Monday, December 17, 2007

Oral Flatulence

(Also known as a raspberry, a ferbert, or simply "thpbt".)

Hoop and I took my brothers to see "
I Am Legend" this weekend. I wanted to walk out halfway through the film. I wasn't alone. "Can we go now?" Big Bit asked repeatedly. If it hadn't been for Will Smith's stellar performance, we probably would have. I haven't been this pissed off over a movie since "The Fog", which just so happened to be the first movie Hoop and I ever saw together. The computer animation was horrible. The infected animals and people were completely unrealistic looking. The plot, when it wasn't predictable, was pointless. The entire movie was one big, cheap emotional ploy. Everything you could possibly care about in this movie is taken away by the end of the film. EVERYTHING. I give this movie zero out of five sporks.

Last night for the hell of it, Hoop and I bought "
The Darwin Awards". And while it wasn't blockbuster material by any means, it did have its amusing moments. Winnona Ryder plays an insurance claims investigator paired up with Joseph Fiennes, a former forensic detective with Hemaphobia (fear of blood). Together the two set out to investigate claims that at first appear normal, but all turn out to be accidents caused by VERY stupid behavior. My favorite involves a man who ties a rocket to his car. You almost feel sorry for the guy after finding out his reasons for such an idiotic stunt. The film quality is so-so and the narration was poorly done, but the plot is interesting enough to keep you watching. Hoop and I give this movie two out of five sporks.

(Speaking of Darwin Awards, have you checked out their

Quickie Weekend Recap:
Saturday, my brothers and I braved the mall to complete our Christmas shopping. The biggest adventure of the day was when I bought Hoop's present, only to find a better version at the other end of the mall an hour later. I had been phoning the second store for two weeks to see if they'd gotten any of said item in. They told me they hadn't. So finally, in a fit of desperation, I settled on something else. As we were leaving, Little Bit convinced us to visit the store anyway. "You never know," he said. I felt I did, but I asked about the item anyway. "We have ONE left," the salesman said. I blinked and sputtered for a minute before asking if he could hold it. He said he couldn't.

"What should I do?" I asked Big Bit. "Run," he said. So the three of us ran back to the other end of the mall and returned my prior purchase. "What if it's not there when we get back," Lil Bit yelled over the noise of the crowd as we ran back. I threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't shut up. When we arrived back at the store, not even thirty minutes later, the salesman was waiting in front of the item. No one had bought it yet. "I'd... Like... To... Buy." I wheezed. And so it was, Christmas was saved. Although I can't tell you what the item is, not even a little hint, would you care to take some guesses? Got a Christmas shopping story to tell? Have you bought a gift for someone that you're particularly proud of?

Don't forget, the WWC words for tomorrow are LIFE and WHITE.

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At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I bought Brendan a Nitendo DS! I'll be so excited to see his face when he opens it. :)

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger furiousBall said...

I'm just happy my kids will be with me this Christmas

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Brody said...

I bet you bought him a [post edited my moderator] he's going to love it.

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Brody said...

That joke would have worked better without the typo. Nuts.

At 17 December, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ya, I had one of those ... Hoop's gonna love it!


At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

Sweet present! Hoops gonna be stoked! Can we still say "stoked"?

I've seen 4 reviews for "I Am Legend" and NOBODY has liked it. Yet, it's setting box office records. It's amazing how often that happens. I'm gonna miss it.

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger geenalyn said...

Okay, so not my shopping story perse, but evidently Peter has been really wanting a Wii. He's been calling around to stores and kept coming up empty. Last wednesday he was with Lucas and I because Lucas was having this skate thing with his school and he's the only one of us that can iceskate. Well after the skating the kids all went into another room to decorate sugar cookies and sing xmas carols. On our way there, Peter informs me with glee in his eyes that the Best Buy closest to where we were at, had three in and he wanted to go. So he left us and drove out there and when he came back he gave me a thumbs up. When he got there, they had one left...he was very pleased with himself LMAO

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Christmas is saved! Christmas is saved! Christmas is saved!

I need a nap after all that excitement.

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Alli said...

Funny, one of my friends posted a similar story about "I am Legend." She, too, hated it (but her husband liked). Hubby tried reading it while we were in Maui, but was so disappointed with the book, he didn't finish it. You're pretty much guaranteed that if the book sucks, then the movie does, too, eh? I doubt we'll be seeing it.

I am guessing a Wii as the gift you bought for Hoop??? I dunno.

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Tawcan said...

The preview didn't look all that promising. Sure Will Smith is a great actor and all but I don't think I want to sit through a movie watching him and only him.

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Cat Herder said...

Ah man. I love Will Smith. How disappointing.

And it's a [insert popular video game gift here]. At least that's my guess. :)

At 17 December, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm disappointed I Am Legend wasn't good. The trailer looked promising. Someone told me it was a lot like Castaway in that it was a lot of Will Smith dialoging with his dog and himself.

Oh well, he was good in Independence Day.


At 17 December, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

Too bad it's a stinker as I like Will Smith.

The only two really hot things I can think of are Wii and the Rock Band Guitar Hero. Hurry up and let Hoop open it so we can see what he got!!!

A Slice of Life

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger Jen said...

Hmmm . . . .I have no clue? ? ? But my heads about to pop off, so I can't be held accountable for such things unknown.

At 17 December, 2007, Blogger janet said...

oh, tink, i'm sooooo glad you saved christmas! many children will sleep easier knowing this!

thank you thank you thank you.

you also saved us from a bad mistake for our christmas day movie. thanks for the warning on "i am legend!"

At 18 December, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

I'm really sorry to hear that I Am Legend is anything but. Back when I was in high school and had the luxury of spending many a summer night staying up until the wee hours of the morning to watch old movies, I stumbled upon Charleton Heston in Omega Man, the original (as far as I know) version. It had it's own fair share of cheese, mind you, but for some reason it's a movie that always stuck with me. Too bad Legend is bad, because in this time of packed malls and crowded freeways, I was really looking forward to seeing a movie about a guy who has the city all to himself.

I've been eyeing The Darwin Awards but have never quite gotten to the point of adding it to our Netflix queue. Sounds like it's worth a watch.

At 18 December, 2007, Blogger CRUSTYBEEF said...

Good to know because I had wanted to see that movie...
Now I will save the coins and dollars and wait for it as a rental-MAYBe..and exchange it or rather regift that theater movie with the one called THE GREAT DEBATORS. (Sp)

almost time for Christmas..yea!!

At 18 December, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've read most of the Darwin awards but didn't think about watching the videos! I'll try to hit the youtube website! ;)

At 18 December, 2007, Blogger Spamboy said...

My favorite family Christmas story involves a purchase my dad made without asking anyone. Led to a palpatable amount of tension. I just reposted it on my blog here.

At 19 December, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

I'm just proud that I bought presents for Dave this year. Usually I get him gum and gift cards.

At 20 December, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

Is it a Barbie Penthouse?


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