Q & As
Super Spam Buster: Yesterday I changed my comment settings to stop receiving "Anonymous" commenters. I had hoped this might ebb some of the stupid spam I've been receiving lately. But it didn't even slow it down. They're back and they've brought IDs. Blogger IDs that is. So instead of deleting the link like I usually do, I followed it. And then I opened a new hotmail account and emailed them:
Dear Surveys Helpdesk;
I believe I can answer the questions of your prospective suckers...er clients better than you have.
1.) Can I really get paid just for taking surveys online?
A.) Of course! But initially these companies are going to pay us first for sucking you into this ploy in the first place. Don't worry though, you'll get your cut, all .00001% of it in the end.
3.) How do I know the companies will really pay me? What guarantee do I have that I will be paid?
A.) Would we lie to you? You've already trusted us enough to pay the $34.95 registration fee. Plus we've shown our support for your blog numerous times by blowing up your comments box with cheap advertisements and compliments. We're your friend! BTW, your next fee is due.
4.) Can I do this from any computer? Do I need to download anything?
A.) There's no downloading required. We provide the necessary cookies and Adware FOR you.
5.) I really love the free bonuses. How will I receive them? Do I need to do anything special?
A.) What? You mean those dollar store rejects? You can have as many of those as you want. Just be sure to check the members area every two seconds. Fill out some more surveys while you're at it!
6.) Can I trust these companies with my personal information and email address? I don't want to receive Spam after I sign up!
A.) Why would we spam you? Forget that that's how we roped you here in the first place. Besides, who doesn't love SPAM? Mmmmmm. Spam is good.
7.) How many surveys can I take? How much income can I earn?
A.) That depends on if you have a life or not. Think of it like a piggy bank. Sure, a few pennies don't add up to much. But in a few weeks they'll add up to what you would be making in a day if you had a real job at McDonalds.
8.) How am I paid and how often? Am I sent a check by postal mail?
A.) "The company you will be doing the survey for will pay you by company check sent by postal mail." That way they can spam you at home from the mailbox too!
9.) Does it matter where I live? Are the surveys open to everyone - even world wide?
A.) We're totally anticipating global domination.
10.) Can I participate in the same surveys as others? Are there enough surveys to go around? Will surveys ever "run out"?
A.) Does a bull ever run out of crap? We will always provide you with more ways to fill our pockets with your ignorance. Don't you worry.
11.) How do I know this is not some SCAM? How do I know this is a legitimate employment offer?
A.) "We assure you this is a legitimate employment offer." Because our word is as good as gold... Or at least tin. Anyway, we about as reliable as America's government. You love your government don't you?
12.) Why is there a fee to join?
A.) Because we know you will pay.
12.) Is the $34.95 registration fee one time only? Are there any other fees after the one time registration?
A.) $34.95 is the only MONEY that you'll ever have to pay. Next it'll be your first born and the deed to your trailer. But you wont need any of those things when you're rich right?
13.) Can't you just take the registration fee out of my first paycheck? I'll pay after I do my first survey.
A.) "As much as we would like to do that we just can't." We'd have to wait months for the full $34.95 to rack up, and we'd really like to be paid NOW.
14.) I want to sign up! Is it safe to give my credit card information online?
A.) "YES! No matter what rumors you have heard it is MUCH safer to give your credit card information online than anywhere else." And you should believe us. We've already proven that we're not SPAM. Ummm. I mean, we've already proven you'll make tons of money. Hmmm. I mean, we've already proven you won't regret it. Well... Anyway, we're friends right?
No need to thank me. I know you are very busy trying to scam idiots and all. So, you're welcome.
Super Spam Buster
What do you think the chances are that they'll answer me back? :)
Riddle Me This: No one yesterday seemed to know where the crap they suck out of your mouth during a dentist visit goes. So I turned to Google and Google threw up abortion descriptions. Eeee. So instead I called my dentist.
Tink: Where does all the crap from the suction tubes go?
Tink: Where does all the spit they suck out of your mouth go?
Secretary: Oh, the vacuum tubes?
Tink: Yeah. Inquiring minds would like to know.
Secretary: I believe it goes into a tank. Afterward the tank is thoroughly cleaned and line cleaner is run through the hoses and tips are thrown away.
Secretary: Not as interesting as you thought huh?
Tink: Not really. But thanks anyway!
So there you have it. Not as interesting as I'd hoped. But still disgusting.