Friday, January 04, 2008

The Award You Can Eat With!

Last year, on December 8th, I gave away 43 Golden Spork Awards in appreciation of this blog's 1st birthday. Well... PB's birthday came around again and I missed it, along with the Spork Award Ceremony. Things have been crazy lately. Not only have my posts been sporadic, but I haven't been able to check everyone's blogs as much as I'd like either. So maybe the awards are more justified this year. You all have stuck by me, despite my slow crawl into insanity.

You could have laughed and put spitballs in my hair, but you didn't. *Sniff* You didn't. For that I'm extremely grateful. Starting today, anyone who comments on this blog will receive a Spork Award... FREE. Tallying will start after 5pm (Eastern Standard Time) on Thursday, January 10th. Categories will be based on who is going to receive one. Those who won an award last year will get a badge that has BOTH awards on it. So get to commenting!

New Years Recap:
When Hoop came home on Monday night I was sprawled out on the couch, naked, bare-faced and fast asleep. "Bay-beeee," He crooned softly. "Unnnh," I mumbled back. He let me sleep for a half hour more. When I finally got up, there was drool on my arm and my hair had tangled itself around the remote. I contemplated staying home. But the thought of greeting the new year alone, without Hoop, was unthinkable. I knew it was getting late. "Can I take a shower?" I asked. Bless his heart, Hoop knew better than to complain. We didn't arrive into town until ten.

By the time we showed up, everyone was already drunk. Hoop's Dad mistakenly carried his pint glass out onto the street from the bar. "Ooops," he said, dropping the glass into a bush. "I'll come by and get it later." He never did. "I want to find a crown!" His girlfriend announced. We crossed the street and spun around to look at all the surrounding bars. People flocked in and out of them like sheep. "THERE!" She shouted, pointing at a group wearing plastic top hats. We entered the building and paid the $5 fee. I thought we were just getting hats. I had no idea we planned to STAY.

"I think we're the youngest people in here," I whispered to Hoop, surveying the scene at the VA. Middle-aged women in prom dresses danced to old Madonna songs. Everyone was smoking. I held my breath as we walked to a table in the back, only to find that the air never really cleared. Eventually they broke out the karaoke machine. By then the crowd was thoroughly liquored up. One man got so into his song, he dropped onto the floor and skinned his knees. Hoop's Dad's Girlfriend dragged me out on the dance floor. "Your hips!" She commanded. I looked on at a sea of toothless smiling faces.

At ten til midnight, everyone rose from their seats. "You're blocking the T.V.!" Some old guy yelled. Another man stood on top of a table to see the countdown. People started cheering at five til. "Happy New Year!" One woman shouted in my ear. "You stupid cow, it's not midnight yet!" The man on the table yelled. Some people took to counting. "10..9..8.." The man on the table followed a few seconds after. "10..9..8.." The mix sounded something like this, "10..9..8..10..7..9..6.." I pulled out my phone to check the time. "Now," I said to Hoop at twelve. "Now?" "Now!" And so we brought in the new year.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Why does your hand smell?
Hoop: I don't know.
Hoop: Here, smell the other one.
Tink: *Gag* Oh my God. That one smells worse!
Hoop: Yeah, I was scratching my balls.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Do you think the dentist will let me take my wisdom teeth home?
Tink: I don't see why not. Just let them know before they put you under.
Hoop: That would be awesome.
Tink: What're going to do with them?
Hoop: I don't know.
Tink: Maybe the tooth fairy will come.
Hoop: Or maybe I could put them in a statue!

Monday: Good-bye December
WWC (Words this week are STRANGE and BLACK)

Have a spendiferous weekend Homebloys!

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At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Cat Herder said...

See, and I rang in the new year asleep in my bed in my favorite fleece jammies. So there's something for you to look forward to.

Happy new year, Tinkababe!

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

I was watching the countdown from Times Square on TV and the only thing I could think to myself was "There's a couple hundred thousand of the stupidest people on Earth." LOL

But watching all the drunks is always fun.

You still fall for the "smell this hand" trick? ;-)

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Brody said...

Wait, wait, wait... Hoop cam home and found you how? And you were what? And he wanted to where?

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Alli said...

The, VA huh? A bunch of old drunk folks? Could be entertaining. Still sounds like you had more excitement then moi. I rang in the New Year asleep. A great Italian meal & some vino makes for one sleepy Alli. Plus this exam I have upcoming spoiled my plans. Ah well. There's always next year.

Hoops WANTS to keep his teeth? When I had mine taken out (at age 23), they gave me my teeth in big white plastic teeth shaped contiainers. "Gee, thanks?" What did they think I was going to do with them? Put them under my pillow? Sell them? Maybe I should have made them into jewelry. That could make for some good looks and conversation. :)

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Karen said...

