Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Queen Of Swords

Would you believe me if I told you a feeling can be hereditary? I may have inherited my father's laugh and his sister's round face, but it has been the gift of my mother's uncanny intuition that has saved me the most in life. Not to make you think heeding it brings guaranteed happiness, but you're never doubtful that you're on the right path.

Through our history, every woman on my mother's side has bore only one daughter.

As my Mom flew out to Georgia to see my Great-Grandmother on her death bed, she was overcome with the sweet smell of her perfume. She ran to a pay phone, only to find out that Great-Grandma had passed away moments before the call.

My Grandma calls me out of the blue sometimes to ask me if anything's wrong. She always calls when there is too.

I had a dream one night that someone was crying. I woke up and suddenly felt the urge to call a friend. She didn't answer and I shakily went back to bed. An hour later the friend called back to inform me that she'd been in a car accident exactly one hour before.

These are facts, as we see them.

On the last night I spent at the flop house I sat shuffling a deck of tarot cards on my bed. It's not that I believe in them. It's not that I don't. I find the pictures and the concept fascinating. And I'm a bit fidgety, so the act of shuffling them always felt comforting. As I was going to put the deck away a card flipped out and landed on my knee. It was the Queen of Swords.

I stared at her sitting on her thrown with bare breasts, sword held high, a severed head in one hand and a valiant gleam in her eyes. I remember wishing I could feel as confident as she looked, fighting for what she believed in. Minutes later one of the roommates barged into my room. A fight broke out. I remember hitting a mirror. Somehow I ended up in the bathroom. The cops were called. I had patches of hair missing and deep scratches down my cheek and neck.

The deck lay sprawled across the room. The cards were crumpled, ripped, lost. The one card that didn't get harmed? The Queen Of Swords.

My head is misfiring today. I'm a bundle of nerves and worries that aren't founded. I keep thinking about that card from four years ago. Intuitively I know it's time to act. But on what? I keep looking for a sign. I keep hoping for a great revelation. Because that's what happens right? A card falls out, you smell perfume, you're plagued with dreams, the phone rings.

Maybe not.

Maybe that's not how it works?

Maybe we have to make our own signs.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: Did you hear the message I left at the house?
Tink: The one where you were telling the dog to go find me?
Hoop: Yeah.
Tink: Does that look like Lassie to you?
Hoop: *Stares* She looks more like Babe the pig.
Tink: Jazzi would be like, "Pfft. She can get herself."
Hoop: More like, "Good! Now I can eat the other dog while they're gone."

Today's Spam Mail:
Greedy Sickness from Richard Mann
Burner Scented from Olivia Robles
Industrial Mentally from Caspar Harvey

May Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)

1. bruce van patter's to make the king smile patter's to make the king smile patter's to make the king smile patter's to make the king smile There's medication for OCD now right?
2. Squat Juice Another one to add to my book of pooping metaphors. Don't laugh. I'm going to be filthy rich one day.
3. "my daughter" "my vibrator" If it smells funny I would clean it in alcohol and then find a better hiding spot for it.
4. "what's in your wallet"+spade+chubs If cards were called "Chubs (Clubs), Laids (Spades), Farts (Hearts), and Bling (Diamonds)," I think playing would become a lot more interesting.


At 10 May, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

I think there's something going around the cosmos these days. I feel much the same way and would you believe me if I told you I have notes for a post about intuition that I've been carrying around for weeks and pulling out, only to decide against writing it yet.
I think I was just waiting for you to write this.

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

The bitch is that you don't get it until afterwards. Then it's clear as a bell, or it seems that way. What good are signs if you don't understand their meaning until it's too late. But that begs the question: too late for what?

All I can tell from your words is that something is going on in your life, something big enough to have you thinking about signs, premonitions, hindsight. Something big enough to have you stressing out over how it will ultimately turn out. The house purchase? Hoop? (Are you pregnant?) Who sculpted Polly Toole?

Don't look for signs; they never show up when you want them to. You wouldn't even know it was one until afterwards. Concentrate on what's real, until those signs show themselves after it's all over.

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

I used to think I was psychic. I eventually looked it up and concluded I was mistaking the word for another similar-sounding word.

From time to time, I've had a strong dream or a strong sense that something was wrong, and whom it was wrong with.

"Mom, is Dad okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, I don't know. I just had this--"
"Is something wrong with Dad?"
"Not that I know of. What do you mean?"
"Never mind."

I'm like a clock that's only right twice a day.

By the way, your search terms are still a lot more entertaining than mine. But I try to let it go, because envy is a sin.

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Wow. The bit you shared about your friend? And the car accident? That gave me chills.

I always follow through on my instinct like you did.

And your Hoop convo cracked me up.

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB: You and I girl? We're on parallel tracks to each other. It's nice to have a friend along the journey who knows I'm not going crazy. :)

Mamalujo1: You are so completely right about seeing the signs AFTERWARD. I'm just impatient and restless I guess. I keep hoping things will unfold (not unravel) soon and I'll add yet another story to my string of intuitions.

Foo: LOL. So are you saying I'm crazy? Hmmm? Remember, I walk softly and carry a big spork.

As far as my search terms, have you SEEN the content of this blog? I'm surprised they're as tame as they are!

Mama T: I wish you could have seen the dog from the angle we were standing. She was on her back with a pool of fat sliding to one side and wagging her tail. I swear I didn't do it to her on purpose.

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

I keep waiting and waiting for an Update: blah blah that old biddy that was mean to me when I first started working here blah blah and then the doctor said she'll be okay with a few stitches blah blah blah good thing they have internet in county detention...

(Just trying to lighten the mood - that first part freaked me out, dood!)

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...

Sounds like you're gearing up for something - I guess you'll know when it happens! Yes, I am a lot of help sometimes.

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

That flophouse story - eerie... I wonder what sort of harmonic or disharmonic convergence is converging? Because that sense you have seems to be hitting others, too...

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Most people just stumble through life. They just wander along aimlessly never noticing the world just ouside their limited view.

Not you Tink. You go through life with a deep awareness of what's going on all around. You see and feel so many things that are well outside of most peoples reach. That's what makes you so interesting. And that's why you find life to be so much more interesting that most.

It probably has a lot to do with the house thing. Embarking on a new experience. Buy a house can be pretty scary. Especially when it means more than just some walls and a floor and some land. A lot of it is the "gee I'm like grown up and have responisbilities and shit" feeling

It's kinda scary really.

Damn, I sounded like an expert there didn't I? haha

At 10 May, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Tink, your posts always make me smile! :o)

At 11 May, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Oh, Tink! You ARE crazy but funny crazy.

I do believe in getting "feelings". I get them myself. Nothing you can take to the race track or Vegas (damn!) but still creepy.

At 11 May, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

I used to have a terrier that resembled a processed ham loaf - except he was white. Once, when moving, I saw our kitchenaid mixer off to the side and thought it was him.


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