Thursday, April 27, 2006

Q & As

Super Spam Buster: Yesterday I changed my comment settings to stop receiving "Anonymous" commenters. I had hoped this might ebb some of the stupid spam I've been receiving lately. But it didn't even slow it down. They're back and they've brought IDs. Blogger IDs that is. So instead of deleting the link like I usually do, I followed it. And then I opened a new hotmail account and emailed them:

Dear Surveys Helpdesk;

I believe I can answer the questions of your prospective clients better than you have.

1.) Can I really get paid just for taking surveys online?
A.) Of course! But initially these companies are going to pay us first for sucking you into this ploy in the first place. Don't worry though, you'll get your cut, all .00001% of it in the end.

3.) How do I know the companies will really pay me? What guarantee do I have that I will be paid?
A.) Would we lie to you? You've already trusted us enough to pay the $34.95 registration fee. Plus we've shown our support for your blog numerous times by blowing up your comments box with cheap advertisements and compliments. We're your friend! BTW, your next fee is due.

4.) Can I do this from any computer? Do I need to download anything?
A.) There's no downloading required. We provide the necessary cookies and Adware FOR you.

5.) I really love the free bonuses. How will I receive them? Do I need to do anything special?
A.) What? You mean those dollar store rejects? You can have as many of those as you want. Just be sure to check the members area every two seconds. Fill out some more surveys while you're at it!

6.) Can I trust these companies with my personal information and email address? I don't want to receive Spam after I sign up!
A.) Why would we spam you? Forget that that's how we roped you here in the first place. Besides, who doesn't love SPAM? Mmmmmm. Spam is good.

7.) How many surveys can I take? How much income can I earn?
A.) That depends on if you have a life or not. Think of it like a piggy bank. Sure, a few pennies don't add up to much. But in a few weeks they'll add up to what you would be making in a day if you had a real job at McDonalds.

8.) How am I paid and how often? Am I sent a check by postal mail?
A.) "The company you will be doing the survey for will pay you by company check sent by postal mail." That way they can spam you at home from the mailbox too!

9.) Does it matter where I live? Are the surveys open to everyone - even world wide?
A.) We're totally anticipating global domination.

10.) Can I participate in the same surveys as others? Are there enough surveys to go around? Will surveys ever "run out"?
A.) Does a bull ever run out of crap? We will always provide you with more ways to fill our pockets with your ignorance. Don't you worry.

11.) How do I know this is not some SCAM? How do I know this is a legitimate employment offer?
A.) "We assure you this is a legitimate employment offer." Because our word is as good as gold... Or at least tin. Anyway, we about as reliable as America's government. You love your government don't you?

12.) Why is there a fee to join?
A.) Because we know you will pay.

12.) Is the $34.95 registration fee one time only? Are there any other fees after the one time registration?
A.) $34.95 is the only MONEY that you'll ever have to pay. Next it'll be your first born and the deed to your trailer. But you wont need any of those things when you're rich right?

13.) Can't you just take the registration fee out of my first paycheck? I'll pay after I do my first survey.
A.) "As much as we would like to do that we just can't." We'd have to wait months for the full $34.95 to rack up, and we'd really like to be paid NOW.

14.) I want to sign up! Is it safe to give my credit card information online?
A.) "YES! No matter what rumors you have heard it is MUCH safer to give your credit card information online than anywhere else." And you should believe us. We've already proven that we're not SPAM. Ummm. I mean, we've already proven you'll make tons of money. Hmmm. I mean, we've already proven you won't regret it. Well... Anyway, we're friends right?

No need to thank me. I know you are very busy trying to scam idiots and all. So, you're welcome.

Super Spam Buster

What do you think the chances are that they'll answer me back? :)

Riddle Me This: No one yesterday seemed to know where the crap they suck out of your mouth during a dentist visit goes. So I turned to Google and Google threw up abortion descriptions. Eeee. So instead I called my dentist.

Tink: Where does all the crap from the suction tubes go?
Secretary: What?
Tink: Where does all the spit they suck out of your mouth go?
Secretary: Oh, the vacuum tubes?
Tink: Yeah. Inquiring minds would like to know.
Secretary: I believe it goes into a tank. Afterward the tank is thoroughly cleaned and line cleaner is run through the hoses and tips are thrown away.
Tink: Oh.
Secretary: Not as interesting as you thought huh?
Tink: Not really. But thanks anyway!

So there you have it. Not as interesting as I'd hoped. But still disgusting.


At 27 April, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Just imagining the stuff they suck out in a big vat made me want to hurl. And I don't have a sucky tube to put it into!!!! Oh no!!

I have been getting about 5 emails a day for "hot stock tips" and Viagra. Uh, not trusting the tips and what about the name Debbie says Viagra?? My erectile performance is fine. I can stand up straight for hours.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger wordgirl said...

That stuff about the vats? Totally gross!

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Well, "the tank is thoroughly cleaned" means someone has to empty it. Who does that? And the stuff still has to go somewhere ans we still don't know where! The mystery remains unsolved.

