There are many things I didn't hear until I came to the South, the sonic boom of a NASA spacecraft being one of them. I really thought the world was ending that day. It wasn't very nice of the bus driver to laugh. On the list are also the terms "fixin' ta" and "wannago", as in "I'm fixin' ta go to the store. Wannago?" There's also the classic "ya'll", not to be outdone by its plural version "ya'lls". Ever tried to explain to a redneck that "ya'll" doesn't need a plural because it's ALREADY one? I'd rather cut off my thumbs than have that conversation again.
Oh, and let's not forget "brung" and "conversate". I don't care if they're in the online dictionary, they're not real words! Southerners also get creative with cussing alternatives. Instead of Jesus Christ it's "Jiminy Cricket" or "cheese and rice". Instead of son-of-a-bitch it's "son-of-a-biscuit-eater". Any festival is a "rodeo". Trucks are "bubbas" and hunting season is a holiday. Boots can be dress shoes and antlers make awesome hood ornaments. Camouflage goes with everything, although I'm not sure who in the mall they're hiding from. I got used to it.
Then they start pulling this shit on me:
Tink: Are you OK?
Coworker: No, I have the creepy crap.
Tink: The creepy-what?
Coworker 2: He means the creeping crud.
Tink: Creeping crud.
Coworker: Naw, that's what I had last week.
Tink: So the creeping crud turns into the creepy crap?
Tink: Just stay away from me.
1. Friday night, Hoop and I stayed up until 2am watching "3:10 To Yuma". I was pushing for 3:10, but I just couldn't hang that long.
2. Movie Review: For someone who isn't big into westerns, I was expecting a lot from this movie. Everyone kept saying that this would be the film that converted me. Well, it didn't. Although I liked Crowe's performance, I thought the movie as a whole pretty boring. There was just enough action to keep me from falling asleep. The only satisfying part was at the end, and even then the foreshadowing ruined it from being a surprise. Overall, Hoop and I rate this movie three out of five sporks.
3. Saturday afternoon Hoop and I went and checked out a potential wedding/reception location.
4. We liked the place instantly. The building is designed to look like an old Victorian mansion. The banquet room we'd be using overlooks a courtyard and has multiple skylights.
5. The best feature of all though was the price. $350 for four hours! Included in the cost are all the linens, plates, and clean-up fees. Cha-ching!
6. The one drawback was the actual ceremony locations. One faced a swimming pool and the other was situated on a tiny slab of concrete facing another banquet hall. Hm.
7. So we're going to try and check out some more possibilities this week before making up our mind. Cross your fingers nothing books for the weekend we've picked out.
8. Have I mentioned how good I am with this stuff? No? Well that's because I'm NOT. If we were rich I'd hire someone to do this for me. Like dude, just tell me where to be and what time.
9. All day Sunday, Hoop and I cleaned the house. I don't think our place has EVER been so neat. The reason behind our madness was because Hoop's boss was coming over to watch the game.
10. Everything went great. There was plenty of food, the boss was impressed with our digs, the team we were cheering for won, and I got smashingly drunk.
11. Even drunk, I made sure I cleaned up all the mess before going to bed. "Now that the house is clean, I'm never going to let it get dirty again!" I thought stupidly.
12. Then I woke up this morning and found dirty plates stashed under the coffee table.
13. Under the coffee table! I live with a pig. Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Hoop's apartment and cleaned?
13. I knew him all of two weeks.
14. It was THAT bad.
15. Although if you ask Hoop, he'd say it's because I'm THAT anal.