Monday, May 08, 2006

Patchwork Post

The Problem With Moving: Hoop, my little brothers, and I checked out three different pieces of property this weekend. The first was a pie shaped lot with a 10 foot entryway on a dirt road and butted up against two very dilapidated trailers. The ONLY thing right about it was the price. Since a 12 foot privacy fence was out of our budget, we decided to pass.

The next property was a long skinny lot on a major road. The agent listed off a dozen great features and then casually mentioned the "minor" problem with it. The original owner had died, leaving the property in the possession of the kids. Not only were they having trouble deciding how much to sell it for, but they couldn't agree on who should be in charge of selling it, or even if they wanted to officially list it at all. Um, yeah. PASS.

As we drove onto the dirt road of the third and last property, Hoop and I groaned. The road was a series of pits and bumps, with holes nearly three feet wide and two feet deep. "Can my SUV even make that?" I asked out loud. But we weren't given the chance to worry about it further, as the real estate agent gunned her mini-van. We all watched in amazement as the van plunged nose first into the holes and then rose with a roar and a cloud of dust. I followed behind meekly.

As the gap between our two cars grew I started to picture our agent laughing like a maniac as she pushed the peddle on her Mommy-mobile. "I think she's having fun," Big Bit laughed from the back. "Go faster, Tink!" Lil Bit yelled out. When we finally caught up to the agent's car it was totally coated in a brown film. She casually stepped from the van, tossing her fiery red hair with a flourish.

Then she grinned and said "I took you the scenic way. The other entrance is less than a quarter mile up the road." Hoop and I glanced at each other. The property was nice, Hoop's favorite by far. So it wasn't a pointless escapade. As for my car, I seem to be pushing it toward an early retirement. It hesitated to start this morning as if to say, "You WILL pay for yesterday."

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I'd like to get one of those bathing suits that lets you tan through it.
Hoop: No, don't do that. Tan lines are sexy.
Tink: Tan lines are SEXY?
Hoop: It sort of reminds me of lingerie. As long as there's not too much of a contrast. It's not sexy if parts of you look like they're glowing. But a little hint of a line is really hot.
Tink: So, it's only sexy if the bathing suit looks like lingerie? And you have to make sure you get just enough sun to leave a faint line?
Hoop: Oh yeah.
...
Tink: What world are you living in Hoop?

Attack of the Spam: Remember when you could always count on spam email to have catchy titles like, "Sign up for a FREE car!" Or "Fill out this survey for a lifetime supply of diapers!" Those days are gone. They've now been replaced with what I call "The One-Liners." I'm pretty certain the words thrown into the subject lines of these emails are randomly drawn, all in the hopes that you might be interested in things like, "Horses, Venomous, or Gunpowder." My favorites are:

"Electrocution" from Kitty Duke
"Cheapness riddled" from Frank Gross
"Brand New Appendages" from Herbery Rojas

Oh my Gawd, I always dreamed of having an extra arm! Thank you Spammers!

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: I think that was the best waiter we've ever had.
Hoop: Yeah, he was pretty good.
Tink: We should tell him. It would probably make his night.
Hoop: Why don't you tell him. If I tell him it might seem a little-
Tink: -Gay?
Hoop: *Blink* I was going to say trivial. But thanks for your vote of confidence there babe.

Things That Make You Go, "WTF?":
1. The first thing I'm going to do when we buy land is run through it naked.
2. Can I see your drivers license? You know, just in case you decide to mug me.
3. Farts don't smell. They don't have any noses!


Brought to you by Odd Mix.

(#1) This weeks words were:

Challenge


Reveal

(The guy wearing this hairy helmet had hair just like it underneath.)

Peace


Be sure to join us for next weeks contest! Come on. Don't be shy.

21 Comments:

At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Great shots! I like the "Challenge" photo best in terms of technique/composition, but they all do a great job of representing the words. I also love the "feet first" sleeping photo. :)

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

So, how was the actual entrance road?!

Hoop's perfect world seems rather complicated. ;)

 
At 08 May, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Isn't going to be great when someday soon you don't have to spend one whole day a weekend looking at houses and you'll have something really awesome to move into? I feel ya sister :o)

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

I love your "challenge" shot - very cool perspective!

The farts don't smell line is based on a quote attributed to the 18th century poet, Samuel Johnson (who was noted for not bathing). A woman at a dinner said, "Sir, you smell." To which he is said to have replied, "No, Madame. You smell. I stink."

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

"The first thing I'm going to do when we buy land is run through it naked."

Now yer talkin'.

That last bit of land sounds worth a look, if you don't have to go four wheeling every time you come home from work.

I was way off the mark on the word challenge pictures. Especially the first one, for which I came up with "shiner". As in "black eye".

What kind of idiot puts his face right where a golfer's trying to put the ball?

