Monday, July 31, 2006

Peanuts and Crackerjack

I really hope you don't have dial-up.

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night Hoop, Hoop's Mom, and I drove up to Georgia for the annual Atlanta trip.
2. Evidently someone forgot to send the Braves a memo that we were coming...
3. ...because they LOST.
4. Nothing like driving six hours to watch your team hand three games over to their biggest competition.
5. This guy pretty much sums it all up:

5. He was drooling on himself by the sixth inning.
6. And when the game ended no one came to claim him.
7. But fortunately the company was great and the chili cheese dogs were yummy.
8. Nash, and Hoop's other brother Tech, drove down to meet us for the game.
9. As Hoop, Nash, and I rode back to the hotel in the bed of Tech's truck we were passed by a bum on a bicycle.
9. "There's a stop sign!" She snapped at us when we drove by. "Oh shut up." Hoop yelled back. "What did you say to me?" She hollered in disbelief.
10. Then she started chasing us...
11. ...on her bike.
12. And let me tell you, that chick was fast. We actually got a little nervous.
13. Fortunately we turned onto a main road. But we looked around at every stop light to see if she had caught up with us.
14. We are the biggest bunch of pussies EVER.
15. Saturday night the three of us entertained ourselves by dropping paper airplanes from the 47th floor of our hotel.
16. Mine won.
17. There weren't any rematches though. My plane landed in the middle of a romance novel convention, swept up in a mass of sequence dresses and crying spinsters.
18. Bottom line, there was no way in hell I was braving that crowd to go and get it.
19. The three of us ended the night at the hotel bar/restaurant...
20. ...where we met a hooker from Nevada.
21. She left soon after we told her about the convention.
22. I guess she realized she was outnumbered and didn't feel like having the competition.
23. Although some of those women looked pretty hard up.
24. She got on the phone as she was leaving. We heard her say, "There's some kind of romance convention or somethin'. Everyone here is in LOOOVE."
25. We're pretty sure it was her Pimp.
26. The next morning we went to the Georgia Aquarium.
27. They boast to have the largest viewing window in Northern America.
28. The pane is made out of acrylic, which is 17 times stronger than glass and easier to mold.
29. So why do we even use glass anymore?!
30. The best part of the aquarium visit was the Sea Lion exhibit.
31. One Sea Lion became entranced with a little boy's blue truck and chased it around for 15 minutes. When the boy would stop rolling it, the Sea Lion would nudge up against the window and do flips.

32. And I swear he looked upset when that little boy left.
33. Nash filmed it. So hopefully I'll have it up for you to view by the end of this week.
34. We got home around 8:30 last night, but I was up until midnight, burning all our photos on a disk for today.
35. All 119 of them!

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:



(Some random weekend pictures)

Hotel Angles


Tiny fish zipping around a whale shark.

Don't these Ray look like a flock of birds?

I named him "Louie."

All That Glitters


And because you asked...

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Yo ho ho...

...and a keg of beer.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(On phone)
Tink: Guess what we got invited to tonight?
Hoop: What?
Tink: A Pirate party! But don't worry, we don't have to dress up.
Hoop: Well I'm out running around right now. Is there anything you want me to get?
Tink: Um-
Hoop: A bandana? An eyepatch?
Tink: -No, that's OK.
Hoop: A parrot?
Tink: A parrot? *Snort* Yeah sure, pick me up one of those.

The problem with drinking on a work night isn't having to work the next day, it's talking to the people who got to stay home while you're there.

The last time I went to a themed party I was twelve. So I wasn't anticipating anything great last night. But it turned out to be very enjoyable. Hoop and I struck up a conversation with one of the most fascinating people, a kindergarten teacher for the mentally disabled. He talked our ear off all night about his misadventures in Hawaii and remote islands I'd never heard of. In one of his travels he ate dog, a delicacy of the native culture. "But only black vegetarian dogs." Oh, ok. Because that makes it better.

(Side Note: When I tried to Google information on it I ended up with an article about some
squirrels in Russia that killed and ate a dog. Don't WTF me. Go check it out!)

Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...


If you haven't joined the fun, NOW is the time to start.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: Blech. I keep burping garlic... At least you ate some too.
Hoop: It wouldn't matter if I hadn't.
Tink: You wouldn't be grossed out kissing me?
Hoop: Babe, I'd kiss you if you had been eating SHIT.
Tink: *Blink* What?!
Hoop: Ok, so not literally.

Today's Spam Mail:
Potpourri Pylon from Jem McDowell I'm having a hard time envisioning that.

Random Site Of Interest:
This site creates a Haiku using words pulled off recent posts on your blog.

into the cosmos
today's spam mail french toast from
susie camp which reminds

Pickled Beef will be closed tomorrow due to an unscheduled invasion and relocation by unstoppable evil forces... otherwise known as WORK. They're sending me to our other facility for inventory.

But we'll be back up and running by Monday.
Everyone have a lovely weekend!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Clam Bake

Thanks to The Stranger, Seattle's version of our Folioweekly, for providing the blog fodder.