You're killing us with the suspense here, Tink. We want to know! We NEED to know! We HAVE to know! What are they doing with our contaminated spit?!?!?!?!?! (and who gets to keep all the silver and gold they mine out of our heads when a filling cracks, huh?)

You MUST continue the investigation... right after you finish writing the next Dose of Tink - I need my fix!

BTW - I think you will have better luck blocking spammers if you use word verification rather than forbidding anon comments.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

You did some good legwork on our behalf. So thanks. Disturbing...but educational.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Eww, there's another job I don't want - cleaning the goop vat at the dentist. Nowhere near as bad as cleaning a septic tank, I'm sure, but still - ick!

Are you going to be forced to use the "word" verification feature?

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Your email cracks me up.

LOL, you called your dentist...that's awesome. Just the thought of having to empty that tank makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Blech.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Deb and Wordgirl: I should have made sure no one was eating before reading huh?

Odd Mix: Don't worry I'm working on your DOT fix. Have a patch and some gum. Oh, and think happy thoughts ;). BTW, I think I'm done researching the spit sucker. There's only so many disturbing images I can fill my head with in one day. Like Hoop in a Tutu. That takes up a weeks worth.

Rude Cactus: Thanks Boss! :D

Chris: I'm trying to avoid the stupid word verification by fighting spamming crime against bloggers everywhere. *Start theme music*

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Mama T: I'm really really really hoping they email me back. But I'm not betting on it. I doubt they even read their email. I should have baited them with a dollar bill.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Tink, that is the best response to Spam that I have ever seen.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Tink, the spammers will probably subpoena your ISP for your personal information and then file a lawsuit agianst you for harassment and spamming them.

I always just figured that all the pit from the dentists office was poured into the lakes and streams. I'm sure it isn't illegal or anything.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Arabella: Thank you!

Jay: Pffft. They can't do that!

... Right? Stupid spammers.

Lakes and streams. Lovely. We're going to end up with a bunch of three eyed fish now.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

Oh, Tink, you missed your calling. That is an awesome post. I always wonder who would pay $34.95 to answer surveys? That said, I have made $$ doing it (but not by paying for the "privilege").

Also, I turned off anonymous comments yesterday too, after getting my first nasty comment from an anonymous commenter. But word verification, though annoying, really does stop the spammers.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger mE said...

Loved the snitty post - got to keep that in my File, just in case...

The Vampire says you're his hero... investigation of dental spit is right up his alley, apparently! :P


At 27 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

I love that email. That rocks.

Wouldn't it make more sense for the spit yuck to just go like down a drain or something, like when you flush the toilet or turn on a sink faucet?!

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said... are seriously in need of some therapy. First, I can see them humor at a retailation attempt. Let's just hope they don't spam you with twice as much or do something worse -- send in hackers to mess with your machine. You think blogging's a hobby? Well, hackers are seriously whacked.

As far as the dentist....gross. It was about an hour after lunch, and I felt like hurling all over my beautiful wood floor covered with cat hair. TMI. Can you think of something more appealing? How about dogs? cats? cute babies? chocolate? ice cream? sunsets over the ocean? Let's regress a bit. If it's fodder you're looking for, I'm more than happy to help!

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I cannot believe you actually called the dentist to ask him that question. You're so funny!

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Mrs. Harridan: Oh! So you've done the survey thing? Mind me asking how much you usually made off it? I'm seriously curious. As far as the word verification... *Sigh* I guess I'll end up turning it on tomorrow. Damn it.

Me: See? Inquiring minds would like to know. I knew I liked the Vampire!

EE: A drain! No shit. WHY would they want to collect the stuff? WHY?

Turtle: LOL! Feeling a little testy today Turtle?

Don't worry. I emailed them under a bogus email address. Even the information I used to open the account was bogus. And I seriously doubt they'll even read my stupid email. But one can hope.

As far as the "TMI" you KNOW what my blog is all about. You know I'm constantly riding that line. I suggest you not read anything here until AFTER you've eaten. Or before, if you're on a diet. :)

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Chelle: Well I didn't tell them who I was and fortunately the secretary didn't ask. She laughed though. Wouldn't you? :)

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger FA said...

Great spammer email. Does Hotmail allow forwards? That account should be setup to forward EVERY EMAIL you get right back to them. How cool would that be? Indirectly spamming the spammers who spammed you!

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...

Ewwwww!!! Imagine being the guy who has to clean it: Yeah, I'm the guy who cleans the spit tanks.

At 28 April, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the survey and get paid thing is a scam. But! Once! I did do a bunch of surveys for Pinecone Research, and they sent me a $5 check each time. But unless I put them all aside and cashed them in at once, it's not really worth anything.

At 28 April, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

Tink...not testy...a bit worried (cuz hackers don't need any stirring up -- they're spiteless) and nauseaous because just a tiny thought about the dentist office always makes me cringe and sick to my stomach.

I'm still a fan. :)

At 28 April, 2006, Blogger TB said...

I'm going to try and get the straight story on the dental vacuuming from Jeff's dad. I'll report back.

So does this mean you enabled anonymous comments again?

Oops never mind I just scrolled down and answered my own question. Is it totally lame that I set up a blogger account just to comment on friend's blogs?


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