Tuesday, May 30, 2006

"Get Out Of Monday- Free" Card

I came back to the blog this morning and realized nothing on my To-Do list had been accomplished, not the flashy new header, not the post sorter, and no one alphabetized my pens by brand and color. Evidently, and this may come as a shock to some of you, I don't HAVE a staff!

Weekend Recap:
1. Hoop and I got in a lengthy discussion on the way out of
X-Men 3 over which superpower was the most unbelievable.
2. We agreed it was Multiple Man's.
3. Cyclops didn't even make the list.
4. Everyone knows a man who shoots lasers out of his eyes is totally plausible. Duh.
5. Sunday, we went to look at horses with the family.
6. The horses' owner had a pet Chihuahua who was both deaf and blind...
7. ...and ran into walls A LOT.
8. I tried to mow the knee-high grass in our backyard yesterday.
9. The mower choked 8 times. "@*!#?"
10. But I kept on trying...
11. ...until it started smoking. "That's it, I'm done."
12. I was greeted at my door Saturday by two well dressed people who handed me a "complimentary" 2 liter of Pepsi.
12. I thought they were Jehovah's Witnesses.
13. Or Taste Testers.
14. Or Rapists.
15. They were really Vacuum Salesmen.
16. When I wouldn't let them in my house one of them got down on their hand and knees in the dirt and begged.
17. So he didn't notice when I slammed the door.
18. I woke up this morning to Hoop yelling that he'd stepped in dog shit.
19. So what did I do? I got up and cleaned it off for him.
20. If that ain't love I don't know what is.

Contest courtesy of Odd Mix:


Hoop's grandfather has Alzheimers. He built this bird house village back when he was well. Now, he barely remembers making them.

(Some random weekend pictures)

One Eared Pup?

The View

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: You are such a Perv.
Tink: I'M the Perv? Whatever, Perver.
Hoop: Perver?
Tink: Yeah. Kind of like, "Dumb and Dumber."

Today's Spam Mail:
Boundless from Sue Alford
Shun Allotment from Cecily Milligan
Snappy Backyard from Kit Bennett
Poplar Jellyfish from Frank Maloney
Slobber Register from Persy Davila

Not Far From The Tree:
Mom: *Hands over two stones*
Tink: What are these for?
Mom: They're "Sex Rocks."
Tink: "Sex Rocks?"
Mom: Yup.
Tink: Ok. WHY are they "Sex Rocks?"
Mom: Cause they're just fucking rocks.

Things That Make You Go, "WTF?":
1. That was like the Cirque du Soleil of sex. Only the clowns were drunk.
2. Elderly lesbians make me think of curtains made out of old roast beef, slapping together.
3. There were Llamas, Turkeys, and Ostriches... And that was just the petting zoo.
4. It's the aliens. They're coming to abduct you.
5. Drunk people always claim to see pink elephants.


At 30 May, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Never ever take free soda from someone standing at your front door. Lesson learned.

Roast Beef Curtains could be a band name. Even better if the band was made up of elderly lesbians. Perhaps the Indigo Girls should think about it.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

So, the burning question (sorry...) in my mind is whether you abandoned the smoking lawnmower in the backyard?!

Your "Remembrance" photo is wonderful!

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

I love the bird house village. Those are beautiful and it's a great picture too.

A deaf AND blind Chihuahua? Well, at least he won't know when you are laughing at him.

I've had the vacuum slalemen try to 2 liter of Pepsi thing before too. I gave the Pepsi back and told them to get lost.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

"the Cirque du Soleil of sex. Only the clowns were drunk."


Where is the view from?

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Your "Remembrance" picture made me tear up a bit. Dave's grandmother had Alzheimer's. It was just heartbreaking to watch her go downhill like that.

And this? Elderly lesbians make me think of curtains made out of old roast beef, slapping together. Oh. My. GOD. I'm dying laughing. DYING.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB: Hey Teebs, I'll be drummer. Can you sing? ;)

Chris: I left it long enough to unroll the hose. Then I sat there eye-balling it evilly. But it didn't burst into flames, thank God.

Jay: Thank you! Hoop's grandma actually gave me the red school house. It wasn't signed so we had his Grandfather put his signature on it. He kept asking if he'd made it this year. It was heartbreaking.

They tried to bait you with the soda too? WHY do people think we can be bought so cheaply?! I'm worth a whole 24 pack damn it.

Odd Mix: The view is from the house Hoop and I put an offer on. I'm going to be signing paperwork this week. It's still not a done deal. The lady is going to continue marketing the house until we have a contract on ours.

Mama T: That was a Hoop quote, as I'm sure you guessed.

It's awful watching people disappear like that. I mean, they don't even remember the people they loved or the things they created. I keep thinking about how confusing everything must seem. I can only hope they find a cure soon.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Tink, my grandmother has Alzheimer's too. We just went to see her on Saturday. It's so sad.
Those birdhouses are beautiful!

My husband, sister, and I had the same conversation about X-Men powers. I think Multiple Men would be the coolest, or Mystic is pretty good too (except I would not want to be blue).

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Drunk roast beef lesbians having clown-sex in a circus full of pink elephants. And also they were rocks.

Holy shit, what kind of grass were you smokin in your backyard all weekend?

Tink, you really make me laugh out loud.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Rock said...

Congrats on moving farther down the road on a house.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

In that conversation, your mother gives Hoop a run for his money.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Feh. Drunken pink elephants swear they've seen me.

It's not true, of course.

I'm invisible.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger F&W said...

I like the colouring of the Remembrace pic. It almost looks like something taken in the 1970's. Well done.

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

That view is kick ass! We'll keep hoping it becomes yours!

Nice birdhouse pic too. Very cool. And the pup is just tooooo precious!

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

That view is kick ass! We'll keep hoping it becomes yours!

Nice birdhouse pic too. Very cool. And the pup is just tooooo precious!

Word verification is a good thing but once in a while they use a font that along with the wave look really makes you go WTF is that supposed to be?????

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

So many great things about this post. Your mom is hilarious. And who said the meat curtain comment? Zoinks! LMAO

Door-to-door vacuum salesmen bearing Pepsi? I thought I'd seen it all...

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger Sue said...

I wanted to comment on your beautiful remembrance-- but then I started laughing so hard from the rest of your post that I forgot what I was going to say. Fucking rocks. roast beef. oh gosh.....

At 30 May, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Love the birdhouse pic.

Your mom has quite a way with words. I see where you get it.

At 31 May, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

Your remembrance shot is great! It reminds me to look at the world from a different level, like Buddy's.

At 31 May, 2006, Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

I'm still laughing at Sex Rocks. Your mom is a hoot. Quick - get her a blog.

(My God - those are some seriously beautiful birdhouses.)

At 31 May, 2006, Anonymous gb said...

I almost choked out my coffee when I read "Elderly lesbians make me think of curtains made out of old roast beef, slapping together"! Damn that was funny Tink!

At 31 May, 2006, Blogger FA said...

I don't even know where to begin. Somewhere between the deaf and blind Chihuahua, smoking lawnmower, sex rocks, and old roast beef I lost my train of thought because I was laughing so hard. One thing is for sure there's nothing like the thought of old meat curtains slapping together to get your appetite for lunch going. MMMM...cold cuts.

At 31 May, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

I thought they were JWs too! I've made a mental note to not open the door to strangers bearing cola.

At 31 May, 2006, Blogger EE said...

The sex rocks bit is my favorite. LMAO


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