Monday, April 02, 2007

My Money's On The House

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday evening Hoop and I tried to cook dinner. It would have been the first time in the new house.
2. Within two minutes of turning it on, the oven was billowing black smoke.
3. The seller promised the oven worked. It doesn't.
4. On further inspection I realized the inside lining had been burned off. It looks like it happened a long time ago. So apparently the oven was just for show?
5. House: 1 Tink and Hoop: 0.
6. Saturday morning we went car shopping for Hoop. His "stang" was long overdo for a trade in. It took me awhile to convince him though.
Hoop: There's nothing wrong with my car!
Tink: Oh no? How about the gas leak, oil leak, broken AC, balding tires, right rear damage, spray painted bumper, peeling tint, busted wipers-
Hoop: OK! So there's some minor problems with it.
7. The new car is a 2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse, steel grey. Comparison pictures to come.
8. Sunday morning Hoop tried to install our surround sound... Again. It's been an ongoing project now for about three weeks with little success.
9. As with before, Hoop realized the attic is too small, the vaulted ceiling too high, the insulation too thick, and the walls too crowded.
10. House: 2 Tink and Hoop: 0.
11. Only this time it took him removing a piece of our outside paneling to realize it. Seeing holes in my house gives me the warm fuzzies, lemme tell ya.
12. Then our TV fell apart... Again. This will be the third TV we've had to exchange!
13. House: 3 Tink and Hoop: 0. You probably don't think this one is the house's fault. But I'm convinced it's screwing with us now.
14. Later that day we started to paint our bedroom. It went fairly quick at first, until we went to paint over the primer.
Hoop: Oh no!
Tink: What's wrong?
Hoop: The guy tinted the primer the exact same color as the paint.
15. Which meant we had no way of telling what had been painted over and what hadn't. I woke up this morning to a striped and spotted room. Apparently, the paint doesn't dry the same color too.
16. House: 4 Tink and Hoop: 0. We're on a roll now.
17. And if you want to count the windows, termites, nonfunctional outlets, and the two cabinet contractors who never called us back- House: 8 Tink and Hoop: 0.
18. To be fair, getting the ceilings textured was a fairly simple job. Of course, our fans were stolen in the process. So I'll give us each a half point. House: 8.5 Tink and Hoop: .5
19. That's pathetic.
20. Good thing Hoop and I are taking a vacation next weekend!
21. I think my sanity depends on it.

Big Bit Quote Of The Day
"Welcome to the house of flying dog bowls."

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While painting)
Hoop: What are the dogs barking at?
Tink: They're mad because we locked them out.
Hoop: Maybe they're trying to tell us something.
Tink: Maybe. Phew. I think I'm high.
Hoop: That's it! They're trying to tell us we're killing ourselves!
Tink: What a crappy way to go.
Hoop: We should take a break.
Tink: We're almost done!
Hoop: *Starts breathing heavy* Paint. Fumes.
Tink: I used to tell people that when I died I was going to go back in time and be reincarnated as my dog. So it's possible that Jazz is me. And if Jazz is me, I think she'd be warning us about something else entirely.
Hoop: Like what?
Tink: Like, "Wait! Stop! You're going to regret that shade of green later!"

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: What are you going to name your new car?
Hoop: Name?
Tink: Yeah! I've always named my cars. First there was the Reliant named Tank. Then there was the Sunbird named Avery. It was highlighter blue. Then there was-
Hoop: -How about Silver?
Tink: As in, "Hi-ho Silver?"
Hoop: No. As in, that's the color of the car.
Tink: But that's boring! It's got to be something clever. My Mom once named a car James.
Hoop: James?
Tink: Home James! I think it was from "Riding Miss Daisy."
Hoop: I think you mean DRIVING.
Tink: That's what I meant.
Hoop: *Laughing* Riding Miss Daisy.
Tink: Wouldn't that be an awesome name for a porn video?

Tomorrow: Good-bye to March.

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17 Comments:

At 02 April, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

Almost every normal movie title has its porn movie title equivalent. Riding Miss Daisy, Good Will Humping etc. . . Have a scrounge about in the seedier areas of the internet and you'd be amazed at what you come up with. *warning* Don't do this at work!

 
At 02 April, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

The house usually gets the upper hand at first. But, the tables will turn and you guys will put the house in it's place pretty soon.

Had to exchange 3 TVs? Dang. That would piss me off.



And you just knew it had to be there:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0147236/

"Riding Ms Daisy" - 1990

"Staring" Aja, Charlotte Leigh and Ashly Winger

Whoever they are.

