Mazzel March

March Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Thursday.
2. The most popular hour being 3pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Mamalujo.
4. The most used search term was, "T."
5. My favorite search term was, "Beer Wallpaper." Interior decorating for the TRUE alcoholic.
6. The highest hit post (214) was on March 14th, the day of Attaboys.

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. It has taken me 24 years to realize that the biggest challenge I will ever face is not understanding others, but rather understanding myself.
2. Last week I spent three hours surfing the web for cars, only to have Hoop toss my carefully selected stack of ads to the side. They weren't what he was looking for. I should have understood. Instead, I wanted to cry.
3. Then it hit me. I didn't care if I found the solution. I wanted the recognition that I had TRIED.
4. What an awful mentality to have in a society that rates you on usefulness.
5. Now I know how the maker of waterproof sponges felt.
6. When I was a kid I couldn't wait until I was old enough to eat dessert for dinner.
7. Now that I'm an adult I get cravings for salads and soups. Go figure.
8. I spent thirty minutes this morning brain storming new porn titles.
9. My top ten are: Mighty Joe Hung. The Pursuit Of Horniness. Happy Meat. Creamgirls. Men In Back. Snow White and The Seven Whores. Stranger Than Friction. The Filth Element. All Quiet On The Western Cunt. Get Well Poon.
10. I think when God was handing out brains, mine fell on the floor and rolled through the dirt first.
11. Hoop says my farts smell like cereal.
12. Do you think that has anything to do with growing up in the same town as a General Mills factory?
13. My Dad and I used to wake up in the morning, sniff the air, and place bets on what kind of cereal they were making.
14. I always guessed Lucky Charms. The thought of those Leprechauns sitting on rainbows making marshmallows all day...
15. ...was better than the thought of them being out of work and terrorizing us little kids like they did in that movie.
16. I never quite got over teething.
17. Most often the victims of my chewing habit are pens and tape.
18. One time it was a glowstick at a beach party. I ended up with dye in my mouth and neon teeth for two days. It was the first time that people encouraged me to talk MORE.
19. Sometimes (when I'm alone) I hum Barney songs.
20. I can never spell Restaraunt" "Restaurant" correctly.
21. One of the most frustrating parts of my job is coaching people how to use a computer.
22. I can sympathize with the temp employees who don't know how to use a mouse because they've worked labor jobs their whole life.
23. What I can't understand is when I get asked how to forward an email by a superior who is a college graduate.
24. I'm so bored right now I actually Googled Barbie to see if she still came with shoes.
25. And then I went on KFC's website to complain about an order of food I got last night. Somehow they'd managed to make it both cold AND burned.
26. Then I looked up upcoming movies for 2008. They're making a Jurassic Park 4 by the way.
27. After that I practiced typing my name backwards to see how quick I could do it.
28. I think I have adult onset ADD...
29. ...Or maybe it's the paint fumes. The guy at Home Depot told Hoop and I our kids are going to be born with two heads and three arms from all the paint we've been exposed to.
30. So on top of pretending to be experts they're pretending to be fortune tellers now? Shit, sign me up for that gig!
31. Have you noticed that fortune cookies don't actually have fortunes in them any more? They're more like sayings. "A rat who gnaws at a cat's tail invites destruction."
32. Hoop thinks it's because the cookie makers got sued when someone didn't get rich like their fortune told them they would.
33. Just in case, I think the makers of Girl Scout Cookies should start printing "FAT" on their product.
34. Because that's what I'm going to be if I finish off this box I've been working on all morning.