Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Cha-Ching!

Argh. Blogger ate my original post.

Around 2 o'clock yesterday afternoon there was still no sign of my money. So I called the bank's office and was told, "There are no pending transfers for your account Ms. Erbell." Cue cussing. "How much did you say it was for?!" Asked the second teller I was passed along to. I told her and she laughed liked I'd just confessed to calling from the rec-room at the mental asylum. So I called the title company back. "Tink, tell me you have the money." "I don't have the money." "Shit! Ok, let me get you those transaction numbers." Not exactly the comforting response I was looking for. If you are in charge of someone else's money, "shit" should not be a word in your vocabulary. "Cha-Ching," on the other hand, is OK.

So I called the bank again and a gentleman in the transfer department finally located my funds. "They're working on it right now ma'm." "So does that mean it will show up in my account tomorrow?" "Oh no, it has to show up in your account today. If they don't process it before five they have to send it back." "SEND IT BACK?!" "We had some problems with our system this-" "You can't send it back. I may never get them to send it again! I have waited two weeks for this money." "They're working on it right now ma'm. I'm sure yours will be one of the ones that goes through." Great. First the grocery stores with their little sampler nazis, now the bank. Is everything first come first serve in this country? I checked my account hourly for an update. And then, at exactly 5 o'clock, it came through.

So you may be wondering... "How does it feel to be one of the richest homeless people around?"

Fan-fucking-tastic!

I only have one question. Do you think the bank would let me roll around in it?

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I had the most awful dream last night.
Tink: About what?
Hoop: You were pregnant.
Tink: What's so "awful" about that?
Hoop: After you had the kid-
Tink: Was it a boy or a girl?
Hoop: I don't know.
Tink: You don't know?
Hoop: I was saying...
Tink: Sorry.
Hoop: After you had the kid you got some tattoos done.
Tink: Tattoos?
Hoop: Yeah, HUGE ones on your stomach and thighs to cover the stretch marks.
Tink: THIS is what your brain does on autopilot?
Hoop: *Sigh* I think working in an office full of women is finally getting to me.

November Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. how to reheat bakery food in space shuttle
With solar power?
2. old hairy dude whitey tighties
Please, keep your fetishes to yourself... or your psychologist.
3. hippie chick "smells like cheese"
Let me guess. The "Frumunda" kind?
4. peeing outside steaming Not my first choice for a science fair project.

P.S. The "Goofy Legs" picture was taken in CVS. We were all kneeling on a kids stool that had actual legs. Kind of makes you do a double take hm?

19 Comments:

At 06 December, 2006, Blogger sassybead said...

Oh Whew!! Man, I was literally holding my breath right up until the last sentence of the second paragraph. Why is it that people are always happy to fast and loose with other people's money, but if the show were on the other foot, I can guarantee you they would be yelling right along with you!

You should get to roll around in it...right there in the middle of the bank's vault, simply because you have earned that privilege and...damn it...it's YOUR money!

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

"I only have one question. Do you think the bank would let me roll around in it?"

I just had a flash of that scene in "Indecent Proposal" where Demi Moore is rolling around in a bunch of money on the bed.

Take pictures if you do roll around in the money.

I went back and looked at the the picture of you guys in CVS. Now I see it. I was wondering why you guys were all wearing the same shoes.

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger Betty said...

I'm glad you cleared up the "crazy legs" question. I was wondering about the shoes, too.

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Whew! Do you have any fingernails left?!

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Yeah....'shit' is really not something I want to hear come from someone who may be handling my money (epecially a LARGE AMOUNT of it). Thank GOD it came through!

I'm just shaking my head at Hoop....lol.

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

SOOOO glad you got it finally. I bet that's a huge relief for ya'.

And Hoop's mind is hilarious. I can get you a good artist if you want to follow through on those tats, LOL! Does good piercings too, not that I would know anything about that ;)

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Was that whole thing the biggest clusterfuck ever, or what?? Hope that rum's not all gone!

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

You're in the money. You're in the money :-)

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

Phew! I'm so glad for you :)

 
At 06 December, 2006, Blogger Katie said...

Ohhhh! I see it now! Thanks for the explanation.

 
At 07 December, 2006, Anonymous susan said...

Wahhoooo!

I'm pretty sure the bank president would let you roll around in all that cash...as long as he got to take pictures. :)

 
At 07 December, 2006, Blogger Alex said...

oh what a huge sigh of relief! congrats!

 
At 07 December, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Yippee! May I call you Miss Moneybags?

Also, Hoop is a fucking genius. And if I end up with a lot of stomach stretch marks, I may just be getting a very large tummy tattoo.

 
At 07 December, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

If you are in charge of someone else's money, "shit" should not be a word in your vocabulary. "Cha-Ching," on the other hand, is OK.

I'm wiping the coffee off of my computer screen...LMAO.

 
At 07 December, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Gosh, what a relief! We've had to wait for transfers at one time or another too. It's not fun!

 
At 07 December, 2006, Blogger Gracey said...

You know, it may not be a bad idea to get tattoos over stretch marks...LOL!

So glad your money came through. I almost had a heart attack reading your blog, but thank God it came through for you.

 
At 07 December, 2006, Anonymous Sarah said...

Honestly, Tink, I've been blessed in the real estate agents I've worked with, but you have had the worst experience. I'm so sorry!

I know that she has to be licensed by your state or local authority, and it might be worth your time to document all the horrible actions she's taken, particularly those that were on the wrong side of the Realtor's ethical code, and send a letter to the licensing board to file an official complaint. Many of the stories you've told about that witch seem to be beyond inappropriate and might fall into their definition of misconduct. Particularly that last part where she assumed you'd say yes and let him move in prior to closing.

And THANK GOD you are done with the whole mess - congratulations!!!

 
At 07 December, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

Yippee! Happy Dance! HAPPY DANCE!
I once rolled around in 28 million dollars and damn, it did feel good.

 
At 07 December, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Banks piss me off big time. They always act like they never make mistakes. Charge 'em $50 for their mistake cuz they would charge you if you made one!!!!

 

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