I Saw You:

GARY TO PIGPEN. I owe you an apology from '98, and I have something for you. Is it a gun? Because with a name like Pigpen...

YOU STOLE MY PURSE... I should have asked for your number but felt dumb in front of your Dad. I really hope to run into you again, minus the theft of course. I can't remember the date, but it was a Tuesday I think. You should have let him keep your wallet. Maybe then he would have used the address on your ID to STALK you and you wouldn't have to worry about it.

Women Seeking Men:

INTELLIGENT, CURVY, LOVES SEX. Looking for a sexual relationship with someone who doesn't suck. If you're an idiot, I don't want you. If you're attractive, funny and like a big ass then I'm your lady. Huh. I would have thought "sucking" would be a good thing.

CHILD POET NYMPH. I am 21 years old. I am into fairies, elves, and dressing up like a little girlish/boyish doll. I am looking for daddy between 36 to 50 to take care of me. A fairy and boyish dolls? The man you're looking for is Jackson. First name Michael.

Men Seeking Men:

GOOD LOOKING GUY WORSHIPS FEET. Seeking aggressive, arrogant man who likes forcing a masculine guy to sniff/lick his smell feet and pits. Invite me to your next football party! Bigger, smellier feet are better. That's just WRONG dude.


SUPERHEROS SEEK ALFRED. Wanted, part time bat cave manager. Want to come home after a hard day of slaying supervillians to a clean house and a sub at my feet. Must understand our desires and pull all your resources into making it happen. References required. So... You want a slave. I bet you get tons of calls for that position.

TURNING 50- NEED FUN. My 50th birthday. I would like to watch my beautiful wife, with the most gorgeous breasts, getting gang banged. Don't expect to be winning the "Husband Of The Year" award anytime soon bub.

Shout Out: My Mom used to say that sometimes the only way to get an answer is to project the question out into the universe and hope it comes back with a resolution. As it turns out, the internet will do in a pinch. Thank you
FA for solving my Horse Earmuff problem! Anyone else have a question they'd like to throw out into the Cosmos?

Today's Spam Mail:
Regrettably Common-law Wife from Solly Bass
You don't think these things are prophetic or anything, do you? Like tea leaves? "Oh magic Spam mail, send me an email on what will make me rich!"

Hoop Quotes Of The Day:
1. "I read what you said about my orange shirt."
(Thanks for throwing me under the bus on that one Alien! You might be receiving a shirt in the mail.)
2. "How do they know you didn't just make me up?"

I'll try to get some DOT out by tomorrow. Thank you all for the wonderful comments you left in yesterday's post! Although I'll probably have to start doing some ego deflation to Hoop if you continue.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Hello Hoop.

I wasn't hiding. I just didn't know if you'd approve. I keep looking at my hands to see if they're red. They're not. I guess I'm not ashamed.

It started off so simple. I was bored and needed a creative outlet. And then I made friends, these wonderful people who comment here. You should meet them, they're amazing.

Suddenly I wasn't alone. I didn't envy your friends or the close relationship you have with your brother. Suddenly there were people around to share stories with, to vent to, to rejoice in, and brag about you to. Please don't think ill of me. I love you!

And I'm inviting you in.

Some Of My Favorite Posts You've Missed:
1. Our first
2. My
Valentines Day, also the original date to quit smoking.
4. The start of our
house hunt.

To everyone else, tomorrow we'll return to the usual clam bake.

Until then... I finally got the pictures for yesterday's post to load. Check them out and let me know what you think.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Thar She Blows

First Blogger was down, now there's a storm raging through that's making our internet connection very temperamental. So without further delay (hopefully) here's the

Weekend Recap:
1. Hoop called me at work on Friday and asked what needed to be cleaned around the house for the showing on Saturday.
2. So of course I knew something was up.
3. I was greeted at the door with, "Pack some clothes, we're going to Savannah!"
4. When asked what the special occasion was Hoop replied, "You don't think I'd buy you that nice camera and not take you somewhere beautiful to snap pictures do you?"
5. Everything went smoothly until we entered Savannah and couldn't find a single vacant hotel room.

Hoop: We could sleep in the car.
Tink: *Sigh* OK.
Hoop: And tomorrow we'll walk around down town and then go home.
Tink: Uh-uh buddy. I'm not sleeping in a car and then walking around anywhere tomorrow. We party tonight and then go home first thing in the morning.

6. Naturally Hoop wasn't happy with that answer since it defeated the whole purpose of the trip. So we continued searching...
7. ... and ended up at the "Alamo Plaza."
8. Otherwise known as "HELL."

