Thursday, May 03, 2007

Adios April

April Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Monday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Alien.
4. The most used search term was, "photography: little red riding hood." Depends on what kind of photography. I wouldn't want to be sued.
5. My favorite search term was, "Sleeping Licker."
6. The highest hit post (218) was on April 23rd, the day I received a "Thinking Blogger" Award.

30 Quirks for 30 Days:
1. When I was growing up, my Mom was big on "Family Chore Day." I was designated Vacuumer.
2. Each time she would warn me, "Don't run over the cord!" I got it in my head that something horrible would happen if I did.
3. Like, maybe it would explode.
4. Because of this, I was scarred for the next 15 years of my life. I would literally break into a cold sweat each time I turned on the Bissel. Until one day when the unfortunate happened. I ran over the cord.
5. Not only did it NOT explode, but it didn't even suck up the damn cord.
6. I'll admit, I was a little disappointed.
7. I don't consider myself a person who has many "confessions."
8. If for no other reason than I admit them freely...
9. I like Pokemon video games.
10. Occasionally, for no apparent reason, I lose hearing in one of my ears.
11. I have a sneaking suspicion my nipples taste like onions.
12. Child protegees piss me off.
13. Sometimes I wonder if I have a split personality...
14. ...and if everyone is keeping it from me because they like her better.
15. I used to fantasize about shaving my head.
16. Until Britney Spears did it.
17. Everyone should have someone they aspire NOT to be.
18. When I was eleven, my girlfriends and I would sit by the radio on Friday nights hoping for a personal dedication.
19. After two months of waiting, we decided to take matters into our own hands and dedicate a couple of songs to ourselves.
20. And by a "couple" I mean twenty or thirty.
21. The radio station eventually banned us from calling.
22. I just wish they hadn't done it on the air.
23. That same year, one of my girlfriends gave me a jar of powdered Koolaid for Christmas.
24. I thought it was a little odd that she seemed panicked after I gave her a gift. As it turned out, she had none to give me in return.
25. But instead of confessing, she simply excused herself to the kitchen.
26. She fessed up years later. Which is really funny, since at the time I thought it was the coolest gift ever.
27. Some days I feel like Napoleon Dynamite.
28. Some days I feel like Hermione Granger.
29. The second happens less and less.
30. I've been known to do things solely for the amusement of my dogs.
31. Like pretending to be a cat...
32. ...or a wounded animal.
33. ...or a rabid monkey.
34. Maybe it's not the dogs I'm amusing. Hm.



At 03 May, 2007, Blogger Maggie said...

Ok the onion nipples came out of nowhere and totally tickled me. Have you asked Hoop? What makes you think this?

Why do protegees piss you off? Is it because they make us all look so bad or because their parents have pushed them? Just curious.

Lastly, we don't like the other you better, but she has this tendency to turn green and get really big and mad so we don't speak about her hoping she will eventually just go away.

At 03 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Maggie: My suspicion started after I realized Hoop's mouth tasted like onions right after he got done sucking them. I'd ask, but I'm too afraid he'll tell me it's true. And then what? What can you do about onion nipples?

Protegees piss me off for both of those reasons. But mostly because they make everyone else look like apes. No matter what I accomplish in the years to come, I have to live with the fact that some little brat did it sooner than I did.

At 03 May, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

I ran over our vacuum cleaner cord once too often and damaged the cord. I had to have the whole cord replaced (think home repair service with call out fee).

I seem to be full of cautionary tales at the moment.

At 03 May, 2007, Blogger Mike Y said...

I couldn't stand family chore day. Perhaps it's because it came like every day!

Definitely don't shave your head. That would simply be criminal. And in case Britney isn't enough proof, go rent Alien 3 and pay attention to Sigourney Weaver. That should do it too.

At 03 May, 2007, Blogger Tory said...

You are so funny. The sad part is I can totally relate!
Have a great day, Tink.

At 03 May, 2007, Blogger captain corky said...

11. Really?

17 Hitler is definitely that guy for me.

27. Ever throw an action figure with a string tied around it out of a moving bus?

28. My wife is expected to go into labor around July 13th, do you think she'll mind if I'm two hours late?

I really enjoyed that post.

At 03 May, 2007, Blogger meno said...

I should really post this as anon, but what the hell. When i sweat, i mean glow heavily, i smell like onions. I'll have to ask the Mister about the nipples.

I still feel like Harriet the Spy.

At 03 May, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this the same friend that would hang out the car window puking and swear she was watching for cops??

Many Many Many years ago when our local federal forest burned, my Grandparents went every day and took pictures. The Federal service actually had it announced over the local radio station that, "could Mr. and Mrs. my grandparents, please stop coming to the fire."

That's not the best part. After they were both dead, a few years ago, the forest people contacted me while I was camping and asked for copies of all the pictures. You see, all theirs had been taken as evidence and now there is no pictured history of the fire.


At 03 May, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

If they tasted like onions, wouldn't Hoop have onion breath?

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger KELSO'S NUTS said...

Tink: I'm new to this blog. I've come to it via Gynocracy Now.

A quirk: I am a 45 year old man who has lived all over the world --Panama as I type -- and since last June I have become afraid to go to sleep in the dark. Or is that a confession?

