Thursday, March 27, 2008

Reverse Recap

Vacation Recap:
1. You know you're getting road weary when the car you've been driving behind for two hours gets off at an exit and you think, "Why doesn't he like me anymore?!"
2. After pulling an all-nighter Friday, I wasn't too keen on repeating the eleven hour drive Monday morning. So Hoop and I decided to break up the drive between Sunday night and Monday afternoon with a comfy hotel stay in between.
3. At least that's what I THOUGHT the plan was. Hoop the great money saver had other ideas.
4. After driving from eleven until one in the morning, I decided to nap and let Hoop drive for a bit. "Wake me when we're ready to get a hotel."
5. I woke up at three to find us parked at a rest stop.
6. Sweaty, sore and still in a face full of greasy make-up, I shoved Hoop over and angrily decided to continue driving.
7. Hoop woke at six to find us still on the road and only three hours from home. My eyes were like Moonpies.
8. He wisely decided we should pull over and get a hotel room. Never has a bed felt so damn good!
9. The next afternoon, since we were so close to home already, we decided to explore Hoop's old college town for a few hours.
10. First stop was the college. The next stop was a cow field Hoop used to go shrooming in. No shrooms. But Hoop DID manage to find some ticks as he was crawling back over the fence.
11. As we were leaving I noticed a sign at the entrance to the field. "CAUTION: WASTEWATER COLLECTION AND TREATMENT"
12. "Huh," Hoop said. "No wonder those shrooms were so big."
13. Nasty.
14. Despite protests from Hoop's Dad and brother, we decided to leave late on Sunday night. We had hoped to avoid traffic.
15. We were coming up to a hill smack dab in the middle of nowhere when I looked to the horizon and told Hoop, "It looks like the sky is on fire."
16. It wasn't. It was the lights of about thirty emergency vehicles reflecting off the trees. I thought the world was ending.
17. The road was blocked off by cones at the top of the hill, but we could see all the way down to the bottom and beyond. It was an ocean of ambulances, firetrucks and police cars.
18. Hoop pulled up to a truck that had just pulled over, light-bar flashing. "What's going on?" He asked the middle-aged gentleman who got out. "Is there a way around this?"
19. The man puffed up with self-importance. "I don't know. As you can see, there's been an accident. I'm needed over THERE." His wife hopped out of the truck behind him with a video camera.
20. We turned around and took refuge in a church parking lot. Another man was there, surveying the scene from his truck. "What happened?" Hoop asked.
21. The guy was tanked. "Car flipped," he slurred. "I uh... got there just after it happened."
22. I don't know what bothered me more, the fact that all this fuss was over one lone car or that the dude parked next to us might have caused it.

More tomorrow!

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: Just a moment. I have to find the right tape.
New Employee: Tape! You mean you guys are still using VHS?
Tink: Yup, afraid so.
New Employee: Are you even old enough to remember tapes?
Tink: Here it is.
New Employee: I bet I'm a lot older than you, huh?
Tink: Let me just rewind this.
New Employee: What are you, twenty-one? Twenty-two?
Tink: Here's the test. Let me know when you finish.
New Employee: But you have to be older than eighteen, right?
Tink: Good luck.
New Employee: Wait-
Tink: *Leaves and shuts door*
New Employee: -What am I doing again?
New Employee: HELLO?

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
Why does our society encourage old people to buy RVs? They can't even manage normal sized vehicles!

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At 27 March, 2008, Blogger gr said...

glad you got to the accident AFTER the fact....
I know what you mean about traveling on highways--sometimes you're going the same speed as some other car for awhile and you kinda feel like buddies, and you want to maybe wave and do some sign language or something....
as for the new guy, is it too late to fire him? kick him in the nuts at least?

At 27 March, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

we encourage old people to drive RVs, because of the huge tractor beam the government will use to shoot all the old people into space once we invent flying cars.

At 27 March, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

I would have done the same thing at work. New hires show up..."You are so young. How old are you? I'm so much older than you." Great, don't forget I've worked here long enough to fly into a disgruntled rampage and start stapling your hands to your mouth!

At 27 March, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why when I read this did, "mushroom fields" pop out. I imagined elves and gnomes smoking pot and watching Led Zeppelin concerts.


At 27 March, 2008, Blogger R.E.H. said...

New employee sounds really cut out for the job, huh? Or, was he just trying to pick you up?

Anyway... exciting travels. But, how come so many fire trucks if there was just the one car?

At 27 March, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

New Employee: "My goodness you're young! I bet I'm wayyyyyyyyy oder than you aren't I?"

Tink: "I bet that makes you feel like a complete loser then, huh?"

Anytime there is an accident in the county around here every single emergency vehicle responds including all of the volunteer firemen from every single little town. It doesn't matter how small the accident is either, they all show up.

At 27 March, 2008, Blogger Sparkling Red said...

Ew, Poopy Shrooms! I don't even want to imagine the bad trips you could have with those puppies. :-p

At 27 March, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

Whoa. Hopefully that job applicant was self-selected out of the process...