Taken the next morning

9. I knew the place was bad news as soon as we pulled up.
10. The sign on the window read, "Night rentals ONLY!"
11. "Prostitution problems, greeeat."
12. But I felt bad that Hoop's surprise vacation was falling flat. So I agreed to renting out one of their $49 rooms.
13. As we pulled around the side, people began to emerge from their rooms like zombies. Most were obviously drunk or stoned, and some just leered at us newcomers. "These people LIVE here," I thought.
14. The bed was broken and had roaches crawling all over it. The carpet was practically nonexistent. There were no towels or soap. There was drug residue on the window sill and it smelled like piss.
15. The first thing out of my mouth was, "I will NOT screw you on that bed."
16. That was all the humor I could muster though before covering my mouth and staring at the room in mute shock.
17. Hoop left to go to the car as I watched nervously out the window. Before he'd even reached it, four residents had met up with him. And then he walked out of view with them trailing behind.
18. I can't even describe the awful thoughts that ran through my mind. "They're killing him," was the main one. So I counted to 10 and left the room to find him.
19. I tracked him down at the front desk where he could be heard yelling that he wanted his money back.

Hoop: This place is repulsive! I don't feel safe bringing my girlfriend here. You're going to refund my money right now.
Desk Man: Did you mess up the bed?
Hoop: Are you kidding?! If the roaches are any indication, we're pretty sure the sheets have never been cleaned. This place is only fit for druggies and bums.

20. I'm not sure what happened after that. All I know is that I started crying. I was so relieved Hoop was OK and that we weren't going to stay there any longer.
21. Once we got our money back we found a nice CLEAN hotel somewhere further down the road. I was all too happy to oblige when Hoop said, "Let's go drinking babe."
22. And drink we did.
23. My favorite part of Savannah's night life is that there are no open container laws. You can grab a custom mixed Daiquiri at
Wet Willie's and then saunter past the cops on your way out to the street.
24. The next day we ran around town taking pictures and getting horribly lost. It was one of the best day trips I've ever been on. I guess that proves there's nothing like a scary experience to make you appreciate the little things in life.
25. Not to mention "life" in general.
26. Sunday we went to a spring with eleven of our friends.
27. But not before I had a panic attack trying to find a pair of shorts and slammed my own arm in a dresser drawer.
28. You read that correctly... MY OWN ARM.
29. Hoop says I'm not allowed to get mad anymore because I only hurt myself in the process.
30. We had an amazing time at the spring. It doesn't get much better than floating down a river with a cooler full of beer and a hodgepodge of friends.
31. We didn't even care when it started raining.
32. Or when one of us would tip a raft and drag six other rafts with us.
33. We DID care when the beer floated away though.
34. But we were all pretty toasted by then anyway.

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:


An unexpected trip.


Hoop wouldn't let me get a good picture of him, so I had to settle on a picture HE took.

(Some random weekend pictures)

Wall Of Gravestones

Stone Sentinel

The Walk Home

Can you imagine having to cross that every day? Yikes.

Cool Drain Pipe

BTW: Friday, Pickled Beef reached the 10,000 mark on its stat counter! Thank you all for your continued support and friendship.

Friday, July 21, 2006

You all...

...are better than therapy, chocolate, and booze combined.

Thank you for the well wishes. My day went considerably better after I got off of work. There's someone coming over to look at the house tomorrow, FINALLY. I made time to play with the camera. Hoop's feeling a little better. And I found the missing Coke can.

My world, as I know it, has been restored.

(More) Random Thoughts:
Start. I spent an hour this morning Googling earmuffs... for horses. I've come to the conclusion that they don't make them. Which is both sad, because my Mom needs them (for the horses, not herself) and exciting, because I'm going to become filthy rich when I invent them. My camera is still nameless. Let's hope I don't have the same problem after I birth kids. The most creative name I could come up with for my Canon was "Balls." As in "Cannonballs." Geesh, what do you take me for? Although now that I think of it, it might be a little odd saying, "I'm off to play with my Balls now." Or "Here, hold my Balls for a moment." No? Ok... Back to the drawing board. End.

Courtesy of
The Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...


Hop on the bandwagon. You know you want to.

How does your garden grow?

Ships in the bay.

The Fort at dusk.

Hoop: Moats had STAIRS?

Fishy Fountain

Rocky Shore

All but the first picture were taken at dusk or night.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: Catch! *Tosses blueberry up in air*
Tink: Were you aiming for my mouth?
Hoop: Let me try that again. *Throws and misses*
Tink: What a waste of good fruit.
Hoop: Let me try again. *Throws and misses*
Tink: Weren't you a baseball player?!
Hoop: Yeah and I threw BASEBALLS, not blueberries.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Pour Me Another

Top this. My really bad morning started at 5:00 yesterday evening.

It ended with me covered in sand and raging about a trash can three hours ago. The sand was from trying to run to my car, ten minutes late for work, in four inch heels. I landed hands and knees first. The Coke I was holding rolled off somewhere. I didn't think about it again until after I kicked the car and drove off in a huff.

I still feel bad for kicking the car. It didn't do anything.

Then I got to work and realized someone had stolen my trash can. They couldn't have just USED it? So I went off to steal someone else's, which is probably how this all began in the first place. None of this would have happened if I'd been able to catch up on sleep yesterday instead of mowing the lawn in 93 degree weather. I might have gotten a chance to play with my camera too, instead of blowing it kisses on my way out to pull weeds.

