If "worry" were a food...
...I'd be fat.
5 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. We live in the age of quizzes and tests. All meant to stimulate, entertain and scare the shit out of us. According to the Death Test, I'm going to die on November 25th 2036 at the young age of 53. The probable cause of death? Cancer, homicide, or ELECTROLYSIS. Who knew hair removal procedures were so dangerous! And if you believe Doprah's RealAge Test, I'm already a 26.15 year old trapped in the body of a 23 year old. Which means I only have 26.85 more years to publish a book, win the lotto, run for president, discover Atlantis, and take over the world. Talk about pressure. Do you think I could finally rent a car if I prove I'm already past the age of 25, mentally? "Excuse me. This test says I'm well past the required age... What do you mean it's not legit? Pffft, the internet doesn't lie." Or college? I own my own house and they STILL want to see my parents tax statements before qualifying me for a grant. Speaking of money. You know what? Money sucks... I'm ready to go back to the barter system. How many ears of corn do you think it would take to buy a house? End.
Today's Spam Mail:
Carnivore Carne from Joshua Nguyen
Orbit Joyful from Lawrence Knox
Facial Drain from Sandy Pickler
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Please quit playing with that lighter.
Hoop: Sorry. It's habit.
Tink: What is it with boys and fire?
Hoop: I had a friend in grade school who accidentally caught some woods on fire.
Hoop: I also had a friend who drank a bottle of peroxide.
Hoop: And a friend who stuck a ruler in an electrical outlet.
Hoop: And a frie-
Tink: -Holy shit. Shut up!
Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: Do you mind if I pack everything from the bedroom closet?
Hoop: No, go ahead.
Hoop: You're not just packing my stuff so you can kick me out and keep it, are you?
Tink: *Blink* Yes, Hoop. You've figured me out. I only wanted you for your collection of stray game controllers and old baseball trophies.
Hoop: I knew it!