The Award You Can Eat With!

Last year, on December 8th, I gave away 43 Golden Spork Awards in appreciation of this blog's 1st birthday. Well... PB's birthday came around again and I missed it, along with the Spork Award Ceremony. Things have been crazy lately. Not only have my posts been sporadic, but I haven't been able to check everyone's blogs as much as I'd like either. So maybe the awards are more justified this year. You all have stuck by me, despite my slow crawl into insanity.

You could have laughed and put spitballs in my hair, but you didn't. *Sniff* You didn't. For that I'm extremely grateful. Starting today, anyone who comments on this blog will receive a Spork Award... FREE. Tallying will start after 5pm (Eastern Standard Time) on Thursday, January 10th. Categories will be based on who is going to receive one. Those who won an award last year will get a badge that has BOTH awards on it. So get to commenting!

New Years Recap:
When Hoop came home on Monday night I was sprawled out on the couch, naked, bare-faced and fast asleep. "Bay-beeee," He crooned softly. "Unnnh," I mumbled back. He let me sleep for a half hour more. When I finally got up, there was drool on my arm and my hair had tangled itself around the remote. I contemplated staying home. But the thought of greeting the new year alone, without Hoop, was unthinkable. I knew it was getting late. "Can I take a shower?" I asked. Bless his heart, Hoop knew better than to complain. We didn't arrive into town until ten.

By the time we showed up, everyone was already drunk. Hoop's Dad mistakenly carried his pint glass out onto the street from the bar. "Ooops," he said, dropping the glass into a bush. "I'll come by and get it later." He never did. "I want to find a crown!" His girlfriend announced. We crossed the street and spun around to look at all the surrounding bars. People flocked in and out of them like sheep. "THERE!" She shouted, pointing at a group wearing plastic top hats. We entered the building and paid the $5 fee. I thought we were just getting hats. I had no idea we planned to STAY.

"I think we're the youngest people in here," I whispered to Hoop, surveying the scene at the VA. Middle-aged women in prom dresses danced to old Madonna songs. Everyone was smoking. I held my breath as we walked to a table in the back, only to find that the air never really cleared. Eventually they broke out the karaoke machine. By then the crowd was thoroughly liquored up. One man got so into his song, he dropped onto the floor and skinned his knees. Hoop's Dad's Girlfriend dragged me out on the dance floor. "Your hips!" She commanded. I looked on at a sea of toothless smiling faces.

At ten til midnight, everyone rose from their seats. "You're blocking the T.V.!" Some old guy yelled. Another man stood on top of a table to see the countdown. People started cheering at five til. "Happy New Year!" One woman shouted in my ear. "You stupid cow, it's not midnight yet!" The man on the table yelled. Some people took to counting. "10..9..8.." The man on the table followed a few seconds after. "10..9..8.." The mix sounded something like this, "10..9..8..10..7..9..6.." I pulled out my phone to check the time. "Now," I said to Hoop at twelve. "Now?" "Now!" And so we brought in the new year.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Why does your hand smell?
Hoop: I don't know.
...
Hoop: Here, smell the other one.
Tink: *Gag* Oh my God. That one smells worse!
Hoop: Yeah, I was scratching my balls.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Do you think the dentist will let me take my wisdom teeth home?
Tink: I don't see why not. Just let them know before they put you under.
Hoop: That would be awesome.
Tink: What're going to do with them?
Hoop: I don't know.
Tink: Maybe the tooth fairy will come.
Hoop: Or maybe I could put them in a statue!

Monday: Good-bye December
Tuesday: WWC (Words this week are STRANGE and BLACK)

Have a spendiferous weekend Homebloys!