And while we're talking about should'ves, could'ves, and maybes... It would be really great if Hoop's back would fucking heal already. I love the man. I'm not trying to sound unsympathetic. I hate seeing him in pain. But me wearing the pants AND the skirt in this relationship is getting a little old. Ever seen
Victor Victoria? It's a great old Julie Andrews' movie about a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman.

I feel like her.

Today's Spam Mail:
French Toast from Susie Camp Which reminds me of that drunk chick on 40 Year Old Virgin
Unduly Corrosive from Paula Reyes
Sandwich Attack from Robert Less

5 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. How can you get "more for your money" if everything we buy keeps getting smaller and smaller? I have to use my fingernail to dial the numbers on my cell phone. They tried to fix that problem by having voice activated phones. I thought it was really handy until I got a cold and it kept trying to dial "Bob" or "Job" instead of "Mom." And speaking of phones, do the pull out antennas on them actually DO anything? Or are they there just to make you feel better? A ploy to make you feel like you're doing something productive instead of simply wandering around yelling, "I have full signal. I think it's your phone... No, I really think it's YOUR phone. Maybe you should move around. Hello? HELLO? I can't hear you now." By the time you actually get a connection do you even remember what you called for? Or care? What really pisses me off are people who drive while talking on their phones but obviously can't do both. It irritates me almost as much as people who give you dirty looks while using your phone in Barnes and Nobles. It's not a LIBRARY. Would you give me the stank-eye if we were in Walmart? No, you'd be too busy trying to get the hell out of there before the rednecks trample you on their way to the discount racks. End.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: The bartender can't hear me over all the noise.
Tink: Here, lets pass him a note. *Writes on napkin*
Hoop: Are we back in middle school now?
Tink: Hand this to him.
Hoop: No way! It's in girl handwriting.
Tink: You're CLOSER.
Hoop: Fine. *Passes it to bartender*
Tink: He nodded.
Hoop: Do you think he understood?
Tink: Yeah.
(Five minutes pass)
Hoop: Maybe you should write him another?
Tink: And ask what?
Hoop: Um... "Did you understand the last note? Check yes or no."

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


The gift of life is probably the only thing anyone's ever given me that could top THIS bad boy. Hoop bought it for me last night. He spent all day researching and pricing the models before deciding on an upgrade of the one I'd been pining after. I didn't know how to react when he told me. I'm not used to anyone giving me such a wonderful and thoughtful gift.

I'm not the kind of girl who cries over jewelry. I don't buy expensive clothes or require fancy dinners. Yet every guy I've ever been with has just assumed I fit into that box, never taking the time to find out what really makes me happy. Hoop said something so insightful last night as I balked at the price of my gift, "I know you. This camera is important to you. You're looking forward to the pictures you'll take on our vacation almost as much as the actual trip. We're getting you this camera!"

The first place we went to wasn't selling the camera at the discounted price, as they'd advertised on their website. But Hoop was not to be deterred. We began our camera hunt at 5:30 and didn't stop looking until 8:45. After three hours of searching every store in a ten mile radius, Hoop and I entered Circuit City with little to no hope. And maybe we would have left disappointed, had it not been for the two greatest sales people I've ever met.

Hoop: What can you tell us about these cameras?
Sales Guy Doug: They're crap. *Tosses camera over his shoulder*
Tink: What about those?
Sales Guy Doug: If you buy one of those, I'm going to laugh at you.
Sales Guy Alex: You might as well just hand us the money right now.
Tink: What about that one?
Sales Guy Doug: My Ex loved that one!
Hoop: Oh?
Sales Guy Alex: And she was an idiot.
Hoop: We had our eye set on that one.
Sales Guy Alex: That one's screen cracks really easily. You accidentally leave it in the car for an hour and it's done.
Tink: Oh no. Really?
Sales Guy Doug: Unless you wrap it in something.
Sales Guy Alex: And as long as that something isn't black. Black is bad... No offense Doug.
Sales Guy Doug: None taken Alex. This one over here is pretty similar to the one you like.
Tink: I don't feel comfortable buying anything until I've researched it.
Sales Guy Doug: You're going to trust the opinion of someone online, who you've never met and have no idea is legit?
Tink: Uh...
Sales Guy Alex: Most of those comments are made by the retailer or manufacturer anyway. They're not going to tell you the truth.
Sales Guy Doug: In fact, you shouldn't even trust OUR opinion.
Sales Guy Alex: But we don't make commission. So we don't really care what the hell you buy. *Throws another camera*
Hoop: Then I think we're going to get...this one?
Sales Guy Doug: *Nods head* Good choice!
Hoop: Well I know one thing's for sure.
Tink: What's that?
Hoop: I'm never getting a floor-model ANYTHING ever again. *Steps over cameras on the floor*

By the time we left we got a $50 discount on the camera, a free memory card, free promotional posters for X-Men 3, two free CDs and a case of, "Did that really just happen?!"

Twisted Tink is back! So make sure you stop by and check out why she's just "Hanging Around."

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Mike-y Liked It!

So why didn't I?

"Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest," an essay.
Tink Erbelle
Composition For Dummies 101

Keira Knightley's overbite drives me insane. You can think me shallow, but it wasn't as prominent in the first movie. Although to be honest her head didn't look as huge in the first movie either. I guess that's what happens when the rest of you is a walking skeleton. I was also unimpressed with her acting, which annoyed me so much I couldn't fully involve myself in the movie. Instead I sat there wondering, "Maybe she's hungry? She's totally eyeballing that parrot."

Did anyone else notice how much of a hussy Elizabeth has become? She dumps her fiance in the first to be with Will. Then she practically throws herself at Jack in the second. Who's next, Davy Jones? Why doesn't she just add insult to injury and go for Will's dad? What happened to Disney making movies with morals? Oh wait...

Lion King- Uncle tries to kill off brother and nephew.
Bambi- hunters shoot Mamma deer.
Dumbo- little elephant gets teased for birth defect.

My biggest beef (pickled beef to be exact) with POTC was that everything I loved from the first movie was erased with the second. There was absolutely no chemistry between Will and Elizabeth. I thought Will's reaction to "the kiss" in the end was pathetic. Hoop would have beat the other dude's ass. Speaking of ass, could Will possibly get anymore up Jack's? I used to have a crush on Orlando Bloom. I think it was the Elf ears. *Purrrrr* If you had told me a month ago that I would get bored seeing him on the big screen for two and a half hours I would have said you were mad.

One of the only things I liked about the movie was Jack (Johnny Depp) himself. The character followed suit with everything I loved from the first, and I thought Johnny was as charming and versatile as ever. The graphics for Davy Jones and his crew were remarkable, although the Kraken left a little to be desired. There were scenes where I was reminded of those old Godzilla movies, minus the Japanese to English dubbing. Bill Nighy (Davy Jones) and Naomie Harris (Tia Dalma) were equally impressive. I still want to know what the hell was wrong with her mouth though. It looked like she'd been eating Smurfs.

The movie probably isn't as horrible as I'm making it out to sound. But I'd much rather dash your high expectations so you're satisfied when you see it, than have you as disappointed as Hoop and I felt when we left. Hoop's so mad he wants to write a blog about it. Of course I encourage it, because who wouldn't want to see Hoop write a blog?

"I Survived My Family Vacation":
When my littlest brother was much younger, people said he was going to grow up as either a Policeman or a Crook. He's a mixture of everything and their opposites. He's loving and selfish, lazy and creative, evasive and courageous. It's a little difficult to take sometimes, but we love him so much. What I didn't realize is that not everyone in our family "likes" him.

My grandmother is dealing with a lot of difficult transitions. Lately her life has been consumed with surgeries, my grandfather going senile, her friends dying, moving, or replacing her. She's scared, and it's made her a little bitter. During our vacation she took to picking on Lil Bit, the person with the least amount of self esteem. I later called it, "an abuse of her adult power." What little kid could fight back against the bullying of an adult family member?

Of course this brought on fights with my Mom, verbal ones in public places. On the last morning of our stay my grandmother took to screaming and carrying on in the hotel restaurant. She was unstoppable. My Mom took refuge in our room. Papa Bear, always the reactionary one, made us kids go down to sit with our grandparents. But when we arrived they'd already left. I told the kids they could go back up to the room and Papa Bear told them to stay.

There are a few things you should know before I continue. Papa Bear is a retired Navy Seal. He's a very large man. He's also not used to people picking fights with him. But I'm not used to people shaking my little brother either. What started out as a conversation outside quickly escalated to my step dad overreacting and treating Lil Bit like a full size adult. I didn't appreciate it. When I tried to break them up I was quickly shoved to the side. Something snapped. My maternal instinct went in over-drive.

I don't think I've ever beat on someone like I did that day. I don't ever think I've screamed such vile things at someone either. I would have stopped if he'd just let Lil' Bit go. But it continued... long after he'd thrown me on the ground between the two hotel doors, leaning on them so I couldn't get back out. It didn't end until I screamed at a hotel employee, amid 40 other guests, to call my Mom. That's how my trip ended. I still have bruises.
I'm not sorry. We haven't talked about it since.

So... Yeah. I don't think I'll be taking another family vacation for awhile.

At least not with MY family.

Have I mentioned I have a week trip planned with Hoop's family in August? Oy.

Monday, July 17, 2006

We Come In Peace

Sunday: Last night Hoop and I watched the sky in puzzlement. There wasn't a single cloud above us, but the sky was flickering like there was a storm. I glanced at the clock, 11:45. So much for getting a decent nights sleep. "Want to check it out?" I asked Hoop while throwing on shorts. Five minutes from the house we realized it really was a storm, a distant one off the ocean, reflecting across the sky. But instead of turning home, we kept driving toward the beach.

Eh. Any excuse will do.

Hoop: What if it's not a storm?
Tink: What would it be then?
Hoop: Oh I don't know...
Tink: Hoop.
Hoop: What if it's aliens?
Tink: So you think we're driving to our own abduction?
Hoop: That would be interesting.
Tink: Interesting?!
Hoop: I just want to be remembered for something.
Tink: You want to be remembered for being the first to be anal probed?
Hoop: No! Although having the first clear pictures of a UFO would be cool... Or I could win the Lotto.
Tink: Well if it's between winning the Lotto and being raped by aliens, I choose the money.
Hoop: Tough choice huh?