See, I need a co-pilot, 'cos I'd be the one "aw, it's only 3 more hours..."

At 27 March, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have never thought eleven hours would be all that hard. A real eye opener here!

Glad you are safe and sound!

At 27 March, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

I despise sleeping in parked cars. But if the motor is running and I'm not behind the wheel, give it about half an hour and I'll be snoring.

Tell Hoop its because then we can see them coming and it forces them to park at the very back of the Walmart lot!

At 27 March, 2008, Anonymous kcinnova said...

What Gary said. And Jay made me laugh!

I bet you took a picture of those shiny lights for next week!

At 27 March, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

CLarke and his dad are both famous for trying to pull that "Sure, I'll wake you when we get to a motel" and then driving through the night. That shit sux. But then, I am really not very fond of being in the car for more than an hour anyway. :)

I hope your stay with Hoop's parents was fun. I totally agree with Hoop's remarks about the RVs. Big SUVs too - if you can't park it, don't buy it.


At 27 March, 2008, Blogger the planet of janet said...

you lost me at poopy shrooms ....

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger flutter said...

Dude, tapes?!

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger Joshua said...

well you did have a full trip.

I....well I had some beer.

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger Jo said...

Poopy mushies? Now I'm all itchy.

I used to go on a lot of roadtrips...I hate waking up all disoriented with a clammy sheen to day-old make-up, and dehydrated from trip snacks, yuck. But a shower feels so amazing when you finally get one.

New Employee needs to meet your sock zombie.

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger Mike said...

My thoughts:

When somebody flips a car out of stupidity, send ONE machine to collect it and crush it to be used for scrap.

If other person caused stupidity, put him back in his car, crush the whole mess, take it off for scrap.

Problem(s) solved.

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger LL said...

Unfortunately... I never get the chance to nap in the car. I always end up being the one to drive so everyone else can nap...

And I'll bet I'm waaaaay older than you too... :P

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger Tequila Mockingbird said...

that was a whole lot of awesomeness. see, i live in an area where i can walk to bars so im' not like that assbag causing accidents.

ugggh i hate when people try to figure out how young i am. MAKE ME ANNNNNNNNNGRYyyyyyy. srsly, why does it even matter? i hope that new employee failed the test.

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger g-man said...


Did you get that cat's license plate number?

You are over 18 right? ;)

Can't wait to get my RV!

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger Ginni Dee said...

Hey Tink...Drop by my blog, I have awarded you the "E" award! Stop and pick it up.

At 28 March, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

Dude, your co-worker needs a nice steaming mug of shut the fuck up. Reminds me of when I was selling my mother's house, my childhood home. I had people come through and because Julia was a baby and was still sleeping, I didn't leave the house. The real estate agent was asking me questions about the house, and he seemed surprised that I knew all the answers, so he asked me how long I'd lived there. When I told him 21 years, he snorted and said, "You're not old enough to have lived here for 21 years" and he stopped and waved his hand in the air before continuing, "And you're definitely not old enough to have such nice furniture."


At 28 March, 2008, Blogger Reb said...

11 hours was our day-trip last Saturday! You just have to make stops and get out and stretch and enjoy the scenery!

Old people are the only ones that can afford to buy RV's! Some of them are much better drivers too.

At 28 March, 2008, Anonymous Kate said...

Road buddies are the best, especially on long trips.
It's good you made it home safely.

At 29 March, 2008, Blogger Foo said...

Re. “How old are you?” It must be terrible being so young and attractive. I wouldn't know. Last month, I went to the store to pick up a card, some flowers, and a bottle of wine for Valentine's day. As I was checking out, I noted the sign by the register that declared that everyone under the age of 65 would be carded. Hoping to expedite the process, I had my driver's license out and ready when it was my turn to pay.

The kid – who, by the way, would be a kid even by the standards of someone as young and attractive as you – looked me right in the eye and said, “Oh, I don't need to see that.”

Le sigh.

Re. Hoop's comment about RVs. When Turtle and I visited with her parents in Destin, this past November, I spent some time bumming around with my dad-in-law and one of his friends. One of our stops was a place that sold those $300-500K RV buses. I hadn't been inside one before, and I was amazed at the interiors of these things (and here I thought only Elvis would have a crystal chandelier in a bus) and how much room there was inside, once the three or four slide outs were extended. I sat in the giant leather driver's seat, wrapped my hands around that big steering wheel, and wondered how in God's name are you supposed to see behind you to back up or make a lane change? Then I thought, And if this would be a lot for me to handle, what about those geriatrics wandering from lane to lane in their '83 Chrysler Imperials? When you buy one of these rolling lake houses, does the dealer throw in the truck driver training course? Do you have to qualify for a special license?

To my stark amazement I learned that the answer is “no”. Which is why, when I see one of those things coming, I give it a very wide berth.

At 30 March, 2008, Blogger Christy said...

I'm not sure where to start...the jerk new employee obsessed over your age or the moonpie eyes. =o)

At 31 March, 2008, Blogger Newt said...

Wow, that was a fun recap. The hoop quote - laughed so hard I drew attention to myself :-)


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