's sort of right. If you scrunch up your eyes a bit and use that dirty imagination of yours, you might just see an angel blessing a huge penis. What a job that would be.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: So I had this idea for a company-
Tink: -I don't want to hear it.
Hoop: Well thanks for the support!
Tink: No, it's not that. It's just... You have a new idea every couple of days and you never follow through with it. And they're really great ideas! I don't want to get my hopes up.
Hoop: I just haven't found the perfect one yet.
Tink: Maybe you should write a book.
Hoop: A book?
Tink: Yeah, an idea book filled with all those ideas you don't use! I'm sure someone would be interested.
Hoop: That's not a bad idea.
Hoop: Do you think, "Write an idea book" could be one of the suggestions IN the idea book?

August Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. funny junk- something a perv would do What is... Put a mirror on their shoe?

2. bowflex grandma I know, I don't believe it either.
3. Terrible two I don't know about twos. But I can vouch for twenties.

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter,
"Going Up!" So click on over and see what's happening now. Don't be afraid... It's only a story.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Fart Free Bonding

Last night I picked up Nash so he could help me birthday shop while Hoop was at school. Don't worry, he already knew that. Quit guessing Hoop! Nash and I had a lot of fun, more than I expected to have. Honestly, the kid is starting to grow on me. He's like the similar-age sibling I never had. The age difference between Lil/Big Bit and me made them more like my children than my peers.

The funniest part about the night was when Nash started telling stories from when he worked at the cable company. There was the time they sent him out of state to help businesses back on their feet after Katrina. He was practically assaulted by wild eyed Cajuns looking for a hand out. He slept with his gun and piled every piece of equipment from his truck around the bed.

There were tons of stories about desperate women. One crawled behind the TV with him and asked to steal a kiss. Another flirted and gave away her number before Nash uncovered her wedding rings and pictures given to her by a husband in Iraq. One woman did yoga bra-less on the floor in front of where he worked. I laughed until my sides ached. Who knew working as a cable guy could be so interesting?!

Not Far From The Tree:
Tink: This huge dirt cloud rolled through work today. It was so thick the owner actually turned around on his way to work because he thought the building was on fire.
Nash: Wait... He thought the building was on fire so he drove off like a little girl?
Grandma: Hey! Watch the "little girl" remarks.
Nash: Well, you know what I mean. Little girls are kind of timid and they scare easily.
Grandma: I'm still taking offence.
Nash: The point is he drove away at the first sign of trouble, whether it was like a little girl or not.
Alzheimers Grandpa: How does a little girl drive?!
Nash: *Throws hands up in air*

Today's Spam Mail:
Puke Plucky from Isaac Kaiser
Cranny Emergency Brake from Adam Logan

July Hit Statistics:
1. The leading countries for visits on my blog were the US, Canada and Australia.
2. The primary day for hits was Monday.
3. The most popular hour being 2pm.
4. The #1 referrer was tied between Jay and Mamalujo1.
5. The most used search term was, "Cannoli recipe."
6. My favorite search term was, "guys farting gas bonding." Although, "listen to free willy soundtrack to free the hole" was a close second.
7. The highest hit post (294) was on July 25th, the day I invited Hoop onto the blog.

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. I think there must be an art to walking with coffee...
2. ...which I have not yet mastered.
3. When I was fourteen my best friend and I went to see
"Flubber" and bawled our eyes out.
4. Do you like how I threw her under the bus on that one?
5. I am a dirt magnet.
6. They should take samples of my DNA to make better vacuum cleaners.
7. I never wanted to be an astronaut.
8. Because I have no interest in seeing puke float.
9. I'm not afraid of dying so much as what I will die of.
10. One of my greatest fears is being contagious and spending my last days of life alone.
11. There's a bush outside of work that smells like cat piss.
12. Who would choose to plant that?!
13. If someone asks me to repeat myself...
14. ...I'll usually change what I say.
15. It's one of my only chances for a do-over.
16. The older I get the less I bend over backwards for people.
17. Unless I want to. Sometimes I don't mind the exercise.
18. I like mohawks.
19. I used to think Mothers' spit was magic.
20. Touching my eyeball doesn't bother me.
21. I drank Pepsi for ten years...
22. ...and then switched to Coke over night for no reason.
23. I think that's when my split personality took over.
24. Yeah it's bullshit. But what a great plot idea!
25. I hate when my bra straps show.
26. I lose things all the time...
27. mind, the car keys, my ring, the sunglasses in my hand.
28. This may come as a shock, but I'm 1/4 blonde.
29. The rest of my natural hair is brown, black, strawberry, and white.
30. Shit, that's 5.
31. You couldn't tell unless you start plucking random ones out.
32. Which I do on a regular basis.
33. And I don't know why.
34. As usual I couldn't just stop at 31.