We followed the storm all the way to the lighthouse where the flashes of pink lit up the quietly floating boats along the pier.

Hoop: Want to watch it from one of the docks?
Tink: Um... Sure.
Hoop: What's wrong?
Tink: Black water.
Hoop: What?
Tink: Black water creeps me out. You can't see what's in it.
Hoop: What do you think is going to get us?
Tink: I don't know... fucking Jaws or the Kracken or something.
Hoop: Babe.
Tink: Yeah?
Hoop: We're in the inlet.
Tink: Oh.

Saturday: Hoop kidnapped me.

But that was after I willingly agreed to meet up with our friends, despite the jet lag hangover. The night started out decently. I bumped into an old friend from high school. I scored a free drink. The only blemish was one our friend's drunk buddies kept hitting on me. His main pick up line (if you can believe this) was, "My girlfriend is at home pregnant" and "You want to have sex-on-the-beach (a drink)?" I swear there should be parenting permits. Everyone would have to get a mental evaluation before being awarded one.

Before I knew it, the night had flown by and it was closing time. I quickly wrapped up my conversation and stumbled off the bar stool with one hand clutching Hoop's arm. "Are we going home now?" "Yup. But first we have to make a quick stop at the Jiffy, OK?" I should have known something was fishy when he picked up an 18 pack. But I didn't question him. As we loaded the beer into the car I noticed a guy staring us down from the other side of the parking lot. He pointed toward us and said something to his much larger friend. "We should go," I told Hoop.

But it was too late. The large fellow sprinted across the lot, yelling at us not to close our trunk. "You stole our beer!" he screamed, a black and gold "30th Birthday" lei swinging from his tree-trunk neck. Hoop quickly jumped between us and shouted, "Like hell I did!" I watched as the two came face to face, Hoop shoving the wrinkled receipt for our beer at the attacker. To my surprise, the guy backed down. "I'm sorry man. My mistake." I caught my breath for a minute, staring at Hoop with wonder. "That guy was HUGE!" Hoop watched him leave before whispering to me, "One of these days I'm going to get my ass beat. Will you still love me?" "Of course dear. I'll be the one feeding you soup through a straw."

I rambled as we drove home about how nice our bed was going to feel. Hoop stayed quiet. And then suddenly he burst out...

Hoop: There's something I have to tell you.
Tink: Oh?
Hoop: We're not going home.
Tink: We're not?
Hoop: No. We're going to J's house.
Tink: Wait... You're KIDNAPPING me?
Hoop: Well I knew you'd say "No" if I asked.
Tink: So you decided to kidnap me?!
Hoop: Would you stop saying it like that!

I tried to stay up when we got there, but drunk conversations aren't as entertaining when you're tired and sobering up. Evidently I crashed out on their couch. I woke up to voices right above me saying "Is she drooling?" "She's so cute." "Anyone have a marker?" I decided to get up before they got the chance to give me a mustache.

Today's Spam Mail:
Halfhearted from Jimmy Hester
Gorgeously Pitcher from Nancy Vega
S.O.B. Exit Ramp from Willie Short LMAO! This is my favorite one yet.
Viable Blank from Anna Smart
Indoctrinate Guard from Floy Powell

July Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. ugly shirt Friday Sooo much better than Hawaiian Thursday.
2. beef Easter discovery 5
I have no idea how those relate.
3. gay "all bases are loaded" Wha- ewwwww!
4. pickled penis Seek. Help. Now.

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:

Unfortunately, I am camera-less at the moment and couldn't participate. But don't let that stop you from clicking over to his site and checking out those who did. Hopefully I'll have a
new friend by next weekend.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Did you fart?
Hoop: No, that's sulfur water.
Tink: Florida is the only place I've ever been where the water smells.
Hoop: Everybody complains, but I don't think it's all that bad. It actually smells a little sweet to me.
Tink: Don't tell me it smells like roses.
Hoop: More like Binaca.
Tink: Sprayed AFTER someone farted maybe.
Hoop: I think you're on to something there.
Tink: What?
Hoop: Butt Mints.

Friday, July 14, 2006

The Good, Bad, and Ugly.

Seven days ago I hopped a plane that would cross four time zones, eleven states, and drop me off in the middle of my own Jerry Springer Show.

They should make T-Shirts that say, "I survived my family vacation."