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Scotty said...

Love your pics. I love black & whites. That one is my favorite! Pam

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

First, the pictures were wonderful. Have you taken photography classes? They were really good.

Second, I'm totally with Hoop on the tan-lines thing. Except for the confusing part about what the lines should look like. That's some Hoop-speak there. But also, have you seen how hein tan-thru suits are? Ugh. That's why they're in the Sky-Mall and not the real mall.

(Good luck on that property - it's exciting, isn't it, in Oh, I'm gonna shit my pants, kinda way?)

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Tan lines are a staple of the porn industry - it reminds men that they're seeing something that is normally hidden under clothes.

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Freakazojd: Thank you! The feet first shot is of my little brother "Lil Bit." I accidentally tickled his toes with my breath while taking this. He woke up and asked, "And what do you think you're doing?"

Chris: A little bumpy, but not nearly as bad or long. Much more tolerable than the bog we rode in on. :)

TB: I'm looking forward to that day like a kid with 12 Christmases. I don't think I'll move off the couch for a week.

Odd Mix: Thanks! It's a little blurry because Hoop's camera sucks. Well, that's what I keep telling myself anyway. I really need an excuse to get my own hehe.

"The farts don't smell line is based on a quote attributed to the 18th century poet, Samuel Johnson." I heard that from Big Bit. I should have known he didn't make it up.

Foo: THIS kind of idiot, Foo. Fortunately, Hoop didn't swing too hard and I was able to dodge the ball before it hit my foot. Yeah, he also doesn't have very good aim when his girl is laying two inches from the hole.

I let him shoot it over.

Scotty: I love black and whites too. I was thrilled to realize Hoop's camera has a button that does it. The marvel of technology.

Mignon: I took a class in highschool. But they focused too much on self developing to really capture my interest. The dark room kind of freaked me out. Maybe it was just the revolving door.

"have you seen how hein tan-thru suits are?" WHY is that? All the ones in the shops around here are floral or have old sofa patterns on them. Bleh.

Miss Jay: You are a friggin wealth of knowledge girl. That makes total sense.

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger EE said...

I love Hoop convo #2. Snort!

Those tan through suits ARE tacky. Why can't they come up w/ like CUTE ones?! LOL

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Sue said...

the golf shot is perfect! I love it!

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Mrs. Fun said...

Love that first shot, very creative :)

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I love those pictures! Great job. I was going to do that but I totally forgot about it. Maybe next week! :o)

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Love the pics Tink. The golf one really is great. I din't play this week. I thought about it, but maybe I'm just not that creative. lol Maybe next week.

Tan lines are sexy. Unless someone is really, REALLY dark and then wears a strapless top. Then you see a white line over each shoulder where their bikini lines were. That's not sexy.

And, if someone is in Wal-Mart and you see her tan lines that means she is wearing something in public even smaller than what she wears to the pool or lake. That's skanky, not sexy.

Maybe that's what Hoop meant. Hope I cleared that up for ya.

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

House hunting is crazy shit, eh? You really see some doozies. We saw a couple of places that just blew us away -- one place looked like people were squatting in it, seriously, and they wanted over 200K for it. Um...no. I think I have a fi-dolla-bill in my pocket, though.

Your 'challenge' picture is excellent! I love it.

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger mrsmogul said...

Thanks for telling me the one with the hairy helmet, I thought it wAs CHER!!

Moving to Florida soon...maybe give tips?

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

The Hubster and I once looked at an apartment that very much resembled the set from _Rosemary's Baby_. The real estate agent was old and creepy, too. We found out about halfway through looking at the place that they wanted 50% down, and therefore it was WAAAY out of our range, but we didn't leave immediately because it was just so much fun to explore it. Hopefully, you'll get some good laughs out of your house-hunt.

 
At 08 May, 2006, Blogger FA said...

I have to admit I'm totally with Hoop on the tan lines thing all the way down to how they look. There's a fine line between just right and too much.

Now to the yes I'm a dork commentary -- the weird phrases in email these days is meant to confuse the spam software that uses Baysian filtering.

Finally, the pics are great. My fave is the "challenge" shot.

 
At 09 May, 2006, Blogger wordgirl said...

I'm so overwhelmed by images that I don't know where to start. I would like to add that it appears that everyone is moving. Or trying to move. Or getting transferred so that they have to move.

I'm staying put.

 
At 09 May, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

I like the photos....I must be lazy because I didn't know anything about you buying land.

 
At 09 May, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Lately I've been househunting online. Which can be dangerous, because I just fell in love with something in our price range. Unfortunately, it's quite far from our jobs. We're still driving there tonight to check it out. ;)

Isn't the real estate hunt kind of fun? And at least it will give you some good blog fodder. Good luck!! :)

 

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