Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wisdom Stupid Tooth

This morning I went to the dentist to get holes drilled in my head. Yes Hoop, that brings my count up to 9 (not counting earring holes). As I lay there, bemoaning the fact that I was missing birthday brownies at work, I thought:

1. My dentist always stinks of onions. Which is awful considering I'm FORCED to breath through my nose as he stuffs both hands and a bunch of scary instruments into my mouth.

2. Dentists are never as funny as they think they are. Dear Mr. Dentist; I was NOT amused when you started drilling into my teeth only to stop and jokingly announce, "Oops, wrong tooth!" I also don't find it funny that you wait until five minutes after the Novocain has kicked in to ask me questions. Couldn't you please take pity on the girl who has to hook a finger in her disabled cheek so that the other side can function without her droopy lips getting in the way?

3. The person holding the suction tube has all the power.

4. I could never be that person without abusing it. "Let me get that booger for you."

5. Where does all the crap they suck out GO?

6. The dental assistants at this office are idiots. After being questioned about my family ring and then explaining how it's been passed down from mother to daughter, the hygienist turned to me and asked, "Who will YOU give it to?" "My daughter I'm assuming." "Oh? You don't want one of those! They're horrid." I kept wondering if we were talking about the same thing. Surely the conversation had switched to cars or IPods or Nuclear Bombs while they were sticking their massive four inch needle into my gums.

Around The Water Cooler:
Co-worker: Is this your change?
Tink: Nope.
Co-worker: Do you want it?
Tink: Sure.
Co-worker: You'd think someone would have heard it drop.
Tink: Where'd you find it?
Co-worker: In front of the toilet.
Tink: Ewww. You washed it before you handed it to me, right?
Co-worker: *Blink*

The Darwin Of Blogs: I've readjusted the comment settings so that no one will be able to post as "Anonymous" anymore. I'm tired of having to run through and delete a dozen "You've been selected...blahblahblah...tons of cash" posts. If being a secret shopper really paid that well would they need to beg for customers like that? And I'm beginning to suspect they're lying when they continuously tell me I have a "Great blog!" Especially when it's in relation to "medical advice" and "penis enlargements." I have neither, so leave me alone. If anyone has a problem commenting because of this, please email me. Also, I've opened up comments on the new
Twisted Tink chapter. Let me know if you see any glaring errors or inconsistencies. Thanks!


At 26 April, 2006, Blogger FA said...

Ugg, the dentist. The evil one. And, yeah, where does all that suction stuff go? Is your dentist always trying to sell you services? I don't get "nice teeth" anymore, only we could file this and do that. Nah, how about you honor my actual appointment time?

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

I have always wondered where the shit that they suck out of your mouth at the dentist goes. Ewwwwww.

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

LMAO........I hate the dentist. With a passion. So I just don't go. ;) (kidding.........)

You know I waiver bwtn enjoying those comments that start out with "great blog, keep up the great work!...........check out my SPAM" and feeling insulted. LMAO

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Oh and P.S. You could always set up word verification too....they can't SPAM you that way.

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

EE, I have seen spammers who actually take the time to enter the word verification - manual spam. Go figure.

And you joke about not going - MDW doesn't (go, that is).

Tink, tell me please you gave the change back - and then washed your hands with bleach.

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

I rarely see the actual dentist for more than a couple minutes. That's why it's so great that I have a hygienist who actually requests me, when it comes time to schedule appointments. We have a great time, and others in the office keep poking their heads in to see what we're laughing about.

And why they keep running out of nitrous. (Just kidding.)

Novacaine: the worst is when they numb your gums before they give you the shot (as this past year when I needed an under-the-gums prophylaxis) and some of it goes down your throat. I thought I was going to come unhinged when I couldn't feel whether I was successfully swallowing and thought I might choke to death on my own saliva.

To that end, my hygienist lets me hold the spit vacuum. Not only does it make me feel useful, but with my hands occupied, I'm less likely to get them around the hygienist's throat when she sprays cold water directly on that one really sensitive crown.

She doesn't get throttled. I don't fly three feet out of the chair and scare the pudding out of her.

Everybody wins.

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Madeleine gets to watch Finding Nemo on a screen bolted to the ceiling during her dental exam. She wears giant earphones and doesn't have to chit-chat with the doc at all. I want that. Except I want porn.

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Oh, damn, I really didn't want to think about where all the suctioned up stuff goes.


At 26 April, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

Ouch - you've reminded me, I need some root canal work done.

At 26 April, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...


Number four just made me laugh dietcoke all over my keyboard!


At 26 April, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I hate it when they are about to give you a shot and tell you it will not hurt too much. Yay right! One time when the dentist told me that, I said, "Okay, let me give it to you." He laughed and said, "Well, it will hurt a little! Thank You! Honesty always works better!

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Carrie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Carrie said...

LMAO! I'm with Mignon. Porn on the ceiling above the dental chair would be SWEET!

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

I hope your mouth fully recovers quickly. I hated getting my wisdom teeth out.

I'm pretty sure all dentists are the same. Maybe they are taught in drilling school to make conversation with the patient who couldn't talk if they wanted to. And I HATE when they push my head around, because I obviously wasn't able to hear their muffled directions through the face mask.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Odd Mix: I gave it back and then washed my hands. Although it can't be any more disgusting than whats on dollar bills. Between drug residue, fecal matter and bacteria I think I'm going to stick with using my debit/credit card.

Foo: "To that end, my hygienist lets me hold the spit vacuum." Is it sad that I'm jealous? *Sigh*

I hate when the little bits of metal from the filling they're putting in roll to the back of your throat and the person holding the suction tube DOESNT notice it. Ugh.

Mignon: I think you're on to something here!! That would make going to the dentist office a whole other (better) experience. :D

Robyn: I didn't get any wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, just fillings. But I'm due to get the upper ones yanked. Oh joy. I'm SO looking forward to looking like a chipmunk and eating liquids for two days.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

I will now forever be wary of people offering me change. Veeeeerrrrrry wary.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger TB said...

Jeff's dad is a dentist. I'm going to give this to him to read. He hardly ever smells like onions.

At 27 April, 2006, Blogger mE said...

Great Post! Want a Nose Enlarger?


At 30 April, 2006, Blogger Nanny Louise said...

Oh god, I just had a wosdom tooth pulled. I try so hard to forget it, yet it haunts me....


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