Vacation Recap:
1. The moment I stepped foot in Seattle I was breathless with the beauty of the water and mountains.
2. Until some idiot pointed out, "one of those mountains is really an active volcano."
3. "You don't say!" *One foot back on the plane*
4. And then of course the other idiots thought it was OK to start talking.
5. "There's actually TWO volcanoes." "That's right! Mt. St. Helens is 96 miles south of here." "They say Mount Rainier is going to wipe Seattle out one day."
6. *Two feet back in* Unfortunately, they wouldn't let me STAY on the plane.
7. But I quickly forgot the volcanoes once we got in the cab.
8. With so many different sights all I could think of was taking as many pictures as I could.
9. And as it turned out, I couldn't take any. My camera broke as soon as I switched it on.
10. Well, HOOP'S camera to be exact. But he hasn't gotten visitation since I took custody of it ten months ago.
11. So I decided to ease my sorrows with some Chinese food.
12. Which would have been excellent, had the waitress not dumped Plum Sauce down the back of my favorite shirt.
13. So I decided to mourn the loss of my shirt with a little shopping.
14. My first purchase was a disposable camera.
15. I took two pictures and then it broke.
16. "Son of a biscuit eater!"
17. Which was a lot better then what I would have said if Lil and Big Bit hadn't been present.
18. The next few days went smoother.
19. The kids and I shared a room, which was my favorite part. We took trips to the bakery down the street and ate handmade chocolates on our balcony.
20. When the men would head off to the pool I'd sneak up to Mom's room and lay across the bed to gossip.
21. My grandparents pointed out museums for us to visit and patiently put up with all the walking and crowds.
22. It was great until we bumped into the technicolor pirate.
23. ...
24. That was my dramatic pause.
25. You're thinking "WTF?" aren't you?
26. If I ever write a book I want the first line of my story to be, "It all started with a technicolor pirate." And then I won't explain why until the very end.
27. So anyway... Hoop and I went to see "
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" on Thursday night (July 6th) at 12:01. We both agreed it was not worth the drive, the money, or the wasted hours to see.
28. Regardless of my review, the family was determined to see it while in Seattle.
29. So out we trekked in search of a theater...
30. ...right into the middle of a gay parade.
31. Seattle is a VERY diverse place.
32. Which leads me to the character that crossed our path on the way into the movie.
33. Imagine if you will a neon orange skirt and boots, gold hoops, and a technicolor beard.
34. And for those of you with no imagination:

35. Also known as, "The worst picture ever taken."
36. And, "The main reason disposable cameras SUCK."
37. But you get the gist.
38. You're wondering what the hell that pirate has to do with anything right?
39. Other than his horrible taste in fashion? Probably nothing. But it wasn't long after that the vacation went terribly awry.
40. There were arguments on the way out of the movie...
41. ...which carried over to breakfast the next morning...
42. ...and spread thicker over the next couple days.
43. Until suddenly we were having outbursts in the hotel restaurant and shoving matches outside.
43. Are you ready for this?
44. The vacation ended with the hotel requesting we not return.
45. I think I'm Jerry Springer's love child.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(After picking me up from the airport)
Tink: So what did you do while I was gone?
Hoop: I learned how to whip things.
Tink: I don't think I heard that correctly.

Hoop: I practiced using the horse whip.
Tink: On the horses?!
Hoop: No! On cans.
Tink: Oh, ok. Phew.
Hoop: I think I could be the next Indiana Jones.

From The Balcony

Seattle Market

Pretty Windows

Atop The Space Needle

Bear Head Fountain

Funky Fish

Waterfall Art

Ride The Duck!

A Scenic View

Plane Ride Home

Thank you all for your well wishes! Things are a little crazy today. But I promise to catch up on everyone's blogs on Monday.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

So long...

...and thanks for all the fish.

Pickled Beef will be closed for business from Friday July 7th through Thursday July 13th. Feel free to loiter... Just keep the raiding down to a minimum.
I'll miss you!

Not Far From The Tree:
(On the phone)
Nash's Girlfriend: I got home OK.
Nash: That's good.
GF: There's something I have to tell you...
Nash: Oh?
GF: ...I have brain cancer.
Nash: Excuse me?
GF: I didn't tell you before because I didn't want to worry you.
Nash: Did you go to a doctor or something?
GF: No. I don't need to.
Nash: Then how do-
GF: -I just know.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: So how do you like the new office?
Tink: It's nice. I just wish people would stop bugging me.
Hoop: You should make a sign.
Tink: Like, "Please don't tap on the glass?"
Hoop: "Don't disturb this natural habitat."
Tink: "May bite your head off."
Hoop: "Don't feed the animal."
Tink: Well... I think they should be allowed to feed me if they want to.

June Hit Statistics:
1. The leading countries for visits on my blog were US, Canada and Australia.
2. The primary day for hits was Friday.
3. The most popular hour being 1 pm.
4. The #1 referrer was tied between Jay and Mamalujo1.
5. The most used search term was, "I'm like a superhero."
6. My favorite search term was, "Shut up, you look like Shrek."