But what attracted me to this blog was, of course, it's name. Not only is it great but I've had the experience of a friend saying "Pickled Beef" out of nowhere and it staying with me forever. During college, the friend (Mike) and I hitch-hiked from Wesleyan in CT to go to a party at Smith in Northampton, MA. Someone let us off in Hartford and as we were starving, Mike and I walked across the highway to McDonald's only to (1) see a bearded woman and (2) realize that we'd spent all our money on Coqui 900 Malt Liquor and cigarettes. It took two more lifts to get to Northampton and we were starving. We arrived just in time for the Capen House Friday supper and we got served some sort of brisket that tasted really strange. In the very demure atmosphere of a Smith College residence dining hall, a frustrated blood-sugar crashing Mike annouced alta voz "I'M REALLY ENJOYING THIS 'PICKLED BEEF!'" A stunned silence hit the room as he returned to not enjoying the brisket and I began laughing so hard I lost consciousness and fell off my chair. Guess the hunger and the Coqui 900 had something to do with it.

Damn, that was 27 years ago.

If any New Englanders read this blog, please tell me: do the delis or package stores still sell Coqui 900 Malt Liquor and Old Gold Cigarettes?

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Peggy: It damaged it? That's so odd. I routinely run over mine, now that I know the vacuum won't blow up.

Captain Corky:
11. Really.
27. No. But I bitch all the time about not having chapstick.
28. You could always request they induce her early. I'm sure she'd understand. ;)

Meno Maybe my nipples are sweating! You may be on to something here.

RFAOWTLIAS: Phew. That's a long abbreviation! Got a nickname I could call you? :) What an awesome story. I would LOVE to see the pictures. I promise I won't show them to any Federal Agents.

Chris: He does! That's what started my theory. Now I'm wondering if this has anything to do with being Italian. I do eat a lot of garlic. Hmmm.

Kelso's Nuts: Welcome! Loved your story. I think we should form a Pickled Beef club. Because obviously, we're special. You can be President. I'll be the chick in charge of bringing cupcakes. Mmmm. So, where all have you been? I've never had the pleasure of leaving the states, so I need people to live vicariously through.

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Mike Y: Your comment came through! Yay! Blogger is back to being weird. Soon all our WVs are going to be "Smenita." It is that time of year again, isn't it?

Tory: I think there are more people out there like us, they just don't want to admit it. Kind of freeing huh? ;)

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

13. Sometimes I wonder if I have a split personality...
14. ...and if everyone is keeping it from me because they like her better

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking at the time **snort**

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Chelle said...

I wish I was as smart as Hermione! :)

At 04 May, 2007, Anonymous Lily said...

Aha you've met Kelso-he kills me and bewilders me and confuses me at times and I guess I like that.

I dont know about non-lactating nipples but I DO know that milk can adopt flavors especially from garlic.

I also once found a piece of dorito in my bra, which explained the sharp tiny poke I got out of nowhere. It just sort of fell down my shirt into my own cleavage.

Why do I even eat those things? Ever?

Anyway my Nana used to tell me not to run over the cord too. And never walk with your hands in your pockets because if you fall, you will not be fast enough to get them out. (Especially ME, she emphasized, for some reason that offended me) Then I fell on my face in ice and she told me for ten years how she was right.

Have a good weekend dearest Tink, and buy the new Pokemon Pearl.

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Kell said...

It's so good to know that if I accidently run over the cord it'll be ok. I've been worried about that for years!

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Gracey said...

You're so quirky! (that is a good thing) I love always make me smile after reading your posts. When I have a bad day, I'm coming to "see" you so I can laugh! :)

At 04 May, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"11. I have a sneaking suspicion my nipples taste like onions." Hoop or I might be able to tell you. But WHY do you think that?


At 04 May, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my, I just told you I would taste your nipples and I have no idea where they have been ....


At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

It's not that people like your "other" personality better, it's tha she's .. well ... different. Yeah, that's it.

Hey, look at this way. Most people I run into don't even have ONE personality, and you have TWO! How cool is that?

And I was told not to run over the cord too. But, being a guy I immediately did it on purpose to see what would happen. I was equally disappointed.

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Newt: I wouldn't recommend eating while reading my blog either. Need I reference the dog diarrhea-puke post? Bleh.

Chelle: I don't think you should be too jealous. She IS a work of fiction after all. ;)

Lily I don't think I've ever had cleavage. Although I've found my fair share of food bits in my bra. Not very sexy. Especially when you're stripping down for your honey. >>Go buy the new Pokemon Pearl.<< I'm going to tell Hoop I have permission! He thinks I've totally lost my mind.

Kell: Glad I could clear that up for you! Anything else you'd like me to test out?

Gracey: Oh stop. How will I ever afford new shirts after my head expands?

Edge: Because Hoop's breath tastes like onions after he gets done sucking them. It's not unpleasant. Just odd. As for my nipples, they've been napping in my shirt all day. They're kind of hermit nipples, not very social.

Jay: Different how? I need you to give me the low down since I'll never get the chance to meet her personally. :)

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger Heather said...

It's a shame that the vacuum didn't blow up. Now THAT would have been a story to tell the masses!!

At 04 May, 2007, Anonymous mamatulip said...

WHY would you think your nipples taste like onions?

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger KELSO'S NUTS said...


To answer your question: in chronological order--OVIEDO, MADRID, MOSCOW, LONDON, MOSCOW, LONDON, MADRID, and PANAMA...and I've pretty much been everywhere but Asia. I spent a few weeks in ALMATY. It's in Central Asia, it counts.

At 04 May, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did I comment today? Because I swear I made a funny and I came back to see if you laughed and I don't see a comment? I pissed you off didn't I? I'm crazy?

Well, anyway. I had the same fear of the sweeper. My other comment in a nutshell.

At 04 May, 2007, Blogger eric said...

seriously, what is up with that going deaf in one ear thing? then the ringing? for no reason at all.

At 05 May, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Ha. Onion nipples? Oh, and don't shave your head. It didn't really work out for Britney.

At 13 May, 2007, Blogger mrspao said...

Maybe you need to get some sour cream as well?


Post a Comment

<< Home