Thursday, March 29, 2007

Get To The Point

Last night Hoop and I went to Sam's Club. I always feel a bit ridiculous when I shop there. I'm neither a restaurant owner or a Mother of twelve, the target market for a store that sells green beans in 7lb cans. SEVEN POUNDS! Can you imagine? We'd have to ladle it out of the fridge. Still... There's something maddening about seeing that much food on sale. You start thinking about how much you can save and not how efficient an item is to buy. So what if we can't eat that much ketchup in a year? It's only $3.00 for a 114oz jug!

It doesn't help that their selection is limited. You go in looking for a specific item and end up with twelve different ones.
Hoop: Did they have your breakfast bars?
Tink: No, but I found this 25lb bag of sugar on sale!

I started out firm. "We're only going to buy what's individually wrapped and doesn't perish." Then the subliminal messaging they pipe through the sound system started to sink in.
Tink: I found our favorite BBQ sauce.
Hoop: You realize that's a 1 GALLON jug right?
Tink: So? We'll have a cook out!
Hoop: For the entire neighborhood?

The candy isle is enough to make a diabetic cry. 10,470 pieces of gum for $21.00. 36 Twix bars for $12.75. 360 Dum-Dum-Pops for $6.68. I got dizzy just looking around. As was I gaping at a head-sized bag of Hershey bars a woman walked by clutching a bag of dried fruit. "I think I'm in hell," she mumbled. Then the store announced it would be closing. Suddenly, Hoop and I were running through the isles in a frenzy, throwing things into the cart that I would've never agreed to buy before. It felt like our one shot. If we didn't get food then, we were going to STARVE.

I think I lived in the Depression era in a previous life. I hoard food like a kid at fat camp. Hoop, on the other hand, was probably a King of Ancient Greece, lying around while half naked women fed him grapes. Food to me is a luxury, one I didn't always get to indulge in. Before there was lunch and dinners of jam and bread, there were afternoons and nights of mac-n-cheese. This is what I tell myself to keep from crying when the grocery bill climbs over $200. "Pfft," all you mommies say. Well, "Pfft" to you too. Hoop and I are only two people. Which brings me around to the point of this all.

We have NO business shopping at Sam's Club. None. At. All.

Friend: So, what did you guys buy?
Tink: Um... *Sigh* 60 waffles.
Friend: *Chokes* How many?
Tink: We can't fit anything else in the freezer now.

Tomorrow: A new chapter of Twisted Tink! Bout time huh?



At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Heather said...

I usually refer to Sam's as the $10 store because when I come out of there I can normally divide my total by the number of items and come out around $10. So sad... 10 items $100 and 5 months later I end up throwing out half of what I bought because really... who can eat that much??

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Mouse said...

Sams club is a quick way to go broke.. that's for sure. I go there with my MIL (I don't have my own card) and have to be very careful not to ruin our food budget- especially in the frozen food section. It does save me a good bit of money on things like NesQuick -I have a school aged child.. we go through chocolate milk like nobodys business. My food and house budget for the three of us is $100. a week, so I'm very cautious of wasting money on food that won't be eaten.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Allison said...

LOL! I don't ever, ever go to Sam's Club, and this, my friend is the reason. Now if they start selling organic stuff, we'll talk. LOL! ;)

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Mamalujo said...

Oh, I LOVE Sams Club. I slobber all over the TVs and tools and stuff. I never plan my attack though, so I'm probably wasting money. Huge jars of pickles just end up making me fart more.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

"I hoard food like a kid at fat camp."

You've been waiting for a chance to use that line, haven't you?

I have a friend who rarely got a full meal growing up. And almost never got any breakfast. (This was before breakfast was available at most schools)

So, she makes HUGE meals. She refuses to let anyone leave the house in the morning w/o having had breakfast. She packs big lunches for her kids. And on and on.

She also hoards food too.

I love Sam's club. A years supply of underwear and socks and a months supply of chicken tenders in the same place. What a country!

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger J said...

I love Sam's. I find myself going in there and checking out the computers, plasma TV's, 5 gallon jugs of mayonnaise, but eventually walking out with nothing but a month's supply of beef jerky.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Betty said...