 
At 02 April, 2007, Blogger Tawcan said...

Wow getting the 4th TV? That sucks. Sounds like the house is keeping you busy. Good thing both of you have vacations next weekend!

Should watch out for those paint fumes. They're not good for you.

 
At 02 April, 2007, Blogger mrspao said...

Remind me not to go TV shopping with you both :)

Hope you score some house victories soon.

 
At 02 April, 2007, Anonymous Turtle said...

Sounds like your realtor needs a swift kick in the arse. I can't believe they let the sale go through! Wasn't an inspection done? You might have grounds to sue the you-know-whats! Incompetents.

As far as car names in our family, there's Gilbert Grape (aka Gilly) my female Amethyst (purple) Honda Civic Hatchback. Foo's got Dorian the Gunmetal gray Mazda 3. And sadly, I've forgotten the others.

I got a couple for Hoop. How about the Silver Streak or Lighting Speed?

Can anyone tell me why there's a person in a wheelchair next to the bar for word verification? I mean, does that really make any sense?????

 
At 02 April, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

Oooh, eclipse, I actually know that name, one of 3 I'm sure...Jaosn must like it if I know it.

 
At 02 April, 2007, Blogger gawilli said...

Ah geez, I feel bad that you are having such a time with your new house. Hopefully you will start chalking some more points in the win column. A vacation always helps to refresh; at least it helped us get a new perspective.

Riding Miss Daisy. Funny.

 
At 02 April, 2007, Blogger meno said...

On Golden Blonde
The Loin King

Just a few of the porn titles i have laughed at over the years.

welcome to the joys of home ownership.

 
At 03 April, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

You just have to figure out how to show that house who the boss is...otherwise it will never respect you!

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

Riding Miss Daisy...LMAO. Bow chicka...

Girl...you do need a vacation. Whoomp it up this weekend.

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger Mike Y said...

"Riding Miss Daisy" LOL! Is that the porn version? ;)

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

Regarding the problems with the house, wasn't a lot of that supposed to have been caught by the pre-sale inspection? Especially the oven. From what you've posted before, it sounds like your realtor was in cahoots with the seller, and maybe you've got some legal recourse.

Having to convince Hoop to go car shopping. Man... does that sound familiar.

And to answer Turtle's question (above) about the wheelchair next to the word verification... it's not intended to literally mean "wheelchair". It's intended to mean "accessible" (or something). See, these text verification thingies are displayed as images, specifically to make it difficult for machines to read them. An unfortunate side effect is that it also makes things very difficult, if not impossible, for visually impaired readers and the programs they use to read text to them. If you click the wheelchair icon and happen to have your sound turned on, you should hear a spoken sequence of numbers that can be entered into the word verification field instead of the "bahuaixa" (or whatever Aztec word WV comes up with).

Verstehen?

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Peggy: I think I'd be pretty good at creating the titles:

"Bridge to My Vagina" (Bridge to Terabithia)
"Cream Girls" (Dreamgirls)
"Happy Meat" (Happy Feet)

Of course, I'd have to lie to everyone about what I did.

Jay: LMAO! Thanks for the link. You're awesome.

Tawcan: The guy at Home Depot told us we're going to have kids with two heads and three arms at the rate we're sucking in fumes.

Mrs. Pao: It's not me! *Points at Hoop* I think he's jinxed.

Turtle: What IS that wheelchair icon all about? If you put your mouse over it it says, "Listen and type the numbers you hear." Wouldn't an EAR icon be more appropriate?! Stupid blogger/google.

Jay: So what's the other two? ;)

Meno: The LOIN King? LMAO! That's great.

Susan: I keep telling it, "I OWN YOU!" Maybe it'll sink in one of these days soon.

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Foo: I don't think the realtor was in cahoots with the seller, just really really incompetent. She chose an inspector who wasn't worth the paper he wrote the report on. I shouldn't have trusted his word. The problem is, a house doesn't have to be inspected to be sold. That's at the discretion/cost of the buyer. Live and learn though. I don't think I'll be using a realtor at all next time. In the end the buyer does all the work and the realtor does more harm than good. I should write a book! I'd title it, "How to Lose Your Mind and Money in Six Months."

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger Lucia said...

Maybe it's time for some sort of get-the-heebie-jeebies out of the house ritual.

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

I will assume you have had fabulous sex in at least one room of the new house so that would make it what? House 8.5 Tink and Hoop 100.5?

 
At 03 April, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Lucia: I need something a little stronger than sage. Any ideas?

Newt: Right?! I love you girl. I feel much better about the score now.

 

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