Layers of the Onion
50 More things than you care to know:
(Dedicated to Mrs. Harridan, Teebs, and Mamalujo1 who gave me the idea.)
1. I can't pee if I think someone is listening.
2. I'm 5'4", 118lbs, and 23 years old.
3. I once let my Mom bleach my hair.
4. It turned out highlighter yellow and glowed in the dark.
5. My greatest dream is to work in Graphic Design.
6. Whatever I do, I want to work at home.
7. I think I look like an alien in all of my baby pictures.
8. I used to wear an eyepatch and coke-bottle glasses.
9. I remember my dreams almost every night.
10. No one in them ever has a face.
11. I was raped when I was 15 by my best friend's brother.
12. I run into him every time I'm having a bad day.
13. I believe Karma likes to fuck with my head a lot.
14. I consider my brothers to be my children too.
15. I think yellow Pez tastes how Pledge Wood Cleaner smells.
16. My Mom and I made up a game plan if I became 26 and was still single.
17. The plan involved going to another country, getting knocked up, and then coming back home.
18. I told Hoop this on our first meeting. He was horrified.
19. I've been told I have a sharp tongue, am vulgar, and a prude.
20. I've also been told I am wise, tenderhearted, and open.
21. I worry too much.
22. Six guys have tried to label me "The One."
23. I only ever loved one of them.
24. Blue, Green, and Red all sooth me.
25. Yellow and Orange make me feel ill.
26. I wish I had wings.
27. When I was in 7th grade I came to the conclusion that my purpose in life was to help people move on from the things that kept them back.
28. Some days I still believe this.
29. Some days I wonder if this is just my excuse to help and then leave.
30. I sound like Betty Rubble when I laugh.
31. My unknown addictions are chapstick, stolen pens, and making lists.
32. I once dumped a guy because he wouldn't blink both eyes at once.
33. Clowns, spiders, and knives scare me.
34. Mimes, snakes and guns do not.
35. Every year at Christmas I secretly dump presents on a single parent's doorstep.
36. My least favorite holiday is New Years.
37. I refuse to wear matching underwear.
38. I believe every woman should own a vibrator.
39. I own four.
40. Laughter is my favorite medicine.
41. Too many people in my life have been unfunny.
42. I'm scared of heights.
43. But I love rollercoasters.
44. My eyes turn bright green after I cry.
45. I own seven pairs of black pants.
46. When I was eight I wanted a brief case.
47. Now I have one and I never use it.
48. It depresses me that I'll never be able to read all there is to read.
49. Hoop would like to be immortal. I love the fact that we're not.
50. I don't regret anything that has happened in my life.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: You want some ice cream?
Tink: I need ice cream like I need a hole in the head.
Hoop: But you DO need the holes in your head. You already have five.
Tink: I have eight holes.
Tink: *Points to ears*
Hoop: -one, two.
Tink: *Points to eyes*
Hoop: Those aren't holes!
Tink: Yes they are. They're just filled holes.
Hoop: It can't be a hole if it's filled.
Tink: Yes it ca-
Hoop: -fine, whatever. You have eight holes in your head.
Tink: Ok, that just might have been the strangest conversation EVER.