30 Quirks for 30 Days:
1. A co-worker once told me she hated my crooked smile.
2. Her name was Natalie. But she pronounced it, "NatÃlia."
3. I always mispronounced it just to spite her.
4. And then her Mom called the office one day and asked, "Is Natalie there?"
5. I think life gives us plenty to laugh about.
6. And sometimes, I think it's just bait to get us through all the bad stuff.
7. I've always been open to different types of music... except country.
8. I must have witnessed some horrible line-dancing accident when I was little.
9. But of course my mind has blocked it off, leaving me with this seemingly irrational fear.
10. Yeah...
11. Some people spin bullshit like it's cotton candy.
12. And some people just show you a different way of looking at the truth.
13. I like to pretend I'm more the latter.
14. I used to bite my toe nails.
15. I shave every day.
16. I don't even know if my legs grow hair anymore.
17. I'm really not high maintenance though. Want to go camping? I'm there!
18. Just as long as you don't mind me shaving in the lake.
19. I don't feel guilty for blogging at work.
20. I just wish I had discovered it sooner.
21. You might think that makes me lazy.
22. In all actuality, I'm just really bored.
23. I hate artificial banana flavoring.
24. I love the way Hoop's skin smells.
25. Kids' laughter is the best sound in the world.
26. People who feel like they haven't gotten anywhere in life confuse me.
27. To me, being alive is a testimony that you're getting somewhere.
28. Is it possible to live and NOT learn?
29. I miss believing in Santa Claus.
30. Although I don't miss believing in the Easter Bunny.
31. You can't tell me a huge rabbit that sneaks around in the middle of the night delivering chicken eggs isn't creepy.
32. One year the "Easter Bunny" brought me a basket full of "New Kids On The Block" stuff.
33. I felt like I'd been seriously gypped.
34. Vacations stress me out a little bit.
35. Which kind of defeats the whole purpose of one huh?
36. I think it's the fact that I can't poop until I'm home.
37. Was that TMI?
38. If you said "Yes," you're on the wrong blog.
39. Sometimes I start listing stuff and I can't stop. Like this for example.
40. So I'm going to go, before you stop reading.

See you in a week! I heart you.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Geena the Devoted

Geena is a living canvas: always being stretched in different directions, constantly changing, an inspirational piece of art. She's a stay-at-home Mom with four adorable little youngsters, and a mountain of responsibilities. And yet... She still sets aside time for blogging.

Kind of makes you feel special, doesn't it?

A friend of mine once called me crying. It was her son's third birthday. "I don't know who I am anymore!" She wailed. I didn't understand at first. "I used to be this lovely, vivacious, ambitious woman. But I'm not anymore. I'm just, 'Mom.' I'm really not complaining. It's just that I woke up this morning and I realized... I don't know where that woman I once was went."

Being a mother means sacrificing:
"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~Tenneva Jordan

It's time consuming:
"A mother who is really a mother is never free." ~Honore De Balzac

It's rewarding:
"Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children." ~William Thackeray

But it shouldn't be the ONLY thing you're known for. As well as Geena's deep devotion for her children and as a fellow blogger, there are qualities that make her an individual that deserve to be noted and admired. Geena is sweetly
sentimental. She's a tad bit finicky about what she eats and the order of her house. She's a citizen of three countries, and one hell of a good story teller. And I never get the impression that she's "lost" sight of herself, which is amazing. When you get the chance you should go visit her blog. Tell her you think she rocks.

I certainly do.

Geena, thanks for being not only a wonderful mom BUT a wonderful woman too.

Geena Is...
1. A
clothing company.
2. The name of a yummy
3. A pizza
restaurant. You might want to start asking for that paycheck, girl.
4. A hot pair of

4th Of July Recap:
1. Nash's girlfriend left yesterday morning.
2. She told him, "Choose me now or take me home!"
3. So he asked her which bus line she preferred.
4. I keep expecting her to pop out of the bushes somewhere...
5. ...and ask me what Nash has been up to in the 24 hours she hasn't seen him.
6. In which case I'm going to throw my purse at her and run.
7. You laugh. But she's a big girl. I seriously think she could hug me to death.
8. Hoop, Nash, and I went to the beach to watch the shuttle launch yesterday.
9. I was so blinded by the sun I just pointed my camera up and started snapping.
10. And then my eyes started watering. I had mascara on, so they started burning and I couldn't stop crying until we got back to the car.
11. Along the way I heard a tourist comment, "Look how moved that girl is!"
12. I'm sure his kids thought he was stupid too.
13. Last night we all went down town to celebrate the holiday with the masses.
14. It's a huge production, with a barge and fireworks over the water.
15. One year the wind shifted and set the fireworks over the fort where everyone was sitting. It literally rained fire.
16. I got hit in the ass as we were all fleeing.
17. It bounced off without doing any damage.
18. There were no such mishaps this year.
19. I was kind of disappointed. I wanted to show off my "Buns-Of-Steel... er, Rubber."

Rockets Red Glare

Space Shuttle Discovery Launch

Bombs Bursting In Air

Our Own Woodstock

(Some random pictures)

Hoop's First Horse Ride

That. Poor. Dog.

Hoop Quote Of The Day
"She wasn't exactly the sharpest bulb."

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: Hey babe... *Nods toward the bedroom*
Tink: It's twelve o'clock at night, I have to be at work in six hours, and I'm tired. What makes you think I want THAT?
Hoop: You're wearing matching underwear!
Tink: And that's... logical?
Hoop: Duh.