Tink, Never, ever, ever - fall for "smell the hand" again. LOL. Though, I guess it is somewhat nicer than when my brother would trick into smelling my own hand (or his) and actually knock me in the face instead.

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger R.E.H. said...

Sounds like you entered the New Year in style! The story was entertaining enough though ;)

And... the hand thing - I wouldn't have thought you were so gullable ;)

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Mouse said...

Thankfully I rang in the new year at home with my hubby & kid while we paused from playing Lego StarWars long enough to hear all of the black powder cannons, fireworks & shotguns (hey.. its and then I crashed out on the couch.

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Pamer said...

comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment


comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment comment were naked on the couch and Hoop still wanted to go out??? I think i need to speak with that man

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger geenalyn said...

i rang in the new year on the couch while wanting to claw my eyes out because we were watching SuperBad. Peter however spent the whole movie LHAO.

The smell his hand thing...totally something Peter would do to me. He still enjoys dutch ovening me for christ sakes

And WTH is wrong with Hoop wanting to go out when he came home to how you were.... ;)

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

Yeah, I'm with Pamer, Hoop needs a good talking to if he passed up nekkid you on the couch to go out to the bars. I mean, they say what you do on New Years is what you do the rest of the year. ;)

Scuse me now, Pappa Don't Preach is playing on my boom box...must go dance.


At 04 January, 2008, Blogger meno said...

I was totally thinking the same thing as Pamer. What is wrong with that man?

I await the arrival of my Golden Spork with subdued but unmistakable glee.

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Hilary said...

We partied with neighbours. Not one of them had a smelly hand.. at least not that they shared.

Happy New Year, Tink :)

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger ALLISON said...

Dude, I wouldn't be stupid enough to FALL asleep naked where Steve could find me. I mean, then I'd HAVE to have sex, and who the hell wants to do that when there's alcohol to be drunk? I mean, like really. LOL!

I spent New's Year Eve with two kids asleep on the living room floor, a husband asleep on the recliner, and with only 3 or 4 beers in me... WAY less than usual. WTH is wrong with me?

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Peggy said...

I've never sniffed a man's hand. Not once. Ever. Why would you do it? I am confused.

New Year's Eve is becoming such a non-event in my life. I should really do something about that next year.

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger tammy said...

I think they let Ritch keep his teeth. I think he still has them somewhere, it's pretty gross.

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

Hmm, I wonder if I still have my wisdom teeth tucked away in an envelope or something...

Other than the smoke, I think the whole VA crowd would've had me laughing until I was incapacitated. Of course, so does the fabulous people watching at the Mall of America. And really - how can you NOT laugh at everything in the "As Seen on TV" store?! (Truth! It exists!)

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger HAR said...

Your New Year story was great but nothing beats your Daily Hoop Conversations.
Happy 2008

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Betty said...

A New Year's Eve at the VA, what fun! (snrk) I shouldn't laugh, though. It's more exciting than what I did. Nothing.

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

And I thought you were kidding about smelling the ballsy hands!

Hoop is a stinker - in so many ways.

We stuck by you because it's so damn fun to hang out over here. I'm always laughing.

At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Ginni Dee said...

I think you deserve a Golden Spork Award...your blog is a hoot!

Isn't that #377 in the "Women's Handbook" excerpt:

376. Allow at least 20 minutes before using the bathroom after a man.
377. Never smell a man's hand. Ever!
378. If you must pick up a man's dirty underwear off the floor, use a single chopstick. Never, ever touch the underwear with your bare hands! Save the chopstick for this purpose only.

It pays to be well-informed!


At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Mary said...

sweaty ball hands. SWEEET. not. haha

my new years was spent at work. It sucked. I got home in time to ring in the new year on the couch alone while everyone else was in bed asleep.


At 04 January, 2008, Blogger Sparkling Red said...

You know your relationship has reached a new level when you can fart in front of each other.

You and Hoop have taken it quite a few levels beyond that. It is a strong, strong relationship that can survive what you just described. You are an inspiration to us all.

At 05 January, 2008, Anonymous susan said...

Shaun still hasn't gotten over the fact that he forgot to bring his appendix home with him. (He was hugging the bottle containing it in the recovery room...eeewww!) I'm still quite thankful

I treasure my Golden's one of the few awards I've actually posted!

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger janet said...

your new year's was a little more exciting than ours. we celebrated with dvds, my 13-year-old and her friend, martinelli's sparkling cider and party poppers.


At 05 January, 2008, Blogger Foo said...

Okay, the thing with Hoop's stinky hand even grossed me out to the point of overshadowing even the image of a naked and drooling Tink on the sofa.

