Oral Flatulence

(Also known as a raspberry, a ferbert, or simply "thpbt".)

MOVIE REVIEWS:
Hoop and I took my brothers to see "I Am Legend" this weekend. I wanted to walk out halfway through the film. I wasn't alone. "Can we go now?" Big Bit asked repeatedly. If it hadn't been for Will Smith's stellar performance, we probably would have. I haven't been this pissed off over a movie since "The Fog", which just so happened to be the first movie Hoop and I ever saw together. The computer animation was horrible. The infected animals and people were completely unrealistic looking. The plot, when it wasn't predictable, was pointless. The entire movie was one big, cheap emotional ploy. Everything you could possibly care about in this movie is taken away by the end of the film. EVERYTHING. I give this movie zero out of five sporks.

Last night for the hell of it, Hoop and I bought "The Darwin Awards". And while it wasn't blockbuster material by any means, it did have its amusing moments. Winnona Ryder plays an insurance claims investigator paired up with Joseph Fiennes, a former forensic detective with Hemaphobia (fear of blood). Together the two set out to investigate claims that at first appear normal, but all turn out to be accidents caused by VERY stupid behavior. My favorite involves a man who ties a rocket to his car. You almost feel sorry for the guy after finding out his reasons for such an idiotic stunt. The film quality is so-so and the narration was poorly done, but the plot is interesting enough to keep you watching. Hoop and I give this movie two out of five sporks.

(Speaking of Darwin Awards, have you checked out their site?)

Quickie Weekend Recap:
Saturday, my brothers and I braved the mall to complete our Christmas shopping. The biggest adventure of the day was when I bought Hoop's present, only to find a better version at the other end of the mall an hour later. I had been phoning the second store for two weeks to see if they'd gotten any of said item in. They told me they hadn't. So finally, in a fit of desperation, I settled on something else. As we were leaving, Little Bit convinced us to visit the store anyway. "You never know," he said. I felt I did, but I asked about the item anyway. "We have ONE left," the salesman said. I blinked and sputtered for a minute before asking if he could hold it. He said he couldn't.

"What should I do?" I asked Big Bit. "Run," he said. So the three of us ran back to the other end of the mall and returned my prior purchase. "What if it's not there when we get back," Lil Bit yelled over the noise of the crowd as we ran back. I threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't shut up. When we arrived back at the store, not even thirty minutes later, the salesman was waiting in front of the item. No one had bought it yet. "I'd... Like... To... Buy." I wheezed. And so it was, Christmas was saved. Although I can't tell you what the item is, not even a little hint, would you care to take some guesses? Got a Christmas shopping story to tell? Have you bought a gift for someone that you're particularly proud of?

Don't forget, the WWC words for tomorrow are LIFE and WHITE.