Sam's Club can bring on an anxiety attack in me. Faster than the one I usually have in the Super Centers.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

No matter what my grocery budget, no matter what I can cook now, Mac'n'cheese will always be my favorite meal.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Mamalujo: I usually beeline for the electronics too. But after Hoop bought that $3K TV, I try to keep him clear of that entire area.

Jay: That obvious huh? It's not as bad as the line the guys use at work. "I'm going to be on that like white on rice!" Ok. Maybe it's just as bad. They can't all be winners. ;)

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger meno said...

It kills me to buy certain things, like toilet paper anywhere but at Costco (no Sams here) because it's so CHEAP!

If we run out, you'll just have to hold it until i go shopping. Here's a Sears catalog if you are desperate.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger EE said...


*I* don't shop at Sam's and I do have two kids to feed, LOL! Seriously, at no point do I see my kids wanting to eat 50# of ONE KIND of cereal. Or be able to go through a gallon jug of mayo or ketchup.


So, uh, I guess you will be enjoying waffles for a bit, eh? ;)

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

The candy isle is enough to make a diabetic cry.

NO SHIT. My god. We buy our diapers at Costco and every time we walk down the candy row I get a bit shaky.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

We mostly have Costco here, but it's the same idea as Sams. I try to stay away from it, it's just too tempting. I don't think I have ever walked out without spending at least $100, even if I was going in for just one thing.
Except... at Christmas they have great giftbaskets for all those in-laws I don't want to spend much time shopping for. ;)

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Lucia said...

Think toilet paper. Nonperishable. You can keep the 400-roll pack in the basement or the trunk of your car and never have to buy more for the rest of your life.

I always wind up getting the 1000 capsules of some vitamin. By the time I'm finishing them, I always wonder exactly what year I bought them.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Kell said...

We barely make it to the food because Al goes crazy over all the tools and garage organizing things. Then I want to look at books and CDs before we actually get to the food. But we do like all the free samples.

But I'm with ya, I don't know why I go there when I really have no reason since I don't have a house full of people to feed.

At 29 March, 2007, Blogger Mike Y said...

Too true and too funny! That's why I like to shop at the grocery store or at Super Walmart. Picked up a bunch of those really nasty frozen burritos the other day for .25 each. These are the kind that I find strangely addictive. Then they had my favorite candy bars for 5 for $1. Then there were the AstroPops for $1.79 for a giant bag. Then...

You get the idea. I love sale items like that, but in quantities I can devour in a single sitting. :)

At 30 March, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Waffles are the new bread? Who knew???

At 30 March, 2007, Anonymous wordgirl said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. I went to Costco today and experienced the same thing. I was AFRAID to go down the candy aisle. AFRAID!!! But I did buy a big box of frozen enchiladas because my priorities are in order.

At 30 March, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

Somebody must be shopping there! I've been to these places too and I've come out again straight away. Too scary!

At 30 March, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

I've never been inside a sam's club. I think I was briefly in a costco once, but I got all sweaty and ran away. I don't even like to buy more than 8 rolls of toilet paper - 6 if they're super rolls.

At 30 March, 2007, Anonymous Ella said...

we have a similar thing in England its called Bookers and i really get carried away we bought 5 boxes of washing powder and they all went damp and now we have to carve it out of the box!!

At 30 March, 2007, Blogger Tawcan said...

Only in America...

Bunch of us went down to Oregon for rock climbing back in Nov. We went to have some Mexican food one night. On the menu there was burrito and super burrito. Some of us ordered burrito and was surprised how big it is. We were shocked to see the super burrito.

It was as big as my head! I'm not kidding you!

At 30 March, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

They built a new Costco very close to us and I have to confess that I pop in there about once a week. Sometimes I only get milk, but I always love to see what they have that's new.

Back in our Mac n' Cheese days that's where we got it for dirt cheap!

At 30 March, 2007, Blogger G said...

we have memberships to Sam's and Costco...but since our family is the size of a small nation it makes sense for us. We buy a TON of our groceries there, cereals, toilet paper, milk, ketchup, dried fruit...cases of chicken breasts lol.


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