But did you learn not to sniff his hands?

At 05 January, 2008, Anonymous Turtle said...

ROFLMAO Okay, the image of you actually smelling Hoop's hand...totally gross. I can't believe he even offered it to you. Bad Hoop.

In looking at last year's Spork Awards list, I can't believe you put my name up there -- 'cept cuz of Foo. Wish there were more hours for me to play, so I could keep up with it.

A belated Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! We may be coming your way again in the Fall. My DD rented the condo again in spite of complaints about the weather. Go figure. I promise to visit more this year. *hug*

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger Gordo said...

Hoops gets full marks for getting you with the "smell my hand", but I'm with a number of others on the finding you naked and not just leaving you alone, but wanting to go out? Sheesh.

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

look, i don't take this lightly, but for the passing up of a nekkid cute girl on the couch, you're going to have to cut either one of his testicles off or a sideburn, his choice

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger JerseyTjej said...

I am surfing Jay's links and found you...the GIVER of the Spork! My husband laughed his ass off when I described a spork to him, but the first chance he got to ridicule someone else for not knowing what it was...I got NO credit!

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger JerseyTjej said...

Ok,. I know that I am new here and I really should not tip my hand the first time around, but the reason I will not take communion in church anymore is because one of the Lay Ministers hands smelled like food and it made me heave a little so I missed my sip of wine hence not getting my Sunday Swerve on in Mass...

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger g-man said...

I went to sleep at 9:30. I was hosed from the night before.

Too funny, Hoop get bonus points for the balls. Why did you sniff the first one in the first place?

At 05 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hoop ... dude onion crotch??? Lay off the Indian cuisine and learn about soap and water.


At 05 January, 2008, Blogger Moi said...

Perhaps Hoop needs to look into a product called Nodoro. It is for MGO (male genital odors). I sooo could not make this up if I tried.

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger captain corky said...

Did somebody say Golden Spork Award? ;)

I slept through New Year's Eve this year. It was nice!

At 05 January, 2008, Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Sweet. I always wanted a special spork.

At 06 January, 2008, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Soooooo....Hoop has smelly balls. Thaaat's nice. ;) That trick is as bad as "Dutch Ovens." The hubs tried to get me with that one and I was like "Whatever, guy."
Sounds like your New Year's ended up ok even though you were bagged. Which is great! Nothing like having some good stories on the other side of it! Happy happy, dear Tink. :)

At 06 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was listening to my favorite music on new year's eve and switched to radio to listen to the countdown crap.

Well, hope coming new years are erotic for me LOL!

Happy New year :)

At 06 January, 2008, Anonymous anastasia beaverhausen said...

No naked sprawling on the couch here at our house. I'm afraid it would cause permanent scarring in our teenage sons.

At 06 January, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

I had my permanent molars pulled when I was in grade 8 and my mom kept them. I thought it was totally creepy that she kept them...she put them in a desk drawer and every so often I'd go and open it to see if they were still in there. When she died one of the first things I did was go to that drawer and throw those teeth out.

At 06 January, 2008, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

That first conversation was way too gross!

Brendan told me last night that his tooth was loose. All I could think of was, "Please God, not tonight! The Tooth Fairy does not have any cash with her right now!" Thankfully, it's still hanging on (barely), but she has a few bucks right now! Phew!

At 06 January, 2008, Blogger Macoosh said...

dude i totally want a golden spork award and i'm not even posting as much as i was before. that makes me feel lame. hahaha oh well. :)

At 06 January, 2008, Blogger rudecactus said...

That's a mean ball odor right there.

At 06 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with others... you DO deserve a Golden Spork Award! I HAD to get the boy to read this one, mainly the Daily Hoop Conversation. I thought he would have laughed, even a little! Instead he asked me to see if his hands smelled, too.

No more blog reading for my boy.

At 07 January, 2008, Blogger Terri said...

hey tink! happy new year to you and Hoop. Sounds like you guys had fun on new years. I think I was in bed by 10; we couldn't do it! I'm going to put in an effort to do WWC again; I fell off the wagon a bit ago but it was so much fun.

At 07 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad I stayed home then. You know what I would have been thinking? "How the hell can these idiots be so freakin' happy anyway?" It's just another day anyhow, it gives you an excuse to drink is all.

Happy New Year girl!

At 10 January, 2008, Blogger Doc said...

I would gladly comment for nothing but Wow a golden spork - I LOVE IT!

And it sounds like you had a heck of a time on New years.


BTW - Thank you for the great sounding mint cookie recipe...

At 10 January, 2008, Blogger Doc said...

Psst, Maybe we could qualify in the "interesting new blog" category ??



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